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What do you like about your anxiety?
This is a question I’ve asked many of my patients. Unsurprisingly, almost everyone’s initial response is “nothing.” But over time (especially in people who are determined to get the most out of their unpleasant experiences) I’ve seen anxiety become a gift that re-orients people in a profound way.
I’ve learned many strategies for managing anxiety directly, some of which I shared in my
last article. They can really help. However, my greatest intention isn’t merely that we can effectively manage anxiety when it arises, but that our basic orientation is to be attuned to what’s good, what’s working, and what we
love about life.
So this time I’m going to share self-care practices to guide you back to the love beneath that fear.
It’s true that fear isn’t usually a
healthy expression of love, but sometimes it is – like when love spurs fear in a parent and they rush into harm’s way to save a child. Most of the time we’re afraid, though, the underlying love is so contorted by the mind that it doesn’t feel like love at all. It just feels nasty and horrible, and we get into a vicious circle whereby the feeling prompts fearful thoughts and the thoughts heighten the feelings, and so on.
But deeper than all of that craziness, we love life, we love ourselves, and we love others. I would like to invite you this week to bring your anxious feelings back to the loving point of their origin.
1) Practice good posture. Having a straight spine automatically helps you to breathe more fully. It also has a subtle effect on your mood. It’s easier to feel threatened, weak, or like a victim when you’re slouching; conversely, when you sit or stand tall, with a straight spine, you’ll naturally feel clearer and more confident.
2) State the facts (in the morning and always). What you do in the morning affects your whole day, so start with a brief and enthusiastic session of truth telling. What is good right now? Are you alive? Are you breathing? Did the sun rise again? Do you have enough to eat? Say it.
Who do you choose to be today? A light-hearted person? A truth-telling person? An emissary of love in the world? A devoted servant to the highest good of the world? Say it.
Pausing, noticing, and stating the facts about what’s good in your life is like hitting the save button. It programs your mind to continue to spot the good stuff. It reconfigures you for peace.
And stating the facts during fearful times is like becoming a warrior with a razor sharp sword. With your loving fierceness, you cut through the collective illusions and emotional fog, reminding yourself and others,
We didn’t jump into the world just so we could cower from life. The truth is bigger (and better) than the story we’re telling each other.
3) Get connected to the elements. Spend time in nature, ideally including some direct contact of skin to earth and natural bodies of water. Some people with anxiety also report that they feel much better with sun exposure. Others feel a benefit from sitting in front of a fire or even several candles. Besides helping to realign you with the rhythm of the natural world, it’s also a nice break from your electronic devices and media.
4) Establish a daily routine and stick to it. Predictability helps stabilize a wayward mind and helps the body get into a consistent rhythm. This means setting a regular bedtime and wake time, having meals at the same time each day, exercising on a regular basis at the same time, meditating at the same time, bathing at the same time, etc. Of course, your routine shouldn’t be strict in a way that generates stress if you stray from it – it’s something you do out of kindness for yourself.
5) Love actively. There’s no use in trying to obliterate fear. That would be like trying to destroy the sound of ‘middle C’ on a piano. Fear is a frequency of energy. No matter how you train yourself to cut it out of your life, you can always call it up again. Instead, focus on the love beneath.
What do you
love that your mind tells you is threatened? Give your attention to loving what you love instead. Love is so much stronger and bigger than fear, and unlike fear, love is a unifying and creative force. If you’re out of practice, find the things that are easiest to love, like kittens and donuts, and feel the love opening your heart. Then practice expanding that love to envelop yourself, your neighbor, your houseplants . . . and your fear. Then go bigger.
All along, keep opening your heart. Just imagine it opening like a golden ring in the center of your chest. Learn to feel when it closes, and patiently open it again and again and again.
Love will prevail. Always.
Dr. Peter Borten
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I was wandering around in a hardware store the other day, feeling rather hot and stuffy in my mask – and also a little anxious – when I realized my mouth was wide open. I shut my mouth, which required me to deepen my breathing through my nose, and soon my mask felt less stuffy and the anxiety was gone. It occurred to me that I mouth-breathe a lot when I have a mask on, and I’ve resolved to stop.
A few years after moving to Colorado I realized that I had been mouth breathing while asleep and increasingly while awake, too. During the same period of time, I noticed my sleep had been worse, I felt more anxious, I had a harder time concentrating, my energy was lower, and my gums had receded significantly. It might sound like a stretch to attribute all of that to breathing through my mouth rather than my nose, but I’m convinced that mouth breathing was a contributing factor.
