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Conversations with Briana: Holding Space

Briana recorded this video a few years ago, knowing how important holding space is, and knew that one day she’d create a whole course around it. The Dragontree Life Coaching Program is that course, and the Illuminator Retreat is where our coaches gather to hone their skills, practice them, and see the power of it all magically unfold in their lives and the lives of others.

But holding space isn’t just for coaches – it’s for everyone – we can use it anytime we want to support someone we care about, to give them the space they need to figure out their own way.

We’re preparing for our August Illuminator Retreat now, and wanted to share this video about Holding Space so that you can apply this vital skill in your own daily life, no course or retreat required.

Please share your thoughts, experiences, and questions about holding space in the comments below!

6 thoughts on “Conversations with Briana: Holding Space”

06 / 26/ 19 | deb

perfect timing on your message of holding space – this truly applies to helping our teenagers find themselves. thank you

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1. 06 / 27/ 19 | Briana Borten
  
  Yes! It’s so so true!
  
  Reply
06 / 26/ 19 | Susan

This came at the perfect time for me. Thank you.

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1. 06 / 27/ 19 | Briana Borten
  
  So glad!
  
  Reply
06 / 27/ 19 | Kimberly

Thanks for sharing. I just learned about Holding Space a couple weeks ago while I was at a Wild Nature Woman Retreat. It’s a very nice way to be there for others. We so often just want to butt in and tell them what to do and how to fix it and that’s really not needed.

Reply
1. 06 / 27/ 19 | Briana Borten
  
  I love that you were learning this at the retreat! How wonderful!
  
  Reply

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We’re too proud to admit we need help.
We’re afraid of opening up, being vulnerable, or appearing weak.
We think nobody is capable of helping us.
We don’t want to be controlled or guided in a way we don’t like.
We don’t want to be told what to do.
We don’t want to be a burden.
We don’t want to share the credit.
We feel it’s less of an accomplishment if we get help.
We believe we need to do things all by ourselves.

