WP_Query Object
(
[query] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 19
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 6801
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
)
[query_vars] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 19
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 6801
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
[error] =>
[m] =>
[p] => 0
[post_parent] =>
[subpost] =>
[subpost_id] =>
[attachment] =>
[attachment_id] => 0
[name] =>
[pagename] =>
[page_id] => 0
[second] =>
[minute] =>
[hour] =>
[day] => 0
[monthnum] => 0
[year] => 0
[w] => 0
[category_name] => peter-borten
[tag] =>
[cat] => 19
[tag_id] =>
[author] =>
[author_name] =>
[feed] =>
[tb] =>
[paged] => 0
[meta_key] =>
[meta_value] =>
[preview] =>
[s] =>
[sentence] =>
[title] =>
[fields] =>
[menu_order] =>
[embed] =>
[category__not_in] => Array
(
)
[category__and] => Array
(
)
[post__in] => Array
(
)
[post_name__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__not_in] => Array
(
)
[tag__and] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__in] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__and] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__in] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__not_in] => Array
(
)
[author__in] => Array
(
)
[author__not_in] => Array
(
)
[search_columns] => Array
(
)
[suppress_filters] =>
[cache_results] => 1
[update_post_term_cache] => 1
[update_menu_item_cache] =>
[lazy_load_term_meta] => 1
[update_post_meta_cache] => 1
[post_type] =>
[nopaging] =>
[comments_per_page] => 50
[no_found_rows] =>
[order] => DESC
)
[tax_query] => WP_Tax_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
[0] => Array
(
[taxonomy] => category
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 19
)
[field] => term_id
[operator] => IN
[include_children] =>
)
)
[relation] => AND
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
[0] => wp_term_relationships
)
[queried_terms] => Array
(
[category] => Array
(
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 19
)
[field] => term_id
)
)
[primary_table] => wp_posts
[primary_id_column] => ID
)
[meta_query] => WP_Meta_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
)
[relation] =>
[meta_table] =>
[meta_id_column] =>
[primary_table] =>
[primary_id_column] =>
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
)
[clauses:protected] => Array
(
)
[has_or_relation:protected] =>
)
[date_query] =>
[request] =>
SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS wp_posts.ID
FROM wp_posts LEFT JOIN wp_term_relationships ON (wp_posts.ID = wp_term_relationships.object_id)
WHERE 1=1 AND wp_posts.ID NOT IN (6801) AND (
wp_term_relationships.term_taxonomy_id IN (19)
) AND ((wp_posts.post_type = 'post' AND (wp_posts.post_status = 'publish' OR wp_posts.post_status = 'acf-disabled')))
AND ID NOT IN
(SELECT `post_id` FROM wp_postmeta
WHERE `meta_key` = '_pilotpress_level'
AND `meta_value` IN ('','employee')
AND `post_id` NOT IN
(SELECT `post_id` FROM wp_postmeta
WHERE `meta_key` = '_pilotpress_level'
AND `meta_value` IN ('' )))
GROUP BY wp_posts.ID
ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
LIMIT 0, 50
[posts] => Array
(
[0] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 6760
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2017-09-20 18:16:52
[post_date_gmt] => 2017-09-20 18:16:52
[post_content] => The other day, my 81-year-old neighbor told me that he was taking a shower when, over the sound of the rushing water, he suddenly heard a combination of yelping and snarling noises. He immediately knew what it was: coyotes attacking his little dog. He ran outside, scared the coyotes away, and started tending to his dog’s wounds. Then his wife came outside. “She tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘Honey, you’re standing naked in the front yard.’ Oops! So I was!”
A few months ago we moved to a rural area. It’s the farthest I’ve ever lived from other people. While I looked forward to having more land to do things like raise chickens and grow our own food, I was also concerned that I would feel isolated and lonely. Then I met this gentleman. A few days after we moved in, he introduced himself with an armload of tomatoes and zucchini from his garden. He noticed that we hadn’t mowed our lawn yet, so a few hours later he returned on his tractor and mowed it for us. He’s a master gardener and woodworker, and offered unlimited horticultural advice and the use of his tools.
Many times I’ve said to myself, “What an absolute treasure.” The same goes for many of my other neighbors, most of whom are at least a generation older than me. I’m reminded of my earliest studies in psychology, when I was attracted to the developmental theory of Erik Erikson.