Mouth breathing begets more mouth breathing. When we breathe through our mouth over years, the facial structure can change – especially in children. The face may become longer and narrower. The palate narrows too, which causes a higher arch, infringing on the airways above. Teeth become crowded and crooked. The tongue drops to the floor of the mouth all day instead of resting against the upper palate, and this can contribute to sleep apnea and snoring.
Mouth breathing tends to be more rapid than nose breathing, which may promote a feeling of anxiousness and may be misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit Disorder. Breathing through the mouth is less efficient at oxygenating the body than nasal breathing. Mouth breathing can raise our blood pressure. It causes dryness of the mouth, bad breath, and increased susceptibility to tooth decay and gum disease.
When we breathe through the nose, we inhale more of a gas called nitric oxide (not “laughing gas” which is nitrous oxide) that is produced in the paranasal sinuses. Nitric oxide kills bacteria. The nose also warms and filters incoming air. For all these reasons, nasal breathing reduces our chances of getting sick via airborne germs. In terms of spreading sickness to others, we exhale many fewer “respiratory droplets” through the nose than through the mouth. Some doctors propose that nasal breathing is an easy intervention to reduce your risk of contracting COVID-19. If wearing a mask causes you to mouth breathing, this may partly or significantly negate the protective value of the mask. I recommend trying to remember to breathe through your nose especially in public spaces and when wearing a mask.
Nose breathing carries the nitric oxide from the nasal airways down into the lungs, where it decreases blood pressure and increases oxygenation of our tissues. When we mouth breathe we don’t get these benefits. Interestingly, studies have shown that humming increases nasal nitric oxide production, so your homework assignment is to hum throughout the day.
For most mouth breathers, switching to nasal breathing is mainly just a matter of remembering to do it. But there are three times when it can be more tricky: while sleeping, while congested, and while exercising.
If you keep your mouth closed while sleeping, chances are you’ll sleep better, snore less, wake up with sweeter breath, and without a sore throat. Some scientists have also proposed that mouth breathing during sleep increases the need to urinate during the night, so switching to your nose may reduce your trips to the bathroom.
I’ve found that blowing my nose before bed and simply intending to keep my mouth closed while asleep works fairly well. If that doesn’t work for you, consider taping your mouth closed. I know it sounds weird and perhaps unpleasant, but it’s not bad. Just use a small piece of medical tape (about an inch) vertically over the center of your lips. 3M paper tape is a good choice. If this makes you psychologically uncomfortable, try taping your mouth half an hour before going to sleep so you can get used to it. Or try taping just one side of your mouth. (Don’t tape your mouth if you’re drunk or have a health issue that may necessitate an urgent need to open your mouth or an obstruction of your nose. It’s also a good idea to leave at least a corner of your mouth not taped.) Having a bedroom that’s cool, airy, and clean will help.
It’s totally normal to breathe through your mouth while engaged in intense exercise. Just watch people jogging down the street and note how many have an open mouth. It takes practice and effort to break yourself of this habit, and it may feel at first like you simply can’t get enough air in through your nose. But you’ll find that your nasal breaths are longer and deeper. Your breathing rate will slow down considerably and so will your heart rate. Plus, you’ll get more oxygen into your body and at the end of your workout you’ll feel invigorated.
If you have a hard time breathing through your nose because you’re congested, there are a few options. Obviously if you’re sick you may just have to wait for it to pass, and if you have allergies you’ll have to do your best to avoid allergens and treat your allergy symptoms with whatever works (some natural options include quercetin, nettle extract, liposomal vitamin C, n-acetyl cysteine, and a supplement called Antronex made by the company Standard Process [I have no relationship with them]).
But simply breathing through your nose anyway can often encourage it to clear. At the beginning you may have to enlist your mouth to assist, but if you continue to breathe exclusively through your mouth your nose will be less apt to clear. Just try to breathe through your nose and notice its ability to clear itself.
Finally, there are some specific breathing techniques for unblocking your nose, one of which is simply to hold your breath for as long as you can while nodding your head up and down or swaying your torso from side to side, then releasing the breath through the nose. Within five breaths this usually works. Here’s a video of it. You may also benefit from nasal rinsing (AKA “neti”) followed by nasal lubrication. We make a Nasal Oil for this purpose which I formulated.
