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[post_content] => When a physical gift is given, we see that the person who gives it technically loses something and the recipient gains it. So it’s natural that from witnessing the dynamic of physical giving, we’d conclude that this is how all giving and receiving operates. But the truth is usually the opposite.
Most of what we give is intangible. We give people our love, our hope, our admiration, our blessings ... and also our grievances, our scorn, our envy, even our condemnation. And the rules are quite different with these nonphysical offerings.
First, there’s no loss. Thus, the negative feelings we direct at our fellow humans don’t leave us in the process; instead we get to keep them, amplify them, and steep in them. It’s a bit like pooping in our own bathtub.
Luckily, the same is true of the virtuous gifts we offer. We don’t lose them because they don’t belong to the personality and body we call ME. These virtues are the inexhaustible Light of the Universe, the Divine Love that we are and which wants to be expressed through us. That’s my opinion anyway, and I believe that if you practice this, you, too, will experience it as true.
Second, the giver becomes the recipient. When we direct negative energy at others we are obligated to experience it ourselves. When we attack others with our thoughts, we attack ourselves. But again, this is also true of positive feelings, and they carry a much greater magnitude of power.
So, if you want more peace, lightness, clarity, strength, forgiveness, or love, give it abundantly to others. Maybe you’re thinking, “But I don’t have peace to give to others! That’s why I
want it.” But these virtues aren’t outside or separate from you. You wouldn’t exist without them. They are virtually everything that you are. If you can’t recognize this, it’s not your fault. It’s because, like most people, you have a survival-driven mind that has been trained to hyperfocus on danger, loss, and flaws. And without really understanding the consequences, you have habitually given that mind the majority of your attention. Fortunately, that attention can be shifted, and the mind can be disciplined and transcended.
Our virtues need only to be uncovered and shared. In fact, I would venture to say that we don’t truly know these beautiful truths until we offer them to others. In order to offer them, we must call them up within ourselves. Therefore, making such a gift is an affirmation that we do possess these qualities. As long as we’re reluctant to give them away (even to our enemies) we reinforce the belief that they’re limited, and that more for one means less for another. Giving them away instantly corrects this misperception. Try it. You’ll see.
I encourage you this holiday season (and forever) to do two things. First, make a practice of watching your mind throughout the day. When you catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, shift your attention to something else. Imagine you are in martial arts training and you need to develop laser-like focus. You have no use for mental pollution. Release it. If it helps, you can thank your mind for presenting you with its concerns, but reassure it that it no longer needs to police the world.
Second, give to others the virtues that you wish to receive. Start by silently offering peace or love, or light or vision to those who are closest to you. Notice what happens within yourself when you do this. Then try it with those in your broader community, including the strangers you see on the street and in stores. Then practice with those against whom you harbor grievances, including people you know personally as well as figures in the news and internet trolls. Then try it with the whole world.
We can awaken the planet to a new reality, starting with ourselves.
I offer you love, peace, and lightness,
Peter
[post_title] => DIY: Get what you REALLY want for Christmas
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In my early 20s I had a boss who would ask me every morning, “How goes the battle?” I had never heard that expression before, but recognized that he meant, “How’s it going?” At the time I was learning about neuro-linguistic programming and becoming attuned to people’s word choices, so it struck me as an interesting – and loaded – phrase. Then I began to notice how common it is for people to characterize life as a fight – an ongoing series of conflicts, something we need to slog through, with a risk of imminent danger and an us-versus-them mentality.
Even if we see ourselves as winning the battle, if we hold this perspective, there’s still a chance of getting ambushed, right up to the last minute. So, we must always have our guard up, sleep with one eye open, check our drink for poison, and so on. It causes chronic stress, and we’re never entirely free.
Meanwhile, there are people who see life in a more positive light – as a game, a gift, an opportunity to explore, connect, experience, and be of service. Are they naïve? Are they less successful? Are they blindsided by the unexpected? I don’t believe so. If anything, because their perspective isn’t innately stress-inducing, they have greater resources for adapting to whatever comes.
I encourage you to examine your relationship with the world. How would you sum up your story? What kind of words do you use, both to others and yourself, when you talk and think about your challenges and ambitions? How do you feel about others aiming for the same goals as you? What sorts of bodily feelings go along with this? For extra support in re-wiring yourself, check out our workbook, Freedom, and try doing it for a month.
If you do find that you’re harboring a “battle” mentality, I wonder if it’s possible for you to symbolically wave the white flag, saying to the world (and yourself), “I’m not at war with you.” I know the stakes feel very high sometimes, but what if. . . (1) you could clearly see that being in ongoing conflict is more detrimental than it is beneficial to you, and (2) you had an unwavering link to something you could trust, an assurance that you are fundamentally okay, no matter what.
