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Don't deprive the world of your warmth and light!
How can you share your acceptance and love with the world? Leave a comment below and let us know.
[post_title] => Talking Wellness with Peter: The Fire Element (video)
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"The Earth element is the feeling of the fruits of our labors being harvested and getting to enjoy them and feel a sense of abundance."
I encourage you not to skip this step. How will you be there to celebrate your harvest?
[post_title] => Talking Wellness with Peter: The Earth Element
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[post_content] => The other day, my 81-year-old neighbor told me that he was taking a shower when, over the sound of the rushing water, he suddenly heard a combination of yelping and snarling noises. He immediately knew what it was: coyotes attacking his little dog. He ran outside, scared the coyotes away, and started tending to his dog’s wounds. Then his wife came outside. “She tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘Honey, you’re standing naked in the front yard.’ Oops! So I was!”
A few months ago we moved to a rural area. It’s the farthest I’ve ever lived from other people. While I looked forward to having more land to do things like raise chickens and grow our own food, I was also concerned that I would feel isolated and lonely. Then I met this gentleman. A few days after we moved in, he introduced himself with an armload of tomatoes and zucchini from his garden. He noticed that we hadn’t mowed our lawn yet, so a few hours later he returned on his tractor and mowed it for us. He’s a master gardener and woodworker, and offered unlimited horticultural advice and the use of his tools.
Many times I’ve said to myself, “What an absolute treasure.” The same goes for many of my other neighbors, most of whom are at least a generation older than me. I’m reminded of my earliest studies in psychology, when I was attracted to the developmental theory of Erik Erikson.
Erikson theorized that humans move through eight stages of psychosocial development. At each stage, he said, we are presented with a challenge or “crisis” between two conflicting qualities. One of these qualities supports our growth and evolution while the other thwarts it. If we choose to adopt the former, we develop a
virtue associated with that stage.
In the first stage (Oral-Sensory), roughly from birth to age two, all of our basic needs are met by our parents and other caregivers. We are utterly dependent on others, and we are faced with the crisis of Trust versus Mistrust, which Erikson characterized with the question, “Can I trust the world?” If our parents are consistent, kind, dependable, and loving, we are likely to develop trust in others and a fundamental trust in ourselves. This leads to the virtue of hope, which helps us navigate the upcoming stages. If not, we are likely to become mistrustful of the world – seeing it as undependable and unpredictable.
For the sake of space, I’m just going to give you the nutshell versions of the next handful – until we get to the elder years. The ages given for the following can vary somewhat.
• Stage 2. From ages 2 through 4, the crisis is between
autonomy versus
shame and
doubt. The existential question is, “Is it okay to be me?” And the virtue presented is
will.
• Stage 3. From ages 4 through 5, the crisis is between
initiative versus
guilt. The existential question is, “Is it okay for me to do, move, and act?” And the virtue presented is
purpose.
• Stage 4. From age 5 through 12, the crisis is between
industry versus
inferiority. The existential question is, “Can I make it in the world of people and things?” And the virtue presented is
competence.
• Stage 5. From ages 13 through 19, the crisis is between
identity versus
role confusion. The existential question is, “Who am I and what can I be?” And the virtue presented is
fidelity.
• Stage 6. From age 20 through 39, the crisis is between
intimacy versus
isolation. The existential question is, “Can I love?” And the virtue presented is
love.
Now we come to the age ranges of my amazing neighbors. From age 40 through 64, the crisis is between
generativity versus
stagnation. The existential question is, “Can I make my life count?” The virtue presented is
care. Erikson felt that during middle adulthood, the main task is to contribute to society and help guide and support future generations. Embracing this mantle makes us
generative whereas a self-centered life leads to
stagnation.
