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[post_content] => It’s almost Halloween, a magical time within a pretty magical month. I was looking back through old photos and found this one from 2016 when I let my daughter make my Halloween costume.
She turned me into a sorceress.
I have to say, it felt like she really saw me. He he he!
I realized how fun it was to dress up as an expression of a part of myself that is actually in me, even if I don’t always let it lead.
The magical sorceress, the witchy woman, the mystical leader.
I think I’ve always appeared confident - because I’m a risk taker. Taking calculated risks that most people won’t take is something that must be in my DNA because it comes naturally to me, for better or worse.
But inside, I historically battled with not feeling confident, or good enough.
I share this because I think that so many of us can assume that other people have it all together. Just by looking on the outside (or scrolling through their Instagram feeds) it can be easy to think that they don’t have these feelings of insecurity and just feel blissful and content all day.
And it’s just not true.
We’re all human and we all struggle. It’s a perfect, imperfect part of the design.
And because we don’t want people to see that we’re human, we wear these masks of perfection trying desperately to win love and approval.
Meanwhile, the hidden pieces within us (our inner sorceress, for example) that don’t get to see the light of day are begging to be let out, to be able to make their contribution in the world.
Who you truly are is the gift that the world needs.
Real confidence (not fake bravado) is the secret to removing the masks that are keeping you hidden, and letting your truth emerge.
In our book, The Well Life, Peter and I de-mystify confidence by giving very real guidance around what it is and how to create it. Because confidence isn’t something that just magically happens to some people and not to others.
In fact we’ve identified four main things needed for true confidence:
Self-worth
Self-trust
Competence
Courage
What I know about myself is that I have badass self-trust, competency to the level of necessity, and lots of courage, but my self-worth has struggled over the years.
It’s not that I don’t have self-worth (we all do), I even have a sense of my self-worth, it’s just that it was obscured from my vision. I wasn’t seeing my innate, unchanging, brilliant value as a human.
I was attaching my value to the outer masks of my accomplishments, instead of the inner core of my Divine light. I was trying to gain approval from myself and others for what I was doing in the world (helping people, growing businesses), for who I was (successful, funny(?), charismatic), how I was (happy, positive), and what I was (entrepreneur, mama, wife).
It didn’t work (spoiler alert: it never works).
Peter gently (and not-so-gently) nudged me to do the work.
The work of unveiling what is true for all of us - that we are Divine light in human form and that we are completely perfect just as we are.
This meant spending more time in meditation and going inward with curiosity when I’m feeling insecure or lacking or unworthy, instead of seeking it from the outside by accomplishing more, having more friends, or being more of a badass.
Not that those things are bad. I love to accomplish things, have friends, and be badass.
It just doesn’t change the way I feel inside.
This is my journey around confidence. For you maybe it’s competence or self-trust or courage that feel like they are lacking when your confidence wanes. But it’s good to know what to check in with when it does - cause it does for everyone.
And if you do struggle with self-worth, know it isn’t a matter of it not being there, it’s just a matter of it being obscured by all sorts of bullshit stories and patterns.
You are brilliant.
You are exceptional.
You are worthy.
You are a badass creature.
Happy October,
B
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[post_content] => So much of what we do through The Dragontree – both at our spas and with our products, courses, and articles – is meant to assist people to prioritize self-care. In an age when many people barely take a minute in a day for pure self-care, I’m happy to hear of any way in which someone is making space in their life for wellness. And also . . . if I could be a little nitpicky about it, I’d wish for even more Self in people’s self-care.
From talking about it with my patients, I’ve gathered that most people’s idea of self-care includes things like grooming, bathing, exercise, eating well, and perhaps reading a book in a cozy chair. These are all good and important, but it’s possible to do them without really getting to what the Self needs, and we can perform these activities without any conscious care. I’ve even known people whose die-hard approach to yoga was ultimately more stress-inducing than it was nourishing.
Care implies listening – quieting the mind and being open to understand what is needed. If someone handed you a crying child and said, “Care for this child,” you’d probably drop what you were doing – both physically and mentally – and ask something like, “What’s wrong?” Then you’d just listen. And perhaps you’d next ask, “What do you need?”
