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[post_content] => Last week I shared a quote from spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.” Then we looked at the differences between an absolute spiritual truth and the relative perspective of most humans. When we encounter an absolute view that we haven’t personally realized and experienced, sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it even has the opposite effect of what was intended.
If we imagine “I don’t mind what happens” to mean “nothing bothers me,” this contradicts most people’s daily experience. But it fits right in with a common perception when we’re evolved or enlightened we’ll be imperturbable. So, without having realized the absolute truth, we might apply it to our relative experience in a way that amounts to denying our humanity.
Buddhist psychologist and author, John Welwood, who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” explained that we have a tendency to use absolute truths of spirituality to dismiss “relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits.” He believed we need to recognize “two different tracks of human development— which we might call growing up and waking up, healing and awakening, or becoming a genuine human person and going beyond the person altogether.”1 Thus, it’s possible to resolve all our psychological problems without achieving a spiritual awakening, and it’s possible to wake up spiritually and still have a highly dysfunctional personality.
So, what is the place of such statements of absolute spiritual truth? In my opinion it’s still useful to expose ourselves to them. We shouldn’t confuse the destination with the path, and we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to embody them at will. But they can still serve as a messenger to the soul. When we encounter a statement like, “I don’t mind what happens,” perhaps it’s like a key that unlocks something within us. Maybe it stirs a place in us that remembers this, beneath the slumbering mind, and begins to initiate an unraveling of what has caused us to forget. Perhaps it inspires us to understand what this means, to experience it directly for ourselves. Perhaps it makes us ask, “What would my life be like if this were true for me?”
Meanwhile, what can you do when you find ourselves minding what happens? You’re in good company. Virtually everyone in the world has times when they mind what’s happening. People in pain, people who are afraid, people who are lonely or grieving, people who can’t fall asleep, people witnessing violence or injustice . . . most of them mind what’s happening. So here are some options.
Option one is to suffer. Highly unpleasant but very popular.
Option two is to change something external. Sometimes this is possible and useful, other times it isn’t. If you mind that you’re getting bitten by mosquitos, you could put on bug spray. If, on the other hand, you mind that your government is corrupt, you may not be in a position to significantly improve it, especially if you have a busy life and don’t plant to change careers.
This is where the famous Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is useful – “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can recognize what cannot be changed by you, it may be easier to let go of the belief that they are your business. If you’re not currently engaged with it, don’t mind it. That is, don’t give your mind to it.
Option three is to change something internal. There are several sub-options here. The first is to deny that you mind what you mind. The main way we do this is through willful ignorance. We often employ willful ignorance as a coping mechanism simply because we can’t take care of all the things that concern us in the world.
For instance, I have a 60-year-old truck that I take out occasionally to get bales of hay for our alpacas, and the exhaust stinks. I know I’m putting carbon emissions into the atmosphere, and I haven’t yet found a way to fix it. So I have to put it out of my mind (i.e., willfully become ignorant of how I am contributing to climate change) in order to lessen the amount of guilt I feel about it. It’s a mediocre way of dealing with minding what happens.
Another way to deny that you mind what’s happening is through spiritual bypass. That is, you employ a spiritual ideal you haven’t actually achieved as a way of falsely transcending your issues. Welwood explained it as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
I think we can agree that denial isn’t the best answer. As a band-aid, it never truly resolves the unsettled feeling that erodes your peace and infringes on your presence.
Another way of changing something internal is to consciously, sincerely explore your relationship with what you mind. Don’t say “I don’t mind” when you do mind. Be honest with yourself. And don’t say, “I shouldn’t mind” when you do mind. Consider this alternative: I do mind, but I am determined not to argue with or depart from reality.