From age 65 to death, we face the crisis of
integrity versus
despair. The existential question is, “Is it okay to have been me?” As we become less productive and perhaps feel less useful to society, it’s possible to slip into despair, especially if we look back at our life through a lens of negativity, regret, or criticism. Alternatively, if we’re able to look back at the goodness we’ve enjoyed and shared, the ways we have served and accomplished, we experience
integrity and the virtue of
wisdom emerges.
Several years ago, as I witnessed the decline of some older patients who became bitter and sad, I began to recognize one of the primary fears of the elderly: to have nothing that the rest of the world values – being useless, wrinkled, irrelevant, confused, and a burden on others. And I thought, “What a horrible way to end life.”
But as I enjoy the company of my new neighbors, feeling anything but isolated, grateful to have healthy
elders as friends, I know such a course isn’t inevitable. These folks have clearly chosen
generativity and
integrity. They share their wisdom and worth with the world. And I believe they would continue to do so even if they were disabled and unable to help out, because it’s a state of mind, really. It’s inspiring and encouraging to know that such choices are available to me as I age, and that such individuals are available to help us navigate the way.
What has your experience of elderhood been? Are you an elder? What are your struggles and triumphs? Share your wisdom with our community!
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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Don't deprive the world of your warmth and light!
How can you share your acceptance and love with the world? Leave a comment below and let us know.
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♡♡
As a Licensed Massage Therapist, this resonates deeply to my being. It is without a doubt, truth. I look for the kyo to balance the jitsu.
Thank you for this article.
Sincerely
Dora Gonzalez, LMT
Owner/Operater @
Bear Paws Massage
870-615-0675
Thanks, Dora. Glad you’re doing the good work.
Love this ebb and flow dynamic that alludes to many facets of our lives!!
Thank you, Dawn. It’s everywhere.
Wonderful insight! I greatly appreciate being able to learn this!
Thank you, Ashley. I’m glad it was helpful for you.
Thanks for sharing this – it will help me be present in the moment. Touch and energy are such interesting things to learn about.
Thank you, Aleen. Yes, presence is the most valuable thing.
Thank you for this insight. I receive regular massages but always wondered why a week or two later I would be locked up again. I will look closer at this as part of my personal growth.
You’re welcome, Renee. Yes, there’s likely something deeper that isn’t being addressed.
Great article and so full of wisdom.
Thank you, Julie. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Very nice article. It touched me in the right place, my heart! Thank you!
Thanks, Aimee & you’re welcome. I’m glad your heart was receptive to it.
I wanted to share this article, its resonaltion with me and my current situation is amazing, but FB said it had a hard time with the URL.
Is it not ok to share it?
Nevermind, I found it on your FB page. Sorry – Thanks for all you do!
Thanks, Lisa. I’m glad you got it figured out.
I really liked this article although I must admit that I first started reading it thinking that you were going to talk about pro-biotics or something along those lines! It definitely makes a lot of sense that if there’s a problem in one area that there’s likely an imbalance in another area.
Thanks!
Ha! I should have thought of that interpretation. Although there are many non-pathogenic species of amoeba, I generally don’t recommend that people deliberately consume them 😉 And yes, jitsu and kyo are like yin and yang – two sides of a coin.
Great post, Dr Peter! A very timely reminder for me. Also, it brings to mind to mind a Tom Robbins quote, “There is only one amoeba.”
Thanks, aQui. I never heard that quote!
This resonates so much with me. I have been feeling off balance for some time. I think it’s my kyo / jitsu in a push /pull perpetual state (resulting in very little touch) It’s time to figure this out…Thank you for opening my eyes.
You’re welcome, Didi. I hope you get to the bottom of it and open up.
This is a great article! I have learned so much from you over the years. Thanks for all that you share!
Thanks, Kelly!
This gave words to experiences I have had as a licensed massage therapist. At the beginning of every appointment I ask clients to rank for me the goals they would like addressed at that time. Many, many times I also end up working on something they did not mention, and when I am asked, ‘How did you know to do that?’ all I can say is that it called to me.
Thank you!