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[post_content] => Once I went to see a spiritual teacher who planned to write a mantra on my tongue using a leaf dipped in honey. But she ran out of leaves. Or honey. I can’t remember which.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. She told me the mantra and we repeated it together. She also told the same mantra to the other hundred or so people who came to see her. I’ve used that mantra off and on for the past 20 years.
Another spiritual teacher gave me a mantra, but it was just for me. He told it to me privately in a closed room, and he instructed me to never repeat it to anyone. He said that keeping it a secret was part of the power of the mantra. I wasn’t sure whether I believed that, but I have kept it a secret for several years.
You probably know what a mantra is, but I’d like to tell you about a woman who found a magic lamp in her backyard. Well, she rubbed it of course, because that’s what you do, and a genie came out.
“Tell me what to do,” he said.
“Is this one of those three wish deals?” the woman responded.
“Not at all,” said the genie. “I’m at your service forever.”
The woman had the genie clean the house, do the laundry, and cook dinner.
“What next?” asked the genie.
“Oh, neuter the cat, I guess.”
“Done!” the genie reported. “What next?”
“Umm, shear the hamster?” the woman offered.
“Done! What next?” asked the genie.
“That’s it!” exclaimed the woman, “why don’t you take a break.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” the genie said, now beginning to appear more oppressive than helpful. “Give me something to do or I’ll eat you!”
The startled woman was quick on her feet and answered, “Ok, I’ve got it. Climb up that flagpole. When you get to the top, slide down. Then climb up again, slide down again, and just keep doing that until I think of something else for you to do.” It worked, and the woman didn’t get eaten.
The genie is like the mind. The flagpole routine is the primary role of a mantra. Not only does the genie/mind demand constant attention, it gets in the way of our accessing the spiritual dimension and experiencing spaciousness in our consciousness. It tends to take up the whole frame.
A mantra gives the mind something to focus on, which, over time (meaning both over the course of each meditative session and over the course of using it day after day), greatly diminishes the degree to which the mind dominates our awareness. Often, what starts out as a mechanical recitation of a word or phrase (usually silently) becomes something more like a self-replicating wave that occupies the mind while our consciousness expands and transcends it. Of course, every time we sit to recite a mantra doesn’t produce a transcendent or mystical experience, but it’s quite common to feel peaceful and expansive.
Besides simply occupying the mind to facilitate meditation, mantras sometimes have other purposes. Some believe that mantras, through their sonic quality and/or meaning, produce a spiritual or therapeutic effect. Certain mantras are meant to be spoken aloud; others can be “spoken” mentally. Some are meant to open a particular part of the body or aspect of consciousness, to express devotion, to invoke or “install” a certain deity, or to elicit a change of fortune. Using a mantra with a meaning you understand may have the additional benefit of aligning your intention around a positive idea. On the other hand, using a mantra in a language you don’t know or one without any meaning frees you from getting analytical about it.
There are short mantras and long mantras. I recommend a shorter one for silent meditation, since it’s easier to remember. The shortest one syllable mantras are sometimes called bija or “seed” mantras, such as Om, Aim (“aeem”), Shrim (“shreem”), Hrim (“hreem”), Krim (“cream”), Hum, Hu (“hue”), Ram (“rahm”), Vam (“vahm”), Ham (“hahm”), Ong, God, and Love.
Two-syllable mantras go well with the breath, since you can say/think the first syllable on the inhale and the second on the exhale. Some common ones include Shanti (peace), So-Ham (I am that [Divine]), Ham-sa (swan, also an inversion of So-Ham), Sat Nam (I am Truth), and one of my favorites, Open.
Common longer mantras include Om Namah Shivaya, Om Mani Padme Hum (or Om Mani Peme Hung), and Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. There are thousands more. Read about these if you're interested. You may wish to find one that seems suited to your spiritual sensibilities, or one that just feels good to say. There are lots of great books and sites on mantras to explore.
As for the notion that a mantra should be kept secret, some teachers will say that a mantra loses its power if it’s shared. At best this is superstition. At worst, it’s a pretentious attempt to control students, maintain hierarchy, generate mystique, and keep people coming back to pay for increasingly “higher level” mantras. And now I’m going to tell you the “secret” mantra I received: it’s hring. Try it out if you feel like it.