Here we come to what I believe Krishnamurti actually meant by “I don’t mind what happens.” I don’t believe he meant that nothing could bother him. I think he meant that, regardless of what happens, he doesn’t see reality as wrong or feel it should be different. If someone were to come at him with a knife, perhaps he would have found himself knocking the knife out of their hand. This wouldn’t mean that he “minds what happens,” only that he chose to act. Whether he acted or remained entirely passive to an attack, either one would affect the course of events, so neither constitutes “minding” more than the other.
But let’s bring this back to an application for someone who hasn’t yet realized the absolute truth of not minding what happens. First, there is a difference between minding what is currently occurring here and now versus minding something that is neither. The latter is what I mean by “departing from reality.” If it’s not currently happening, see if you can bring yourself back into the present experience.
There is also a difference between minding something but accepting it versus minding something and insisting that it shouldn’t be happening. “Shouldn’t be happening” is an exercise in futility. It’s an argument against reality. Removing your resistance from the equation (to something that cannot be changed by resisting it!) reduces your suffering; and it doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re giving up.
Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello defined enlightenment as absolute cooperation with the inevitable. This is the opposite of resistance and a necessary first step before diving deeper into your relationship with what you mind.
Diving in is acceptance in action. Generally, you must set aside time and space for this. It entails meeting the inner discord with sincerity, being willing to see, hear, feel, and understand it in its entirety. It also entails a willingness to recognize how the conflict degrades you and limits your freedom. Try to maintain an attitude of openness and innocence throughout the process. This work can unravel long-held beliefs and patterns of constraint. It can enable you to move forward with constructive action, if that’s what you choose. And it can facilitate an expansion from your relativistic thinking about the issue to a more transpersonal perspective. This may not always get you to a place where you can honestly say, “I don’t mind what’s happening,” but it will bring greater clarity and peace to your experience of it.
Be well,
Peter
1Fossella, T., 2011. Human Nature, Buddha Nature: An Interview with John Welwood. [online] Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Available at: <https://tricycle.org/magazine/human-nature-buddha-nature/> [Accessed 27 April 2022]. Welwood cautioned, “When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to rationalize what I call premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it.”
[post_title] => It's Okay to Mind What Happens
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[post_content] => What do you know about hormesis? It’s the phenomenon that (kind of) explains the expression “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Technically, hormesis refers to biological processes in which a certain amount of exposure to a stress or toxin stimulates a favorable response, even when other amounts are deadly. For instance, while a high dose of radiation is often fatal, small doses have in some cases been shown to stimulate a positive adaptation leading to lower than average rates of cancer. A hormetic response to certain adverse influences sometimes leads to an evolution.
Last week I wrote about suffering and our complicated relationship with it. Perhaps we could see it as a hormetic relationship. In low to moderate doses, suffering is purely degrading. We tolerate it but it erodes our presence, our performance, and our patience. In extreme doses it kills us. But sometimes there’s a sweet spot in between where it’s bad enough that it can’t be tolerated in the usual way, something cracks open, and a breakthrough occurs.
One of the key ingredients in a favorable response to suffering is consciousness. I could never say it as well as Eckhart Tolle, so here’s a quote (slightly abridged) from his book, A New Earth:
Humanity is destined to go beyond suffering, but not in the way the ego thinks. One of the ego’s many erroneous assumptions is “I should not have to suffer.” That thought itself lies at the root of suffering. Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning up of the ego. As long as you resist suffering, it is a slow process. When you accept suffering, however, there is an acceleration of that process which is brought about by the fact that you suffer consciously. In the midst of conscious suffering, there is already the transmutation. The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.
Suffering isn’t intrinsically useful or noble. When we suffer “unconsciously” – resisting it and turning away from it – it just becomes part of the tragic degradation of life that Buddhism speaks to when it says the nature of the world is to suffer (dukkha). Bringing consciousness, acceptance, and curiosity to it makes it something entirely different.
In her book, Loving What Is, Byron Katie shares an exchange she had with a client who is incessantly angry at big corporations that pollute the planet. On examining the client’s psychology, we see that she is conducting a campaign of violence against these corporations and their faceless leaders in her mind. Katie asks the client if this suffering is necessary in order to feel that she’s doing something about the situation. Through some digging they get down to a troublesome belief at the heart of it: If I don’t suffer, I won’t care.
