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I have a long history of not living up to my potential. I had some talent in music, art, and academics, but I spent years noodling around and not making anything of it. I started a lot of things I didn’t finish. This trend started to shift a bit when I was in grad school, mostly because I wanted to practice Chinese Medicine more than I had ever wanted any other achievement. Yet, even though I had the sense that I was still underutilizing my potential, my greatest career aspiration was to be an effective doctor with a very long beard. Then, I met a girl named Briana who wanted to open a spa, and although it sounded impressive, it also seemed like way too much responsibility for my taste . . . especially given my history.
As the years went by, and I watched this woman build the spa into a sizable wellness company, I was impressed by her drive, but I was even more impressed by how she was able to turn ideas into realities, and to do so without losing her balance. I began to see that I could help a lot more people if I utilized avenues beyond my clinical practice, so I gradually took a more active role in the company. But, unlike Briana, for me it felt complicated and crazy-making to have so much going on.
At some point – three spas and one baby later – I dug my heels in. I said something like, “I don’t want anything new or different in our lives for like a decade!” She said, “Show me your schedule and let me watch you work.”
Then Briana truly discovered just how cluttered my mind is and how bad I was at planning, but it was ultimately good for both of us. She had the challenge of figuring out how to teach a right-brained musician-philosopher-type how to efficiently set and achieve goals while remaining organized and balanced with many responsibilities. And I was the beneficiary.
We saw that lot of people weren’t pursuing their big dreams because they already felt maxed out by the everyday stuff (and, unlike me, they didn’t have a partner to push them). Meanwhile, I noticed that many of my patients’ had a similar challenge with implementing consistent self-care practices and making time for the things that made them happy, and I realized that this needed to be integrated into any sustainable framework for achievement. Together, we started to develop a system to help people prioritize the self-care and soul-nourishing parts of life, navigate their life tasks with ease, unleash their potential, and achieve their dreams.
The result was our
Rituals for Living Dreambook. We launched it with a successful Kickstarter campaign. It has sold phenomenally well, and we’ve heard so many amazing stories of transformed lives.
When we asked for readers’ feedback, many of them expressed that they wanted more instruction and accountability. So, we created an online course called
Dreaming and Planning: Create a Meaningful Life. Our aim is to walk people through nine weeks of integrating these concepts into their lives, including choosing a goal and making it a reality.
We aren’t able to do private coaching with everyone who’s interested in this material, and we’d have to charge more than many people could afford, so our aim was to make this course the closest thing to one-on-one guidance at a much more affordable price.
Join us, and bring your amazing gifts into the world!
Be Well,
Dr Peter Borten
PS - Act now to enjoy the best possible price on Dreaming+Planning: Create a Meaningful Life. After tonight, the price will increase permanently.
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We know that conflict is hard. But when we avoid it - nothing gets better.
[post_title] => Conversations with Briana: Conflict Resolution (Video)
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Hi there!
We’re so excited that you’re going to be joining us for 9-weeks of strategic and heart centered action to create a meaningful life.
For years, people have been asking us how we do it. Starting in our 20s, we launched several successful businesses promoting body-mind wellness, including private healthcare practices, three spas, online courses, a magazine, a book, a café, and a company that makes body care products and herbal tinctures. Meanwhile, we have an ecstatic marriage, a light work week, we spend lots of time with our kids and pets, and we have as much fun as possible.
We don’t claim to have all the answers, but we’ve learned a few things along the way. In particular, we’ve discovered that as important as it to teach people things like healthy eating and stretching, most folks need at least as much instruction in putting together a balanced and satisfying life.
When we realized we wanted to help others structure their lives, we talked to many friends and clients and the majority expressed that they felt far from achieving the life of their dreams. When we asked what they were doing to make their dreams come true, we found that most weren’t actively pursuing them.
To begin with, almost no one was clear about what their dreams actually were. They had lost touch with them after deciding (probably unconsciously and long ago) that it’s unrealistic to want an amazing or magical life. Some had even convinced themselves that it was more mature to expect lots of compromises and to learn to be content with whatever hand you’re dealt. But, they weren’t content. They had forgotten what they really wanted out of life or denied that they wanted anything different than what they had.
