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[post_content] => When a physical gift is given, we see that the person who gives it technically loses something and the recipient gains it. So it’s natural that from witnessing the dynamic of physical giving, we’d conclude that this is how all giving and receiving operates. But the truth is usually the opposite.
Most of what we give is intangible. We give people our love, our hope, our admiration, our blessings ... and also our grievances, our scorn, our envy, even our condemnation. And the rules are quite different with these nonphysical offerings.
First, there’s no loss. Thus, the negative feelings we direct at our fellow humans don’t leave us in the process; instead we get to keep them, amplify them, and steep in them. It’s a bit like pooping in our own bathtub.
Luckily, the same is true of the virtuous gifts we offer. We don’t lose them because they don’t belong to the personality and body we call ME. These virtues are the inexhaustible Light of the Universe, the Divine Love that we are and which wants to be expressed through us. That’s my opinion anyway, and I believe that if you practice this, you, too, will experience it as true.
Second, the giver becomes the recipient. When we direct negative energy at others we are obligated to experience it ourselves. When we attack others with our thoughts, we attack ourselves. But again, this is also true of positive feelings, and they carry a much greater magnitude of power.
So, if you want more peace, lightness, clarity, strength, forgiveness, or love, give it abundantly to others. Maybe you’re thinking, “But I don’t have peace to give to others! That’s why I want it.” But these virtues aren’t outside or separate from you. You wouldn’t exist without them. They are virtually everything that you are. If you can’t recognize this, it’s not your fault. It’s because, like most people, you have a survival-driven mind that has been trained to hyperfocus on danger, loss, and flaws. And without really understanding the consequences, you have habitually given that mind the majority of your attention. Fortunately, that attention can be shifted, and the mind can be disciplined and transcended.
Our virtues need only to be uncovered and shared. In fact, I would venture to say that we don’t truly know these beautiful truths until we offer them to others. In order to offer them, we must call them up within ourselves. Therefore, making such a gift is an affirmation that we do possess these qualities. As long as we’re reluctant to give them away (even to our enemies) we reinforce the belief that they’re limited, and that more for one means less for another. Giving them away instantly corrects this misperception. Try it. You’ll see.
I encourage you this holiday season (and forever) to do two things. First, make a practice of watching your mind throughout the day. When you catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, shift your attention to something else. Imagine you are in martial arts training and you need to develop laser-like focus. You have no use for mental pollution. Release it. If it helps, you can thank your mind for presenting you with its concerns, but reassure it that it no longer needs to police the world.
Second, give to others the virtues that you wish to receive. Start by silently offering peace or love, or light or vision to those who are closest to you. Notice what happens within yourself when you do this. Then try it with those in your broader community, including the strangers you see on the street and in stores. Then practice with those against whom you harbor grievances, including people you know personally as well as figures in the news and internet trolls. Then try it with the whole world.
We can awaken the planet to a new reality, starting with ourselves.
I offer you love, peace, and lightness,
Peter
[post_title] => DIY: Get what you REALLY want for Christmas
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[post_content] => In past articles I suggested that while it’s common to think that the essence of commitment is staying together no matter what, this is a pretty superficial interpretation. More meaningful is a commitment to a certain quality of relationship. What’s the value in saying “forever” if you’re not going to make it a wonderful forever?
If you’re in a committed relationship and are interested in improving it, it’s valuable to write about and discuss with your partner the qualities you’re committed to. If you’re not in a relationship but would like be in an ecstatic one, it’s useful to define these qualities beforehand. Below are some ideas to get you started.
Note that when I say “both people” in these examples, of course you can request that your partner agrees, but it’s important to begin with yourself. You and your partner are different people. If you’re fully participating and your partner isn’t on board with everything you’ve requested, let them explain what exactly they are willing to commit to. Then you can decide whether that works for you.
Be patient with them if you’ve never discussed ideas like these before. They may have some learning and catching up to do. Be tactful to help them understand that your interest in leveling-up the relationship doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong.
Kindness – A basic starting point for a mutually beneficial relationship is that both people treat each other (and themselves) with kind words and actions. This includes being flexible, forgiving, and striving to understand. To start, take a single day to be acutely mindful of the kindness – or lack thereof – in your words, thoughts, and behaviors (with regard to your partner). This may help you to recognize the potential breadth of kindness.
Honesty – Honesty means more than not telling lies or keeping secrets. High level honesty in a relationship designed for growth and synergy entails a great deal of self-awareness. You must know what’s actually going on within you in order to be honest with your words and actions. Otherwise there’s dissonance. Dissonance doesn’t feel good. It may cause you to subconsciously blame the other person or resent the relationship, and your partner will likely perceive it as a lack of closeness.
Engagement – It’s natural to have times when we’re wrapped up in our work, family responsibilities, or personal pursuits, with little left to invest in the relationship. A healthy relationship can withstand this, though not indefinitely. In order to get the most out of a relationship, both people must routinely (and enthusiastically) invest time, energy, and presence in it. If you’re finding yourself averse to doing so, return to Honesty and figure out what’s actually going on.
Mutuality – It may sound obvious that both people should aim to see and include the other as an equal, conscious being, but it’s exceedingly common to relate to a partner (or anyone else we know) through the internal mental representation we’ve created of them based on past interactions and judgments. In this way, we may treat each other more like objects than vessels of consciousness, light, and love. We may unconsciously regard them as an obstacle, or a thing that serves to give us something or make us happy. (Refer to last week’s article for some direction on authentic relating.)