This is a big one for many of us. Is it true? If we didn’t suffer would we be complacent? Is it suffering that makes us care to be productive or helpful?
This is a question that can only be answered for oneself.
I believe we have a natural, transpersonal inclination toward serving, loving, and awakening. It doesn’t need to be prompted by suffering. But as we see, it’s common for humans to stifle or undermine this inclination. And so, suffering, it turns out, may sometimes be what gets us to recognize it and prioritize it.
When you meet suffering consciously, you may find that it dissolves. You may find that it’s been perpetuated by untrue beliefs, like “I should suffer for my sins,” or “I don’t deserve to be happy.” You may find that the suffering is generated by a part of you that’s just trying to get you to feel. You may find that it’s trying to draw your attention to something, to show you there’s a better, freer way to operate. You may find that the suffering is coming from the last part of you that’s afraid to embody your power, and that with trust it disappears. You may find that the suffering is the feeling that arises from being afraid of suffering. You may find that the suffering is actually an invitation to pass through a gate to a new way of being.
The only way to know is to visit with it. There's nothing in any book, no teaching from any guru that lets you bypass the need to directly encounter what's stirring in YOU.
I always love to hear what you think of these “deep” ideas, and hope that we can make such depth part of our everyday conversations and experiences.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => The Gift Inside Our Pain
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[post_content] => Unbeknownst to most Americans, the world is full of animists. According to Professor Stephen Asma of Columbia College Chicago, “Pretty much everywhere except Western Europe, the Middle East, and North America” is dominated by animistic cultures. Animism is the belief that everything has a soul or spiritual essence; not just living things, but also mountains, fire, the sky, the sea, and sometimes even words and human-made objects.
In practice, though, it’s more than just a belief. It’s a sensibility, a way of experiencing and interacting with the world. Animists relate to their surroundings with a certain intentionality, as if constantly among old friends.
To people in the developed world, such beliefs might seem primitive and superstitious. After all, who needs a world full of spirits when we have science? Science has given us explanations and inventions that have alleviated many hardships and dispelled so much fear.
But it hasn’t made us invincible or immune to fear. We’re still afraid of death, suffering, being alone, poverty, public humiliation, paper cuts, and so on. There’s little solace in science from these bugaboos.
Its other major shortcoming is that science has sucked the spirituality out of life. By reducing everything to cells and atoms, electromagnetic waves and neurotransmitters, it puts the whole phenomenal world beneath us. This promotes a certain feeling of ownership over the world – rather than a sense of belonging to it. If we put all our eggs into the science basket, life can seem random, lacking meaning and soul.
Science and Spirit aren’t mutually exclusive. But ever since early anthropologists looked down their noses at animistic cultures – seeing them as too dumb to know the difference between living and nonliving things, and giving their leaders justification to colonize and oppress them – the developed world has favored science as the ultimate authority. As we seek to right such wrongs, perhaps it’s worth considering not just what indigenous cultures lost, but what the oppressors also lost.
To an animist, the scientist is missing out on an entire plane of reality that’s beneath the surface and accessible only through an expansion of consciousness. To a scientist, the subjective reality of the animist’s consciousness is unmeasurable, untestable, unprovable, and therefore unscientific and even unreal.
What would be possible if we stopped using science to dominate or invalidate what we don’t understand? Can we concede – scientists included – that not everything is a scientific matter? This applies foremost to consciousness itself, which is entirely beyond the grasp of science, and arguably the only thing we know for certain to be real. We also know that humans yearn for a connection that’s beyond the ability of science to explain or provide.
You don’t need to be anti-science to be open to a spiritual reality. I say this as a scientist and animist.
If you’re open to it, I have a simple assignment for you to try this week. Consider this: how might your life be different if you treated your surroundings as if you were in relationship with them? Make it a lighthearted game.
