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Today is Giving Tuesday, a global day to come together to support the causes and organizations we care about.
The Dragontree values it's clients and the community that supports us all, and we believe that global change starts with community contribution.
Personally, we believe there's merit in anonymous charity - that way you know you're not doing it for status or recognition, and there's no bond of debt between the giver and the receiver. However, we've decided it's worthwhile to explain how we give as an organization so that our clients can see where some of their money goes, and more importantly, so that we can vocally advocate for GIVING and hopefully inspire you to do the same
.
We believe that each individual, every being, and the earth itself deserves love and care and we've dedicated ourselves and our business to that end.
We start by shopping locally: Whenever possible we utilize local businesses and locally-made products. This minimizes the resources and environmental impact of shipping and maximizes the amount of money that feeds our own community.
We reduce, reuse, and recycle: Used oil from shirodhara and other oil-based treatments we provide is donated to our local bio-diesel company, so they can turn the oil into useable fuel. We are continually looking for ways to reduce resource and energy consumption. We procure supplies with minimal packaging and maximum post-consumer content. And we reuse and recycle and compost as much as possible.
We donate: Every year we give away thousands of dollars in spa services and our Apothecary products to support nonprofits and charities. We also gather donation items, volunteer our time, and participate with the communities of these nonprofit organizations to help them find relaxation and peace so they can continue to do their incredible work. Our company partners with charities that are doing good in our communities such as Friendly House and Emergency Family Assistance. We volunteer our time to help them succeed in their work, and we support our employees as they do the same with the causes that they value.
We raise funds for meaningful causes: This year we donated all of the profits from the launch the Dragontree Life Coaching Program to The Well Life Foundation. The Well Life Foundation is a nonprofit organization we founded to help low-income women break the poverty cycle by providing the means to build fulfilling and sustainable careers in life coaching; and to fund community-based projects that help women in difficult transitions when and where they need it most.
On this Giving Tuesday, we encourage you to take 3 actions to support the causes you care about.
You might:
♡ Donate money or items
♡ Share the cause or organization on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter
♡ Share the story of why you care
♡ Volunteer your time
♡ Encourage others to give or volunteer
♡ Anything else that supports your organization or cause
What will you give today?
Love,
Peter and Briana and Everyone at The Dragontree
[post_title] => Giving Tuesday
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[post_date] => 2021-06-30 22:47:56
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At a party some years ago I noticed a guy across the room with a big personality. Like a strong double-ended magnet, he appeared to either attract or repel everyone around him. Eventually someone introduced us. He was a successful and intimidating businessman, and for some reason he seemed to like me.
At one point he leaned in with a sly grin as if he were about to confide something in me. Then he said, “You know what I love to do at parties? I meet someone, find out what they believe in, and then I explain why they’re wrong about all of it. I systematically tear apart their whole worldview. They walk away like they just lost their compass!” He laughed like he genuinely relished those moments.
Although I was disgusted by this admission I also found it fascinating. Of course, it’s not unusual to witness power struggles for dominance – especially between men, between dogs, between couples, and between parents and children.
But most power struggles begin with a disagreement, and – on the surface, anyway – that seems to be the cause of the struggle. What was less common in this case was that this fellow was consciously setting out to dominate others he didn’t yet know and was looking forward to the satisfaction he’d feel when he “won.”
Though a psychologist might say the guy’s social behavior was pathological, in a way it was just a more obvious and one-sided expression of something many of us engage in on a routine basis.
When absorbed in a power struggle we may believe that we’re just righting a wrong, correcting a mistake, or doing the right thing. But if we were to stop and ask ourselves honestly where we’re coming from, the truth is often that we just want to win and/or that we can’t bear losing.
In the book The Courage to Be Disliked, authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga argue that rarely are our arguments about the topic we believe; mostly they’re driven by the desire to prove our power and make the other person submit. They advise that when we recognize we’re in a power struggle it’s best to step down without reacting.
“Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles – none of these things is defeat,” they write. “The pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people.” The term superiority here simply means personal excellence, not superiority in comparison to someone else.
