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[post_content] => After two years of studying plant and soil sciences, my favorite professor, Dr. Barker, offered me a job on the University of Massachusetts farm. Whereas my previous jobs had been things like bagging groceries and washing dishes, this was the first time I was getting paid to do something I was interested in, and under the supervision of someone I looked up to.
I was nervous when I showed up at Bowditch Hall on my first day. Dr. Barker, a white-haired man with a country drawl, introduced me to his assistant, Kathy. Then he handed me the keys to a faded old, blue truck and asked me, “Ever driven a three-on-the-tree?” I had never driven any kind of truck before, much less one with the gearshift on the steering column, but I learned quickly as I drove the three of us – with lots of jerking and stalling – out to the farm.
Standing at the edge of a freshly plowed field, Dr. Barker explained that we were going to use stakes and twine to mark out rows for planting seeds. Kathy and I got to work while he watched. The only trouble was, while I had stakes, a mallet, and a ball of twine, I didn’t have anything to cut the twine with. I thought maybe I had spaced out when someone explained where to find a knife or scissors. Or maybe the professor had told me to bring my own knife and I had forgotten. I was too uncomfortable to say anything.
Wondering if there was some way I could proceed with my task without a cutting tool, I pounded the first stake into the ground. I tied one end of the twine around it, walked the length of the field, pounded in another stake, wrapped the twine around that stake, pulled it taut, and then I just squatted there for a few moments. I considered trying to gnaw through it with my teeth, but dismissed the idea as totally unprofessional. Finally, at the risk of appearing unprepared, I called out to Kathy, who was a dozen paces away, “Do you have a knife?”
“Huh?” she turned around and squinted at me in the bright sun. “Oh.” She ambled over, fished around in her pocket, and passed me a pink disposable lighter.
I interpreted this unexpected response to mean, “I don’t have a knife, but I can see what you need there. You’re going to have to burn through the twine with this. At the ends of every row.” She gave me the lighter in such a matter-of-fact way that I thought it would be too weird to ask for a different explanation.
So, feeling like I didn’t have enough hands, I held the twine straight out from the stake, positioned the flame beneath it, and tried to shield it from the wind with my leg. It blew out a couple times, but I eventually managed to burn through it. Meanwhile Dr. Barker had wandered over to observe me and remarked, “That is the strangest way of doing that I have ever seen.”
“Um. I didn’t have a knife,” I said sheepishly.
“Well, I’ve got a knife you can use.”
“Me too,” offered Kathy.
And that’s how, on the first day of my first important job, I believed I must have convinced my boss that I was an absolute idiot. By the way, if you’re wondering why Kathy handed me that lighter, these were the days when smoking was still quite common. She was a smoker and must have thought I said, “Do you have a light?”
The whole thing turned out to be a good lesson for me. By avoiding an uncomfortable conversation, I ended up in even more discomfort.
I resolved to speak up and break through the tension of misunderstanding in the future. I can’t say I’ve always done this, because it takes bravery, and sometimes I chose to stay in my (dis-)comfort zone. But I can say that I’ve never regretted it. Usually there’s an immediate diffusion of tension, and even when there isn’t, at least the truth is out and there’s an opening for resolution. This is especially true when we bring an attitude of curiosity and aim to understand the other person.
Is there anywhere in your life where you’ve left something unsaid because of your resistance to the discomfort of speaking those words and the feelings that may follow? I want to challenge you to make a communication this week that takes you a bit outside your comfort zone. Even if you have to say, “I’m really nervous about saying this” or you have to hold a friend’s hand while doing it, it’s worth it.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => If you were birthed by Earth, then every pebble and plant is your sibling.
Last week I wrote about animism, the belief that all things possess a spirit. Animistic cultures are incredibly widespread – chances are, if you didn’t grow up in one, you’re descended from one. But these sensibilities have been largely supplanted by science. Science and spirituality are often at odds, and the science-oriented developed world generally disbelieves in spirituality – especially in a form so different from our monotheistic religions. This might not be a problem if a reductive, nonspiritual orientation met all our needs, but I believe we’ve lost something along the way.
Scientists and animists alike can agree that a rock isn’t biologically alive in quite the same way that, say, a bird is. But the scientist wouldn’t be scientific if they assumed that this means we can’t be in relationship with both. A person who believes a rock doesn’t possess a spirit has no understanding of what life would be like if they did.
The animistic perspective transforms a thing we use into someone we relate to. Our surroundings turn from scenery into family members. Just as it’s relatively easy to perceive the personality of a pet and recognize it as a member of the family, an animist would extend such personhood to all aspects of their world.