What happens when you express gratitude to your bed, sheets, and pillow upon waking? What happens when you allow yourself to be in awe of the shimmering water that flows, as if by magic, from your showerhead? How does it feel to thank it for invigorating and purifying you? Does it feel any different to bless your food before eating it and thank it for giving itself to nourish you?
What is it like to thank your home for keeping you safe and comfortable? When you step outside, what happens when you experience the earth as the ever-present stability beneath your feet, supporting you and nurturing everything that grows upon it? What do you notice when you give names to the familiar trees or rocks in your neighborhood? How does it feel different to think of the sky as a beautiful, conscious dome over you versus your usual way? What changes when you think of all the animals you encounter as non-human people, each with an equally valid reason to be here as the human people you see?
And what happens when you listen and feel as if all these aspects of the world have something to communicate back to you?
When I say, “What happens?” I’m not (necessarily) asking, “Does your pillow respond, ‘Thanks for finally saying something! It was a pleasure to cradle your head all night!’?” More importantly, I’m asking, how does it make you feel to relate to the world in this way in comparison to your usual way? And if the answer is, “good” or “better” or “playful,” then keep going with it.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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[post_content] => Last week I shared a quote from spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.” Then we looked at the differences between an absolute spiritual truth and the relative perspective of most humans. When we encounter an absolute view that we haven’t personally realized and experienced, sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it even has the opposite effect of what was intended.
If we imagine “I don’t mind what happens” to mean “nothing bothers me,” this contradicts most people’s daily experience. But it fits right in with a common perception when we’re evolved or enlightened we’ll be imperturbable. So, without having realized the absolute truth, we might apply it to our relative experience in a way that amounts to denying our humanity.
Buddhist psychologist and author, John Welwood, who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” explained that we have a tendency to use absolute truths of spirituality to dismiss “relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits.” He believed we need to recognize “two different tracks of human development— which we might call growing up and waking up, healing and awakening, or becoming a genuine human person and going beyond the person altogether.”1 Thus, it’s possible to resolve all our psychological problems without achieving a spiritual awakening, and it’s possible to wake up spiritually and still have a highly dysfunctional personality.
So, what is the place of such statements of absolute spiritual truth? In my opinion it’s still useful to expose ourselves to them. We shouldn’t confuse the destination with the path, and we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to embody them at will. But they can still serve as a messenger to the soul. When we encounter a statement like, “I don’t mind what happens,” perhaps it’s like a key that unlocks something within us. Maybe it stirs a place in us that remembers this, beneath the slumbering mind, and begins to initiate an unraveling of what has caused us to forget. Perhaps it inspires us to understand what this means, to experience it directly for ourselves. Perhaps it makes us ask, “What would my life be like if this were true for me?”
Meanwhile, what can you do when you find ourselves minding what happens? You’re in good company. Virtually everyone in the world has times when they mind what’s happening. People in pain, people who are afraid, people who are lonely or grieving, people who can’t fall asleep, people witnessing violence or injustice . . . most of them mind what’s happening. So here are some options.
Option one is to suffer. Highly unpleasant but very popular.
Option two is to change something external. Sometimes this is possible and useful, other times it isn’t. If you mind that you’re getting bitten by mosquitos, you could put on bug spray. If, on the other hand, you mind that your government is corrupt, you may not be in a position to significantly improve it, especially if you have a busy life and don’t plant to change careers.
This is where the famous Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is useful – “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can recognize what cannot be changed by you, it may be easier to let go of the belief that they are your business. If you’re not currently engaged with it, don’t mind it. That is, don’t give your mind to it.
Option three is to change something internal. There are several sub-options here. The first is to deny that you mind what you mind. The main way we do this is through willful ignorance. We often employ willful ignorance as a coping mechanism simply because we can’t take care of all the things that concern us in the world.