Kishimi and Koga (summarizing the work of psychologist Alfred Adler) explain that power struggles hinge on the belief that one’s stance on an issue makes them right. “The moment one is convinced that ‘I am right’ in an interpersonal relationship, one has already stepped into a power struggle. At that point, the focus of the discussion shifts from the rightness of the assertions to the state of the interpersonal relationship.” Then it’s no longer a conversation. It’s a contest.
Though he doesn’t use the term “power struggle” Author Vadim Zeland makes a similar point in Reality Transurfing. He describes the energy behind these struggles as “pendulums.” Like the giant swinging pendulum of an enormous clock, they’re fueled both by collective adherence or opposition to an issue. When you’re presented with a pendulum, whether you jump aboard in agreement or fight it tooth and nail, you’ve jumped aboard it and are being taken for a ride.
He advises stepping back (mentally) and disengaging, imagining you’re like a ghost – so the swinging pendulum doesn’t trigger you or affect you in any way. It just swings right through you.
I encourage you this week to notice the power struggles and pendulums in your life. What happens when you engage with them? What happens when you attempt not to engage? Are you able to? Is there a part of you that desires the conflict? Does it feel disappointed if you step back? If you engage in a power struggle and “win” how does this feel? If you notice a power struggle between others, can you witness the energetic conflict beneath the words? Do you feel called to bring light to it? What happens if you do?
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Our Curious Urge to Dominate Each Other
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There’s so much talk in the natural health world about ways to cleanse our bodies, but so little about how to cleanse our minds. I’d suggest that most of us need more of the latter than the former. We recently ran our Rituals for Living program, in which we offered daily recommendations for mind and body wellness, and one of the prescriptions was to forgive someone. A subscriber wrote us to ask, essentially, “But how? How do you forgive someone who did something that feels unforgiveable?” In responding to her, it occurred to me that I’ve had this conversation with dozens of patients over the years, and that perhaps by turning it into an article, more people could benefit from it. So, here it is, the most fundamental step to cleansing the mind: Forgiveness.
1. Recognize that most people are just confused children (or at least we can be when we're emotional). Our bodies have gotten bigger and older looking, but inside we're the same consciousness we've always been, still looking to get our needs met, still wanting everyone's approval, still perhaps wanting to cause hurt when we get hurt, and just trying our best to make things work using the tools we have.
In the process, we often cause pain for others. If you’ve been on the receiving end, it may be worth considering that the perpetrator of the hurt was acting out of confusion: not really understanding that they could get their needs met without hurting someone else, not really understanding the impact of their actions, not really conscious of the love that's always available to them, and not really understanding their connectedness to you. This may not make their actions okay for you, but hopefully it makes forgiveness more of an option.
2. Consider that lifelong punishment may be unreasonable. If it's your intention to withhold forgiveness of someone (possibly yourself) for the rest of your life, maybe this qualifies as "cruel and unusual." It's a uniquely human thing to hold a grudge and never let it go. If a baby lion gets too rough with its mom, it gets a swat and then it's over with. Humans, on the other hand, like to stay mad at each other for a long, long time, and it's unnatural. Have your reaction - really have it - accept it, and be done with it.
3. View forgiveness as something we do for ourselves as much as for the other person. When we withhold forgiveness of others we basically take on the job of administering an ongoing punishment, so we're playing warden in the mental prison we're keeping them in, and it demands energy and mental "bandwidth." Do we really want to give our energy and peace of mind away to the very person we believe wronged us? Does corrupting our peace and restricting our inner freedom make the situation better in any way?
Resentment is an emotional poison in our system. Even if we don’t want to do anything nice for the person we’ve been resenting, for our own sake we need to get that poison out. The nice part is that it will bring us immediate relief. We get to quit that warden job and detox from the poison in the same act.
4. See forgiveness not as a single act, but as an ongoing commitment. Often, it's not possible for us to just pronounce someone forgiven and have that be the end of it. Instead, we might need to make a commitment with ourselves that from now on we’re going to recognize any time we’re harboring resentment toward them and let it go. And every time we notice that we’ve picked it back up, we’re going to let it go again. We’re not going to analyze why we picked it up again, we’re not going to scold ourselves for having picked it up again, and we’re not going to indulge in the resentment again. We’re just going to drop it (forgive them again) as efficiently as possible. And we’ll immediately feel lighter.
