An invitation

I remember the first time one of my clients cried while I was massaging her.  And, no, it wasn’t because of my kung fu grip.

She had never had a massage before, so I explained the whole process to her: what to expect, to undress to her level of comfort, to get under the top sheet and blanket, to put her face in the cradle, and how to communicate to me if she felt uncomfortable or wanted a different amount of pressure.  I left the room to allow her to get ready, then came back in and started with her treatment.

I gave her lots of opportunity to breathe deeply and to “go inside” and experience all the feelings that come up in a massage.  As usual, I checked in a few times about pressure and comfort.  I remember feeling so honored to be able to give someone the gift of massage for their first time.

When it was time for her to turn over onto her back, I saw that she was crying.  I was very concerned that something was wrong, or that I had made her uncomfortable in some way.  I gently asked her what she was experiencing, and what I could do to help.

Then, through her tears, she said, “This is the first time anyone has seen me undressed in over ten years.  I hide my body in shame from my husband even.  I don’t look in the mirror after I shower cause I feel so bad about how I look.  I was so nervous to come here.  In fact, I canceled the first appointment that I made.  But my sister encouraged me to come and so I did and I feel so . . . loved.”

Despite my feeling that I should hold it together and be the professional one, I couldn’t help crying along with her.  I cradled her head and asked her if it was okay if I shared my thoughts with her.  She agreed.  I told her how beautiful she was to me, how brave, and raw and honest.  I expressed how honored I felt to be able to be in that room with her.  She deserved love, and she owed herself her own love and approval.  After the words came out of my mouth, I wasn’t sure I had done the right thing, because we both cried even more.  But we were smiling at each other.

We live in a world that is hyper-focused on fit, hard bodies that are unrealistic for the majority of humans with jobs, children, social obligations, and desires other than having the body of a model.  This infatuation with the proportions of Barbie and Ken and the glutes of Kim Kardashian can cause us to evaluate ourselves in such a painful way.  Without making a conscious choice about it, many of us adopt the belief that this is how a human body should look.  And then we grapple with the internal conflict that arises when our body doesn’t look that way.

Through 15 years of working with unclothed bodies, I have seen nearly every variation on the human form.  It doesn’t even register anymore how close or far from the popular ideal each body is.  What does occur to me when a client is on my table is that this is a beautiful person who deserves love and peace and a safe space to be themselves.

What if, as a culture, we valued health over appearance?  A new mama could focus on eating well and connecting with her baby instead of feeling an urgent need to shed her pregnancy weight.  Vibrant seniors could enjoy the fruits of their working years – possibly with a little padding – without clutching desperately at their youth.  How we feel in our bodies, rather than how we look, is what matters.  Do we have enough energy to play with kids and enough muscle to help our neighbors move furniture?  That’s the standard I want to live by – not some unrealistic expectation based on a magazine cover.

And I believe that if we start appraising our own physical forms from a healthier mental perspective, we become motivated to do things for ourselves that help us be in better shape.  We start eating foods that give us energy and make us feel sharp, we move our bodies in ways that set us free, and we are kinder to ourselves because we see our value just as we are.

That client and I started a coaching relationship around the principles taken from Giordana Toccaceli, and after several months she was literally having naked dance parties with her husband.  Who would have known that was within her?!

We have stayed friends over the years (she okayed my writing this), and I asked her last week if she feels different about her life now than she did when we met 10 years ago.  This is what she emailed back to me: “Briana, I don’t know if you know what a life changing experience it was for me to be touched so caringly by you the first time we met.  It was the beginning of a huge shift in me toward loving myself fully, no matter what.  And everything else has fallen in to place from there:  I feel (and look 😉 ) hotter than ever, my husband and I have great sex, I’m on a career path that aligns with my dreams, and my kids are happy and healthy.  I don’t know if I would in this place without you and The Dragontree.”

I want you to know that whether you are a competitive athlete, an elder with a bad hip, a couch potato with the smallest spark to become more active, or a skinny boy or girl – we accept you.  We accept you fully for who you are, where you are, right now.  We invite you to explore what would make you feel amazing in your body.  And we invite you to get a massage and let go of any ways that you are beating yourself up for not having the shape of a supermodel.  Those people are Photoshopped anyway.  🙂

With Love,

Briana Borten

All rights reserved © 2015 Briana Borten

3 thoughts on “An invitation

  1. YES!

    1. 🙂

  2. Soooo sweet and true!

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