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life coaching

What it Means to be a Coach

I once had an acquaintance who loved to tell people what to do. I never asked her what to do, but I got told what to do more times than… Read More

Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends

Last week I wrote about the many reasons we don’t ask for help, including what I think of the “Lone Ranger complex,” where we believe there’s great merit in doing… Read More

My Favorite Kind of Pain

I had been hearing about an impressive tai chi teacher named Gregory Fong since moving to Portland in 1997. It was about five years later that I convinced Briana to… Read More

Three Ways to Sweeten Your Life

Several years ago Briana and I wrote The Well Life, a book on how to achieve wellness and balance in all domains of life – physical, mental, spiritual, financial, career,… Read More

9 Signals that You’re Not In Love With Your Job (And what to do next…)

We’ve had many clients ask us about the big question of whether or not to stay in a job that doesn’t feel right. It can be a challenging decision because… Read More

The Sacred Expansion Continues

A year ago, we were preparing to launch a program to train people to be life coaches, and we were feeling a bit like we had bitten off more than… Read More

The Well Life Coaching Program: Be a light seeker, a light holder, a light warrior

A few years ago, we were in the middle of a Kickstarter campaign to get our first book funded and suddenly the money stopped coming in. We had raised about… Read More

Since issues around money and abundance are so prevalent, I thought I’d share a square on the dualities of attraction and aversion intersected with scarcity versus abundance. It’s easy for most people to feel into the attraction to abundance (upper right quadrant) and the aversion to scarcity (lower left quadrant). What about the aversion to abundance and the attraction to scarcity? It may seem incomprehensible that you’d be drawn toward scarcity (upper left), but it’s within all of us. Maybe when you’re poor it makes you feel you’re more “real,” more relatable, more connected to the common person, or more right about the belief that life is unfair. It may also seem incomprehensible that you’d be averse to abundance (lower right), but perhaps you have fears about a truly abundant life: maybe it will be harder, maybe it will be unfamiliar, maybe you’ll have no excuse not to be happy. Maybe you think abundance would change you in negative way. Maybe you think people would expect you to support them. If you feel challenged by abundance and scarcity, I encourage you to spend time visiting with each of these four states. Write freely about each one, acknowledging that all four are within you. See what arises in your body as you steep in each zone. If you have our book, Freedom, you can use that body-centered releasing process to neutralize the feelings that come up. As you make peace with the whole complex, you’ll feel less “baggage” around the idea of having an abundant life. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Clear Your Blocks to Abundance [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => clear-your-blocks-to-abundance [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-02-25 21:30:38 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-02-25 21:30:38 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8579 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 4 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8901 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-12-22 22:06:29 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-12-22 22:06:29 [post_content] => January first may be a somewhat arbitrary date to divide the chapters of our lives, but there’s something to be said for joining the momentum of the mass consciousness focused on bettering ourselves. Sure, you can make new habits anytime, but there aren’t always millions of other people doing it at the same time. That said, clearly the group trajectory isn’t enough to ensure your success. Plenty of people make and break resolutions every year, and while a few weeks (or days, as the case may be) of a healthy new habit is better than nothing, there’s also the toll of broken self-trust to consider. If you’re going to make an agreement with yourself, it’s best to choose terms that you can fulfill, because a lack of self-trust is a serious impediment. You may think, “It just means I changed my mind about exercise and cookies,” but it has broader consequences in the bigger picture of your ability to choose and create the life you desire. What I’m saying is, don’t do it unless you’re serious about it. And even if you are serious, I still recommend committing to just one thing. I know, I know, you can do lots of things. But I’m saying, just do one thing not only because it’s harder to keep multiple resolutions than it is to keep a single one, but also because it means that your focus and power won’t be divided (any more than they already are). Take on one thing and give all the “resolution energy” you’ve got to that one thing. Later you can add another thing. I don’t mean to sound like I’m lowering the bar for you. I think people are capable of greatness far beyond their imagined limitations. But imagined limitations become actual limitations when we believe in them. In subtle ways we tend to sabotage ourselves, and one of the most effective forms of self-sabotage is crappy focus. We often simply don’t hold our attention on something for long enough to see it through. Yes, there are some organic causes of impaired mental focus, but just because someone gets more done when they take an ADD drug (i.e., amphetamine), doesn’t prove that the cause was biological. In an age when we’re bombarded with a constant stream of data through multiple devices, an age with more options for distraction than ever before, we may be regularly making subconscious choices that reinforce a short attention span. Regardless of the cause, we can all improve our ability to focus simply by practicing it. Let’s try a little exercise. It will only take one minute. Choose something small and natural in your environment to gaze at, like a candle flame, a leaf, a piece of food, or one of the lines on your palm. You’re going to spend just 60 seconds looking at it without taking your eyes or mind off it, and without thinking and mentally “talking” to yourself about what you’re looking at or anything else. Try it now, then come back. How did it go? Were you able to do it for the whole minute? What did you notice? Was it squirmy? Was it relaxing? When I do this, I notice my breathing slows down significantly and I feel grounded. This shift may be partly due to looking at whatever I’m looking at, but I think the main reason it feels peaceful is because it’s a break from continuous mental chatter and shifting focus. Back to resolutions, I encourage you to choose a single thing to commit