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In working with the community that has developed around our Dreambook, Briana and I have encountered people looking for many different forms of life-optimization. While there’s plenty of guidance we can offer someone to help them figure out and actualize what makes them happy, we meet quite a lot of people who essentially already have it. They really are living the dream. The main issue is that they just don’t see it.
They often suffer from what my friend Andy Dooley calls “lousy and lazy thinking.” Today I want to talk about the antidote. Whether you’ve already got a great thing going or there’s clearly a gap between where you are now and where you want to be, either way, you’ll benefit from being deliberate with how you use your attention.
Attention is like fertilizer. When you put your attention on something it grows.
This is why panicky thoughts tend to balloon and pain tends to increase when we focus on it. Unfortunately, bad experiences also tend to cut deeper grooves in our inner terrain, causing stronger memories and a tendency to be retriggered. We can easily get into a negative feedback loop as the thought “something’s wrong” demands our attention and then gets fed by it.
Our nervous system is just trying to be helpful; we’re wired this way to ensure our survival. Thus, it’s by design that things that signal danger are able to usurp our attention. But even while the risk of physical danger is lower than ever for most modern humans, we’ve trained ourselves to react similarly to a very broad range of other conditions, like money scarcity and situations that could lead to disapproval by our peers (because we subconsciously associate both money and our tribe’s approval with our survival).
But as humans with highly evolved brains capable of reasoning, we don’t need to be run by our animalistic side. We can change our default programs. One of the best antidotes is get a hold of that mind and put your attention on something else. Your two best options are (1) whatever you are currently engaged with (A.K.A. mindfulness) (2) anything that is good, fascinating, funny, joyous, celebratory, beautiful, loving, trustworthy, kind, generous, or peaceful.
By putting your attention on what is good and what is here and now, you fertilize those parts of life and override your overactive survival mechanisms. Not only does this help heal you of the tendency to focus on the bad (or possibly-maybe-could-be-bad), if you do it enough it actually starts to change your life.
If you’re using the Dreambook, an easy thing to put your attention on is all the goals you achieve. Too often we complete something, barely register it, and move on to the next thing. Just pausing, acknowledging, and celebrating this achievement amplifies the feelings of satisfaction, self-trust, and gratitude.
Revel in those feelings. The satisfaction of completion – like finishing a puzzle or making it to the finish line – is a combination of relief and delight. The feeling of self-trust is like an inner stability and fortitude. You said you were going to do this and you do it. You can rely on yourself. You will always be there for you. Finally, gratitude makes you feel expansive and connected. Consider all the internal powers (your body, your ingenuity, your creativity, your persistence, etc.), external powers (the people and resources that helped you get it done), and spiritual powers (the vision, strength, and gifts of your Highest Self) that made this possible. It’s like saying to your system, “I’m pressing the save button. I’m configuring myself for trust, fulfillment, serendipities, and optimism.”
While it’s especially important to do this with your big quarterly and one-year or longer-term goals, it’s perfectly wonderful to do it with your monthly, weekly, and daily goals too. In fact, the more you celebrate the more you start to notice reasons to celebrate.
Be so well,
Peter
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As we approach spring, it’s a good time to discuss seasonal junctions. Both Ayurvedic and Chinese systems of medicine see the changes of seasons as times when we are more susceptible to being thrown out of balance as our body is challenged to adapt to the shift. Ayurveda has a saying that “diseases are generated at the junctions of the seasons.”
Other junctions are also challenging, with the challenge generally proportional to the magnitude of change. Ayurvedic teacher Robert Svoboda writes, “Ovulation and menstruation are the ‘joints’ of the menstrual cycle, dawn and dusk are the joints of day and night, and adolescence and menopause are the junctions of life.” If you have kids, you know that the “joints” of the day are the times you’re likely to have trouble, and if you’re clever, you find ways to make these transitions easy, such as the ever-popular “five more minutes until we’re leaving.”
Depending on where you live and your personal constitution, different seasons and junctions will be challenging for different people. For example, because spring tends to be wet, moving into this season means taking on more of what Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) calls dampness, or in Ayurveda an increase in kapha (“kaap-ha”). This will be most difficult for those who already have constitutional kapha or an accumulation of dampness in their system. Some of the signs and symptoms include: being overweight, having loose, sticky, or incomplete stools, a wide or coated tongue, feeling heavy and tired, finding it hard to wake up in the morning, and a tendency to be phlegmy.