Erikson theorized that humans move through eight stages of psychosocial development. At each stage, he said, we are presented with a challenge or “crisis” between two conflicting qualities. One of these qualities supports our growth and evolution while the other thwarts it. If we choose to adopt the former, we develop a
virtue associated with that stage.
In the first stage (Oral-Sensory), roughly from birth to age two, all of our basic needs are met by our parents and other caregivers. We are utterly dependent on others, and we are faced with the crisis of Trust versus Mistrust, which Erikson characterized with the question, “Can I trust the world?” If our parents are consistent, kind, dependable, and loving, we are likely to develop trust in others and a fundamental trust in ourselves. This leads to the virtue of hope, which helps us navigate the upcoming stages. If not, we are likely to become mistrustful of the world – seeing it as undependable and unpredictable.
For the sake of space, I’m just going to give you the nutshell versions of the next handful – until we get to the elder years. The ages given for the following can vary somewhat.
• Stage 2. From ages 2 through 4, the crisis is between
autonomy versus
shame and
doubt. The existential question is, “Is it okay to be me?” And the virtue presented is
will.
• Stage 3. From ages 4 through 5, the crisis is between
initiative versus
guilt. The existential question is, “Is it okay for me to do, move, and act?” And the virtue presented is
purpose.
• Stage 4. From age 5 through 12, the crisis is between
industry versus
inferiority. The existential question is, “Can I make it in the world of people and things?” And the virtue presented is
competence.
• Stage 5. From ages 13 through 19, the crisis is between
identity versus
role confusion. The existential question is, “Who am I and what can I be?” And the virtue presented is
fidelity.
• Stage 6. From age 20 through 39, the crisis is between
intimacy versus
isolation. The existential question is, “Can I love?” And the virtue presented is
love.
Now we come to the age ranges of my amazing neighbors. From age 40 through 64, the crisis is between
generativity versus
stagnation. The existential question is, “Can I make my life count?” The virtue presented is
care. Erikson felt that during middle adulthood, the main task is to contribute to society and help guide and support future generations. Embracing this mantle makes us
generative whereas a self-centered life leads to
stagnation.
From age 65 to death, we face the crisis of
integrity versus
despair. The existential question is, “Is it okay to have been me?” As we become less productive and perhaps feel less useful to society, it’s possible to slip into despair, especially if we look back at our life through a lens of negativity, regret, or criticism. Alternatively, if we’re able to look back at the goodness we’ve enjoyed and shared, the ways we have served and accomplished, we experience
integrity and the virtue of
wisdom emerges.
Several years ago, as I witnessed the decline of some older patients who became bitter and sad, I began to recognize one of the primary fears of the elderly: to have nothing that the rest of the world values – being useless, wrinkled, irrelevant, confused, and a burden on others. And I thought, “What a horrible way to end life.”
But as I enjoy the company of my new neighbors, feeling anything but isolated, grateful to have healthy
elders as friends, I know such a course isn’t inevitable. These folks have clearly chosen
generativity and
integrity. They share their wisdom and worth with the world. And I believe they would continue to do so even if they were disabled and unable to help out, because it’s a state of mind, really. It’s inspiring and encouraging to know that such choices are available to me as I age, and that such individuals are available to help us navigate the way.
What has your experience of elderhood been? Are you an elder? What are your struggles and triumphs? Share your wisdom with our community!
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => The Treasure of Elderhood
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => the-treasure-of-elderhood
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2020-07-28 21:09:09
[post_modified_gmt] => 2020-07-28 21:09:09
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6760
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 26
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[1] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 6609
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2017-02-21 18:55:34
[post_date_gmt] => 2017-02-21 18:55:34
[post_content] =>
Today we’re going to wrap up our series on the Chinese Clock – a concept in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) whereby each organ has a two-hour period of the day when it does its best work. (At the end there are links to the previous three articles in case you missed them.) Often you can experience a sense of alignment or improved health by doing certain activities during each time slot. But several of the organs peak while you’re sleeping and you won’t always be able to schedule your life around this system, so the important part is simply to recognize and appreciate that you have these amazing capacities.
11:00 PM to 1:00 AM – Gallbladder Time
In China, a brave person is sometimes said to have a “big gallbladder” – while a timid person has a small one. The TCM view of the organ is a bit more specific – the gallbladder doesn’t preside over all forms of bravery, but specifically the courage to be decisive in accordance with one’s plan. In order for you to understand the role of the gallbladder among our society of organs, I need to tell you a little about the liver.
