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The first of January has sometimes felt to me like an arbitrary date to divide our lives by, since most of our projects and phases don’t conform to the calendar year. But I’ve decided it’s as good a time as any to make resolutions, and perhaps there’s some group momentum we generate when we all align ourselves around virtuous intentions together.
Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of “drafting” or “slipstreaming,” whereby someone in a vehicle can ride in the wake of moving air or water created by a vehicle in front of them. It reduces resistance and helps pull them along, making for an easier ride. Cyclists and racecar drivers do it all the time – drafting the bike or car in front of them by staying right behind them. The only one who doesn’t benefit much from it is the vehicle in the front. In the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we’ll all be drafting a guy named Barry who lives in Hoboken and is really jazzed about his new diet.
So, let’s take the opportunity to consider what we want 2017 to be about. My friend Andy Drish chooses a theme for each year at its outset, and he says the year has a way of conforming to the vision he establishes. When he looks back, it’s impressive to see just how many things seemed to fall into place along the lines of the year’s theme.
Some of his past themes included The Year of Exponential Growth, The Year of Being a Man Who Fearlessly and Courageously Gives His Gifts to the World, and The Year of Self Love. I think this is a brilliant idea, and I recommend you choose a theme for 2017 right now, and write it down. For me, this is The Year of Deep, Unshakable Happiness.
If you feel especially inspired, you can even choose a theme for each month, such as The Month of Serving My Species, The Month of Learning to Ask for What I Want, and The Month of Letting Go of the Struggle. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on structure, this can really help keep you on track while supporting you to focus on several different areas of growth. Each month could be a sub-theme that supports the year’s overarching theme. If coming up with twelve more themes sounds too complicated, just stick to your one theme of the year.
Once you have settled on a theme (or a yearlong theme plus twelve monthly themes), get a piece of paper and jot down some things you could do to support the actualization of this theme. It’s not so important that these actions directly produce the condition stated in your theme. Just think of them as the supportive part of the contract you’re creating with yourself and the universe.
To use my own theme as an example, even though there’s no formula for being happy, there are certainly a handful of things that can help. My intention for the year is to tap into that happy-for-no-reason state of mind that isn’t dependent upon particular life circumstances. To support the actualization of this state, I’ve agreed to do a bunch of things that I know are good for me, such as meditating, eating well, exercising, spending more time with friends, going on more dates with my wife, journaling, and abstaining from complaining or criticizing.
I set parameters around each of these actions (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.), and I know that as I keep these agreements, I reinforce my trust in myself. Virtually everything I say I’m going to do gets done, because I know my subconscious is watching, and because, well, keeping your word matters – even (perhaps especially) if it’s just with yourself. Another thing that happens when I’m conscientious about noticing the agreements I make and being sure to keep them is that my mind becomes easier to manage. I don’t have the mental burden of broken or forgotten agreements weighing on me.
The result of this consistency is that a kind of momentum develops – my own slipstream. And when I’m in this groove, I notice that magic happens.
Try it. It doesn’t require talent, excessively effort, or charisma. Just choose a theme, make some supportive agreements – nothing that exceeds what you know you can follow through on – choose parameters (frequency, time period), and then honestly keep these agreements.
This year, I know more people who are consciously engaging in a process like this than I’ve ever known before. I’m excited to see what we accomplish. If you feel so moved, please share the theme of your year in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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(This is an “oldie but goodie” that went out in the Dragontree newsletter 15 years ago.)
Part of The Dragontree’s mission statement is, “To seed our community with centered, peaceful, and healthy people.” For those who wish to actively pursue this goal, one of the most challenging and life-changing assignments is a “drama fast.” We suggest you try it for single day to begin.
Our social programming, through family, community, and media, teaches us some useful things – such as how to relate to other people and be productive in the world – and some not so useful things – such as how to generate and spread drama. The world tells us in many ways that there is something to be gained by dramatizing our life circumstances. You can feel the energy in it. So, the idea of a life without the drama might sound boring or even inhuman. But in most cases the dramatization of reality (which often means focusing on conflict) degrades our experiences.
The true and rich facts of our lives are rendered into black and white through dramatization. We lose resolution and gain resistance and negative judgment. Perhaps more detrimental than the negative judgement is the way our dramas disempower us by causing us to surrender our vision and power of choice.