This last one is a common inherited belief, though nearly every impressive historical figure had a team of supporters. Yes, there’s a grain of truth to it: each of us is responsible for ourselves, our choices and actions. Each of us is responsible for how we show up in the world. Nobody can do the internal work for us. But it’s perfectly okay to get tons of help along the way. It doesn’t diminish the outcome. In fact, we connect and improve through the process when we let others in. This is true even when it comes to healing and spirituality. It’s time to let go of the “Lone Ranger complex.” Guidance and mutual support are an important part of why our program, Sacred Expansion, has been so successful. We created Sacred Expansion as a prerequisite for our life coaching trainees, as we feel it’s important to “clean house” before guiding others. It was designed to help people get to know themselves more deeply, release old unhealthy patterns, and open to a state of greater intuition and trust – all within a group of others on the same journey. It turned out to be so monumental for our early participants that we decided to make Sacred Expansion available as a stand-alone course. Enrollment is happening NOW! You’ll be lovingly led by my wife, Briana, through an exploration of yourself through the metaphors of the seasons. And you’ll come out of it with greater clarity and self-awareness, less baggage, a deeper connection to Spirit, and the tools to continue the process on your own. I encourage you to do it! Also, I recommend you look back at that list of reasons we avoid getting help and see if there are any that ring a bell for you. If so, consider the following questions. Is this belief true? (E.g., Is it true that nobody could help me? Is it true that if I asked for help, it would compromise me in some critical way? Is it true that it’s less of an accomplishment if I get help?) And then meditate on what life might be like if you felt completely at ease and unembarrassed about asking for help and graciously receiving it? Be well, Peter P.S. Early Bird pricing for Sacred Expansion is currently in progress. Sign up today and save $200! On August 17th, the price goes up, so if you want to join us, don't miss this opportunity! Click here to enroll today! [post_title] => Why Don't We Get The Help We Need? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => why-dont-we-get-the-help-we-need [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-08-12 20:32:11 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-12 20:32:11 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8729 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8847 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-10-28 21:03:11 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-10-28 21:03:11 [post_content] => One of the most basic ways to grow the spiritual dimension of your life is to consciously invite Spirit into whatever you’re doing. It’s like there’s a friend who’s been hanging out in the background while you eat and work and exercise, and you’re saying, “Oh, I forgot you were there. Would you like to join me?” Doing so doesn’t require any particular spiritual or religious orientation. Even if you’re an atheist, you can probably still conceive of a Highest Self – an aspect of you that, in a way, is more You than any of the various personalities, thought patterns, or styles you’ve had throughout your life. It’s a stable, enduring, virtuous witness to everything you’ve been and done. Our ability to sense this presence, whatever we choose to call it, waxes and wanes. Same with the degree to which we let it guide us. As these factors increase (more awareness and willingness to be guided), we experience a corresponding increase in trust, an expanded perspective, and less overwhelm. The feeling of being small and helpless in a big scary world diminishes. If you haven’t done this much (or at all) it can feel at first like you’re hanging out with an imaginary friend. Is this real? Are they still in the room? It’s especially common if this is a dimension you’ve barely tuned in to. You’re used to giving most of your attention to relatively tangible and superficial planes of existence – media and culture, your possessions, your body, your thoughts and emotions. Over time the sense of opening to something bigger and subtler becomes more palpable. Simply remembering and intending to invite this Consciousness into more of your experiences makes a difference. To get started, you could just try quieting your mind for a moment and saying hello. Hello, Source. Hello, Highest Self. Hello, Divine Light. Then be still and see if you notice anything. I believe we are that Source experiencing itself as a human being. There is no true separation, only the veil of the mind (which can be quite obscure). Your Highest Self wants to be perceived and known and consciously channeled. Here are some other possible invitations: Come on this hike with me. Help me notice what I usually miss. Show me what I need to see for my healing and evolution. Let me stay present and accepting through this event. Let’s experience the act of eating delicious food together. Let me see this through the eyes of my Highest Self / Spirit / God / Unconditional Love / Awareness. But it’s not just the pleasant things that are worth inviting Spirit into. . . I let you into my fear so that you may share it, illuminate it, transform it. Come into my pain; please be with me in this suffering. I invite you into my grief, as this, too, is part of the human experience. Enter this crazy situation with me, Highest Self, and give me perspective. Join me, Divine Light, in my depression, and hold me. These painful states inevitably change when we open them to the spiritual dimension. It’s the simplest thing to do, yet sometimes the hardest to remember. This message is for me as much as it is for you. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Invite Spirit to Join You [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => invite-spirit-to-join-you [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-10-28 21:03:11 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-10-28 21:03:11 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8847 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 3 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8668 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-05-26 20:45:28 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-05-26 20:45:28 [post_content] => If you were birthed by Earth, then every pebble and plant is your sibling. Last week I wrote about animism, the belief that all things possess a spirit. Animistic cultures are incredibly widespread – chances are, if you didn’t grow up in one, you’re descended from one. But these sensibilities have been largely supplanted by science. Science and spirituality are often at odds, and the science-oriented developed world generally disbelieves in spirituality – especially in a form so different from our monotheistic religions. This might not be a problem if a reductive, nonspiritual orientation met all our needs, but I believe we’ve lost something along the way. Scientists and animists alike can agree that a rock isn’t biologically alive in quite the same way that, say, a bird is. But the scientist wouldn’t be scientific if they assumed that this means we can’t be in relationship with both. A person who believes a rock doesn’t possess a spirit has no understanding of what life would be like if they did. The animistic perspective transforms a thing we use into someone we relate to. Our surroundings turn from scenery into family members. Just as it’s relatively easy to perceive the personality of a pet and recognize it as a member of the family, an animist would extend such personhood to all aspects of their world. Could you be open to experiencing the personality of your favorite tree or stream or mountain? Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to a certain place in your yard, your home, or the park? It’s where you feel naturally most comfortable, maybe also safer, more focused, even more powerful. What is it that your inner compass is tuning in to? Beyond the ways in which such an orientation might enrich your subjective experience of your surroundings, there are potentially global repercussions to remembering and being reverent of the spirit of the world – even if we don’t fully embrace the animistic view. Dr. John Reid of the Ngai Tahu Research Centre in New Zealand explains that when we mistreat the world through disregard for the spirit within, it becomes a vicious circle. Lacking a conscious relationship with nature, we take from pristine resources with no restraint, then we dump our waste back into them. This diminishes what the Maori call its mauri (lifeforce), and the reduction in its vitality makes it less supportive to humans. This willfully ignorant behavior and the hardship that results from it diminishes the mana (dignity / power / authority) of the humans involved.¹ The weakened mana of the humans causes them to act in increasingly desperate and irreverent ways, and the cycle continues. It's possible to transform this situation into a virtuous cycle, but it requires coming into right relationship with our planet. This means humbling ourselves and perhaps taking a cue from animistic cultures. If that sounds good to you, I encourage you to take another week to relate to your surroundings differently than usual. What happens when you ask before taking? What happens when you give thanks to everything you encounter? What happens when you open yourself to the existence of a spiritual world? What happens when you feel into the dynamic between your body and the elements around you? What happens when you bring greater awareness to the act of consuming something? What happens if you do the same when throwing something away? What happens when you listen? I believe that bringing consciousness to these relationships yields great benefits. Perhaps we stand to make our planet habitable by humans for longer, but for certain we enrich our mana as we re-weave ourselves into the living tapestry of this exceptional, gorgeous planet. Be well, Dr. Peter Borten ^{1. Informative Maori dictionary here: https://maoridictionary.co.nz/} [post_title] => Fixing Our Relationship with the World and Ourselves [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => fixing-our-relationship-with-the-world-and-ourselves [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-05-26 21:46:15 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-05-26 21:46:15 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8668 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [before_loop] => 1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8729 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-08-12 19:45:02 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-08-12 19:45:02 [post_content] => As a young adult living in Western Massachusetts, I had a handful of friends who attended Hampshire College. Hampshire is well known for being highly unconventional. There are no majors, no departments, and no grades. So much of the program is up to the student, including a final yearlong project. I could see why it was appealing, especially to people who didn’t seem to fit into typical academic institutions. When I first heard these friends talk of the wonderfully freeform nature of their college experience, I was envious. In later years, as they found it increasingly challenging to keep themselves on course, I remember saying, “That kind of program wouldn’t work for me.” I realized, with no shame at all, that I needed way (way) more hand-holding. Only one of my Hampshire friends graduated. I guess they needed more hand-holding too. There are a number of reasons we avoid getting help or taking direction:

We’re too proud to admit we need help.
We’re afraid of opening up, being vulnerable, or appearing weak.
We think nobody is capable of helping us.
We don’t want to be controlled or guided in a way we don’t like.
We don’t want to be told what to do.
We don’t want to be a burden.
We don’t want to share the credit.
We feel it’s less of an accomplishment if we get help.
We believe we need to do things all by ourselves.

You may also be interested in:

Why Don’t We Get The Help We Need?

Invite Spirit to Join You

Fixing Our Relationship with the World and Ourselves

6 thoughts on “Conversations with Briana: Holding Space”

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