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Coaching Origin Sandwich

Several years ago, a growing number of people who had read my and Briana’s books or taken our courses began asking us to train them to coach others using the… Read More

How to Rebuild Self-Trust

We recently opened enrollment for this year’s life coach training program, which always feels exciting to me. There’s a buzz of activity as the new participants get oriented and we’re… Read More

9 Signals that You’re Not In Love With Your Job (And what to do next…)

We’ve had many clients ask us about the big question of whether or not to stay in a job that doesn’t feel right. It can be a challenging decision because… Read More

What is “Holding Space”?

Later this week Briana and I will be hosting the Illuminator Training – part of Dragontree Life Coaching Program – and we’ll spend four days in a very special space…. Read More

Conversations with Briana: Holding Space

Briana recorded this video a few years ago, knowing how important holding space is, and knew that one day she’d create a whole course around it. The Dragontree Life Coaching… Read More

Tap Into Your Inner Illuminator

Last week Briana and I had a deeply gratifying experience. We led the first training of our advanced life coaches – we call them “Illuminators” – and it went amazingly… Read More

Since issues around money and abundance are so prevalent, I thought I’d share a square on the dualities of attraction and aversion intersected with scarcity versus abundance. It’s easy for most people to feel into the attraction to abundance (upper right quadrant) and the aversion to scarcity (lower left quadrant). What about the aversion to abundance and the attraction to scarcity? It may seem incomprehensible that you’d be drawn toward scarcity (upper left), but it’s within all of us. Maybe when you’re poor it makes you feel you’re more “real,” more relatable, more connected to the common person, or more right about the belief that life is unfair. It may also seem incomprehensible that you’d be averse to abundance (lower right), but perhaps you have fears about a truly abundant life: maybe it will be harder, maybe it will be unfamiliar, maybe you’ll have no excuse not to be happy. Maybe you think abundance would change you in negative way. Maybe you think people would expect you to support them. If you feel challenged by abundance and scarcity, I encourage you to spend time visiting with each of these four states. Write freely about each one, acknowledging that all four are within you. See what arises in your body as you steep in each zone. If you have our book, Freedom, you can use that body-centered releasing process to neutralize the feelings that come up. As you make peace with the whole complex, you’ll feel less “baggage” around the idea of having an abundant life. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Clear Your Blocks to Abundance [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => clear-your-blocks-to-abundance [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-02-25 21:30:38 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-02-25 21:30:38 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8579 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 4 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8661 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-05-12 22:11:50 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-05-12 22:11:50 [post_content] => Last week I shared a quote from spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “Do you want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.” Then we looked at the differences between an absolute spiritual truth and the relative perspective of most humans. When we encounter an absolute view that we haven’t personally realized and experienced, sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it even has the opposite effect of what was intended. If we imagine “I don’t mind what happens” to mean “nothing bothers me,” this contradicts most people’s daily experience. But it fits right in with a common perception when we’re evolved or enlightened we’ll be imperturbable. So, without having realized the absolute truth, we might apply it to our relative experience in a way that amounts to denying our humanity. Buddhist psychologist and author, John Welwood, who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” explained that we have a tendency to use absolute truths of spirituality to dismiss “relative human needs, feelings, psychological problems, relational difficulties, and developmental deficits.” He believed we need to recognize “two different tracks of human development— which we might call growing up and waking up, healing and awakening, or becoming a genuine human person and going beyond the person altogether.”