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The first of January has sometimes felt to me like an arbitrary date to divide our lives by, since most of our projects and phases don’t conform to the calendar year. But I’ve decided it’s as good a time as any to make resolutions, and perhaps there’s some group momentum we generate when we all align ourselves around virtuous intentions together.
Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of “drafting” or “slipstreaming,” whereby someone in a vehicle can ride in the wake of moving air or water created by a vehicle in front of them. It reduces resistance and helps pull them along, making for an easier ride. Cyclists and racecar drivers do it all the time – drafting the bike or car in front of them by staying right behind them. The only one who doesn’t benefit much from it is the vehicle in the front. In the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we’ll all be drafting a guy named Barry who lives in Hoboken and is really jazzed about his new diet.
So, let’s take the opportunity to consider what we want 2017 to be about. My friend Andy Drish chooses a theme for each year at its outset, and he says the year has a way of conforming to the vision he establishes. When he looks back, it’s impressive to see just how many things seemed to fall into place along the lines of the year’s theme.
Some of his past themes included The Year of Exponential Growth, The Year of Being a Man Who Fearlessly and Courageously Gives His Gifts to the World, and The Year of Self Love. I think this is a brilliant idea, and I recommend you choose a theme for 2017 right now, and write it down. For me, this is The Year of Deep, Unshakable Happiness.
If you feel especially inspired, you can even choose a theme for each month, such as The Month of Serving My Species, The Month of Learning to Ask for What I Want, and The Month of Letting Go of the Struggle. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on structure, this can really help keep you on track while supporting you to focus on several different areas of growth. Each month could be a sub-theme that supports the year’s overarching theme. If coming up with twelve more themes sounds too complicated, just stick to your one theme of the year.
Once you have settled on a theme (or a yearlong theme plus twelve monthly themes), get a piece of paper and jot down some things you could do to support the actualization of this theme. It’s not so important that these actions directly produce the condition stated in your theme. Just think of them as the supportive part of the contract you’re creating with yourself and the universe.
To use my own theme as an example, even though there’s no formula for being happy, there are certainly a handful of things that can help. My intention for the year is to tap into that happy-for-no-reason state of mind that isn’t dependent upon particular life circumstances. To support the actualization of this state, I’ve agreed to do a bunch of things that I know are good for me, such as meditating, eating well, exercising, spending more time with friends, going on more dates with my wife, journaling, and abstaining from complaining or criticizing.
I set parameters around each of these actions (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.), and I know that as I keep these agreements, I reinforce my trust in myself. Virtually everything I say I’m going to do gets done, because I know my subconscious is watching, and because, well, keeping your word matters – even (perhaps especially) if it’s just with yourself. Another thing that happens when I’m conscientious about noticing the agreements I make and being sure to keep them is that my mind becomes easier to manage. I don’t have the mental burden of broken or forgotten agreements weighing on me.
The result of this consistency is that a kind of momentum develops – my own slipstream. And when I’m in this groove, I notice that magic happens.
Try it. It doesn’t require talent, excessively effort, or charisma. Just choose a theme, make some supportive agreements – nothing that exceeds what you know you can follow through on – choose parameters (frequency, time period), and then honestly keep these agreements.
This year, I know more people who are consciously engaging in a process like this than I’ve ever known before. I’m excited to see what we accomplish. If you feel so moved, please share the theme of your year in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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I feel the more we celebrate, the better our quality of life. And there are two holidays worth taking time out for this week. Today, June 19th is Juneteenth, and Tuesday, June 21st is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. I think it’s appropriate that Juneteenth falls so close to the summer solstice, because both symbolize a certain abundance of light.
Juneteenth is a celebration of the emancipation of African American slaves. Throughout the Civil War, many slaveholders moved to remote areas to escape the fighting and hold onto their slaves. When Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation went into effect on January 1, 1863, nothing changed where it wasn’t enforced. This was especially the case in Texas, where there were still a quarter million slaves in 1865, even after General Lee surrendered the Confederacy.
On June 19th, 1865, Union General Gordon Granger presented Texas with a proclamation that read, “The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor.”
Although the enforcement of the law took years, and there’s still plenty of work ahead of us, June 19th became a day of celebration. Known as Juneteenth, it’s the longest standing African American holiday. The abolition of slavery was like clearing a dark cloud that had long hung over the country. It was the beginning of allowing African Americans to be their own people and freely shine their light.
There’s no way to undo the suffering caused by slavery and its aftermath of discrimination and systemic oppression, but one step in the right direction – especially for White people – is to recognize how much this country has benefited from the presence of African Americans. Just when the light of the sun is at its peak, we have the opportunity on Juneteenth (and always) to celebrate the light that’s symbolic of the African American soul, which has persevered through unimaginable violence and injustice, and evolved into an incredible cultural identity.