I don’t mean to imply that grooming can’t be self-care. But let’s think of self-care as comprising multiple layers. On the surface there are the things you do to maintain your appearance, your general health, your ability to function in society, and your composure – bathing, eating, sleeping, haircuts, etc. The next layer contains the deeper (or higher, if you prefer) measures of maintenance that enable you to manage your challenges and thrive. Perhaps this means taking time to forgive, to process your relationship challenges, work on your communication skills, clean up interpersonal conflicts, deactivate your buttons, define and pursue your (worldly) dreams, discipline your mind, etc. Most of this falls within the realm of “self-help.”
And then there’s an even deeper (or higher) layer of self-care that’s could be described as making space for your Essence. That is, letting your Self (AKA the Consciousness that you are, your Divine nature, Spirit, God, your Highest Self) be recognized and listening to it. (By the way, I make no promise that there are only three layers. There might be seventeen layers. My point is that self-care can address the form or the essence or both.)
Take a break from giving your attention to your mind, your emotions, your pain, your grievances, or any of the other content of your life. Instead, notice the container that holds it all. Or, as Adyashanti says, “Turn your attention upon itself.” Your attention – whose attention is that? Turn the focus of your attention around to notice the source of that attention.
The container that holds all the contents of life – all the thoughts, feelings, events, all the objects of your attention – that container itself, the Space, is You. Many spiritual teachers assert that it’s actually much more your true Essence than any of its contents. The contents are fleeting. The container – Consciousness itself – is eternal. The deepest self-care is the practice of trusting in it. Surrendering to it. Relinquishing everything to it. Even if only for the duration of a single breath.
If you need help integrating self-care into your routine and you live near Portland or Boulder, consider getting a membership with us so that you’ll have a structure that you can designate for care of your Self. Leave everything at the door and be present to each moment for its own sake.
If you don’t live near us – and even if you do – a daily practice is likely to yield the greatest transformation, and you don’t really need to make time for it. You just need to make Space for it. Several times a day, give the whole of your awareness to a single breath (or a couple breaths). Once in a while you might ask yourself, how much of my awareness did I give to that breath? I just took a breath between that sentence and this one, and I’d say I gave 83% of my awareness to it. Notice that. Does it change over time?
Sometimes, try doing it without stopping whatever else you’re doing. Watch your breath while you are in conversation, while eating, while showering, while driving, and especially while doing the other forms of self-care. Although getting a pedicure might be a relatively superficial form of self-care, if you are completely present to it, it becomes true Self-care.
Little by little, your Essence will be a growing presence in your everyday life. You won’t get wrapped up as easily in drama. Jiddu Krishnamurti said, “My secret is . . . I don’t mind what happens.” This is the case when Essence, rather than ego, is in the driver’s seat.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => A few weeks ago we had a dozen Dragontree managers staying at our house for a 2020 planning session. There were lots of laughs and lots of great ideas. It was a wonderful reminder to me of the power of group consciousness.
We need only to look at the state of the world to understand the prevailing group consciousness on our planet. An individual has a big idea. This inspires a small group to adopt the idea and it grows. Increasing numbers of people are attracted. They hold the idea in their consciousness, they share it, they imbue it with their energy. And large-scale reality changes.
If you want to make an idea real, enlist the power of group consciousness – even if that group only consists of two people. When you do something with a likeminded friend, it’s more likely to succeed. This is why we talk so much about doing your life planning with your partner or a supportive group of comrades.
Numerous bands of Dreambookers have formed and they’ve shared that the collective energy inspires them to dream bigger, to get realer, and to express these dreams to each other. There’s something magic about telling another person of a dream which you’ve previously kept to yourself.
Besides the synergy that occurs when more than one mind is holding an intention, doing planning with others promotes clarity and alignment. This is especially important for those whose lives are intertwined. Whether you use the Dreambook or another tool, sharing this process hugely increases the likelihood that your plans are going to work out in a mutually beneficial and harmonious way.
It’s easy to see the downsides to not planning together: you’ll probably be out of sync; you may want things that are in direct opposition to one another and you won’t have the chance to forge a compromise; you may end up in circumstances that are good for one person but not the other; you may even subconsciously sabotage each other’s plans because of an unrecognized belief your partner’s plan may infringe on or contradict your own.