The liver has the role of the general or chief planner. The general uses her keen vision to strategize and plan – everything from the many tiny plans that make your day work to the big Life Plans that make your life feel productive and gratifying. We might even think of the liver as the architect, in which case the gallbladder would be the foreman – the guy (or girl) on the ground overseeing the implementation of the plan and making all the minute-to-minute decisions about how best to bring the plan to life.
The gallbladder acupuncture meridian covers the sides of the body – the sides of the head, the sides of the torso, and the outer side of the leg. Once I had a patient who had been experiencing pain in this area of his leg, and offhandedly I mentioned the gallbladder’s association with decision-making. “Sometimes people experience discomfort along this pathway when they’re blocked around some important decision,” I told him, barely expecting it to mean anything.
With great excitement, he responded that he had been contemplating quitting the band he played drums for, and he now realized the pain began the same day he started thinking about it. In that moment, lying on my table, he decided to leave the band, and in an instant the pain was gone from his leg.
The best way to spend Gallbladder Time is sleeping. There’s a lot of energy in the decision-maker, and if you stay up until this time, it’s likely that you’ll get a second wind which will take you the whole way to 1:00 AM. But at the end of the day, you’re probably experiencing “decision fatigue” from all the day’s decisions, and this energy is likely to be squandered. If you’re asleep, the mind can work things out without interference, and you’ll wake with a freshness that’s ideal for good decisions.
Biologically, the gallbladder is a small pouch attached to the liver that stores and releases bile to help us digest fats. Gallbladders are prone to get inflamed and painful when we chronically expose ourselves to food that we’re sensitive to. Many gallbladder removals could be avoided through identifying and removing these foods while taking Chinese herbs to dissolve gallstones and reduce inflammation (the most common formula is called Li Dan Pian and it’s often miraculous).
1:00 to 3:00 AM – Liver Time
As I explained, the liver is the general or chief planner. It’s considered to be closely connected to the eyes, which gives the general the faculty of keen vision, allowing for a clear life plan and goals, as well as a view of the “big picture.”
The liver’s weakness is a tendency to become frustrated or angry when it encounters obstacles to its plans – like an overly rigid general – and in the presence of anger, its vision is lost and growth becomes stagnation. It loses sight of the big picture and instead sees only the obstacle at hand, which is perceived as an injustice.
We need flexibility and perspective to get back on track. By stepping back, we can see the larger scheme of things, remember where we were headed, appreciate the enhanced growth that obstacles promote, and recognize there are more important things than being “right.”
Like Gallbladder Time, Liver Time is best spent asleep, so the mind can clean house and restructure our plans without our interference. But this is a common time for insomniacs to awaken, as the planner, like the decision-maker, often has a powerful, even domineering, energy. Sometimes this can be avoided by writing down unresolved plans and decisions before bed, so the mind doesn’t feel it needs to keep track.
3:00 to 5:00 AM – Lung Time
The lungs are associated in TCM with the fall season. After the robust growth of spring and summer, fall is about letting go, especially of outward appearances (like leaves), and the certain bareness that results. For some, this part of the cycle feels like loss and evokes grief. But there’s a lesson in this loss – it causes us to focus on what’s left: the intangible and eternal Oneness that connects everything.
Every act of letting go (exhalation or expiration) is paired with a filling up (inhalation of inspiration). And "inspiration" is a perfect word for this phase of the lungs' work - to make within us a rich spaciousness.
The lungs remind us of this as they take in and let go of the intangible all day long (which actually consists of the atoms of the world around us, including those breathed by virtually everyone else in history). The rhythm of the breath is a mantra that offers a perpetual opportunity to connect with our expanded self – to remember.
Most people are asleep during this time, which makes it easier for the mind to let go without our conscious clinging, but yogis have long considered these hours ideal for their morning practice. The crispness of early morning is much like the crispness of fall air, and it can be especially conducive to meditation, breath work, letting go, and tuning in.