Could you be open to experiencing the personality of your favorite tree or stream or mountain? Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a certain place in your yard, your home, or the park? It’s where you feel naturally most comfortable, maybe also safer, more focused, even more powerful. What is it that your inner compass is tuning in to?
Beyond the ways in which such an orientation might enrich your subjective experience of your surroundings, there are potentially global repercussions to remembering and being reverent of the spirit of the world – even if we don’t fully embrace the animistic view.
Dr. John Reid of the Ngai Tahu Research Centre in New Zealand explains that when we mistreat the world through disregard for the spirit within, it becomes a vicious circle. Lacking a conscious relationship with nature, we take from pristine resources with no restraint, then we dump our waste back into them. This diminishes what the Maori call its mauri (lifeforce), and the reduction in its vitality makes it less supportive to humans. This willfully ignorant behavior and the hardship that results from it diminishes the mana (dignity / power / authority) of the humans involved.1 The weakened mana of the humans causes them to act in increasingly desperate and irreverent ways, and the cycle continues.
It's possible to transform this situation into a virtuous cycle, but it requires coming into right relationship with our planet. This means humbling ourselves and perhaps taking a cue from animistic cultures. If that sounds good to you, I encourage you to take another week to relate to your surroundings differently than usual.
What happens when you ask before taking? What happens when you give thanks to everything you encounter? What happens when you open yourself to the existence of a spiritual world? What happens when you feel into the dynamic between your body and the elements around you? What happens when you bring greater awareness to the act of consuming something? What happens if you do the same when throwing something away? What happens when you listen?
I believe that bringing consciousness to these relationships yields great benefits. Perhaps we stand to make our planet habitable by humans for longer, but for certain we enrich our mana as we re-weave ourselves into the living tapestry of this exceptional, gorgeous planet.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
1. Informative Maori dictionary here: https://maoridictionary.co.nz/
[post_title] => Fixing Our Relationship with the World and Ourselves
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[post_content] => Last week I shared a quote from spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.” Then we looked at the differences between an absolute spiritual truth and the relative perspective of most humans. When we encounter an absolute view that we haven’t personally realized and experienced, sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it even has the opposite effect of what was intended.
If we imagine “I don’t mind what happens” to mean “nothing bothers me,” this contradicts most people’s daily experience. But it fits right in with a common perception when we’re evolved or enlightened we’ll be imperturbable. So, without having realized the absolute truth, we might apply it to our relative experience in a way that amounts to denying our humanity.
Buddhist psychologist and author, John Welwood, who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” explained that we have a tendency to use absolute truths of spirituality to dismiss “relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits.” He believed we need to recognize “two different tracks of human development— which we might call growing up and waking up, healing and awakening, or becoming a genuine human person and going beyond the person altogether.”1 Thus, it’s possible to resolve all our psychological problems without achieving a spiritual awakening, and it’s possible to wake up spiritually and still have a highly dysfunctional personality.
So, what is the place of such statements of absolute spiritual truth? In my opinion it’s still useful to expose ourselves to them. We shouldn’t confuse the destination with the path, and we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to embody them at will. But they can still serve as a messenger to the soul. When we encounter a statement like, “I don’t mind what happens,” perhaps it’s like a key that unlocks something within us. Maybe it stirs a place in us that remembers this, beneath the slumbering mind, and begins to initiate an unraveling of what has caused us to forget. Perhaps it inspires us to understand what this means, to experience it directly for ourselves. Perhaps it makes us ask, “What would my life be like if this were true for me?”
Meanwhile, what can you do when you find ourselves minding what happens? You’re in good company. Virtually everyone in the world has times when they mind what’s happening. People in pain, people who are afraid, people who are lonely or grieving, people who can’t fall asleep, people witnessing violence or injustice . . . most of them mind what’s happening. So here are some options.
Option one is to suffer. Highly unpleasant but very popular.
Option two is to change something external. Sometimes this is possible and useful, other times it isn’t. If you mind that you’re getting bitten by mosquitos, you could put on bug spray. If, on the other hand, you mind that your government is corrupt, you may not be in a position to significantly improve it, especially if you have a busy life and don’t plant to change careers.
This is where the famous Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is useful – “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can recognize what cannot be changed by you, it may be easier to let go of the belief that they are your business. If you’re not currently engaged with it, don’t mind it. That is, don’t give your mind to it.