But the upsides are hopefully an even better reason to plan together:
You get to experience the alchemy of two (or more) people’s urge to grow and create. When you’re both aiming for a shared future, each person consciously adds their own colors and strokes to the canvas and the result is a more beautiful and integrated work of art than if you had crafted two works independently. You get to say, “Here’s what I want,” and they say, “Here’s what I want,” and together you stretch and grow, engage your creative power, and hold the space for a magnificent, fulfilling outcome. If you can your whole family or peer group involved in the co-visioning and co-creation process, that’s all the more energy flowing in the same direction.
You get to build plans that play off each other’s strengths and drives. Rather than each person doing everything themselves, the different roles in a shared plan can be managed by whomever is best suited to them. And if one person having an off day, the other person can carry the baton.
You get to use each other as a sounding board. When you discuss your future plans with someone who knows and cares about you, they can offer vital feedback. They might see what you don’t – that you’re pursuing something that’s no longer in line with your values; that you’re charging too little for your services; that you could be dreaming bigger; that you’re going about a task in a way that’s unnecessarily difficult; etc.
Inevitably, planning with another person, whether it’s a friend or a life partner, is going to push you (and your plan) to grow in ways that are less likely to occur when you’re doing it on your own. It’s harder to stay in your comfort zone when there are others involved. In fact, we may want to plan independently because we know this. “If I don’t tell anyone my plan,” we might think, “no one can tell me it’s a bad idea.” Or, “If I don’t tell my partner what I have in mind for the future, we won’t have to discover that we’re incompatible.” But opening up the conversation – with someone who genuinely supports you to live to your potential – is the only way to ensure that it’s going to work for the highest good of everyone involved.
Do you use the Dreambook with a friend? With your partner? What have you experienced with consciously co-creating?
Be well,
Peter
P.S. By the way, I was inspired to write about group consciousness by a passage I recently encountered in Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch:
“Group consciousness is something that is not widely understood—yet it is extremely powerful and can, if you are not careful, often overcome individual consciousness. You must always, therefore, endeavor to create group consciousness wherever you go, and with whatever you do, if you wish your larger life experience on the planet to be harmonious. . . . If you cannot find a group whose consciousness matches your own, be the source of one. Others of like consciousness will be drawn to you.
Individuals and smaller groups must affect larger groups—and, ultimately, the largest group of all, which is ALL humankind—for there to be permanent and significant change on your planet. Your world, and the condition it is in, is a reflection of the total, combined consciousness of everyone living there.”
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[post_content] => It’s almost Halloween, a magical time within a pretty magical month. I was looking back through old photos and found this one from 2016 when I let my daughter make my Halloween costume.
She turned me into a sorceress.
I have to say, it felt like she really saw me. He he he!
I realized how fun it was to dress up as an expression of a part of myself that is actually in me, even if I don’t always let it lead.
The magical sorceress, the witchy woman, the mystical leader.
I think I’ve always appeared confident - because I’m a risk taker. Taking calculated risks that most people won’t take is something that must be in my DNA because it comes naturally to me, for better or worse.
But inside, I historically battled with not feeling confident, or good enough.
I share this because I think that so many of us can assume that other people have it all together. Just by looking on the outside (or scrolling through their Instagram feeds) it can be easy to think that they don’t have these feelings of insecurity and just feel blissful and content all day.
And it’s just not true.
We’re all human and we all struggle. It’s a perfect, imperfect part of the design.
And because we don’t want people to see that we’re human, we wear these masks of perfection trying desperately to win love and approval.
Meanwhile, the hidden pieces within us (our inner sorceress, for example) that don’t get to see the light of day are begging to be let out, to be able to make their contribution in the world.
Who you truly are is the gift that the world needs.
Real confidence (not fake bravado) is the secret to removing the masks that are keeping you hidden, and letting your truth emerge.
In our book, The Well Life, Peter and I de-mystify confidence by giving very real guidance around what it is and how to create it. Because confidence isn’t something that just magically happens to some people and not to others.
In fact we’ve identified four main things needed for true confidence:
Self-worth
Self-trust
Competence
Courage
What I know about myself is that I have badass self-trust, competency to the level of necessity, and lots of courage, but my self-worth has struggled over the years.