Again, my intention in writing this series wasn’t so much to convince you to build your life around these two-hour time periods but to give you a look at the cycles you move through each day. So many wondrous things are happening in your body, mind, and spirit. I hope these articles have made you aware of the tremendous opportunity for healing, connection, and expansion that’s always available.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. In case you missed them, here are links to Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
[post_title] => Tick Tock, Part Four – How to Follow the Clock of Life
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => 6609
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] => http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/01/31/tick-tock-learning-clock-life/
http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/02/07/tick-tock-part-two-follow-clock-life/
http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/02/14/tick-tock-part-three-follow-clock-life/
[post_modified] => 2017-02-22 18:10:16
[post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-22 18:10:16
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6609
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 6
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[2] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 6602
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2017-02-14 18:32:38
[post_date_gmt] => 2017-02-14 18:32:38
[post_content] => For the past couple weeks, I’ve been writing about the “Chinese Clock” – a principle from Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) whereby each of twelve internal organs has a two-hour period in the day when it’s considered to be strongest. By following this clock, we can coordinate certain activities with appropriate organs and experience better health and a sense of alignment. Also, an issue that consistently occurs at the same time of day may give a clue about the organ involved. Last week, we left off with the end of Kidney Time at 7:00 PM, and today we’ll pick it up from there.
7:00 to 9:00 PM – Pericardium Time
The pericardium is a double-layered sac that encloses and protects the heart. Perhaps it’s a bit odd that this is one of the twelve primary organs and the brain isn’t, but it speaks to the primacy of the heart in Daoist thought and TCM. The heart is so important – it must be spared damage at any cost – that it has its own “Heart Protector.”
If the heart is the Empress living in her palace, the pericardium is the drawbridge that allows or blocks access to her. It governs intimacy. When we let someone “into” our heart, or shut them out, we’re exercising our pericardium. And when someone with access hurts us, the pericardium often takes the brunt of the blow. Such blows can damage this mechanism. A big enough trauma may lead us to adopt a policy of “No one gets in. Ever. No matter what” – sometimes excluding even ourselves. Alternatively, the pericardium may get stuck in the open position if we decide, “What’s the use? Everyone gets in. Walk all over me.”
Pericardium Time is optimal for intimacy – sexual and otherwise – with both others and yourself. If you’re in a healthy love relationship, this is a good time for a mutual lowering of drawbridges to experience a meeting of the portals of your consciousness. This is also a good time to contemplate and repair the Protector of your heart, to recognize that scars needn’t impair its function. Thank it for its service and remind it that it can still respond intelligently on a case-by-case basis to requests for intimacy.
9:00 to 11:00 PM – San Jiao Time
San Jiao means “triple warmer” and it’s the last of our four fire organs. It consists of three virtual compartments that contain and “warm” our organs. It functions as something of a communication network and thermostat – allowing the internal organs to talk to each other and keeping the internal environment comfortable. The closest physiological equivalent is our endocrine (hormonal) system, which also sets our body temperature and distributes chemical messengers.
Metaphorically, the San Jiao presides over our social behavior. It’s the social thermostat that enables us to “feel out” a situation and present ourselves in a way that’s appropriate and effective. Whereas the pericardium is a yin organ that relates to deeper, more intimate forms of communication, the San Jiao is its yang partner, governing communication on a more external level.
If your endocrine system is taxed, this would be a good time to go to sleep so all your resources can be directed toward restoring these functions. Otherwise, this time period is ideal for light social interaction, playing games, or watching something funny or heartwarming.
Next week, I’ll wrap up this series with the final three organs – gallbladder, liver, and lungs. Meanwhile, I invite you to spend the week being mindful in your moments of connection – both social and intimate. How does your presence affect the interaction? What’s possible through this union?
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. If you missed them you can click here to read Part One, and click here to read Part Two.
[post_title] => Tick Tock, Part Three – How to Follow the Clock of Life
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => tick-tock-part-three-follow-clock-life
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] => http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/01/31/tick-tock-learning-clock-life/
http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/02/07/tick-tock-part-two-follow-clock-life/
[post_modified] => 2017-02-15 05:26:42
[post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-15 05:26:42
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6602
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 5
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
)
[post_count] => 3
[current_post] => -1
[before_loop] => 1
[in_the_loop] =>
[post] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 6760
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2017-09-20 18:16:52
[post_date_gmt] => 2017-09-20 18:16:52
[post_content] => The other day, my 81-year-old neighbor told me that he was taking a shower when, over the sound of the rushing water, he suddenly heard a combination of yelping and snarling noises. He immediately knew what it was: coyotes attacking his little dog. He ran outside, scared the coyotes away, and started tending to his dog’s wounds. Then his wife came outside. “She tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘Honey, you’re standing naked in the front yard.’ Oops! So I was!”
