Letting Go of Self Sabotage

My friend called me this morning begging to be rescued from herself. She said “I knew I had a ton of things to catch up on today and projects I want to work on that will move me towards my goals, yet I stayed up late last night, slept in, walked in multiple circles trying to figure out where to start, then after feeling overwhelmed and discouraged I turned on Netflix and binge watched 2 seasons of Friends. What is wrong with me? I am wasting my youth and my life, I’m never going to amount to anything! Why do I do this?”

Her shame and self-blame were on a downward spiral fast and she needed someone to snap her out of it.

Self-sabotage happens when part of our ego wants to stop us from going beyond our ego constructs. Our egos are strong, they’re here to try to keep us safe, which usually means keeping us small, in this little container where we protect ourselves. Within these boundaries, we limit ourselves because we’re only willing to experience what’s familiar. So we procrastinate, we create obstacles, we stir up drama to get in our own way.

Then something arises within us, a desire to connect, to expand, deepen. As that happens our ego comes in and tries to obscure it because it doesn’t feel safe, it’s the great unknown for the ego because it isn’t where the ego lives, that’s when self-sabotage rears it’s ugly head.

First become aware of where you’re self-sabotaging and bring a huge amount of curiosity to the underlying reasons and impulses causing it. Many people haven’t been introduced to this practice of deep inquiry, so they only scan the surface layers of it. Even if they notice that they are self-sabotaging they may only recognize it’s not serving them but don’t examine the deeper “why was I doing that, where did it come from, isn’t that interesting?” Where else in your life do you have this experience? Where do you feel that in your body? What does it look like when you sabotage yourself?  How does it feel when are you doing it? When does it come up? When does it not come up? How has it felt when you didn’t do it?

What advice did I give to my friend? “Love yourself anyway. There’s no benefit to feeling bad about it, but be honest about what is really going on. Dig into why are you not doing what you say you want to do. Do you actually not want to do those things? What do you really want to be devoted to? What action can you take towards that today, right now?”

Keep asking the whys, hows, and whats so you can start shining a light on this ego structure that is trying to keep you in your small self. The keys to ending the cycles of self-sabotage are meditation and being curious about your feelings. Curiosity without judgment is crucial. If you’re judging while being curious you’re not really being curious, you’re examining the right and wrong of something versus opening up to deeper understanding. Honor that voice arising from within you that is leading you to heal old destructive patterns by listening.

Really slow down and listen… listen… listen… listen…listen.

If you’re having a hard time uncovering the whys or being able to hear that loving voice inside you, I’d love to help. Join our Love Rising community as we gather in a group to get in touch with our true selves, in touch with our essence. As a group, we’ll amplify this connection and get clear on the next step forward, along the way resolving obstacles and challenges blocking our ability to receive. To trust. 

With so much love for you,


PS – The next Love Rising Collective begins January 11th. Don’t wait, or you’ll miss it.

3 thoughts on “Letting Go of Self Sabotage

  1. I would love to join!

    1. We’d love to have you!

      Here’s a link to join: http://www.brianaborten.com/love-rising

  2. Thank you great awareness on the issue and hopefully would be very helpful if again the ego would allow it,I was writing about my art and finding how big if a place is it taking in my counsiousness I got to a point that realized the sabotage of my ego which relates to past hurts being covered so much that it’s hidden and unreachable ,great article.

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