Many claimed they weren’t pursuing big dreams because they believed this would mean working like a dog and being unhappy. They felt that unless someone was superhuman, the only way to succeed was by sacrificing the enjoyment of life and perhaps losing your soul.
So, what were these folks doing in their free time if not making progress on their goals? Perhaps having fun, being in nature, and engaging in creative projects? Well, no. No, in fact, most felt that not only were they failing to reach their goals, but also that they weren’t making the time to cook, to stretch, to breathe, or to do other soul-nourishing self-care activities that they knew were important.
Those who had chosen to bite the bullet and put their noses to the grindstone in pursuit of their dreams tended to unwittingly ensure that they were unhappy because of how deeply enrolled they were in the belief that achievement demanded sacrifice. The things that make life sweet were often the first to go.
Finally, nearly everyone – whether actively pursuing their dreams or not – felt busy. Too busy. Not just because of their work, but because of their immersion in a relentless data stream that engages them in the job of perpetually checking in and keeping tabs on an endless volume of information. For those who believe they’re not doing enough, it offers a way to feel more busy, but because it’s unceasing, it comes to feel like an obligation. However much time and energy they devote to it, it never feels truly gratifying or productive.
We believe that balance is possible – even in the face of chaos.
And we believe that you can – you must – do the good-feeling, soul-nourishing, body-fortifying activities even while you pursue your dreams. We put these practices under the general heading we call Sweetness. Sweetness not only makes life more satisfying, it also makes us stronger and more resilient.
If you feed your life, your body, and your soul, you become more effective at shaping this life however you choose. If you fill your life with this sweetness, you bring yourself many steps closer to the life of your dreams, regardless of the outcome of any particular goal. If your goals don’t materialize, at least you haven’t spent years of your life immersed in work with little to show for it. No, just the opposite: you will have spent the time doing meaningful work, living your purpose, treating yourself well, enjoying the world, and serving your species. It doesn’t get much better than that.
And when you do achieve your dreams, if you’ve been feeding your soul and growing all the while, you’ll be better able to assimilate the new changes in a healthy way.
While integrating more sweetness adds thrust to our dreams (and even brings our current circumstances closer to our dream life) we knew from coaching others that the biggest hindrance to achievement was problems with structure. They either didn’t know how or never got around to building a structure to get them from point A to point B. Some resisted structure because they seemed to equate it with restriction or conformity. Others had learned about “manifesting” concepts, such as the Law of Attraction, and took this to mean that structure and work are needless or even misguided.
When we looked at the structures people had in place, we found that without much training in life architecture, they were often unclear about how to build stable structures that would get them to their dreams. Some structures were like a bridge made of clothesline suspended over a canyon – they seemed to span the distance, but lacked support. Making it across would depend on a massive amount of personal effort, focus, and luck. Other structures were more like a concrete pipe over a chasm – sturdier to walk through but at the expense of any enjoyment of the scenery. Still other structures were like complicated tangles of trusses, cables, and parapets – more likely to get the traveler lost and confused than to their destination.
We noticed that those who avoided structure weren’t as free and unfettered as they would have liked. Instead, they often felt scattered and preoccupied, as if they were juggling all the ideas and tasks that they weren’t building into a plan. We wondered if the reason for their resisting Structure was that it wasn’t married to sweetness; Structure without sweetness could feel cold and meaningless to people, like striving for advancement in a factory run by robots.
We also observed an unusual trend toward over-structured lives, even among people who seemed to have very little going on. It was as if the structure developed independently of a guiding vision – structure for the sake of structure – with very little breathing room. Both the desire to eschew structure and the trend toward hyper-structure highlighted the necessity of Space.
Space is one of those things we tend not to value until it’s been missing for a while. Few people would identify it as a priority, and yet, it’s an essential factor in a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. Without space, there is no perspective or clarity. Imagine there’s a large mural painted on the side of a building, but because the adjacent building is just a foot away, you have to stand in a tight alley in order to look at it, so you’re only able to see one small section at a time. This is how we view our lives when space is lacking. Space allows structure to breathe.