Our greatest, most fundamental power is to choose our point of view about life. Our lives, no matter how great or tragic by society’s standards, are ultimately only ours to judge. If you’ve ever met a person who is simply imperturbable, who’s able to stay hopeful and positive no matter what, you’ve known someone who fully embraces their power of choice.
For any given situation, we can choose a wide range of viewpoints. The situation doesn’t dictate our response. These viewpoints can be distilled to three basic categories:
- A point of view that acknowledges the facts and remains completely neutral
- A point of view that degrades our or others’ experience of the situation (e.g., by subtracting personal power and adding blame, resentment, shame, victimization, guilt, etc.)
- A point of view that enhances the situation for oneself and/or others (e.g., by spotting opportunity, expressing gratitude, remaining open, etc.)
The purpose of a drama fast is to promote the choice of viewpoints that fall into categories one and three.
Every human has the ability to regard whatever life brings us in an inner atmosphere of light – meaning, illumination, weightlessness, and clarity. This isn’t to say we should never experience sadness or anger, but that we can experience these emotions without shutting down or letting them override our power of choice. Experienced in our inner light, negative thoughts and emotions don’t damage us, and the natural impulse of contraction they tend to cause is usually brief and followed by an expansion.
Taking a fast from drama is about responsibility (not blame) – owning the way you shape your own experience of life and the effect you have on others. We don’t usually consciously intend to degrade our experiences, but the urge to be dramatic is sometimes so insidious we don’t notice it. It frequently arises when things don’t go the way we want them to (whether it’s simply the flow of our day or the overall socio-politco-environmental trajectory of the planet). While disappointment feels like an energetic slump, turning it into a drama – even if it means we’re the victim – brings a certain dynamism to it and makes it a better story that enrolls us and others.
During a drama fast, try to catch yourself falling in this habit and focus your attention instead on being a master of cleanness (stick to the facts, don’t share dirt), focusing on the good, and finding solutions. Though it may not always seem possible, the simplest solution is to just let it go. Letting go of an upset isn’t always a matter of saying, “I’m letting this go,” and then you’re done with it permanently. You must be committed to letting it go. If you notice you’ve picked up the upset again, just purposefully let it go again without analyzing it. It’s not just a benefit to you; it’s actually a valuable community service.
Drama is often used to identify unfavorable things about others to either help us feel superior by comparison, or to distract others from noticing our own flaws. But have you noticed that the folks who never engage in drama tend to exude calm and confidence? While one might think that the calm and confidence are a prerequisite to not being dramatic, it’s really a choice anyone can make at any time: “I choose not to degrade my own – or others’ – experiences.”
Fasting from drama means changing your inner conversation, noticing when you're indulging in drama, and choosing cleanness again. The same goes for outer conversations. Before you share, you can always ask yourself, is it true? is it necessary? is it kind? And finally, what is my purpose?
What can you do when conversing with someone who is “revving up the drama”? If you feel you can’t be in their presence without getting wrapped up in it, you may just have to excuse yourself. While it may feel unsupportive, staying and validating or even feeding their drama won’t really serve them.
If you’re up for staying, you can enhance the situation compassionately. Here are some approaches to try:
- What happens when you become a neutralizing container for their experience, listening without feeding it?
- What happens when you practice being the embodiment of calm clarity?
- What happens when you remind them of their power to choose their perspective?
- When happens when you gently ask them to give you the facts without any interpretation?
- What happens when you simply see them as their highest Self, rising above this story?
- What happens when you remind and redirect them to the path they were on before the drama derailed them?
Imagine how the world could change if we practiced this. Let’s all do this for a single day. If you like how it goes, consider devoting another day.
Be well,
Peter
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Ah, the New Year. It’s fresh and innocent and undefined. Except for the things you already have scheduled for 2023. And everything you have already set into motion that is likely to continue to play out in the coming year and beyond. But besides that, it’s an empty canvas!
Last week I recommended keeping your resolutions simple – just choosing a single thing. This week I want to encourage you to put that into a context you define for this year by choosing a theme for 2023.
If you have our Dreambook, there’s a section on Theme of the Year and you can write it in there. If you don’t have the Dreambook, or even if you do but wish to make this a bit more special, I encourage you to write your theme on a nice piece of paper with a good pen and frame it or keep it in a place where you’ll see it every day.
Here are some questions to help guide you to your theme as you visualize a wonderful, productive, peaceful, playful, successful coming year.
Who do you want to BE this year? What aspect of your potential do you want to cultivate this year?