I would love to hear about your experience with mouth breathing and nose breathing. Share with us in the comments section.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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A few weeks ago we had a dozen Dragontree managers staying at our house for a 2020 planning session. There were lots of laughs and lots of great ideas. It was a wonderful reminder to me of the power of group consciousness.
We need only to look at the state of the world to understand the prevailing group consciousness on our planet. An individual has a big idea. This inspires a small group to adopt the idea and it grows. Increasing numbers of people are attracted. They hold the idea in their consciousness, they share it, they imbue it with their energy. And large-scale reality changes.
If you want to make an idea real, enlist the power of group consciousness – even if that group only consists of two people. When you do something with a likeminded friend, it’s more likely to succeed. This is why we talk so much about doing your life planning with your partner or a supportive group of comrades.
Numerous bands of Dreambookers have formed and they’ve shared that the collective energy inspires them to dream bigger, to get realer, and to express these dreams to each other. There’s something magic about telling another person of a dream which you’ve previously kept to yourself.
Besides the synergy that occurs when more than one mind is holding an intention, doing planning with others promotes clarity and alignment. This is especially important for those whose lives are intertwined. Whether you use the Dreambook or another tool, sharing this process hugely increases the likelihood that your plans are going to work out in a mutually beneficial and harmonious way.
It’s easy to see the downsides to not planning together: you’ll probably be out of sync; you may want things that are in direct opposition to one another and you won’t have the chance to forge a compromise; you may end up in circumstances that are good for one person but not the other; you may even subconsciously sabotage each other’s plans because of an unrecognized belief your partner’s plan may infringe on or contradict your own.
But the upsides are hopefully an even better reason to plan together:
You get to experience the alchemy of two (or more) people’s urge to grow and create. When you’re both aiming for a shared future, each person consciously adds their own colors and strokes to the canvas and the result is a more beautiful and integrated work of art than if you had crafted two works independently. You get to say, “Here’s what I want,” and they say, “Here’s what I want,” and together you stretch and grow, engage your creative power, and hold the space for a magnificent, fulfilling outcome. If you can your whole family or peer group involved in the co-visioning and co-creation process, that’s all the more energy flowing in the same direction.
You get to build plans that play off each other’s strengths and drives. Rather than each person doing everything themselves, the different roles in a shared plan can be managed by whomever is best suited to them. And if one person having an off day, the other person can carry the baton.
You get to use each other as a sounding board. When you discuss your future plans with someone who knows and cares about you, they can offer vital feedback. They might see what you don’t – that you’re pursuing something that’s no longer in line with your values; that you’re charging too little for your services; that you could be dreaming bigger; that you’re going about a task in a way that’s unnecessarily difficult; etc.
Inevitably, planning with another person, whether it’s a friend or a life partner, is going to push you (and your plan) to grow in ways that are less likely to occur when you’re doing it on your own. It’s harder to stay in your comfort zone when there are others involved. In fact, we may want to plan independently because we know this. “If I don’t tell anyone my plan,” we might think, “no one can tell me it’s a bad idea.” Or, “If I don’t tell my partner what I have in mind for the future, we won’t have to discover that we’re incompatible.” But opening up the conversation – with someone who genuinely supports you to live to your potential – is the only way to ensure that it’s going to work for the highest good of everyone involved.
Do you use the Dreambook with a friend? With your partner? What have you experienced with consciously co-creating?
Be well,
Peter
P.S. By the way, I was inspired to write about group consciousness by a passage I recently encountered in Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch:
“Group consciousness is something that is not widely understood—yet it is extremely powerful and can, if you are not careful, often overcome individual consciousness. You must always, therefore, endeavor to create group consciousness wherever you go, and with whatever you do, if you wish your larger life experience on the planet to be harmonious. . . . If you cannot find a group whose consciousness matches your own, be the source of one. Others of like consciousness will be drawn to you.
Individuals and smaller groups must affect larger groups—and, ultimately, the largest group of all, which is ALL humankind—for there to be permanent and significant change on your planet. Your world, and the condition it is in, is a reflection of the total, combined consciousness of everyone living there.”
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What do you like about your anxiety?
This is a question I’ve asked many of my patients. Unsurprisingly, almost everyone’s initial response is “nothing.” But over time (especially in people who are determined to get the most out of their unpleasant experiences) I’ve seen anxiety become a gift that re-orients people in a profound way.
