It’s almost Halloween, a magical time within a pretty magical month. I was looking back through old photos and found this one from 2016 when I let my daughter make my Halloween costume.
She turned me into a sorceress.
I have to say, it felt like she really saw me. He he he!
I realized how fun it was to dress up as an expression of a part of myself that is actually in me, even if I don’t always let it lead.
The magical sorceress, the witchy woman, the mystical leader.
I think I’ve always appeared confident – because I’m a risk taker. Taking calculated risks that most people won’t take is something that must be in my DNA because it comes naturally to me, for better or worse.
But inside, I historically battled with not feeling confident, or good enough.
I share this because I think that so many of us can assume that other people have it all together. Just by looking on the outside (or scrolling through their Instagram feeds) it can be easy to think that they don’t have these feelings of insecurity and just feel blissful and content all day.
And it’s just not true.
We’re all human and we all struggle. It’s a perfect, imperfect part of the design.
And because we don’t want people to see that we’re human, we wear these masks of perfection trying desperately to win love and approval.
Meanwhile, the hidden pieces within us (our inner sorceress, for example) that don’t get to see the light of day are begging to be let out, to be able to make their contribution in the world.
Who you truly are is the gift that the world needs.
Real confidence (not fake bravado) is the secret to removing the masks that are keeping you hidden, and letting your truth emerge.
In our book, The Well Life, Peter and I de-mystify confidence by giving very real guidance around what it is and how to create it. Because confidence isn’t something that just magically happens to some people and not to others.
In fact we’ve identified four main things needed for true confidence:
What I know about myself is that I have badass self-trust, competency to the level of necessity, and lots of courage, but my self-worth has struggled over the years.
It’s not that I don’t have self-worth (we all do), I even have a sense of my self-worth, it’s just that it was obscured from my vision. I wasn’t seeing my innate, unchanging, brilliant value as a human.
I was attaching my value to the outer masks of my accomplishments, instead of the inner core of my Divine light. I was trying to gain approval from myself and others for what I was doing in the world (helping people, growing businesses), for who I was (successful, funny(?), charismatic), how I was (happy, positive), and what I was (entrepreneur, mama, wife).
It didn’t work (spoiler alert: it never works).
Peter gently (and not-so-gently) nudged me to do the work.
The work of unveiling what is true for all of us – that we are Divine light in human form and that we are completely perfect just as we are.
This meant spending more time in meditation and going inward with curiosity when I’m feeling insecure or lacking or unworthy, instead of seeking it from the outside by accomplishing more, having more friends, or being more of a badass.
Not that those things are bad. I love to accomplish things, have friends, and be badass.
It just doesn’t change the way I feel inside.
This is my journey around confidence. For you maybe it’s competence or self-trust or courage that feel like they are lacking when your confidence wanes. But it’s good to know what to check in with when it does – cause it does for everyone.
And if you do struggle with self-worth, know it isn’t a matter of it not being there, it’s just a matter of it being obscured by all sorts of bullshit stories and patterns.
You are brilliant.
You are exceptional.
You are worthy.
You are a badass creature.