For instance, I have a 60-year-old truck that I take out occasionally to get bales of hay for our alpacas, and the exhaust stinks. I know I’m putting carbon emissions into the atmosphere, and I haven’t yet found a way to fix it. So I have to put it out of my mind (i.e., willfully become ignorant of how I am contributing to climate change) in order to lessen the amount of guilt I feel about it. It’s a mediocre way of dealing with minding what happens.
Another way to deny that you mind what’s happening is through spiritual bypass. That is, you employ a spiritual ideal you haven’t actually achieved as a way of falsely transcending your issues. Welwood explained it as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
I think we can agree that denial isn’t the best answer. As a band-aid, it never truly resolves the unsettled feeling that erodes your peace and infringes on your presence.
Another way of changing something internal is to consciously, sincerely explore your relationship with what you mind. Don’t say “I don’t mind” when you do mind. Be honest with yourself. And don’t say, “I shouldn’t mind” when you do mind. Consider this alternative: I do mind, but I am determined not to argue with or depart from reality.
Here we come to what I believe Krishnamurti actually meant by “I don’t mind what happens.” I don’t believe he meant that nothing could bother him. I think he meant that, regardless of what happens, he doesn’t see reality as wrong or feel it should be different. If someone were to come at him with a knife, perhaps he would have found himself knocking the knife out of their hand. This wouldn’t mean that he “minds what happens,” only that he chose to act. Whether he acted or remained entirely passive to an attack, either one would affect the course of events, so neither constitutes “minding” more than the other.
But let’s bring this back to an application for someone who hasn’t yet realized the absolute truth of not minding what happens. First, there is a difference between minding what is currently occurring here and now versus minding something that is neither. The latter is what I mean by “departing from reality.” If it’s not currently happening, see if you can bring yourself back into the present experience.
There is also a difference between minding something but accepting it versus minding something and insisting that it shouldn’t be happening. “Shouldn’t be happening” is an exercise in futility. It’s an argument against reality. Removing your resistance from the equation (to something that cannot be changed by resisting it!) reduces your suffering; and it doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re giving up.
Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello defined enlightenment as absolute cooperation with the inevitable. This is the opposite of resistance and a necessary first step before diving deeper into your relationship with what you mind.
Diving in is acceptance in action. Generally, you must set aside time and space for this. It entails meeting the inner discord with sincerity, being willing to see, hear, feel, and understand it in its entirety. It also entails a willingness to recognize how the conflict degrades you and limits your freedom. Try to maintain an attitude of openness and innocence throughout the process. This work can unravel long-held beliefs and patterns of constraint. It can enable you to move forward with constructive action, if that’s what you choose. And it can facilitate an expansion from your relativistic thinking about the issue to a more transpersonal perspective. This may not always get you to a place where you can honestly say, “I don’t mind what’s happening,” but it will bring greater clarity and peace to your experience of it.
Be well,
Peter
1Fossella, T., 2011. Human Nature, Buddha Nature: An Interview with John Welwood. [online] Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Available at: <https://tricycle.org/magazine/human-nature-buddha-nature/> [Accessed 27 April 2022]. Welwood cautioned, “When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to rationalize what I call premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it.”
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Thanks for explaining the First Chakra. It makes more sense now knowing it is our basic needs we have to work on and find a balance.
You’re welcome, Shirley! I’m glad you found it helpful.
This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much!!
I’m glad to hear it. You’re welcome, Harmony.
Well done. An important, thorough article.
Thank you. So helpful.
You’re welcome, Claudia
Thanks, Kristin!
Hello Dr. Borten,
How timely that I received your article on Muladhara Chakra today. Beginning this month, I am taking a year-long journey through the Chakras so that I may get to know them better.
Your article was a good affirmation of what I have learned thus far about the Mulahara. I believe you are right: this Chakra requires extra attention ( at least for me), so I am not rushing the process.
I truly appreciate you providing this information.