5. If you feel so emotional that forgiveness seems impossible, choose anger over despair. As soon as you have enough distance from the situation to wonder, “What do I do with this intense emotion I’m carrying around?” remember that anger can more easily be transformed into action and determination than hurt and sadness can. So, find the part of you that is angry about whatever happened.
This adversarial part of you insists to yourself (and probably others) that someone did something wrong. That something shouldn’t have happened that did happen. And simultaneously, that we, from our current perspective, are right about this. Perhaps you build your case in the shower and while driving.
The thing is, when we’re stuck in being right, we block our movement forward in life. We diminish our own perspective. We keep ourselves from seeing the big picture of what will get us most efficiently to a life of happiness and fulfillment.
You can hang out in this “he/she was wrong to do this” place forever, but if this is about something someone did to you, in a way they’re still sticking it to you as long as you live in this mindset. As long as you continue to sideline your life and happiness for this mental argument, they’re still hurting you. As long as you replay these conversations and events, you reopen your own wound.
The river of life continues to flow, but you're clinging to a rock called "This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen.” The silly part is that you're not really stuck in a fight. The whole one-sided thing is happening in your mind, where it’s only you who continues to get punished. You who pretends that there’s value in carrying on with it, sorting it out, perpetuating a fight that the other party isn’t present for, corrupting your own happiness and potential, corrupting the quality of presence you have with others, and investing energy into something that will never give you back anything.
If the best you can muster is anger and the desire to cause hurt, then the ideal way to stick it to the other person would be to not let him have any more of your soul than you’ve already given; instead, pull back all the energy you're giving them - divesting completely. Forgive completely so that they don't get the tiniest bit of your consciousness anymore. Eventually the need to withdraw your energy will be replaced with a more equanimous neutrality.
Let me know what happens. I love hearing about people’s struggles and triumphs with forgiveness.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => An End of the Year Cleanse
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Today is Giving Tuesday, a global day to come together to support the causes and organizations we care about.
The Dragontree values it's clients and the community that supports us all, and we believe that global change starts with community contribution.
Personally, we believe there's merit in anonymous charity - that way you know you're not doing it for status or recognition, and there's no bond of debt between the giver and the receiver. However, we've decided it's worthwhile to explain how we give as an organization so that our clients can see where some of their money goes, and more importantly, so that we can vocally advocate for GIVING and hopefully inspire you to do the same
.
We believe that each individual, every being, and the earth itself deserves love and care and we've dedicated ourselves and our business to that end.
We start by shopping locally: Whenever possible we utilize local businesses and locally-made products. This minimizes the resources and environmental impact of shipping and maximizes the amount of money that feeds our own community.
We reduce, reuse, and recycle: Used oil from shirodhara and other oil-based treatments we provide is donated to our local bio-diesel company, so they can turn the oil into useable fuel. We are continually looking for ways to reduce resource and energy consumption. We procure supplies with minimal packaging and maximum post-consumer content. And we reuse and recycle and compost as much as possible.
We donate: Every year we give away thousands of dollars in spa services and our Apothecary products to support nonprofits and charities. We also gather donation items, volunteer our time, and participate with the communities of these nonprofit organizations to help them find relaxation and peace so they can continue to do their incredible work. Our company partners with charities that are doing good in our communities such as Friendly House and Emergency Family Assistance. We volunteer our time to help them succeed in their work, and we support our employees as they do the same with the causes that they value.
We raise funds for meaningful causes: This year we donated all of the profits from the launch the Dragontree Life Coaching Program to The Well Life Foundation. The Well Life Foundation is a nonprofit organization we founded to help low-income women break the poverty cycle by providing the means to build fulfilling and sustainable careers in life coaching; and to fund community-based projects that help women in difficult transitions when and where they need it most.
On this Giving Tuesday, we encourage you to take 3 actions to support the causes you care about.
You might:
♡ Donate money or items
♡ Share the cause or organization on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter
♡ Share the story of why you care
♡ Volunteer your time
♡ Encourage others to give or volunteer
♡ Anything else that supports your organization or cause
What will you give today?
Love,
Peter and Briana and Everyone at The Dragontree
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