Maturity – Living in an adult-size body doesn’t have much to do with maturity. Relationships can be great facilitators of growing up (which, by the way, doesn’t mean being serious, rigid, or boring). A commitment to maturity in a relationship might mean that both parties endeavor to show up as responsible adults; doing our best not to let our inner child run us (and being honest about when it is); not blaming the other for our own stuff; not playing parent to our partner; being transparent, brave, and communicative.
Integrity – In a relationship of integrity, we aim to keep our agreements with ourselves and our partner. We are consistent. We are trustworthy. We strive to maintain harmony between who we are and who we say we want to be. Finally, we do these things not out of a feeling of obligation but with a spirit of rising to the occasion.
I hope this article has given you some ideas of the sorts of qualities you wish to commit to in current or future relationships. I can barely imagine the great ways the world would change if we all made such conscious commitments.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Three: Choose Qualities to Commit To
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[post_content] => “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't actively listen to the radio, but when my ipod dies I'll turn it on in my car. Maybe I'm older now, but I don't get it. The majority of the really popular stuff really offends me with its lack of substance, over-sexualizing of everything, trite messages, and cookie cutter sound.
This is top 40 radio, so the numbers of people in a younger age range that hear this stuff is HUGE! Why is it that when a female singer decides that they want to "grow up" and change their image it automatically relates to hardly wearing any clothes? Of course, the result seems to be so many girls that seem to be too young running around in very little clothing. We can assume that it wasn't really their decision to make, but more of a dictation by popular culture.
I've read about performers such as Rhianna claiming that they empower women while the stills from her latest videos seem to have her wearing only prosthetic lizard skin over her breasts. Where is the power in that? Where is the power in singing music that someone else has written and fitting into a cookie cutter overblown version of sexuality that seems to have been created?
I like to think of myself as open minded. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see strength and the definition of adulthood in these things. I see no personality. I see no control of oneself. As one who has long been involved in the music industry, I know that there are executives making these decisions to package these people in a very precise way...and it is so disheartening.
Pick up a guitar. Put pen to paper. Dress how you want, but do it with a CONVICTION that is YOU and not what you think you are supposed to be. Be intelligent. Speak your mind. Own your body. Do with it what rings true to yourself and not what peers or a particularly broken industry tells you to.
-Meredith DeLoca (Assistant Spa Director - The Dragontree PDX)
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[post_content] => When a physical gift is given, we see that the person who gives it technically loses something and the recipient gains it. So it’s natural that from witnessing the dynamic of physical giving, we’d conclude that this is how all giving and receiving operates. But the truth is usually the opposite.
Most of what we give is intangible. We give people our love, our hope, our admiration, our blessings ... and also our grievances, our scorn, our envy, even our condemnation. And the rules are quite different with these nonphysical offerings.
First, there’s no loss. Thus, the negative feelings we direct at our fellow humans don’t leave us in the process; instead we get to keep them, amplify them, and steep in them. It’s a bit like pooping in our own bathtub.
Luckily, the same is true of the virtuous gifts we offer. We don’t lose them because they don’t belong to the personality and body we call ME. These virtues are the inexhaustible Light of the Universe, the Divine Love that we are and which wants to be expressed through us. That’s my opinion anyway, and I believe that if you practice this, you, too, will experience it as true.
Second, the giver becomes the recipient. When we direct negative energy at others we are obligated to experience it ourselves. When we attack others with our thoughts, we attack ourselves. But again, this is also true of positive feelings, and they carry a much greater magnitude of power.
So, if you want more peace, lightness, clarity, strength, forgiveness, or love, give it abundantly to others. Maybe you’re thinking, “But I don’t have peace to give to others! That’s why I want it.” But these virtues aren’t outside or separate from you. You wouldn’t exist without them. They are virtually everything that you are. If you can’t recognize this, it’s not your fault. It’s because, like most people, you have a survival-driven mind that has been trained to hyperfocus on danger, loss, and flaws. And without really understanding the consequences, you have habitually given that mind the majority of your attention. Fortunately, that attention can be shifted, and the mind can be disciplined and transcended.
Our virtues need only to be uncovered and shared. In fact, I would venture to say that we don’t truly know these beautiful truths until we offer them to others. In order to offer them, we must call them up within ourselves. Therefore, making such a gift is an affirmation that we do possess these qualities. As long as we’re reluctant to give them away (even to our enemies) we reinforce the belief that they’re limited, and that more for one means less for another. Giving them away instantly corrects this misperception. Try it. You’ll see.
I encourage you this holiday season (and forever) to do two things. First, make a practice of watching your mind throughout the day. When you catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, shift your attention to something else. Imagine you are in martial arts training and you need to develop laser-like focus. You have no use for mental pollution. Release it. If it helps, you can thank your mind for presenting you with its concerns, but reassure it that it no longer needs to police the world.
Second, give to others the virtues that you wish to receive. Start by silently offering peace or love, or light or vision to those who are closest to you. Notice what happens within yourself when you do this. Then try it with those in your broader community, including the strangers you see on the street and in stores. Then practice with those against whom you harbor grievances, including people you know personally as well as figures in the news and internet trolls. Then try it with the whole world.
We can awaken the planet to a new reality, starting with ourselves.
I offer you love, peace, and lightness,
Peter
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