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Imagine you’re brought to a beautiful place where you’ll be meeting a person with whom you’ll share an incredible, lifelong love – a romantic love or a powerful friendship, or both. If such a person already exists or existed in your life, you can use them for this exercise. Whomever it is, know that they completely love and accept you.
The environment is perfect for you – airy or cozy, with a fire or open windows, vases of flowers, your favorite music, and curtains blowing in the breeze. Maybe it’s a garden, or the top of a mountain, or at the fanciest bowling alley in the world.
Try feeling into this. You’re in this lovely space, about to meet someone who makes you feel both strong and at ease. Imagine you’re facing this person and walking toward them. As you do so, consider your posture. Sit up, lift your head, open your heart, carry yourself as if fully welcoming this fun and inspiring partnership. Take a moment to ride this visualization forward. Feel it in your body, let a smile spread across your face as you imagine coming together and hugging or laughing or dancing because you find each other delightful.
Now, come back to your posture. Feel that straight spine, that open chest, that “lifting” energy?
Our posture is an expression of how we’re carrying our lifeforce and meeting the world. How might life be different if you met each situation with the same posture that you’re meeting this beloved person?
Too often, we collapse, clench, or curl in on ourselves as an unconscious reflection of feeling burdened, apprehensive, untrusting, timid, or vulnerable. Consequently, we feel tired, weak, indecisive, and unconfident.
We also use posture to show dominance and submission, and to indicate prowess. But rather than “posturing” like a puffer fish in an arrogant or animalistic way, I’m suggesting we use posture as a conscious embodiment of who we choose to be and how we choose to relate to life.
In a happy moment, our posture often automatically improves, and it also works the other way around. When you carry yourself with a combination of strength and ease, your mood improves, you relate more positively to the world, and the world responds more willingly to you.
What are your values? What are your gifts? What’s your life purpose? If you have our Dreambook, revisit these sections to remind yourself of what’s most important to you and what you have to share with the world. Who do you want to be?
How do you want to relate to life? With kindness? Openness? Trust? As if it’s an incredible game? As an opportunity to experience a splendiferous palette of flavors, sights, and experiences?
Write a bit about who you choose to be and how to choose to relate to life. Now imagine embodying these intentions and surrender to how your body wishes to reconfigure itself in order to be a cleaner, more accurate and aligned vehicle for this spirit. Throughout the day, bring yourself back to this intention and take just a moment to again reconfigure your body to express this attitude toward life.
Notice how this reconfiguration process changes over time. Sometimes it may be a gross adjustment – your head lifts, your ears come in alignment with your shoulders, your shoulders drop and draw back, your chest opens, your belly relaxes, your jaw unclenches, your breathing deepens. Other times, you may experience it as a subtle unraveling of inner constraint, or as a ripple that emanates through you, bringing all your parts into harmony.
The hardest part is simply remembering to do it.
I’d love to hear what you notice about the positive in negative ways your posture affects you. Feel free to share in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => How You Hold Yourself Can Change Everything
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Unbeknownst to most Americans, the world is full of animists. According to Professor Stephen Asma of Columbia College Chicago, “Pretty much everywhere except Western Europe, the Middle East, and North America” is dominated by animistic cultures. Animism is the belief that everything has a soul or spiritual essence; not just living things, but also mountains, fire, the sky, the sea, and sometimes even words and human-made objects.
In practice, though, it’s more than just a belief. It’s a sensibility, a way of experiencing and interacting with the world. Animists relate to their surroundings with a certain intentionality, as if constantly among old friends.
To people in the developed world, such beliefs might seem primitive and superstitious. After all, who needs a world full of spirits when we have science? Science has given us explanations and inventions that have alleviated many hardships and dispelled so much fear.
But it hasn’t made us invincible or immune to fear. We’re still afraid of death, suffering, being alone, poverty, public humiliation, paper cuts, and so on. There’s little solace in science from these bugaboos.
Its other major shortcoming is that science has sucked the spirituality out of life. By reducing everything to cells and atoms, electromagnetic waves and neurotransmitters, it puts the whole phenomenal world beneath us. This promotes a certain feeling of ownership over the world – rather than a sense of belonging to it. If we put all our eggs into the science basket, life can seem random, lacking meaning and soul.
Science and Spirit aren’t mutually exclusive. But ever since early anthropologists looked down their noses at animistic cultures – seeing them as too dumb to know the difference between living and nonliving things, and giving their leaders justification to colonize and oppress them – the developed world has favored science as the ultimate authority. As we seek to right such wrongs, perhaps it’s worth considering not just what indigenous cultures lost, but what the oppressors also lost.
To an animist, the scientist is missing out on an entire plane of reality that’s beneath the surface and accessible only through an expansion of consciousness. To a scientist, the subjective reality of the animist’s consciousness is unmeasurable, untestable, unprovable, and therefore unscientific and even unreal.