We often speak of rousing our inner warrior and the term “warrior” comes up a lot in self-help books. The warrior archetype is deep in our collective consciousness. Everyone knows it. And there’s a good side to it. Often, we evoke the warrior archetype when we wish to inspire ourselves to be clear, sharp, and disciplined, to stand up for our values, to protect those in need, to be brave, to have integrity and honor. But the other side of being a warrior is, of course, that you’re at war.
How can we embody these virtues without the sense of perpetual conflict? We live according to archetypes all the time – father, mother, husband, wife, cop, healer, good guy, bad guy, peacekeeper, curmudgeon, artist – mostly without realizing it. The first step is to become aware of the archetypes we’re subconsciously abiding by. Just making it conscious starts the process of releasing us from an archetype’s limitations.
Second, we can begin to forge a picture of something better and freer than any single archetype – our own Highest Self. Who would you be if you were clear, lighthearted, determined, loving, creative, peaceful, spiritual, purposeful, artful, present, honest, forgiving, kind, and brave?
Contrary to what your mind might say, that’s not too many virtues for one person to possess. You’re already somewhere on the spectrum of embodying every one of them. Whatever you dub this most-evolved you – Highest Self, Noble Leader, Queen/King, Divine Being, etc. – know that this is something you can freely choose at any moment.
Spend some time visualizing and feeling into this Highest Self. Imagine that she/he is just waiting for permission to step into the driver’s seat. When your small mind takes over and your habits run you, the Highest Self is nudged into the backseat. It may take some conscious surrender to let go of your default program and allow the better You to be in charge.
Another visualization you might find useful is to see yourself in the center of a circle of many different versions of yourself – all the possible ways you could be. Look around and see if you can spot the one that is the clearest, highest expression of your virtuous essence. Make a choice, and step into that Self. Try doing this every morning for a week and see what changes.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Be Better Than A Warrior
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Even though your grandma told you not to assume because it “makes an ass out of you and me,” assuming is part of life. In fact, if you avoided making assumptions, your life would come to a standstill.
Upon waking up in the morning you’d have to test the stability of the floor by dropping a large dumbbell on it, because you wouldn’t want to assume that it was still structurally sound. Something could have happened to it in the night. Nor would you want to assume that the air is safe to breathe, or that you’re a real human and not actually a robot, or that everyone hasn’t changed their name since yesterday. Without assuming, life would get very crazy very quickly.
If you were able to see the actual extent of your assumptions, it might be more than your mind could handle. But it’s likely that it would also be a profound revelation, because you would see that all these assumptions – and very little objective fact – comprise an enormous story about how life is and who you are.
That story could be one of unlimited potential and unrestrained play! More often, though, it’s a story of “life’s not fair,” and “it’s hard to make real change,” and “people are mean.”
While it’s simply a matter of sanity to assume that our environment is basically unchanged from day to day, it’s quite different to make assumptions about other people’s thoughts, feelings, and motives or our own limitations. Yet, we do it all the time, and often we assume the worst.
When someone doesn’t communicate or act in the way we hope and expect, we might make an automatic assumption that it means they don’t like us or that they have ill intentions.
We rarely find out if our assumptions about other people are accurate, so we could just as easily assume generously. We can assume that people like us, that they’re kind, that they’re doing their best, and that they’re intrinsically noble.
What happens when we assume generously?
The two most significant shifts are:
(1) our story changes for the better
(2) we relate to the other party in a more constructive way
First, our story changes for the better. We may have challenges and others may be confused or even hurtful, but if our assumption is an overarching goodness, we have a lot more freedom in the matter (and so do they).
We’re able to see a bigger picture.
We don’t need to react.
We’re not the victim and our brothers and sisters aren’t villains.
Second, we relate to the other party in a more constructive way. When we assume someone has negative intentions, it’s easy to subtly (or not-so-subtly) contribute to an experience that seems to confirm this.
Through our energy, body language, and words, we convey our resistance to our assumption about them, and they respond to it. Sometimes it goes back and forth for days or weeks or years, until one person – maybe you – decides to cut through the bullshit and assume generously about them.
As soon as you make this choice, you begin listening differently (or listening at all!). You relate to others in a way that’s authentic and seeks harmony, and even calls forth their virtue.
This can snowball in the same way it does with negative assumptions, because seeing the other in a positive light requires tapping into your own virtue. You’re going beyond the drama and conflict and seeing with a higher form of vision.