Though I have some disdain for secrecy around mantras, I do believe there’s sometimes value in being selective about sharing the details of your spiritual experiences. Attempts to explain these experiences in words often fall short, and if you share with someone who isn’t receptive, doesn’t understand, or criticizes the experience, this may diminish its significance for you or cause you to doubt yourself. It’s also worth asking yourself why you’re sharing these experiences. Sometimes we do so to better understand them or to be instructive or inspiring to others. Other times it’s because the ego has co-opted our spiritual experiences and is using them to get approval. So it’s a good idea to make sure you’re sharing for the right reasons, you can withstand judgment without losing conviction in your practice, or otherwise to share only with those who can hear you in a non-critical way.
This week I recommend that you try meditating with a mantra. Choose one from above or find one you like online or from a book. Sit comfortably and repeat your chosen mantra silently, at a speed that feels comfortable to you. If your mind wanders, just bring it back to the mantra. See if, compared to simply watching the breath, this makes it easier to enter a relaxed or expansive state.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => One of the most basic ways to grow the spiritual dimension of your life is to consciously invite Spirit into whatever you’re doing. It’s like there’s a friend who’s been hanging out in the background while you eat and work and exercise, and you’re saying, “Oh, I forgot you were there. Would you like to join me?”
Doing so doesn’t require any particular spiritual or religious orientation. Even if you’re an atheist, you can probably still conceive of a Highest Self – an aspect of you that, in a way, is more You than any of the various personalities, thought patterns, or styles you’ve had throughout your life. It’s a stable, enduring, virtuous witness to everything you’ve been and done.
Our ability to sense this presence, whatever we choose to call it, waxes and wanes. Same with the degree to which we let it guide us. As these factors increase (more awareness and willingness to be guided), we experience a corresponding increase in trust, an expanded perspective, and less overwhelm. The feeling of being small and helpless in a big scary world diminishes.
If you haven’t done this much (or at all) it can feel at first like you’re hanging out with an imaginary friend. Is this real? Are they still in the room? It’s especially common if this is a dimension you’ve barely tuned in to. You’re used to giving most of your attention to relatively tangible and superficial planes of existence – media and culture, your possessions, your body, your thoughts and emotions. Over time the sense of opening to something bigger and subtler becomes more palpable. Simply remembering and intending to invite this Consciousness into more of your experiences makes a difference.
To get started, you could just try quieting your mind for a moment and saying hello. Hello, Source. Hello, Highest Self. Hello, Divine Light. Then be still and see if you notice anything. I believe we are that Source experiencing itself as a human being. There is no true separation, only the veil of the mind (which can be quite obscure). Your Highest Self wants to be perceived and known and consciously channeled.
Here are some other possible invitations:
Come on this hike with me. Help me notice what I usually miss.
Show me what I need to see for my healing and evolution.
Let me stay present and accepting through this event.
Let’s experience the act of eating delicious food together.
Let me see this through the eyes of my Highest Self / Spirit / God / Unconditional Love / Awareness.
But it’s not just the pleasant things that are worth inviting Spirit into. . .
I let you into my fear so that you may share it, illuminate it, transform it.
Come into my pain; please be with me in this suffering.
I invite you into my grief, as this, too, is part of the human experience.
Enter this crazy situation with me, Highest Self, and give me perspective.
Join me, Divine Light, in my depression, and hold me.
These painful states inevitably change when we open them to the spiritual dimension. It’s the simplest thing to do, yet sometimes the hardest to remember. This message is for me as much as it is for you.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => When I’m counseling clients with marital challenges, my orientation is to always try to save the relationship. Especially if the individuals are interested in growing, becoming more self-aware, and healing old wounds and patterns of dysfunction, there’s nothing like an intimate relationship to facilitate that process. Some of the main recurring themes of our conversations are commitment, intention, and integrity.
I don't mean to provoke blame or shame when I point out that nearly every relationship that ends in divorce begins with two sane and sober people making lifelong promises to each other in front of a room full of loving witnesses. Whether we realize it or not, I believe the essence of what most couples are vowing is, “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make this a healthy relationship.” Over time, we may forget our promise or rationalize breaking it because we’re not happy, we and our circumstances have changed, or the other person is annoying and smelly.