What would be possible if we stopped using science to dominate or invalidate what we don’t understand? Can we concede – scientists included – that not everything is a scientific matter? This applies foremost to consciousness itself, which is entirely beyond the grasp of science, and arguably the only thing we know for certain to be real. We also know that humans yearn for a connection that’s beyond the ability of science to explain or provide.
You don’t need to be anti-science to be open to a spiritual reality. I say this as a scientist and animist.
If you’re open to it, I have a simple assignment for you to try this week. Consider this: how might your life be different if you treated your surroundings as if you were in relationship with them? Make it a lighthearted game.
What happens when you express gratitude to your bed, sheets, and pillow upon waking? What happens when you allow yourself to be in awe of the shimmering water that flows, as if by magic, from your showerhead? How does it feel to thank it for invigorating and purifying you? Does it feel any different to bless your food before eating it and thank it for giving itself to nourish you?
What is it like to thank your home for keeping you safe and comfortable? When you step outside, what happens when you experience the earth as the ever-present stability beneath your feet, supporting you and nurturing everything that grows upon it? What do you notice when you give names to the familiar trees or rocks in your neighborhood? How does it feel different to think of the sky as a beautiful, conscious dome over you versus your usual way? What changes when you think of all the animals you encounter as non-human people, each with an equally valid reason to be here as the human people you see?
And what happens when you listen and feel as if all these aspects of the world have something to communicate back to you?
When I say, “What happens?” I’m not (necessarily) asking, “Does your pillow respond, ‘Thanks for finally saying something! It was a pleasure to cradle your head all night!’?” More importantly, I’m asking, how does it make you feel to relate to the world in this way in comparison to your usual way? And if the answer is, “good” or “better” or “playful,” then keep going with it.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => What if You Were Always Surrounded by Friends?
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Last week I wrote about the many reasons we don’t ask for help, including what I think of the “Lone Ranger complex,” where we believe there’s great merit in doing everything by ourselves. Sure, there’s a sense of accomplishment, but we still get that feeling even when we accomplish something with the help of others.
I brought this up because enrollment is currently open for our Sacred Expansion course, which is a group-oriented approach to personal growth. Even though the internal exploration is ultimately up to each of us, we can benefit from being guided through a tried-and-true framework, discussing the experience with people on the same path, and holding hands along the way.
Why is it good to do such things with other people? I’m glad you asked. Here are a few reasons.
- We see that other people have the same stuff we do. We’re not alone in our weirdness or our struggles. It’s relieving to know that there’s little that you’ve thought, felt, or gone through that someone else out there doesn’t share.
- Further, we get to see that most people aren’t alienated by our challenges. While we may tend to fear that the world would disapprove and abandon us if it knew XYZ about us (that we’re insecure, we pick our nose, we aren’t that spiritual, we’re always sucking in our belly, we yell at our kids, we use the code for bulk conventional rice when we actually have a bag of organic rice, we snort bath salts, etc.), the truth is our friends and family are unlikely to be ruffled by any of it. More relief.
- We get the opportunity to be seen in our light and reminded of our strengths. While we may be hyper-focused on our problems and faults, others can help remind us that we’re so much more.
- We get “borrowed benefits” (to use a term coined by EFT-creator Gary Craig) from witnessing and helping others work through their problems. In the process, our own knots may begin to loosen and/or we may get insights that can be applied to our life.
- We get to be of service to others. Giving is receiving. It is as much a gift to us as it is to them.
- We learn from others’ reflections of us. The accuracy of self-reflection waxes and wanes, since we’re always seeing ourselves through a certain lens. Sometimes having someone tell us, kindly and truthfully, what they see in us can illuminate our blind spots. It can be difficult to receive this feedback, but may be instrumental in our development.
- We get to experience true connection. When operating from our default habits, we often relate to each other through many layers of mental static. What may look like a conversation between two humans could actually be … me acting out a personality I’ve constructed based on what I think is most impressive and approval-worthy, relating not to the real you, but to the mental representation I’ve made of you, based on my stereotypes, stories, and past experience of you (acting through your own filtered self). Miraculously, my true Self and your true Self can find a way to connect through all this fog. It’s therapeutic to do so. And it serves to dismantle all the crap that gets in the way.
- It helps cure us of one of the most damaging and widely held beliefs in the world: we’re all separate. The denial of our connectedness, especially combined with the belief that there isn’t enough, is a recipe for suffering. It makes us feel alone, vulnerable, judged, and in competition – rather than collaboration – with the rest of our species. But the more we let others into our life, the less we’re controlled by this belief. This is especially true when we share with others about the very issues that make us feel alone, vulnerable, judged, and in competition.