Despite comprising just 13% of our population, African Americans have had a disproportionately significant influence on the United States. From music to art to cuisine to literature to science to leadership to religion and more, it’s all around us.
So, let’s celebrate the light this week.
☀️ Bask in the sun. Try this simple “solar energy” meditation: Inhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re absorbing the sun through your pores, deep into your body. Hold your breath for a count of 4 while imagining the solar energy working its way into all your cells and charging all your atoms. Exhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re beaming the sunlight out of every pore. Hold (with empty lungs) for a count of 4 while basking in your own glow around you. Then repeat.
☀️ Open your heart and shine your light into every environment you find yourself in.
☀️ Make a conscious choice to see the light in everyone you encounter.
☀️ Enjoy the contributions of African American writers, musicians, chefs, comedians, and influencers.
☀️ Whatever your race, consider how you've benefited from the influence of courageous and visionary African Americans, then take some action to honor this light and support our work toward true equity.
Be well,
Peter
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I was jogging on the mesa behind our house and my thoughts went to the upcoming holidays and my cycles of introversion and extroversion. For me, social gatherings inevitably spur a yearning to be alone or look at my phone or eat. As I gazed at the peaks and valleys of the mountain range in front of me, I realized that this pattern is an expression of the cycling of yin and yang that’s present everywhere in the universe. I’d like to share my thoughts with you in the hope that it will make for a more balanced holiday season.
In social behavior, this cycle moved from an outward orientation (yang) to an inward orientation (yin) and back. Texting, talking, dancing with others, partying, and co-working are all relatively outward activities. Reading the news, playing a video game (alone), taking a bath, eating, and meditating are all relatively inward activities. After some outward activity, most people feel a desire to go inward. After some inward activity, most people feel a desire to go outward.
We see this cycle from inward to outward to inward to outward, or from expansion to contraction to expansion to contraction, throughout the human body (breathing and the beating of the heart), human behavior, and the natural world. This undulating pattern is seen in the waves of our oceans, in waves of sound and light, in the movement of sexual intercourse, in waking and sleeping, and so much more.
When our inward-outward social patterns are relatively balanced, it works. But if there’s a compulsion to go inward and stay there, to always be gazing at a screen, to be in our bubble, or to eat on autopilot, it’s worth looking at. The same is true for someone who is always socially-engaged and feels uncomfortable going inward or being alone. People can become stagnant in one phase or the other. So I propose we use the holidays as an opportunity for a social experiment and personal growth. I believe both inward and outward activities can be either shallow or deep, and going deep gets us out of stagnation by fulfilling us and moving the cycle along.
Here’s a graphical representation of the inward-outward cycle. I labeled something like 70% of the range of both inward and outward activities as “shallow.” This doesn’t mean they’re frivolous, just that they aren’t soul-nourishing in a way that moves the cycle forward. If we make small talk with our coworkers, then play Candy Crush, then send some emails, then eat lunch while browsing a magazine, and so on throughout the day, this curve would look much flatter – we’re moving from shallow external activity to shallow internal activity and never approaching the “peaks.”
It’s hard to be black-and-white in defining what’s shallow and what’s deep, and what’s outward versus what’s inward – but it’s something we can feel. I called eating an inward activity, but of course there could simultaneously be an outward element of social interaction. Coworking could be very outward or somewhat inward, depending on whether it’s very collaborative and verbal or just a bunch of people introverting near each other. Reading about celebrities is what I’d call a “shallow inward” activity. Talking about celebrities is what I’d call a “shallow outward” activity. Meditation is usually a “deep inward” activity. And having sex – or more specifically, connected love-making – is usually a “deep outward” activity.
Thus, in both inward and outward activities, there’s an opportunity to go to a certain depth where the orientation becomes both internal and external. So, while meditation is an inward activity, when you really go deep with it, there can be an expansiveness, a transcendence of your small self, a sense of connection with everything – and therefore an outward orientation. Similarly, while traveling is mostly an outward activity, when we witness the vastness of nature or the beauty of other cultures or the oneness we all share, the profundity of such an expansive moment can turn us inward. We come into our hearts and are silenced and grateful.
I created a more descriptive diagram of what’s going on. This sphere with a hole through the center, kind of a donut shape, is known as a torus. When dealing with energy, it’s called a toroidal field. Humans have toroidal fields of energy that move in both directions. That is, the energy can move up from the center, then outward, down, and up through the bottom. And it can also move down through the center, then outward, up, and down through the top. What I mean to depict here is that when we go deep, we go through whatever state we’re in and move toward the opposing state. When we go outward and deep, this fulfills our urge to extrovert and takes us inward. When we go inward and deep, this fulfills our urge to introvert and takes us outward. Yin becomes Yang and Yang becomes Yin.
What does this all mean in practical terms? There’s nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted, and nothing wrong with shallower activities, but if you find yourself getting stuck in either phase, or having difficulty with either phase, try going deeper. As a general guide, bringing your full presence to whatever you’re doing will take you deeper.