Of course, many people enter such a contract without giving it much thought. They feel in love and assume that feeling is enough. They don’t sincerely consider the inevitability of change, hardship, and annoyance. If only we could impress upon engaged couples how important it is to be completely present in this act of commitment. Forever means forever.
Yes, there are times when it’s best to part ways – especially when there’s abuse or when your partner has withdrawn and has no interest in maintaining the relationship – but most of the cases I see are salvageable; the primary issue is one of attitude. If both parties can recognize and honor the commitment they made, both parties want to save and improve the relationship, and both parties are willing to work at it, the relationship will likely survive and be all the stronger. Further, both people will inevitably grow through the process.
While it may require role modifications, improving communication, prioritizing intimacy, and other outward changes, an important starting point is being real with oneself about one’s commitment. Lifelong commitment implies not entertaining the idea of leaving unless all options for achieving a healthy relationship have been exhausted. But frequently we do think about exiting the relationship when it’s not to our liking, sometimes before we’ve tried much to improve the situation, and this can be a form of sabotage. Even if our partner doesn’t know we’re doing it, when we’re thinking this way – i.e., “I could end it” – we subtly withdraw, and the relationship suffers from it. We’re no longer all-in. The degradation can easily snowball.
When even one member of a relationship is all-in, the chances of success are good. Of course, it’s not healthy or sufficient if one person is consistently all-in and the other is chronically disengaged, but if there’s a loving recognition that the other party’s ability to participate waxes and wanes as they grapple with their own “stuff,” and we don’t take it personally, periods of imbalance are easier to repair. If, on the other hand, we respond to a partner’s deficit of engagement by pulling out in equal measure, we’re acting against the health of the relationship and our own best interests.
In truth, the staying together part is only the most superficial aspect of our commitment. I’m sure you’ve seen unhealthy relationships that were clearly causing both members to suffer, but they seemed to feel there was merit in sticking it out, even if they weren’t actively working to heal it. So, what did we actually commit to? Even if you never put words to it, it’s still possible to do so retroactively.
Whether you’re married, in a committed non-married relationship, or single but interested in a deep relationship, I encourage you to think and write about what kinds of qualities you’re committed to. If you’re currently in a relationship, what kind of attitude do you aim to have toward the relationship and your partner? What conditions tend to degrade your attitude? What helps to strengthen your commitment to show up fully and positively? We’ll explore this more next week.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Step One: Attitude Adjustment
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[post_content] => Once I went to see a spiritual teacher who planned to write a mantra on my tongue using a leaf dipped in honey. But she ran out of leaves. Or honey. I can’t remember which.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. She told me the mantra and we repeated it together. She also told the same mantra to the other hundred or so people who came to see her. I’ve used that mantra off and on for the past 20 years.
Another spiritual teacher gave me a mantra, but it was just for me. He told it to me privately in a closed room, and he instructed me to never repeat it to anyone. He said that keeping it a secret was part of the power of the mantra. I wasn’t sure whether I believed that, but I have kept it a secret for several years.
You probably know what a mantra is, but I’d like to tell you about a woman who found a magic lamp in her backyard. Well, she rubbed it of course, because that’s what you do, and a genie came out.
“Tell me what to do,” he said.
“Is this one of those three wish deals?” the woman responded.
“Not at all,” said the genie. “I’m at your service forever.”
The woman had the genie clean the house, do the laundry, and cook dinner.
“What next?” asked the genie.
“Oh, neuter the cat, I guess.”
“Done!” the genie reported. “What next?”
“Umm, shear the hamster?” the woman offered.
“Done! What next?” asked the genie.
“That’s it!” exclaimed the woman, “why don’t you take a break.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” the genie said, now beginning to appear more oppressive than helpful. “Give me something to do or I’ll eat you!”
The startled woman was quick on her feet and answered, “Ok, I’ve got it. Climb up that flagpole. When you get to the top, slide down. Then climb up again, slide down again, and just keep doing that until I think of something else for you to do.” It worked, and the woman didn’t get eaten.