Option three is to change something internal. There are several sub-options here. The first is to deny that you mind what you mind. The main way we do this is through willful ignorance. We often employ willful ignorance as a coping mechanism simply because we can’t take care of all the things that concern us in the world.
For instance, I have a 60-year-old truck that I take out occasionally to get bales of hay for our alpacas, and the exhaust stinks. I know I’m putting carbon emissions into the atmosphere, and I haven’t yet found a way to fix it. So I have to put it out of my mind (i.e., willfully become ignorant of how I am contributing to climate change) in order to lessen the amount of guilt I feel about it. It’s a mediocre way of dealing with minding what happens.
Another way to deny that you mind what’s happening is through spiritual bypass. That is, you employ a spiritual ideal you haven’t actually achieved as a way of falsely transcending your issues. Welwood explained it as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
I think we can agree that denial isn’t the best answer. As a band-aid, it never truly resolves the unsettled feeling that erodes your peace and infringes on your presence.
Another way of changing something internal is to consciously, sincerely explore your relationship with what you mind. Don’t say “I don’t mind” when you do mind. Be honest with yourself. And don’t say, “I shouldn’t mind” when you do mind. Consider this alternative: I do mind, but I am determined not to argue with or depart from reality.
Here we come to what I believe Krishnamurti actually meant by “I don’t mind what happens.” I don’t believe he meant that nothing could bother him. I think he meant that, regardless of what happens, he doesn’t see reality as wrong or feel it should be different. If someone were to come at him with a knife, perhaps he would have found himself knocking the knife out of their hand. This wouldn’t mean that he “minds what happens,” only that he chose to act. Whether he acted or remained entirely passive to an attack, either one would affect the course of events, so neither constitutes “minding” more than the other.
But let’s bring this back to an application for someone who hasn’t yet realized the absolute truth of not minding what happens. First, there is a difference between minding what is currently occurring here and now versus minding something that is neither. The latter is what I mean by “departing from reality.” If it’s not currently happening, see if you can bring yourself back into the present experience.
There is also a difference between minding something but accepting it versus minding something and insisting that it shouldn’t be happening. “Shouldn’t be happening” is an exercise in futility. It’s an argument against reality. Removing your resistance from the equation (to something that cannot be changed by resisting it!) reduces your suffering; and it doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re giving up.
Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello defined enlightenment as absolute cooperation with the inevitable. This is the opposite of resistance and a necessary first step before diving deeper into your relationship with what you mind.
Diving in is acceptance in action. Generally, you must set aside time and space for this. It entails meeting the inner discord with sincerity, being willing to see, hear, feel, and understand it in its entirety. It also entails a willingness to recognize how the conflict degrades you and limits your freedom. Try to maintain an attitude of openness and innocence throughout the process. This work can unravel long-held beliefs and patterns of constraint. It can enable you to move forward with constructive action, if that’s what you choose. And it can facilitate an expansion from your relativistic thinking about the issue to a more transpersonal perspective. This may not always get you to a place where you can honestly say, “I don’t mind what’s happening,” but it will bring greater clarity and peace to your experience of it.
Be well,
Peter
1Fossella, T., 2011. Human Nature, Buddha Nature: An Interview with John Welwood. [online] Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Available at: <https://tricycle.org/magazine/human-nature-buddha-nature/> [Accessed 27 April 2022]. Welwood cautioned, “When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to rationalize what I call premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it.”
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[post_content] => After two years of studying plant and soil sciences, my favorite professor, Dr. Barker, offered me a job on the University of Massachusetts farm. Whereas my previous jobs had been things like bagging groceries and washing dishes, this was the first time I was getting paid to do something I was interested in, and under the supervision of someone I looked up to.
I was nervous when I showed up at Bowditch Hall on my first day. Dr. Barker, a white-haired man with a country drawl, introduced me to his assistant, Kathy. Then he handed me the keys to a faded old, blue truck and asked me, “Ever driven a three-on-the-tree?” I had never driven any kind of truck before, much less one with the gearshift on the steering column, but I learned quickly as I drove the three of us – with lots of jerking and stalling – out to the farm.
Standing at the edge of a freshly plowed field, Dr. Barker explained that we were going to use stakes and twine to mark out rows for planting seeds. Kathy and I got to work while he watched. The only trouble was, while I had stakes, a mallet, and a ball of twine, I didn’t have anything to cut the twine with. I thought maybe I had spaced out when someone explained where to find a knife or scissors. Or maybe the professor had told me to bring my own knife and I had forgotten. I was too uncomfortable to say anything.