Space is the crucible in which sweetness and structure interact to yield a life that feels inspired, meaningful, and fun. Through our background in Asian philosophy, we both came to appreciate the preeminence of the “emptiness” from which everything is born. In Taoism, it is called Wuji, the limitless, boundless, or most literally, the non-polar. That is, it’s where our expanded consciousness resides, which isn’t polarized, doesn’t need to take a position, and is simply open. In Buddhism, it is Sunyata – emptiness, openness, or spaciousness – the space in which the soul is unconfined by the mind. In Ayurveda, it is Akasha – space or ether – the origin and essence of the entire material world.
Alignment and healing can’t occur without the openness that space provides. Sweetness needs space in order to be rooted in authenticity and to penetrate, engage, and feed the deepest parts of ourselves. And space is the solution to our addiction to the data stream which attaches us to our devices and disconnects us from the magic of the natural world around us.
Together, structure, space, and sweetness are the underpinning of this course.
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I have a long history of not living up to my potential. I had some talent in music, art, and academics, but I spent years noodling around and not making anything of it. I started a lot of things I didn’t finish. This trend started to shift a bit when I was in grad school, mostly because I wanted to practice Chinese Medicine more than I had ever wanted any other achievement. Yet, even though I had the sense that I was still underutilizing my potential, my greatest career aspiration was to be an effective doctor with a very long beard. Then, I met a girl named Briana who wanted to open a spa, and although it sounded impressive, it also seemed like way too much responsibility for my taste . . . especially given my history.
As the years went by, and I watched this woman build the spa into a sizable wellness company, I was impressed by her drive, but I was even more impressed by how she was able to turn ideas into realities, and to do so without losing her balance. I began to see that I could help a lot more people if I utilized avenues beyond my clinical practice, so I gradually took a more active role in the company. But, unlike Briana, for me it felt complicated and crazy-making to have so much going on.
At some point – three spas and one baby later – I dug my heels in. I said something like, “I don’t want anything new or different in our lives for like a decade!” She said, “Show me your schedule and let me watch you work.”
Then Briana truly discovered just how cluttered my mind is and how bad I was at planning, but it was ultimately good for both of us. She had the challenge of figuring out how to teach a right-brained musician-philosopher-type how to efficiently set and achieve goals while remaining organized and balanced with many responsibilities. And I was the beneficiary.
We saw that lot of people weren’t pursuing their big dreams because they already felt maxed out by the everyday stuff (and, unlike me, they didn’t have a partner to push them). Meanwhile, I noticed that many of my patients’ had a similar challenge with implementing consistent self-care practices and making time for the things that made them happy, and I realized that this needed to be integrated into any sustainable framework for achievement. Together, we started to develop a system to help people prioritize the self-care and soul-nourishing parts of life, navigate their life tasks with ease, unleash their potential, and achieve their dreams.
The result was our
Rituals for Living Dreambook. We launched it with a successful Kickstarter campaign. It has sold phenomenally well, and we’ve heard so many amazing stories of transformed lives.
When we asked for readers’ feedback, many of them expressed that they wanted more instruction and accountability. So, we created an online course called
Dreaming and Planning: Create a Meaningful Life. Our aim is to walk people through nine weeks of integrating these concepts into their lives, including choosing a goal and making it a reality.
We aren’t able to do private coaching with everyone who’s interested in this material, and we’d have to charge more than many people could afford, so our aim was to make this course the closest thing to one-on-one guidance at a much more affordable price.
Join us, and bring your amazing gifts into the world!
Be Well,
Dr Peter Borten
PS - Act now to enjoy the best possible price on Dreaming+Planning: Create a Meaningful Life. After tonight, the price will increase permanently.
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Cart
I am going to go outside right now and lay in the sun with my book, reading and relaxing! The phone and iPad stay inside!
yes!!! that sounds perfect.
I am going for a mindful walk outside and then 10 minutes of yoga.
~ Mia
wonderful!
Saying “no” to too much work. Taking time for meditation.
yes!
I start every morning and finish every evening with doing my Tai Chi and yoga stretches. Also every 2 weeks or so I will go to my local book store on a Saturday and sit in the Starbucks section enjoying my coffee, quiche and book for at least 2-3 hours. These are my self care rituals which I thought you’d like to know about.
So glad to hear you are taking care of yourself!