The genie is like the mind. The flagpole routine is the primary role of a mantra. Not only does the genie/mind demand constant attention, it gets in the way of our accessing the spiritual dimension and experiencing spaciousness in our consciousness. It tends to take up the whole frame.
A mantra gives the mind something to focus on, which, over time (meaning both over the course of each meditative session and over the course of using it day after day), greatly diminishes the degree to which the mind dominates our awareness. Often, what starts out as a mechanical recitation of a word or phrase (usually silently) becomes something more like a self-replicating wave that occupies the mind while our consciousness expands and transcends it. Of course, every time we sit to recite a mantra doesn’t produce a transcendent or mystical experience, but it’s quite common to feel peaceful and expansive.
Besides simply occupying the mind to facilitate meditation, mantras sometimes have other purposes. Some believe that mantras, through their sonic quality and/or meaning, produce a spiritual or therapeutic effect. Certain mantras are meant to be spoken aloud; others can be “spoken” mentally. Some are meant to open a particular part of the body or aspect of consciousness, to express devotion, to invoke or “install” a certain deity, or to elicit a change of fortune. Using a mantra with a meaning you understand may have the additional benefit of aligning your intention around a positive idea. On the other hand, using a mantra in a language you don’t know or one without any meaning frees you from getting analytical about it.
There are short mantras and long mantras. I recommend a shorter one for silent meditation, since it’s easier to remember. The shortest one syllable mantras are sometimes called bija or “seed” mantras, such as Om, Aim (“aeem”), Shrim (“shreem”), Hrim (“hreem”), Krim (“cream”), Hum, Hu (“hue”), Ram (“rahm”), Vam (“vahm”), Ham (“hahm”), Ong, God, and Love.
Two-syllable mantras go well with the breath, since you can say/think the first syllable on the inhale and the second on the exhale. Some common ones include Shanti (peace), So-Ham (I am that [Divine]), Ham-sa (swan, also an inversion of So-Ham), Sat Nam (I am Truth), and one of my favorites, Open.
Common longer mantras include Om Namah Shivaya, Om Mani Padme Hum (or Om Mani Peme Hung), and Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. There are thousands more. Read about these if you're interested. You may wish to find one that seems suited to your spiritual sensibilities, or one that just feels good to say. There are lots of great books and sites on mantras to explore.
As for the notion that a mantra should be kept secret, some teachers will say that a mantra loses its power if it’s shared. At best this is superstition. At worst, it’s a pretentious attempt to control students, maintain hierarchy, generate mystique, and keep people coming back to pay for increasingly “higher level” mantras. And now I’m going to tell you the “secret” mantra I received: it’s hring. Try it out if you feel like it.
Though I have some disdain for secrecy around mantras, I do believe there’s sometimes value in being selective about sharing the details of your spiritual experiences. Attempts to explain these experiences in words often fall short, and if you share with someone who isn’t receptive, doesn’t understand, or criticizes the experience, this may diminish its significance for you or cause you to doubt yourself. It’s also worth asking yourself why you’re sharing these experiences. Sometimes we do so to better understand them or to be instructive or inspiring to others. Other times it’s because the ego has co-opted our spiritual experiences and is using them to get approval. So it’s a good idea to make sure you’re sharing for the right reasons, you can withstand judgment without losing conviction in your practice, or otherwise to share only with those who can hear you in a non-critical way.
This week I recommend that you try meditating with a mantra. Choose one from above or find one you like online or from a book. Sit comfortably and repeat your chosen mantra silently, at a speed that feels comfortable to you. If your mind wanders, just bring it back to the mantra. See if, compared to simply watching the breath, this makes it easier to enter a relaxed or expansive state.
Be well,
Peter
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You may also be interested in:
Thanks for explaining the First Chakra. It makes more sense now knowing it is our basic needs we have to work on and find a balance.
You’re welcome, Shirley! I’m glad you found it helpful.
This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much!!
I’m glad to hear it. You’re welcome, Harmony.
Well done. An important, thorough article.
Thank you. So helpful.
You’re welcome, Claudia
Thanks, Kristin!
Hello Dr. Borten,
How timely that I received your article on Muladhara Chakra today. Beginning this month, I am taking a year-long journey through the Chakras so that I may get to know them better.