I’ve learned many strategies for managing anxiety directly, some of which I shared in my
last article. They can really help. However, my greatest intention isn’t merely that we can effectively manage anxiety when it arises, but that our basic orientation is to be attuned to what’s good, what’s working, and what we
love about life.
So this time I’m going to share self-care practices to guide you back to the love beneath that fear.
It’s true that fear isn’t usually a
healthy expression of love, but sometimes it is – like when love spurs fear in a parent and they rush into harm’s way to save a child. Most of the time we’re afraid, though, the underlying love is so contorted by the mind that it doesn’t feel like love at all. It just feels nasty and horrible, and we get into a vicious circle whereby the feeling prompts fearful thoughts and the thoughts heighten the feelings, and so on.
But deeper than all of that craziness, we love life, we love ourselves, and we love others. I would like to invite you this week to bring your anxious feelings back to the loving point of their origin.
1) Practice good posture. Having a straight spine automatically helps you to breathe more fully. It also has a subtle effect on your mood. It’s easier to feel threatened, weak, or like a victim when you’re slouching; conversely, when you sit or stand tall, with a straight spine, you’ll naturally feel clearer and more confident.
2) State the facts (in the morning and always). What you do in the morning affects your whole day, so start with a brief and enthusiastic session of truth telling. What is good right now? Are you alive? Are you breathing? Did the sun rise again? Do you have enough to eat? Say it.
Who do you choose to be today? A light-hearted person? A truth-telling person? An emissary of love in the world? A devoted servant to the highest good of the world? Say it.
Pausing, noticing, and stating the facts about what’s good in your life is like hitting the save button. It programs your mind to continue to spot the good stuff. It reconfigures you for peace.
And stating the facts during fearful times is like becoming a warrior with a razor sharp sword. With your loving fierceness, you cut through the collective illusions and emotional fog, reminding yourself and others,
We didn’t jump into the world just so we could cower from life. The truth is bigger (and better) than the story we’re telling each other.
3) Get connected to the elements. Spend time in nature, ideally including some direct contact of skin to earth and natural bodies of water. Some people with anxiety also report that they feel much better with sun exposure. Others feel a benefit from sitting in front of a fire or even several candles. Besides helping to realign you with the rhythm of the natural world, it’s also a nice break from your electronic devices and media.
4) Establish a daily routine and stick to it. Predictability helps stabilize a wayward mind and helps the body get into a consistent rhythm. This means setting a regular bedtime and wake time, having meals at the same time each day, exercising on a regular basis at the same time, meditating at the same time, bathing at the same time, etc. Of course, your routine shouldn’t be strict in a way that generates stress if you stray from it – it’s something you do out of kindness for yourself.
5) Love actively. There’s no use in trying to obliterate fear. That would be like trying to destroy the sound of ‘middle C’ on a piano. Fear is a frequency of energy. No matter how you train yourself to cut it out of your life, you can always call it up again. Instead, focus on the love beneath.
What do you
love that your mind tells you is threatened? Give your attention to loving what you love instead. Love is so much stronger and bigger than fear, and unlike fear, love is a unifying and creative force. If you’re out of practice, find the things that are easiest to love, like kittens and donuts, and feel the love opening your heart. Then practice expanding that love to envelop yourself, your neighbor, your houseplants . . . and your fear. Then go bigger.
All along, keep opening your heart. Just imagine it opening like a golden ring in the center of your chest. Learn to feel when it closes, and patiently open it again and again and again.
Love will prevail. Always.
Dr. Peter Borten
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This article is very helpful, Peter. Thank you for your insights!
You’re welcome, Lyn!
This article walked into my life at the most divine timing. I couldn’t be more grateful for all that you’ve shared here. Thank you so much.
I’m so glad to hear it, Maya
This article came ar the most appropriate time. I never completed my 108 day journey. As I was interrupted to care for my husband who has cancer. He is on the mend and I’m ready to start again. Should I start at the beginning again or from where I left off? Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Susan, I’d start wherever it feels best for you. If the reflections you made before still feel true, you can pick up where you left off.
So happy to hear that your husband is on the mend!
I never cease to be amazed by the timing of Spirit! I bought my book at the first of the year. It got set aside, along with most of my intentions for the year. I just found it yesterday and planned to start tomorrow morning. Today, I find this “old” email. Such a blessing….as are all of my dealings with you, Briana and The Dragontree! Thank you!
I’m so happy to hear it, Charrie. I hope you get what you need from the process.
Be well,
Peter