Very Truly Yours,
Cat Nix
Hi Cat,
Wow, that sounds like a fun and illuminating journey!
I wish you the best!
This article came to me at the Perfect time. I just want to say thank you!
You’re welcome, Sandra! Happy to have played a role in that synchronicity.
Thank you for this! A very thorough, thoughtful, and digestible synthesis.
You’re welcome. And thanks for the very kind words.
I want to thank you for these Chakra articles. They have been speaking to me. The concept of “Enough” and my personal financial landscape have been front and center so far this year. This article affirms some ideas I have been having, but then extends that concept immensely. I can see that this Root Chakra is important and that mine needs some TLC. I’m heartend by the suggestions here
I already have a 2018 goal to camp (and be outside in general) and I’ve been”earthing” for a few months and receive immediate benefit from it.
All of the suggestions are behaviors I can see myself trying to include in an improved lifestyle for myself.
I feel certain that I will refer to this article often. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!
Sincerely, Jordan
You’re welcome, Jordan. I’m glad it hit home for you & that you’re already on you’re way to improving health and balance in this area of yourself and your life.
Being rooted/grounded is very scary to me. It sounds very much like being stuck in one place without the ability to fly or flee. It seems to infer a lack of permission to explore and adventure. I’m working really hard on this and it’s pretty difficult. I’ve always been ready to run at a moments notice either for fun or out of necessity. How can you feel free and grounded at the same time?
Hi Paula,
I understand where you’re coming from. I used to feel this way at times, too.
In your last sentence, you ask, “How can you feel free and grounded at the same time?” – and I would ask, does it feel FREE to be unable to root down and be at peace in one place? Does it feel free when you feel you must be “ready to run at a moment’s notice”?
It sounds like you equate being grounded with being stuck, which is why it seems scary – especially because you seem to feel it’s inevitable that you will need to flee. But groundedness isn’t a trap. In fact, it’s the ANTIDOTE to that feeling you have.
You can be grounded even while traveling. You can forge a flexible experience of home. However, I actually think it would be worthwhile for you to try the “staying put” version of rooting down. There is so much nourishment and growth available to us when we stop entertaining ideas of leaving for a while – when we commit – and build community and find ways to serve those around us. And only through meeting this feeling – the fear of being stuck – rather than letting it control you – can you really understand it and overcome it.
Be well,
Peter
I really enjoyed this helpful article
Thanks, Roberta. I’m glad to hear it.
This article scared me. I feel so far behind in my development. Especially the idea that if I’m not set up in this chakra, I can’t be in the others.
I was sexually molested when I was 11 months old. I was brought up in a very judgement oriented atmosphere in a super fundamentalist milieu. I have no feeling that I am in a bunch of caring people. My 4 children have all been sexually molested.
They are beautiful people but all with pain and money problems.
To top it off, I am 82.
My life has been one long God-search. Same with my kids.
How to get anywhere???
Hi Peggy.
I would recommend this: forgive yourself. Forgive yourself over and over and over, deeper and deeper and deeper, forgive layer after layer after layer of yourself and your history that you feel went wrong. It sounds like your life was in many ways a perpetuation of generational illness and pain, and your children’s lives, too, a continuation of old wounds. Who knows how far back they originated?
The important part now is to end the cycle with DEEP FORGIVENESS and a willingness to see and feel whatever is inside you. This will begin the process of healing / releasing old trauma – that will allow for stabilization of that “first chakra” part of yourself.
Dear Peter tank you for the profoundly inspiring words. your articles are complete, transparent and make a lot of sense to me. I hope that you and your family will be blessed in return for the work and mission that you been doing. so grateful. Thank you
Thank you, Maria. I’m glad you’ve gotten some value from our work!! Be well.
I am new to studying Chakras though I have long believed in the mind/spirit/body connection. I believed that my clenching of the muscles in my lower regions, when confronted with seeing someone hurt (real or fictional), was weird, but it seems it is my first chakra responding. Thanks for the great article.