A few months ago we moved to a rural area. It’s the farthest I’ve ever lived from other people. While I looked forward to having more land to do things like raise chickens and grow our own food, I was also concerned that I would feel isolated and lonely. Then I met this gentleman. A few days after we moved in, he introduced himself with an armload of tomatoes and zucchini from his garden. He noticed that we hadn’t mowed our lawn yet, so a few hours later he returned on his tractor and mowed it for us. He’s a master gardener and woodworker, and offered unlimited horticultural advice and the use of his tools.
Many times I’ve said to myself, “What an absolute treasure.” The same goes for many of my other neighbors, most of whom are at least a generation older than me. I’m reminded of my earliest studies in psychology, when I was attracted to the developmental theory of Erik Erikson.
Erikson theorized that humans move through eight stages of psychosocial development. At each stage, he said, we are presented with a challenge or “crisis” between two conflicting qualities. One of these qualities supports our growth and evolution while the other thwarts it. If we choose to adopt the former, we develop a
virtue associated with that stage.
In the first stage (Oral-Sensory), roughly from birth to age two, all of our basic needs are met by our parents and other caregivers. We are utterly dependent on others, and we are faced with the crisis of Trust versus Mistrust, which Erikson characterized with the question, “Can I trust the world?” If our parents are consistent, kind, dependable, and loving, we are likely to develop trust in others and a fundamental trust in ourselves. This leads to the virtue of hope, which helps us navigate the upcoming stages. If not, we are likely to become mistrustful of the world – seeing it as undependable and unpredictable.
For the sake of space, I’m just going to give you the nutshell versions of the next handful – until we get to the elder years. The ages given for the following can vary somewhat.
• Stage 2. From ages 2 through 4, the crisis is between
autonomy versus
shame and
doubt. The existential question is, “Is it okay to be me?” And the virtue presented is
will.
• Stage 3. From ages 4 through 5, the crisis is between
initiative versus
guilt. The existential question is, “Is it okay for me to do, move, and act?” And the virtue presented is
purpose.
• Stage 4. From age 5 through 12, the crisis is between
industry versus
inferiority. The existential question is, “Can I make it in the world of people and things?” And the virtue presented is
competence.
• Stage 5. From ages 13 through 19, the crisis is between
identity versus
role confusion. The existential question is, “Who am I and what can I be?” And the virtue presented is
fidelity.
• Stage 6. From age 20 through 39, the crisis is between
intimacy versus
isolation. The existential question is, “Can I love?” And the virtue presented is
love.
Now we come to the age ranges of my amazing neighbors. From age 40 through 64, the crisis is between
generativity versus
stagnation. The existential question is, “Can I make my life count?” The virtue presented is
care. Erikson felt that during middle adulthood, the main task is to contribute to society and help guide and support future generations. Embracing this mantle makes us
generative whereas a self-centered life leads to
stagnation.
From age 65 to death, we face the crisis of
integrity versus
despair. The existential question is, “Is it okay to have been me?” As we become less productive and perhaps feel less useful to society, it’s possible to slip into despair, especially if we look back at our life through a lens of negativity, regret, or criticism. Alternatively, if we’re able to look back at the goodness we’ve enjoyed and shared, the ways we have served and accomplished, we experience
integrity and the virtue of
wisdom emerges.
Several years ago, as I witnessed the decline of some older patients who became bitter and sad, I began to recognize one of the primary fears of the elderly: to have nothing that the rest of the world values – being useless, wrinkled, irrelevant, confused, and a burden on others. And I thought, “What a horrible way to end life.”
But as I enjoy the company of my new neighbors, feeling anything but isolated, grateful to have healthy
elders as friends, I know such a course isn’t inevitable. These folks have clearly chosen
generativity and
integrity. They share their wisdom and worth with the world. And I believe they would continue to do so even if they were disabled and unable to help out, because it’s a state of mind, really. It’s inspiring and encouraging to know that such choices are available to me as I age, and that such individuals are available to help us navigate the way.
What has your experience of elderhood been? Are you an elder? What are your struggles and triumphs? Share your wisdom with our community!