Wondering if there was some way I could proceed with my task without a cutting tool, I pounded the first stake into the ground. I tied one end of the twine around it, walked the length of the field, pounded in another stake, wrapped the twine around that stake, pulled it taut, and then I just squatted there for a few moments. I considered trying to gnaw through it with my teeth, but dismissed the idea as totally unprofessional. Finally, at the risk of appearing unprepared, I called out to Kathy, who was a dozen paces away, “Do you have a knife?”
“Huh?” she turned around and squinted at me in the bright sun. “Oh.” She ambled over, fished around in her pocket, and passed me a pink disposable lighter.
I interpreted this unexpected response to mean, “I don’t have a knife, but I can see what you need there. You’re going to have to burn through the twine with this. At the ends of every row.” She gave me the lighter in such a matter-of-fact way that I thought it would be too weird to ask for a different explanation.
So, feeling like I didn’t have enough hands, I held the twine straight out from the stake, positioned the flame beneath it, and tried to shield it from the wind with my leg. It blew out a couple times, but I eventually managed to burn through it. Meanwhile Dr. Barker had wandered over to observe me and remarked, “That is the strangest way of doing that I have ever seen.”
“Um. I didn’t have a knife,” I said sheepishly.
“Well, I’ve got a knife you can use.”
“Me too,” offered Kathy.
And that’s how, on the first day of my first important job, I believed I must have convinced my boss that I was an absolute idiot. By the way, if you’re wondering why Kathy handed me that lighter, these were the days when smoking was still quite common. She was a smoker and must have thought I said, “Do you have a light?”
The whole thing turned out to be a good lesson for me. By avoiding an uncomfortable conversation, I ended up in even more discomfort.
I resolved to speak up and break through the tension of misunderstanding in the future. I can’t say I’ve always done this, because it takes bravery, and sometimes I chose to stay in my (dis-)comfort zone. But I can say that I’ve never regretted it. Usually there’s an immediate diffusion of tension, and even when there isn’t, at least the truth is out and there’s an opening for resolution. This is especially true when we bring an attitude of curiosity and aim to understand the other person.
Is there anywhere in your life where you’ve left something unsaid because of your resistance to the discomfort of speaking those words and the feelings that may follow? I want to challenge you to make a communication this week that takes you a bit outside your comfort zone. Even if you have to say, “I’m really nervous about saying this” or you have to hold a friend’s hand while doing it, it’s worth it.
Be well,
Peter
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I am super excited about this. Id also love if I could find an accountability partner. I always SAY I’m going to do my planning then put it off. . .but when I do it consistently, I create momentum & my life gets better. . .quickly.
Yay! Can’t wait to do this work with you.
If I’m still sitting on mine from last year, can I join you? I’d love a kick start! It’s the getting started that is hard, I think
Please do join us, Lisa!We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
What about those of us who bought a planner this time last year, and haven’t opened it yet? We deserve some support, too. I hope you’ll reach out to others and not just use this as a way to entice more people to purchase the Dreambook.
Of course you can join us, Mer! Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
By the way… did you join the facebook group and do Dreaming and and Planning Together last year? It was so good (and the replays are still available in the group!)
I bought last year’s version when it went on sale, can I use that one for these exercises?
Yes, Katie! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I have my 2019 Dream PLanner
LOVE
I bought a Dreambook last year and didn’t put a mark in it. Life hit me upside the head and my book gathered dust. I recently bought stickers to date it properly and look forward to beginning a new year. Will I buy your new version… No just because I’m lefthanded and can’t stand wire bounds. Will you ever allow friends like me who didn’t use theirs into your group? If so I will happily sign up and participate!
Blessings,
Nancy
Of course you can join us, Nancy! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
Hi Brianna, I purchased a Dreambook last year, and literally just blew the dust off of it as I read this. I was so excited to get started, and then I got so overwhelmed and somewhat discouraged as the days and months passed without a single word written in the book. I’m wondering if I could participate in this group and workshop based on my previous purchase, since I really don’t need another book. I would very much love to get started, but sadly I don’t seem to have the determination on my own. If I need to purchase something else in order to participate, please let me know. Thanks and Peace
You can join us, Kelly! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I bought the pdf because I have a 100% track record of not following through. But…my brother was killed in an accident this year so I have a different motivation now. This is my first Dreambook so please invite me to the workshops. I need to succed. I also just received the Rituals for Transformation book.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Marsha.
We’ll send out the invitation during the first couple of days in November. I do so hope you’ll join us.