In an outward-oriented setting, like a Thanksgiving social gathering, how can you get more real? Can you ask what challenges your friends are facing and be totally present for them? Can you connect more deeply than a conversation about turkey or the weather? Can you share what’s alive for you right now? Can you finally be who you really are around your family? When you’re with people can you be 100% with them? If you find yourself in a game of touch football, can you lose yourself in the spirit of play?
How can you make your introverted periods really count? If you sneak off to the bathroom to play on your phone, can you put it down for a minute and really go inward? Can you feel and acknowledge and accept what’s coming up for you? Can you invite the feelings and take the time and presence to see where they lead you? Can you hear your inner child, meet it with your mature inner adult, and give it what it needs to be at ease – so you can return to the party in a lighthearted way? Can you remember to prioritize meditation and other forms of deliberate stillness throughout the busyness of the holidays?
What happens to your phases of introversion and extroversion when you intentionally go deep in both directions? I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments section below.
With love,
Peter
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The first of January has sometimes felt to me like an arbitrary date to divide our lives by, since most of our projects and phases don’t conform to the calendar year. But I’ve decided it’s as good a time as any to make resolutions, and perhaps there’s some group momentum we generate when we all align ourselves around virtuous intentions together.
Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of “drafting” or “slipstreaming,” whereby someone in a vehicle can ride in the wake of moving air or water created by a vehicle in front of them. It reduces resistance and helps pull them along, making for an easier ride. Cyclists and racecar drivers do it all the time – drafting the bike or car in front of them by staying right behind them. The only one who doesn’t benefit much from it is the vehicle in the front. In the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we’ll all be drafting a guy named Barry who lives in Hoboken and is really jazzed about his new diet.
So, let’s take the opportunity to consider what we want 2017 to be about. My friend Andy Drish chooses a theme for each year at its outset, and he says the year has a way of conforming to the vision he establishes. When he looks back, it’s impressive to see just how many things seemed to fall into place along the lines of the year’s theme.
Some of his past themes included The Year of Exponential Growth, The Year of Being a Man Who Fearlessly and Courageously Gives His Gifts to the World, and The Year of Self Love. I think this is a brilliant idea, and I recommend you choose a theme for 2017 right now, and write it down. For me, this is The Year of Deep, Unshakable Happiness.
If you feel especially inspired, you can even choose a theme for each month, such as The Month of Serving My Species, The Month of Learning to Ask for What I Want, and The Month of Letting Go of the Struggle. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on structure, this can really help keep you on track while supporting you to focus on several different areas of growth. Each month could be a sub-theme that supports the year’s overarching theme. If coming up with twelve more themes sounds too complicated, just stick to your one theme of the year.
Once you have settled on a theme (or a yearlong theme plus twelve monthly themes), get a piece of paper and jot down some things you could do to support the actualization of this theme. It’s not so important that these actions directly produce the condition stated in your theme. Just think of them as the supportive part of the contract you’re creating with yourself and the universe.
To use my own theme as an example, even though there’s no formula for being happy, there are certainly a handful of things that can help. My intention for the year is to tap into that happy-for-no-reason state of mind that isn’t dependent upon particular life circumstances. To support the actualization of this state, I’ve agreed to do a bunch of things that I know are good for me, such as meditating, eating well, exercising, spending more time with friends, going on more dates with my wife, journaling, and abstaining from complaining or criticizing.
I set parameters around each of these actions (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.), and I know that as I keep these agreements, I reinforce my trust in myself. Virtually everything I say I’m going to do gets done, because I know my subconscious is watching, and because, well, keeping your word matters – even (perhaps especially) if it’s just with yourself. Another thing that happens when I’m conscientious about noticing the agreements I make and being sure to keep them is that my mind becomes easier to manage. I don’t have the mental burden of broken or forgotten agreements weighing on me.
The result of this consistency is that a kind of momentum develops – my own slipstream. And when I’m in this groove, I notice that magic happens.
Try it. It doesn’t require talent, excessively effort, or charisma. Just choose a theme, make some supportive agreements – nothing that exceeds what you know you can follow through on – choose parameters (frequency, time period), and then honestly keep these agreements.
This year, I know more people who are consciously engaging in a process like this than I’ve ever known before. I’m excited to see what we accomplish. If you feel so moved, please share the theme of your year in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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Thank you so much for this. We all could stand to read this, likely again and again. I appreciate your words so much. I have been working towards this in my own life, not having it as concretely laid out as you have done here. I really like this especially, “we don’t need to find the goodness in every situation; we bring the goodness to every situation. You are the light of the world, as soon as you choose it.”. May I please quote you? It’s just lovely.
Thanks, Angie. I just read it again myself, not having looked at it for over two years. I agree – I need to hear my own words on a regular basis! Yes, feel free to quote me.
Be well.