Ayurveda might prescribe some therapeutic vomiting for such a condition, but these days, especially in the West, we prefer more pleasant medicine, ideally in gummy form, and we engage in therapeutic vomiting only after an excess of margaritas. Luckily, there are gentler ways to restore balance, and when it comes to management of the seasonal junctions, the most natural is to be aware of vulnerability during seasonal transitions and treat yourself with extra care. For someone with a delicate constitution or pre-existing health problems, this may be prudent at every season change. For others, only certain season changes may be troublesome. In any case, it’s a good idea to get extra sleep and to eat with greater care during the transition month.
If you have a personal challenge with the transition to spring, here are some more specific recommendations for this time.
- Eat more warm, cooked foods. Soups and stews are great. An ideal one is kitchari, made from rice and mung beans (there are lots of recipes online). If you have some of the kapha / damp challenges described above, you can add plenty of warming spices, including ginger, turmeric, cumin, coriander, turmeric, cinnamon, fenugreek, caraway, nutmeg, and black pepper. As the world gets warmer, start incorporating more fresh local produce.
- Avoid heavy, cold, and sweetened foods. These all tend to be cloying. Also, stop eating before you’re full, and let yourself get hungry between meals (don’t snack).
- Do some movement every day. Kapha / dampness tends to congeal in us when we’re immobile, sometimes making us feel achy, heavy, phlegmy, or groggy in the morning, after we’ve been horizontal for several hours. Daily movement, ideally with enough vigor to break a sweat, will help.
- Try a dry sauna. If you have access to a dry sauna, it can help counteract the effects of a damp environment. It doesn’t need to be too hot. You shouldn’t be pouring sweat. More sustainable is to have longer sessions in which your skin is just glistening.
- If you tend to get spring allergies, this is the time to prepare by babying your digestive system (eat slowly, deliberately, and only easily-digested foods) and taking some things to stabilize your immune system. Some of my favorites are quercetin (500mg twice a day), nettles (pick and steam your own if you can), local bee pollen, and homeopathic preparations of the things you’re allergic to. As for this last item, it’s akin to the old-school method of desensitization. There are companies that make super-dilute tinctures common allergens, such as tree pollen, grass pollen, animal hair, mold, dust, etc. I’ve had good experiences with ones made by a company called BioAllers.
For everyone – including those who have no particular challenge with the transition to spring – it’s worthwhile to pay attention to what’s happening in nature. Be fascinated by the return of new life. Notice the boisterous energy in the flowers and birds. Admire the vigor in the shoots that push their way through the crusted soil. The rising energy and lengthening days make it the ideal time for: planning, visualizing, cleansing, and shedding.
Wishing you a harmonious junction and beyond,
Peter
[post_title] => How to Optimize the Transition to Spring
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Last week I shared a quote from spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.” Then we looked at the differences between an absolute spiritual truth and the relative perspective of most humans. When we encounter an absolute view that we haven’t personally realized and experienced, sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it even has the opposite effect of what was intended.
If we imagine “I don’t mind what happens” to mean “nothing bothers me,” this contradicts most people’s daily experience. But it fits right in with a common perception when we’re evolved or enlightened we’ll be imperturbable. So, without having realized the absolute truth, we might apply it to our relative experience in a way that amounts to denying our humanity.
Buddhist psychologist and author, John Welwood, who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” explained that we have a tendency to use absolute truths of spirituality to dismiss “relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits.” He believed we need to recognize “two different tracks of human development— which we might call growing up and waking up, healing and awakening, or becoming a genuine human person and going beyond the person altogether.”1 Thus, it’s possible to resolve all our psychological problems without achieving a spiritual awakening, and it’s possible to wake up spiritually and still have a highly dysfunctional personality.
So, what is the place of such statements of absolute spiritual truth? In my opinion it’s still useful to expose ourselves to them. We shouldn’t confuse the destination with the path, and we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to embody them at will. But they can still serve as a messenger to the soul. When we encounter a statement like, “I don’t mind what happens,” perhaps it’s like a key that unlocks something within us. Maybe it stirs a place in us that remembers this, beneath the slumbering mind, and begins to initiate an unraveling of what has caused us to forget. Perhaps it inspires us to understand what this means, to experience it directly for ourselves. Perhaps it makes us ask, “What would my life be like if this were true for me?”
Meanwhile, what can you do when you find ourselves minding what happens? You’re in good company. Virtually everyone in the world has times when they mind what’s happening. People in pain, people who are afraid, people who are lonely or grieving, people who can’t fall asleep, people witnessing violence or injustice . . . most of them mind what’s happening. So here are some options.