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => The Treasure of Elderhood
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => the-treasure-of-elderhood
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2020-07-28 21:09:09
[post_modified_gmt] => 2020-07-28 21:09:09
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6760
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 26
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[comment_count] => 0
[current_comment] => -1
[found_posts] => 185
[max_num_pages] => 4
[max_num_comment_pages] => 0
[is_single] =>
[is_preview] =>
[is_page] =>
[is_archive] => 1
[is_date] =>
[is_year] =>
[is_month] =>
[is_day] =>
[is_time] =>
[is_author] =>
[is_category] => 1
[is_tag] =>
[is_tax] =>
[is_search] =>
[is_feed] =>
[is_comment_feed] =>
[is_trackback] =>
[is_home] =>
[is_privacy_policy] =>
[is_404] =>
[is_embed] =>
[is_paged] =>
[is_admin] =>
[is_attachment] =>
[is_singular] =>
[is_robots] =>
[is_favicon] =>
[is_posts_page] =>
[is_post_type_archive] =>
[query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => 826cdc91f5bdc85abb623b40cd36b009
[query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] =>
[thumbnails_cached] =>
[allow_query_attachment_by_filename:protected] =>
[stopwords:WP_Query:private] =>
[compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => query_vars_hash
[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)
Such an amazing story Dr Peter! Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks, Dr. aQui.
Yep. Worth $400!
🙂 thanks, Sally
Thank you for sharing such a personal story! This is helpful to me so that I may begin my own journey of forgiveness. Even if it’s over and over again : )
You’re welcome, Julie, and good luck.
I’m glad this worked out for you. However, my 17 year old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. While I don’t dwell on it anymore, (it was nearly 20 years ago) there is no way I can ever say I gave her willingly. My husband was not able to let go of his anger, and I believe that was one of the causes of the cancer he developed. I lost him 2 years ago. So, I am still working on myself and am trying to be the best me I can be, but forgiving the other driver- I don’t know if that’s possible. Incidentally, he walked away without a scratch.
Virginia,
I don’t have any quick or easy response to your comment, except to say that I send you love and good energy…from another reader and mother and fellow traveler. Love, love, and even more good energy.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not another person. May you find peace.
Riveting story and priceless insights! Thank you so much for sharing.
I love this. Thank you! I went through something similar a few years ago. Long story short my good friend and roommate in Mdical School betrayed me and supported someone that was pretty much a stranger during a situation that I was clearly the victim in. I was very angry. We had words and we lost contact for years. All that time I thought about the matter constantly and I even had nightmares regarding the situation. For years I let it hurt me and affect my emotional well being. One night I decided it was enough. I had to forgive her. Not really for her but for me. I didn’t know how to contact her. Amazingly, she happened to send me a friend request in Facebook a few days later. I took that as a direct message telling me it was the tight thing to do. I accepted it, we started talking and we have even visit each other a few times. We didn’t even discuss the incident. We just let it go. The nightmares and recurrent thoughts completely stopped and found my peace.
Great story and very relevant. Stuart (Hi, Aqui!)
Your story put forgiveness in a whole new light…..sort of an odd gift to yourself!
Great story. I could visualize and feel the moments you described. It sounds as if self-forgiveness was really, in the end, what it was mostly about.
Interesting. I was just working on my 4th Step again. The one where I review my resentments. In my case – my coping mechanisms lead me to cut people off mid-sentence, and at the same time, to talk more than others might like. Both of these coping mechanisms hurt my relations with others and with myself. I feel it is the Great Wisdom that sent your emailed story. It encourages me to keep taking my inventory so I can release and heal.
I had someone rip me off for $1300 last year about this time. She bought a $5000 bed and only ended up paying $200. She wrote me checks as a “payment plan.” The checks bounced and then she closed her account. I keep thinking about it and getting angry. Especially all the times I tried to cash them when I needed money.
I am going to take those bad checks and burn them as a sign of letting go and starting the process of forgiving. Thank you. While working through the RfT book, I keep thinking, “I don’t have anything horrible that I need to forgive.”
I too had to make that very difficult decision to let go of a situation that was not fixable. We have to remember that money is only an object and we can’t take it with us when we leave this Planet on our final journey. It is just not worth the anguish it can cause on trying to get it back. Think of it as a spiritual lesson to teach us wisdom. That’s what I finally had to come to grips with after fighting a sibling for a million dollar inheritance. I was making myself physically sick from the anxiety and legal expenses trying to retrieve “what was due to me”. You know what, that sibling has had nothing but bad Karma because of her evil ways. On the other hand I have prospered…just let it go!!!
Very helpful.
I needed a reminder today that it can be good to let something go! Thank you, Peter!
I have been considering approaching the woman who destroyed my marriage to tell her I forgive her, but I don’t think she would even care. It has been 20 years, I’v remarried, but this still haunts me at times. I never knew why it happened. So havent done it, not sure if I need to let her know, maybe I should just keep forgiving over and over till it is really forgiven
Constant forgiveness… Thank you!