to. Write down what exactly it means so that you’re clear about how to stay in the spirit of this commitment. Choose a time frame for the commitment; don’t make it open-ended because that implies forever. If you have a hard time with follow-through, you might want to start with a very short time frame, like one day. You can always re-up your commitment at the end of the period you choose. Ensure that you don’t forget it by writing it down, setting reminder alarms for yourself, finding a partner to do this with, renting out billboard space along your commute . . . whatever it takes. Finally, as part of your commitment practice, set aside just 60 seconds every morning to sit and focus on the commitment, visualizing yourself embodying it. Let us know how it goes. Be well, Peter [post_title] => New Year Resolution [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => new-year-resolution [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-12-22 22:06:29 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-12-22 22:06:29 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8901 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8719 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47 [post_content] => In past articles I suggested that while it’s common to think that the essence of commitment is staying together no matter what, this is a pretty superficial interpretation. More meaningful is a commitment to a certain quality of relationship. What’s the value in saying “forever” if you’re not going to make it a wonderful forever? If you’re in a committed relationship and are interested in improving it, it’s valuable to write about and discuss with your partner the qualities you’re committed to. If you’re not in a relationship but would like be in an ecstatic one, it’s useful to define these qualities beforehand. Below are some ideas to get you started. Note that when I say “both people” in these examples, of course you can request that your partner agrees, but it’s important to begin with yourself. You and your partner are different people. If you’re fully participating and your partner isn’t on board with everything you’ve requested, let them explain what exactly they are willing to commit to. Then you can decide whether that works for you. Be patient with them if you’ve never discussed ideas like these before. They may have some learning and catching up to do. Be tactful to help them understand that your interest in leveling-up the relationship doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong. Kindness – A basic starting point for a mutually beneficial relationship is that both people treat each other (and themselves) with kind words and actions. This includes being flexible, forgiving, and striving to understand. To start, take a single day to be acutely mindful of the kindness – or lack thereof – in your words, thoughts, and behaviors (with regard to your partner). This may help you to recognize the potential breadth of kindness. Honesty – Honesty means more than not telling lies or keeping secrets. High level honesty in a relationship designed for growth and synergy entails a great deal of self-awareness. You must know what’s actually going on within you in order to be honest with your words and actions. Otherwise there’s dissonance. Dissonance doesn’t feel good. It may cause you to subconsciously blame the other person or resent the relationship, and your partner will likely perceive it as a lack of closeness. Engagement – It’s natural to have times when we’re wrapped up in our work, family responsibilities, or personal pursuits, with little left to invest in the relationship. A healthy relationship can withstand this, though not indefinitely. In order to get the most out of a relationship, both people must routinely (and enthusiastically) invest time, energy, and presence in it. If you’re finding yourself averse to doing so, return to Honesty and figure out what’s actually going on. Mutuality – It may sound obvious that both people should aim to see and include the other as an equal, conscious being, but it’s exceedingly common to relate to a partner (or anyone else we know) through the internal mental representation we’ve created of them based on past interactions and judgments. In this way, we may treat each other more like objects than vessels of consciousness, light, and love. We may unconsciously regard them as an obstacle, or a thing that serves to give us something or make us happy. (Refer to last week’s article for some direction on authentic relating.) Maturity – Living in an adult-size body doesn’t have much to do with maturity. Relationships can be great facilitators of growing up (which, by the way, doesn’t mean being serious, rigid, or boring). A commitment to maturity in a relationship might mean that both parties endeavor to show up as responsible adults; doing our best not to let our inner child run us (and being honest about when it is); not blaming the other for our own stuff; not playing parent to our partner; being transparent, brave, and communicative. Integrity – In a relationship of integrity, we aim to keep our agreements with ourselves and our partner. We are consistent. We are trustworthy. We strive to maintain harmony between who we are and who we say we want to be. Finally, we do these things not out of a feeling of obligation but with a spirit of rising to the occasion. I hope this article has given you some ideas of the sorts of qualities you wish to commit to in current or future relationships. I can barely imagine the great ways the world would change if we all made such conscious commitments. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Three: Choose Qualities to Commit To [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => relationship-repair-part-three-choose-qualities-to-commit-to [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8719 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [before_loop] => 1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8579 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-03-27 12:00:15 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-03-27 12:00:15 [post_content] => In previous articles we looked at ways to see more dimensions of an issue in order to facilitate its resolution. After sitting a few times with spiritual teacher Leslie Temple-Thurston about 20 years ago, I learned this “squares” approach in her book The Marriage of Spirit and have used it and expanded on it ever since. Rather than seeing “two sides of the coin,” we’d do well to look at (at least) four interconnected aspects to any challenging pattern. While our attachment to one positions tends to keep us stuck, when we see that we contain all of these aspects, this quickly dissipates the intense “charge” around the issue and we can let it go.

You may also be interested in:

Clear Your Blocks to Abundance

New Year Resolution

Relationship Repair Part Three: Choose Qualities to Commit To

The Dragontree