¹ Thus, it’s possible to resolve all our psychological problems without achieving a spiritual awakening, and it’s possible to wake up spiritually and still have a highly dysfunctional personality. So, what is the place of such statements of absolute spiritual truth? In my opinion it’s still useful to expose ourselves to them. We shouldn’t confuse the destination with the path, and we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to embody them at will. But they can still serve as a messenger to the soul. When we encounter a statement like, “I don’t mind what happens,” perhaps it’s like a key that unlocks something within us. Maybe it stirs a place in us that remembers this, beneath the slumbering mind, and begins to initiate an unraveling of what has caused us to forget. Perhaps it inspires us to understand what this means, to experience it directly for ourselves. Perhaps it makes us ask, “What would my life be like if this were true for me?” Meanwhile, what can you do when you find ourselves minding what happens? You’re in good company. Virtually everyone in the world has times when they mind what’s happening. People in pain, people who are afraid, people who are lonely or grieving, people who can’t fall asleep, people witnessing violence or injustice . . . most of them mind what’s happening. So here are some options. Option one is to suffer. Highly unpleasant but very popular. Option two is to change something external. Sometimes this is possible and useful, other times it isn’t. If you mind that you’re getting bitten by mosquitos, you could put on bug spray. If, on the other hand, you mind that your government is corrupt, you may not be in a position to significantly improve it, especially if you have a busy life and don’t plant to change careers. This is where the famous Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr is useful – “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can recognize what cannot be changed by you, it may be easier to let go of the belief that they are your business. If you’re not currently engaged with it, don’t mind it. That is, don’t give your mind to it. Option three is to change something internal. There are several sub-options here. The first is to deny that you mind what you mind. The main way we do this is through willful ignorance. We often employ willful ignorance as a coping mechanism simply because we can’t take care of all the things that concern us in the world. For instance, I have a 60-year-old truck that I take out occasionally to get bales of hay for our alpacas, and the exhaust stinks. I know I’m putting carbon emissions into the atmosphere, and I haven’t yet found a way to fix it. So I have to put it out of my mind (i.e., willfully become ignorant of how I am contributing to climate change) in order to lessen the amount of guilt I feel about it. It’s a mediocre way of dealing with minding what happens. Another way to deny that you mind what’s happening is through spiritual bypass. That is, you employ a spiritual ideal you haven’t actually achieved as a way of falsely transcending your issues. Welwood explained it as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” I think we can agree that denial isn’t the best answer. As a band-aid, it never truly resolves the unsettled feeling that erodes your peace and infringes on your presence. Another way of changing something internal is to consciously, sincerely explore your relationship with what you mind. Don’t say “I don’t mind” when you do mind. Be honest with yourself. And don’t say, “I shouldn’t mind” when you do mind. Consider this alternative: I do mind, but I am determined not to argue with or depart from reality. Here we come to what I believe Krishnamurti actually meant by “I don’t mind what happens.” I don’t believe he meant that nothing could bother him. I think he meant that, regardless of what happens, he doesn’t see reality as wrong or feel it should be different. If someone were to come at him with a knife, perhaps he would have found himself knocking the knife out of their hand. This wouldn’t mean that he “minds what happens,” only that he chose to act. Whether he acted or remained entirely passive to an attack, either one would affect the course of events, so neither constitutes “minding” more than the other. But let’s bring this back to an application for someone who hasn’t yet realized the absolute truth of not minding what happens. First, there is a difference between minding what is currently occurring here and now versus minding something that is neither. The latter is what I mean by “departing from reality.” If it’s not currently happening, see if you can bring yourself back into the present experience. There is also a difference between minding something but accepting it versus minding something and insisting that it shouldn’t be happening. “Shouldn’t be happening” is an exercise in futility. It’s an argument against reality. Removing your resistance from the equation (to something that cannot be changed by resisting it!) reduces your suffering; and it doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re giving up. Jesuit priest and author Anthony de Mello defined enlightenment as absolute cooperation with the inevitable. This is the opposite of resistance and a necessary first step before diving deeper into your relationship with what you mind. Diving in is acceptance in action. Generally, you must set aside time and space for this. It entails meeting the inner discord with sincerity, being willing to see, hear, feel, and understand it in its entirety. It also entails a willingness to recognize how the conflict degrades you and limits your freedom. Try to maintain an attitude of openness and innocence throughout the process. This work can unravel long-held beliefs and patterns of constraint. It can enable you to move forward with constructive action, if that’s what you choose. And it can facilitate an expansion from your relativistic thinking about the issue to a more transpersonal perspective. This may not always get you to a place where you can honestly say, “I don’t mind what’s happening,” but it will bring greater clarity and peace to your experience of it. Be well, Peter ¹Fossella, T., 2011. Human Nature, Buddha Nature: An Interview with John Welwood. [online] Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Available at: <https://tricycle.org/magazine/human-nature-buddha-nature/> [Accessed 27 April 2022]. Welwood cautioned, “When we are spiritually bypassing, we often use the goal of awakening or liberation to rationalize what I call premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness before we have fully faced and made peace with it.” [post_title] => It's Okay to Mind What Happens [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => its-okay-to-mind-what-happens [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-05-12 22:36:18 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-05-12 22:36:18 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8661 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8787 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2022-09-01 21:45:46 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-09-01 21:45:46 [post_content] => You are amazing. Let’s take it to the next level. I am always delighted to get unsolicited positive feedback about our books and courses. I save it all in an ever-growing document. Originally, the purpose was to have an easy way to remind myself of the value of my work if I were ever questioning my purpose or having a moment of low self-esteem. Eventually I realized that I don’t build up a tolerance to positive feedback; even if I glanced at these messages every day it wouldn’t stop having a beneficial effect on my consciousness. When I was last looking at these notes, I was struck by how amazing people are. Yes, they needed some help to get to the next level and they felt our guidance made a difference, but they were invariably awesome to begin with. While some of them went looking for assistance because of a sense that their lives were dysfunctional, many of them clearly recognized that things were already pretty great – and they also saw room to grow and improve. One woman wrote to us that she had a thriving clothing import business when she got our Dreambook. In the self-exploration section, she realized she desired an avenue for greater creative expression. She set a goal, identified all the steps involved, followed through, and within a year she was receiving the first shipment of clothes she had designed herself! Another Dreambook user told us it empowered her to move to Hawaii. She wrote, “My soul thrives there!” For decades she had visited and thought of it as a magical place … but only for vacations. It didn’t seem possible to live there full time. But, she said, “The book asked, ‘What would make life feel ridiculously fun?’ and I wrote, ‘Living in Hawaii’ and suddenly it was on the table and I started facing my excuses.” She realized the potential quality-of-life impact it could have for her, so she mapped out the logistics. She asked the thriving Dragontree community, “What do you think?” And one by one, all of her obstacles disappeared. “Someone knew of a cool place to live – on a cacao farm! Someone else connected me with a job. Another person was moving from Hawaii back to the mainland to take care of her mother and she gave me all of her furniture – and some chickens!” What are the critical factors in leveling up? Chances are, you don’t need to win the lottery or receive some other external windfall. It starts with having a vision of what “next level” would look like. The Dreambook provides the framework – all you need to do is fill in the blanks and follow through. Our 2023 edition comes out soon and it’s the best version ever. Check it out here! Also, I highly recommend keeping some sort of file like the one I described above. Whenever you receive a positive message, whether as an email, text, social media comment, or birthday card . . . copy it, screenshot it, take a picture of it, or print it and stick it in a document, onto or dreamboard, or in a folder. It’s like stocking a medicine cabinet with bottles that will never go empty (plus it won’t upset your stomach). Be well, Peter [post_title] => Level Up with the Dreambook [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => level-up-with-the-dreambook [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-09-01 21:56:08 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-09-01 21:56:08 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8787 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [before_loop] => 1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8579 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-03-27 12:00:15 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-03-27 12:00:15 [post_content] => In previous articles we looked at ways to see more dimensions of an issue in order to facilitate its resolution. After sitting a few times with spiritual teacher Leslie Temple-Thurston about 20 years ago, I learned this “squares” approach in her book The Marriage of Spirit and have used it and expanded on it ever since. Rather than seeing “two sides of the coin,” we’d do well to look at (at least) four interconnected aspects to any challenging pattern. While our attachment to one positions tends to keep us stuck, when we see that we contain all of these aspects, this quickly dissipates the intense “charge” around the issue and we can let it go.

You may also be interested in:

Clear Your Blocks to Abundance

It’s Okay to Mind What Happens

Level Up with the Dreambook

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