Option one is to suffer. Highly unpleasant but very popular.
Option two is to change something external. Sometimes this is possible and useful, other times it isn’t. If you mind that you’re getting bitten by mosquitos, you could put on bug spray. If, on the other hand, you mind that your government is corrupt, you may not be in a position to significantly improve it, especially if you have a busy life and don’t plant to change careers.
This is where the famous Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is useful – “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can recognize what cannot be changed by you, it may be easier to let go of the belief that they are your business. If you’re not currently engaged with it, don’t mind it. That is, don’t give your mind to it.
Option three is to change something internal. There are several sub-options here. The first is to deny that you mind what you mind. The main way we do this is through willful ignorance. We often employ willful ignorance as a coping mechanism simply because we can’t take care of all the things that concern us in the world.
For instance, I have a 60-year-old truck that I take out occasionally to get bales of hay for our alpacas, and the exhaust stinks. I know I’m putting carbon emissions into the atmosphere, and I haven’t yet found a way to fix it. So I have to put it out of my mind (i.e., willfully become ignorant of how I am contributing to climate change) in order to lessen the amount of guilt I feel about it. It’s a mediocre way of dealing with minding what happens.
Another way to deny that you mind what’s happening is through spiritual bypass. That is, you employ a spiritual ideal you haven’t actually achieved as a way of falsely transcending your issues. Welwood explained it as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
I think we can agree that denial isn’t the best answer. As a band-aid, it never truly resolves the unsettled feeling that erodes your peace and infringes on your presence.
Another way of changing something internal is to consciously, sincerely explore your relationship with what you mind. Don’t say “I don’t mind” when you do mind. Be honest with yourself. And don’t say, “I shouldn’t mind” when you do mind. Consider this alternative: I do mind, but I am determined not to argue with or depart from reality.
Here we come to what I believe Krishnamurti actually meant by “I don’t mind what happens.” I don’t believe he meant that nothing could bother him. I think he meant that, regardless of what happens, he doesn’t see reality as wrong or feel it should be different. If someone were to come at him with a knife, perhaps he would have found himself knocking the knife out of their hand. This wouldn’t mean that he “minds what happens,” only that he chose to act. Whether he acted or remained entirely passive to an attack, either one would affect the course of events, so neither constitutes “minding” more than the other.
But let’s bring this back to an application for someone who hasn’t yet realized the absolute truth of not minding what happens. First, there is a difference between minding what is currently occurring here and now versus minding something that is neither. The latter is what I mean by “departing from reality.” If it’s not currently happening, see if you can bring yourself back into the present experience.
There is also a difference between minding something but accepting it versus minding something and insisting that it shouldn’t be happening. “Shouldn’t be happening” is an exercise in futility. It’s an argument against reality. Removing your resistance from the equation (to something that cannot be changed by resisting it!) reduces your suffering; and it doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re giving up.
Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello defined enlightenment as absolute cooperation with the inevitable. This is the opposite of resistance and a necessary first step before diving deeper into your relationship with what you mind.
Diving in is acceptance in action. Generally, you must set aside time and space for this. It entails meeting the inner discord with sincerity, being willing to see, hear, feel, and understand it in its entirety. It also entails a willingness to recognize how the conflict degrades you and limits your freedom. Try to maintain an attitude of openness and innocence throughout the process. This work can unravel long-held beliefs and patterns of constraint. It can enable you to move forward with constructive action, if that’s what you choose. And it can facilitate an expansion from your relativistic thinking about the issue to a more transpersonal perspective. This may not always get you to a place where you can honestly say, “I don’t mind what’s happening,” but it will bring greater clarity and peace to your experience of it.
Be well,
Peter
1Fossella, T., 2011. Human Nature, Buddha Nature: An Interview with John Welwood. [online] Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Available at: <https://tricycle.org/magazine/human-nature-buddha-nature/> [Accessed 27 April 2022]. Welwood cautioned, “When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to rationalize what I call premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it.”
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In working with the community that has developed around our Dreambook, Briana and I have encountered people looking for many different forms of life-optimization. While there’s plenty of guidance we can offer someone to help them figure out and actualize what makes them happy, we meet quite a lot of people who essentially already have it. They really are living the dream. The main issue is that they just don’t see it.