Must you purchase a 2019 copy of the Dreambook in order to participate in the workshops in November? I bought a copy a couple of years ago and have never used it. It would be great to get a kickstart with the workshops but I hesitate to purchase a new one now.
Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I purchased the dream book at your store in PDX
Yay Joanna <3 - I'll share a link here in the next couple of days so that people who purchased in store can join us!
I never finished the 1st half of my non dated dreambook for 2018
Its never too late <3
I have yet to receive my invitation to join the 2019 group #nodreambookgatheringdust. I purchased my book and have it in hand. Can you add me to the participation list please?
Hi Amy! I’m so glad your joining us! We’ll be sending out the invitations during the first couple of days of November. Keep an eye out for yours!
I just received my Dreambook and planner. Joined the FB page.
Looking forward to doing the hard work to make changes in my life.
LOVE
Hello!
Would love to join these workshops please! I am a customer!
Best,
Donna Motta
Yay Donna! We’ll be sending out your invitation during the first couple of days of November! <3
I have my 2019 Dreambook+Planner
Love love love
I bought the undated version Dec 2016 and have only worked through a small portion. Do I have to buy the dated version to participate in your workshops?
Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I bought my dream book planner at your store in Portland, can I attend these online chats to help get the process flowing?
Yes love! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book in store during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I recently bought the 2018 Dreambook and Planner. I would love to join the workshop.
Yay, Rhonda! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
In the spirit of you post, I want to share that I bought an undated Dreambook + Planner in 2017 but I was in my final year of graduate school and didn’t have a chance to use it. I’ve since dusted it off and started doing work in the Dreambook. It feels vulnerable to do this kind of dreaming and goal setting. Any chance I could get the support you are offering to people buying a new book? I feel like once I get past some anxiety about it, it will a valuable tool for me personally and professionally.
Liz, Yes! Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join. <3
Thanks for doing this. I will have to listen to the replays, but am excited to be doing this as a group.
Yay, Nancy! <3
I recently bought Rituals For Living Dreambook in the last month before the 2019 was available and I’d like to have access to these webinars… thank you.
Jennifer Brooks
You’re in Jennifer! We’ll send you an invitation during the first couple of dayd of November!
Hello-
I already ordered two new dreambooks- one for myself and one for my husband. We have received them here. I keep receiving emails saying those who get one will be invited to the live planning events- but those emails also ask me to buy a dreambook. I already have! But I have yet to receive any invites or links for us to join the online community. Are those yet to be sent out?
Hi Sarah! We’ll send out information about how to participate during the first few days of November. <3
I have a 3rd Edition 2016 Dreambook and Planner that I never used and has been gathering dust for two years. Seeing your ads on Facebook, I am inspired to pick it up again. Part of the reason I never got going with it was that I just felt overwhelmed. I’d love to take part in your Dreaming and Planning sessions. Will the sessions be available to folks who made past purchases of the book?
Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
If I have a dreambook that I haven’t used yet, can I still join?
Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
Hi Briana! You indicated that there would be a link available to the workshops for people who had ordered a dreambook in previous years (and that if you couldn’t participate live they would be made available for replay), but I don’t see this anywhere in the posts. I would LOVE to catch up on the workshops so that I can get going with my planner, so any assistance you could provide would be most welcome. Thank you!
Good morning, Briana –
I recently ordered and received the 2019 Dreambook kit. In the description, it lists that A copy of Freedom: A Simple Ritual For Letting Go would be included. My order did not have this item. My order number was #34102233. Please let me know about this missing item.
Also, I’m super excited to be a part of the #nodreambookgatheringdust in November. I received an email about it but am a little confused on how to sign up. Please include me on the list for this training.
Thank you for your time. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Thanks Renee! We’ll send out information about how to participate during the first few days of November. <3
Hey there! I purchased an undated Dreambook for my birthday. I hope I will be included in this: “For anyone who buys a Dreambook (of any kind) from us before November 1st – you’ll automatically be sent an invitation to join me for a series of hangouts/workshops where we’ll dive into your dreams and plans and get them on “the books” as it were.” Thanks! Kris Also thanks for the bath samples!
Yes! You’re in. We’ll send out your invite during the first few days of November.
Hi! I ordered the new dreambook and it has arrived! I did not receive a following email for the workshops. How can I receive the invite?
Thank you!
Hey Lynette, we’ll be sending out an invite to everyone who bought the book during the first few days of november <3
I am not sure I received my invite. My email is doing weird things! I have some invites for other workshops.