What will you bring to your community? How will you be a positive influence on your environment?
What will you be a channel for? How will you speak intentionally?
How will you grow this year? How will the world respond to your love and light?
Take plenty of time with this and consider writing your answers down to see what comes through. Out of all these inspirations, which feels like it’s coming from your Highest Self? Which feels the most compelling? Which would benefit both you and your community? What is the emerging theme?
Here are some examples: The Year of Loving Myself Completely. The Year of Living my Purpose. The Year of Learning to Trust. The Year of Shining my Light Upon the World. The Year of Owning My Power. The Year of Healing my Body. The Year of Playfulness. The Year of Lightheartedness. The Year of Remembering We’re All Connected. The Year of Forgiveness. The Year of Great Healing. The Year of Simplicity. The Year of Living Through My Heart.
After you refine your theme and write it down, try to read it ever morning, and if you’ve got a minute, feel into how life will be as you embody this theme, tell yourself, “I’m already on my way. Today I choose to stay conscious of this theme and to find ways to live it.”
Wishing you your best year yet,
Peter
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The first of January has sometimes felt to me like an arbitrary date to divide our lives by, since most of our projects and phases don’t conform to the calendar year. But I’ve decided it’s as good a time as any to make resolutions, and perhaps there’s some group momentum we generate when we all align ourselves around virtuous intentions together.
Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of “drafting” or “slipstreaming,” whereby someone in a vehicle can ride in the wake of moving air or water created by a vehicle in front of them. It reduces resistance and helps pull them along, making for an easier ride. Cyclists and racecar drivers do it all the time – drafting the bike or car in front of them by staying right behind them. The only one who doesn’t benefit much from it is the vehicle in the front. In the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we’ll all be drafting a guy named Barry who lives in Hoboken and is really jazzed about his new diet.
So, let’s take the opportunity to consider what we want 2017 to be about. My friend Andy Drish chooses a theme for each year at its outset, and he says the year has a way of conforming to the vision he establishes. When he looks back, it’s impressive to see just how many things seemed to fall into place along the lines of the year’s theme.
Some of his past themes included The Year of Exponential Growth, The Year of Being a Man Who Fearlessly and Courageously Gives His Gifts to the World, and The Year of Self Love. I think this is a brilliant idea, and I recommend you choose a theme for 2017 right now, and write it down. For me, this is The Year of Deep, Unshakable Happiness.
If you feel especially inspired, you can even choose a theme for each month, such as The Month of Serving My Species, The Month of Learning to Ask for What I Want, and The Month of Letting Go of the Struggle. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on structure, this can really help keep you on track while supporting you to focus on several different areas of growth. Each month could be a sub-theme that supports the year’s overarching theme. If coming up with twelve more themes sounds too complicated, just stick to your one theme of the year.
Once you have settled on a theme (or a yearlong theme plus twelve monthly themes), get a piece of paper and jot down some things you could do to support the actualization of this theme. It’s not so important that these actions directly produce the condition stated in your theme. Just think of them as the supportive part of the contract you’re creating with yourself and the universe.
To use my own theme as an example, even though there’s no formula for being happy, there are certainly a handful of things that can help. My intention for the year is to tap into that happy-for-no-reason state of mind that isn’t dependent upon particular life circumstances. To support the actualization of this state, I’ve agreed to do a bunch of things that I know are good for me, such as meditating, eating well, exercising, spending more time with friends, going on more dates with my wife, journaling, and abstaining from complaining or criticizing.
I set parameters around each of these actions (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.), and I know that as I keep these agreements, I reinforce my trust in myself. Virtually everything I say I’m going to do gets done, because I know my subconscious is watching, and because, well, keeping your word matters – even (perhaps especially) if it’s just with yourself. Another thing that happens when I’m conscientious about noticing the agreements I make and being sure to keep them is that my mind becomes easier to manage. I don’t have the mental burden of broken or forgotten agreements weighing on me.
The result of this consistency is that a kind of momentum develops – my own slipstream. And when I’m in this groove, I notice that magic happens.
Try it. It doesn’t require talent, excessively effort, or charisma. Just choose a theme, make some supportive agreements – nothing that exceeds what you know you can follow through on – choose parameters (frequency, time period), and then honestly keep these agreements.
This year, I know more people who are consciously engaging in a process like this than I’ve ever known before. I’m excited to see what we accomplish. If you feel so moved, please share the theme of your year in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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