They often suffer from what my friend Andy Dooley calls “lousy and lazy thinking.” Today I want to talk about the antidote. Whether you’ve already got a great thing going or there’s clearly a gap between where you are now and where you want to be, either way, you’ll benefit from being deliberate with how you use your attention.
Attention is like fertilizer. When you put your attention on something it grows.
This is why panicky thoughts tend to balloon and pain tends to increase when we focus on it. Unfortunately, bad experiences also tend to cut deeper grooves in our inner terrain, causing stronger memories and a tendency to be retriggered. We can easily get into a negative feedback loop as the thought “something’s wrong” demands our attention and then gets fed by it.
Our nervous system is just trying to be helpful; we’re wired this way to ensure our survival. Thus, it’s by design that things that signal danger are able to usurp our attention. But even while the risk of physical danger is lower than ever for most modern humans, we’ve trained ourselves to react similarly to a very broad range of other conditions, like money scarcity and situations that could lead to disapproval by our peers (because we subconsciously associate both money and our tribe’s approval with our survival).
But as humans with highly evolved brains capable of reasoning, we don’t need to be run by our animalistic side. We can change our default programs. One of the best antidotes is get a hold of that mind and put your attention on something else. Your two best options are (1) whatever you are currently engaged with (A.K.A. mindfulness) (2) anything that is good, fascinating, funny, joyous, celebratory, beautiful, loving, trustworthy, kind, generous, or peaceful.
By putting your attention on what is good and what is here and now, you fertilize those parts of life and override your overactive survival mechanisms. Not only does this help heal you of the tendency to focus on the bad (or possibly-maybe-could-be-bad), if you do it enough it actually starts to change your life.
If you’re using the Dreambook, an easy thing to put your attention on is all the goals you achieve. Too often we complete something, barely register it, and move on to the next thing. Just pausing, acknowledging, and celebrating this achievement amplifies the feelings of satisfaction, self-trust, and gratitude.
Revel in those feelings. The satisfaction of completion – like finishing a puzzle or making it to the finish line – is a combination of relief and delight. The feeling of self-trust is like an inner stability and fortitude. You said you were going to do this and you do it. You can rely on yourself. You will always be there for you. Finally, gratitude makes you feel expansive and connected. Consider all the internal powers (your body, your ingenuity, your creativity, your persistence, etc.), external powers (the people and resources that helped you get it done), and spiritual powers (the vision, strength, and gifts of your Highest Self) that made this possible. It’s like saying to your system, “I’m pressing the save button. I’m configuring myself for trust, fulfillment, serendipities, and optimism.”
While it’s especially important to do this with your big quarterly and one-year or longer-term goals, it’s perfectly wonderful to do it with your monthly, weekly, and daily goals too. In fact, the more you celebrate the more you start to notice reasons to celebrate.
Be so well,
Peter
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thank you this is awesome!
Beautifully said!!
Thank you!!
Beautiful…I truly believe I wouldnt be where I am today without my challenges.
I am currently going through an extremely difficult time with recent diagnosis of my Mother’s stage 4 cancer. This will not resolve itself until she goes through it and will eventually end in her passing. I am working to stay present through this and I know there will be times when this will be my greatest life challenge. Yet somewhere in me I also know it will be my greatest life lesson, and although she doesn’t realize it, her greatest gift to me. I don’t even think I know how difficult this will actually be. I can only hold space for her, my family and myself. I do have a certain curiosity as to how this will all unfold. Right now I am keeping faith and trust that even this is for the highest good. Now to see if I can maintain that.
Karen, May blessings of the world hold & carry you and yours immediately and through this most difficult time. There is honor in your presence…thank you for such.
Karen, I feel for you as, I myself had a Mother that had a Diagnosis with Stage 4 Ovarian & Bladder Cancer. The sad thing is I lost her on November 19, 2017. She was a Rock for me, one of my bestest friends and I could count on her to always be there for me and my family( she was a gift for me). So, I had a hard time, but with signs from a higher power and faith… I have healed! See, My daughter, her granddaughter was pregnant with my Grandson. He was due to be born when she passed. But, because I know in my heart and she told me, she wouldn’t be to first to hold him, that he wasn’t born until Dec 19th one month. She held in Heaven, and kissed him! As, when he was born placed on his for head was a beautiful birthmark. He is now one of my most precious gifts and I will always have a reminder that she loved us very much and is watching over us because of he kiss.
Karen, your love and care formyour mother is wonderful. I am a cancer survivor, and have always felt the process was far more difficult for my daughters than for me. Let the specialists take care of her body while you take care and enjoy her spirit. Blessings to you.