Your article was a good affirmation of what I have learned thus far about the Mulahara. I believe you are right: this Chakra requires extra attention ( at least for me), so I am not rushing the process.
I truly appreciate you providing this information.
Very Truly Yours,
Cat Nix
Hi Cat,
Wow, that sounds like a fun and illuminating journey!
I wish you the best!
This article came to me at the Perfect time. I just want to say thank you!
You’re welcome, Sandra! Happy to have played a role in that synchronicity.
Thank you for this! A very thorough, thoughtful, and digestible synthesis.
You’re welcome. And thanks for the very kind words.
I want to thank you for these Chakra articles. They have been speaking to me. The concept of “Enough” and my personal financial landscape have been front and center so far this year. This article affirms some ideas I have been having, but then extends that concept immensely. I can see that this Root Chakra is important and that mine needs some TLC. I’m heartend by the suggestions here
I already have a 2018 goal to camp (and be outside in general) and I’ve been”earthing” for a few months and receive immediate benefit from it.
All of the suggestions are behaviors I can see myself trying to include in an improved lifestyle for myself.
I feel certain that I will refer to this article often. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!
Sincerely, Jordan
You’re welcome, Jordan. I’m glad it hit home for you & that you’re already on you’re way to improving health and balance in this area of yourself and your life.
Being rooted/grounded is very scary to me. It sounds very much like being stuck in one place without the ability to fly or flee. It seems to infer a lack of permission to explore and adventure. I’m working really hard on this and it’s pretty difficult. I’ve always been ready to run at a moments notice either for fun or out of necessity. How can you feel free and grounded at the same time?
Hi Paula,
I understand where you’re coming from. I used to feel this way at times, too.
In your last sentence, you ask, “How can you feel free and grounded at the same time?” – and I would ask, does it feel FREE to be unable to root down and be at peace in one place? Does it feel free when you feel you must be “ready to run at a moment’s notice”?
It sounds like you equate being grounded with being stuck, which is why it seems scary – especially because you seem to feel it’s inevitable that you will need to flee. But groundedness isn’t a trap. In fact, it’s the ANTIDOTE to that feeling you have.
You can be grounded even while traveling. You can forge a flexible experience of home. However, I actually think it would be worthwhile for you to try the “staying put” version of rooting down. There is so much nourishment and growth available to us when we stop entertaining ideas of leaving for a while – when we commit – and build community and find ways to serve those around us. And only through meeting this feeling – the fear of being stuck – rather than letting it control you – can you really understand it and overcome it.
Be well,
Peter
I really enjoyed this helpful article
Thanks, Roberta. I’m glad to hear it.
This article scared me. I feel so far behind in my development. Especially the idea that if I’m not set up in this chakra, I can’t be in the others.
I was sexually molested when I was 11 months old. I was brought up in a very judgement oriented atmosphere in a super fundamentalist milieu. I have no feeling that I am in a bunch of caring people. My 4 children have all been sexually molested.
They are beautiful people but all with pain and money problems.
To top it off, I am 82.
My life has been one long God-search. Same with my kids.
How to get anywhere???
Hi Peggy.
I would recommend this: forgive yourself. Forgive yourself over and over and over, deeper and deeper and deeper, forgive layer after layer after layer of yourself and your history that you feel went wrong. It sounds like your life was in many ways a perpetuation of generational illness and pain, and your children’s lives, too, a continuation of old wounds. Who knows how far back they originated?
The important part now is to end the cycle with DEEP FORGIVENESS and a willingness to see and feel whatever is inside you. This will begin the process of healing / releasing old trauma – that will allow for stabilization of that “first chakra” part of yourself.
Dear Peter tank you for the profoundly inspiring words. your articles are complete, transparent and make a lot of sense to me. I hope that you and your family will be blessed in return for the work and mission that you been doing. so grateful. Thank you
Thank you, Maria. I’m glad you’ve gotten some value from our work!! Be well.
I am new to studying Chakras though I have long believed in the mind/spirit/body connection. I believed that my clenching of the muscles in my lower regions, when confronted with seeing someone hurt (real or fictional), was weird, but it seems it is my first chakra responding. Thanks for the great article.