So, I heartily encourage you to find ways to grow in the company of likeminded others! Sacred Expansion is a good place to start. We created it as a preliminary course for our life coaches-in-training, but it soon became clear that it’s such an important and valuable program that we decided to make it available on its own. It’s about getting to know yourself and your place in the natural world, clearing patterns that hold you back, and reconnecting with your peaceful, trustworthy, essential Self.
Love,
Peter
[post_title] => Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends
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Imagine you’re brought to a beautiful place where you’ll be meeting a person with whom you’ll share an incredible, lifelong love – a romantic love or a powerful friendship, or both. If such a person already exists or existed in your life, you can use them for this exercise. Whomever it is, know that they completely love and accept you.
The environment is perfect for you – airy or cozy, with a fire or open windows, vases of flowers, your favorite music, and curtains blowing in the breeze. Maybe it’s a garden, or the top of a mountain, or at the fanciest bowling alley in the world.
Try feeling into this. You’re in this lovely space, about to meet someone who makes you feel both strong and at ease. Imagine you’re facing this person and walking toward them. As you do so, consider your posture. Sit up, lift your head, open your heart, carry yourself as if fully welcoming this fun and inspiring partnership. Take a moment to ride this visualization forward. Feel it in your body, let a smile spread across your face as you imagine coming together and hugging or laughing or dancing because you find each other delightful.
Now, come back to your posture. Feel that straight spine, that open chest, that “lifting” energy?
Our posture is an expression of how we’re carrying our lifeforce and meeting the world. How might life be different if you met each situation with the same posture that you’re meeting this beloved person?
Too often, we collapse, clench, or curl in on ourselves as an unconscious reflection of feeling burdened, apprehensive, untrusting, timid, or vulnerable. Consequently, we feel tired, weak, indecisive, and unconfident.
We also use posture to show dominance and submission, and to indicate prowess. But rather than “posturing” like a puffer fish in an arrogant or animalistic way, I’m suggesting we use posture as a conscious embodiment of who we choose to be and how we choose to relate to life.
In a happy moment, our posture often automatically improves, and it also works the other way around. When you carry yourself with a combination of strength and ease, your mood improves, you relate more positively to the world, and the world responds more willingly to you.
What are your values? What are your gifts? What’s your life purpose? If you have our Dreambook, revisit these sections to remind yourself of what’s most important to you and what you have to share with the world. Who do you want to be?
How do you want to relate to life? With kindness? Openness? Trust? As if it’s an incredible game? As an opportunity to experience a splendiferous palette of flavors, sights, and experiences?
Write a bit about who you choose to be and how to choose to relate to life. Now imagine embodying these intentions and surrender to how your body wishes to reconfigure itself in order to be a cleaner, more accurate and aligned vehicle for this spirit. Throughout the day, bring yourself back to this intention and take just a moment to again reconfigure your body to express this attitude toward life.
Notice how this reconfiguration process changes over time. Sometimes it may be a gross adjustment – your head lifts, your ears come in alignment with your shoulders, your shoulders drop and draw back, your chest opens, your belly relaxes, your jaw unclenches, your breathing deepens. Other times, you may experience it as a subtle unraveling of inner constraint, or as a ripple that emanates through you, bringing all your parts into harmony.
The hardest part is simply remembering to do it.
I’d love to hear what you notice about the positive in negative ways your posture affects you. Feel free to share in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
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thank you this is awesome!
Beautifully said!!
Thank you!!
Beautiful…I truly believe I wouldnt be where I am today without my challenges.
I am currently going through an extremely difficult time with recent diagnosis of my Mother’s stage 4 cancer. This will not resolve itself until she goes through it and will eventually end in her passing. I am working to stay present through this and I know there will be times when this will be my greatest life challenge. Yet somewhere in me I also know it will be my greatest life lesson, and although she doesn’t realize it, her greatest gift to me. I don’t even think I know how difficult this will actually be. I can only hold space for her, my family and myself. I do have a certain curiosity as to how this will all unfold. Right now I am keeping faith and trust that even this is for the highest good. Now to see if I can maintain that.
Karen, May blessings of the world hold & carry you and yours immediately and through this most difficult time. There is honor in your presence…thank you for such.
Karen, I feel for you as, I myself had a Mother that had a Diagnosis with Stage 4 Ovarian & Bladder Cancer. The sad thing is I lost her on November 19, 2017. She was a Rock for me, one of my bestest friends and I could count on her to always be there for me and my family( she was a gift for me). So, I had a hard time, but with signs from a higher power and faith… I have healed! See, My daughter, her granddaughter was pregnant with my Grandson. He was due to be born when she passed. But, because I know in my heart and she told me, she wouldn’t be to first to hold him, that he wasn’t born until Dec 19th one month. She held in Heaven, and kissed him! As, when he was born placed on his for head was a beautiful birthmark. He is now one of my most precious gifts and I will always have a reminder that she loved us very much and is watching over us because of he kiss.