I discovered when being open and sharing a certain struggle with others and thus admitting my vulnerability, they felt free to share their vulnerability. For some, they shared something that they had not shared with anyone else. We are in this together!
I love you MORE each time you teach, Briana!
I know my heart and I drink, with gratitude, every opportunity I am able from Dragontree.
This a.m., I see with more clarity! Women are key “vessels” to feeding and watering the next generation’s, roots. My heart is vested in the next generation. Having ample “watering from a mother’s vessel” allows the world’s children exponential ability to create a “more peaceful world”. I newly see the more vessels I can teach to “hold water”, the more feeding of those, next, generation roots can be done. This “came” to my mind watching you just now; I learned deeply, with profound emotion and am grateful.
I will stop skirting my soul lessons! No wonder the “silver lining” process you discussed was not working and actually causing “stagnation” for me! I am going to dig in and explore the beautiful (ok…awful, under appreciated) MUD!!
Might I share a personal “mud” analogy?
Last week, I purchased a very wicked looking shovel with five, yes, FIVE very sharp points. Though time was short and I was to be headed to a workshop I immediately drove home. Upon arrival I was really “wanting” to feel if this tool was going to work the way I hoped; so I immediately left my car, new purchase in hand, and dug roughly five holes. Becoming enthused about the shovel’s abilities proved to be my wisest choice. I couldn’t wait to get back to using this tool.
The next opportunity to explore the shovel capabilities was a day later, in the drizzling rain. Yes, residing in Beaverton, Oregon…one doesn’t wait for sunshine in April. I “joyfully dug” (normally an oxymoron) in one of my gardens for over two hours. The shovel penetrated deeply, with ease, pulling fourteen inch roots from the ground. I was learning that a very difficult task (digging) could become a true joy…clearly seeing and experiencing the mud. The blue color of garden shoes was covered with INCHES of mud. My pants and raincoat smeared brown.
The area I worked was now ready to nurture a garden; I saw wormy, healthy, mud. My huge, 60 gallon, yard debris garbage can over half-filled with ROOTED young, prickly, thistle. I’d set aside a huge pile of dandelion-&-roots to enjoy exploring via making cookies and teas.
As a result, when you taught “mud” my soul was prepared to hear and WANTING to go to work IN and not skirt around that difficult, challenging patch of land which I had fought so hard to “skirt” believing, too many years, that I did not have the ABILITY to conquer.
I had paid others to weed and feed this garden area for many years, clearing the land and always adding good soil. Working the mud myself I see they didn’t have a vested interest in digging the roots. The ground appeared clear yet the voracious weed roots grew more tenacious.
I understood, from DT teachings, “stagnation/disease ” but I didn’t understand the requirement to face “digging in the mud”.
Always been most grateful for the ability to use my rose-colored-glasses that seem to self-paint, stagnant, silver linings…
Yet the sharply needled, painful, thistle were underground gaining size and deeply rooted strength, expanding and sucking all the water from the soil, resulting in ever worsening environment.
Your glowing spirit beautifully emanated the light today that I needed to understand. So grateful to you, Peter and the ACTION you take to implement Dragontree’s world vision.
Some of my mud may be turned to clay…hard as concrete not being disturbed for decades. I want to learn the lessons not merely suffer the “silver skirted” falsely beautiful walk around a garden appearing to be planted with the best organic vegetables but rooted with thistles.
The answer is entering and working IN-the-mud!! Bless you, Beautiful Woman and MOTHER (gentle, loving, teacher to the world).
Thank you for your comment! I have been in a very dark time for several months now since the betrayal and following breakup of what I thought was a lifelong relationship. I find myself now alone at age 65 with no job or home. Always before in my life I too worked superficially in my garden. But during these months, with much help from great teachers such as Brianna, I have been digging out the thistle and uncovering all the hidden obstacles of my past. I am now seeing this change in my life as a beautiful opportunity and am looking forward to the beautiful garden the remainder of my life will become.
There are times to reflect about the dark and tough times. Most important to remember is there is something there to learn. Only you know that on what it is to learn and absolutely one needs to be honest with themselves when doing this. Doing this can be very profound in one’s life and make it possible to become closer to you and who you are or who you strive to be.
This was a good video. “Being in the challenge” and that it is okay is not something I believe we are allowed to do all the time. We’re taught and/or encouraged to “suck it up,” “deal,” and “get over it.” I think that plays into what you mentioned about ways people cope – food, alcohol, and work.