Thus, your virtue calls forth their virtue, and their virtue inspires your virtue to come even more to the forefront. Soon you’re seeing the light in everyone and simultaneously basking in that light.
But, what if you’re wrong in your generous assumptions?
For the most part, it’s harmless.
You thought someone liked you but they don’t. You thought someone was helping but they weren’t. These incidents are going to be few and far between and you would have discovered the truth regardless of your perspective. In the meantime, though, you were re-scripting your own story of life, and this discovery needn’t invalidate it.
Of course, there’s a difference between having faith in the goodness of humanity and being naive or willfully ignorant. Regardless of someone’s intentions, if you’re actually being harmed in a relationship, don’t try to convince yourself that you should stick around and see their virtue.
Use your intuition and love yourself – and remove yourself from harm if necessary. But don’t let such experiences make you lose sight of the power to interpret events in a positive light, in a way that helps you learn and grow, or in a way that gives you greater clarity as to how you’d like to create your life differently from here on out.
So, here’s an experiment for you to try: for the rest of today, assume generously in every situation. This will require watching the assumptions you’re making – and that in itself can be an eye-opening and life-changing experience.
First, you’ll see what you’re usually assuming degrades your experience of life. Then you’ll have a chance to change your perspective. You don’t need to go to the opposite end of the spectrum (e.g., if someone spits on you, it might be a stretch to assume this is a subtle form of baptism in their culture).
Instead, try giving them the benefit of the doubt. Can you listen? Can you see beyond the surface, beyond your own snap judgement? What happens next? Share your experiences with me in the comments section below.
Love love love,
Briana
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[post_content] => When a physical gift is given, we see that the person who gives it technically loses something and the recipient gains it. So it’s natural that from witnessing the dynamic of physical giving, we’d conclude that this is how all giving and receiving operates. But the truth is usually the opposite.
Most of what we give is intangible. We give people our love, our hope, our admiration, our blessings ... and also our grievances, our scorn, our envy, even our condemnation. And the rules are quite different with these nonphysical offerings.
First, there’s no loss. Thus, the negative feelings we direct at our fellow humans don’t leave us in the process; instead we get to keep them, amplify them, and steep in them. It’s a bit like pooping in our own bathtub.
Luckily, the same is true of the virtuous gifts we offer. We don’t lose them because they don’t belong to the personality and body we call ME. These virtues are the inexhaustible Light of the Universe, the Divine Love that we are and which wants to be expressed through us. That’s my opinion anyway, and I believe that if you practice this, you, too, will experience it as true.
Second, the giver becomes the recipient. When we direct negative energy at others we are obligated to experience it ourselves. When we attack others with our thoughts, we attack ourselves. But again, this is also true of positive feelings, and they carry a much greater magnitude of power.
So, if you want more peace, lightness, clarity, strength, forgiveness, or love, give it abundantly to others. Maybe you’re thinking, “But I don’t have peace to give to others! That’s why I
want it.” But these virtues aren’t outside or separate from you. You wouldn’t exist without them. They are virtually everything that you are. If you can’t recognize this, it’s not your fault. It’s because, like most people, you have a survival-driven mind that has been trained to hyperfocus on danger, loss, and flaws. And without really understanding the consequences, you have habitually given that mind the majority of your attention. Fortunately, that attention can be shifted, and the mind can be disciplined and transcended.
Our virtues need only to be uncovered and shared. In fact, I would venture to say that we don’t truly know these beautiful truths until we offer them to others. In order to offer them, we must call them up within ourselves. Therefore, making such a gift is an affirmation that we do possess these qualities. As long as we’re reluctant to give them away (even to our enemies) we reinforce the belief that they’re limited, and that more for one means less for another. Giving them away instantly corrects this misperception. Try it. You’ll see.
I encourage you this holiday season (and forever) to do two things. First, make a practice of watching your mind throughout the day. When you catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, shift your attention to something else. Imagine you are in martial arts training and you need to develop laser-like focus. You have no use for mental pollution. Release it. If it helps, you can thank your mind for presenting you with its concerns, but reassure it that it no longer needs to police the world.
Second, give to others the virtues that you wish to receive. Start by silently offering peace or love, or light or vision to those who are closest to you. Notice what happens within yourself when you do this. Then try it with those in your broader community, including the strangers you see on the street and in stores. Then practice with those against whom you harbor grievances, including people you know personally as well as figures in the news and internet trolls. Then try it with the whole world.
We can awaken the planet to a new reality, starting with ourselves.
I offer you love, peace, and lightness,
Peter
[post_title] => DIY: Get what you REALLY want for Christmas
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