Karen, your love and care formyour mother is wonderful. I am a cancer survivor, and have always felt the process was far more difficult for my daughters than for me. Let the specialists take care of her body while you take care and enjoy her spirit. Blessings to you.
I discovered when being open and sharing a certain struggle with others and thus admitting my vulnerability, they felt free to share their vulnerability. For some, they shared something that they had not shared with anyone else. We are in this together!
I love you MORE each time you teach, Briana!
I know my heart and I drink, with gratitude, every opportunity I am able from Dragontree.
This a.m., I see with more clarity! Women are key “vessels” to feeding and watering the next generation’s, roots. My heart is vested in the next generation. Having ample “watering from a mother’s vessel” allows the world’s children exponential ability to create a “more peaceful world”. I newly see the more vessels I can teach to “hold water”, the more feeding of those, next, generation roots can be done. This “came” to my mind watching you just now; I learned deeply, with profound emotion and am grateful.
I will stop skirting my soul lessons! No wonder the “silver lining” process you discussed was not working and actually causing “stagnation” for me! I am going to dig in and explore the beautiful (ok…awful, under appreciated) MUD!!
Might I share a personal “mud” analogy?
Last week, I purchased a very wicked looking shovel with five, yes, FIVE very sharp points. Though time was short and I was to be headed to a workshop I immediately drove home. Upon arrival I was really “wanting” to feel if this tool was going to work the way I hoped; so I immediately left my car, new purchase in hand, and dug roughly five holes. Becoming enthused about the shovel’s abilities proved to be my wisest choice. I couldn’t wait to get back to using this tool.
The next opportunity to explore the shovel capabilities was a day later, in the drizzling rain. Yes, residing in Beaverton, Oregon…one doesn’t wait for sunshine in April. I “joyfully dug” (normally an oxymoron) in one of my gardens for over two hours. The shovel penetrated deeply, with ease, pulling fourteen inch roots from the ground. I was learning that a very difficult task (digging) could become a true joy…clearly seeing and experiencing the mud. The blue color of garden shoes was covered with INCHES of mud. My pants and raincoat smeared brown.
The area I worked was now ready to nurture a garden; I saw wormy, healthy, mud. My huge, 60 gallon, yard debris garbage can over half-filled with ROOTED young, prickly, thistle. I’d set aside a huge pile of dandelion-&-roots to enjoy exploring via making cookies and teas.
As a result, when you taught “mud” my soul was prepared to hear and WANTING to go to work IN and not skirt around that difficult, challenging patch of land which I had fought so hard to “skirt” believing, too many years, that I did not have the ABILITY to conquer.
I had paid others to weed and feed this garden area for many years, clearing the land and always adding good soil. Working the mud myself I see they didn’t have a vested interest in digging the roots. The ground appeared clear yet the voracious weed roots grew more tenacious.
I understood, from DT teachings, “stagnation/disease ” but I didn’t understand the requirement to face “digging in the mud”.
Always been most grateful for the ability to use my rose-colored-glasses that seem to self-paint, stagnant, silver linings…
Yet the sharply needled, painful, thistle were underground gaining size and deeply rooted strength, expanding and sucking all the water from the soil, resulting in ever worsening environment.
Your glowing spirit beautifully emanated the light today that I needed to understand. So grateful to you, Peter and the ACTION you take to implement Dragontree’s world vision.
Some of my mud may be turned to clay…hard as concrete not being disturbed for decades. I want to learn the lessons not merely suffer the “silver skirted” falsely beautiful walk around a garden appearing to be planted with the best organic vegetables but rooted with thistles.
The answer is entering and working IN-the-mud!! Bless you, Beautiful Woman and MOTHER (gentle, loving, teacher to the world).
Thank you for your comment! I have been in a very dark time for several months now since the betrayal and following breakup of what I thought was a lifelong relationship. I find myself now alone at age 65 with no job or home. Always before in my life I too worked superficially in my garden. But during these months, with much help from great teachers such as Brianna, I have been digging out the thistle and uncovering all the hidden obstacles of my past. I am now seeing this change in my life as a beautiful opportunity and am looking forward to the beautiful garden the remainder of my life will become.
There are times to reflect about the dark and tough times. Most important to remember is there is something there to learn. Only you know that on what it is to learn and absolutely one needs to be honest with themselves when doing this. Doing this can be very profound in one’s life and make it possible to become closer to you and who you are or who you strive to be.
This was a good video. “Being in the challenge” and that it is okay is not something I believe we are allowed to do all the time. We’re taught and/or encouraged to “suck it up,” “deal,” and “get over it.” I think that plays into what you mentioned about ways people cope – food, alcohol, and work.