It’s not that I don’t have self-worth (we all do), I even have a sense of my self-worth, it’s just that it was obscured from my vision. I wasn’t seeing my innate, unchanging, brilliant value as a human.
I was attaching my value to the outer masks of my accomplishments, instead of the inner core of my Divine light. I was trying to gain approval from myself and others for what I was doing in the world (helping people, growing businesses), for who I was (successful, funny(?), charismatic), how I was (happy, positive), and what I was (entrepreneur, mama, wife).
It didn’t work (spoiler alert: it never works).
Peter gently (and not-so-gently) nudged me to do the work.
The work of unveiling what is true for all of us - that we are Divine light in human form and that we are completely perfect just as we are.
This meant spending more time in meditation and going inward with curiosity when I’m feeling insecure or lacking or unworthy, instead of seeking it from the outside by accomplishing more, having more friends, or being more of a badass.
Not that those things are bad. I love to accomplish things, have friends, and be badass.
It just doesn’t change the way I feel inside.
This is my journey around confidence. For you maybe it’s competence or self-trust or courage that feel like they are lacking when your confidence wanes. But it’s good to know what to check in with when it does - cause it does for everyone.
And if you do struggle with self-worth, know it isn’t a matter of it not being there, it’s just a matter of it being obscured by all sorts of bullshit stories and patterns.
You are brilliant.
You are exceptional.
You are worthy.
You are a badass creature.
Happy October,
B
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Thanks for writing this Peter. I just returned from Kauai where I spent hours collecting plastic bits on the beach. It was so upsetting to see the beach covered in plastic.When I was a little girl, I loved going to the beach and gathering shells. I never saw plastic and now it’s everywhere. It’s so important that we as humans make this change.
Hi Lilah! Oh, that’s sad about Kauai. What a pristine place. Thanks for sharing.
So wonderful!! I loved the mantra expression at the end because it is about heart-attitude!! I am excited to apply it in all areas if my life, love always creates a path for healing! Thank you so much for sharing with us! Have a beautiful day 🌞 ~ Jackie
Thanks, Jackie. Yes, love is the way.
Exactly
🙏❤️🙏
Blessings dear one ❤️
Thanks, Laura. Blessing to you too!
Amen!!!
🙂
Love your statement on expressing our gratitude by recycling. I will use this daily and tell it to others! Thank you, Peter!
I like the idea of turning from the ‘doom’ mindframe to the idea of ‘Earth is awesome, let’s take care of her. Much more uplifting and inspiring than gloom and doom.
On the ‘beach whistle’ note: Five years ago I switched to reusables: cloth pads and sea sponges instead of tampons (many women use cups but they don’t work for me.) I have NOT looked back! I estimate I saved resources used in the making of ‘disposable’ products and the landfill/sewage space from around 2,000 products in this time. My only regret is I didn’t switch sooner, I had learned about reusables some years before but was still too uncomfortable with the idea of being SO involved in the monthly process. It’s sad that we’re this disconnected from our own bodies as well as the planet! Making the switch to reusables made a huge difference in how I feel about my body, I’m actually loving and supporting it more. The more we reconnect with ourselves, the more we connect to the planet and the loving back and forth cycle goes on. I’d like to encourage all women to look into reusable pads and tampon alternatives. As well as encourage everyone to look into reusable/recyclable/renewable alternatives wherever possible! It truly feels good!
Thanks, Gwynneth. I totally agree, and also feel I’m not in a strong position as a guy to recommend this to women, so I’m glad you did it for me! Yes, reusable menstrual products are great! Or at the least, how about using tampons without plastic applicators, or with no applicator at all (e.g., OB).
Hi Peter, I completely agree with you and recently tried to go 100% plastic-free a couple years ago. I hate to say it, but it seemed impossible! I cut down considerably and try to do a little more each year (this year, no plastic trash bags, etc).
What I discovered about myself recently however, after seeing and reading about what we do to the Earth, is that I actually feel guilty for being human, for being one of the species that is contributing to destroying a place that we should be stewards of, not exploiters. Can you speak to that? Besides helping not hurting our environment, what can any of us do about the guilt we feel for the many others who do without conscience?
(Loved your 5 Ways to Heal the Earth by the way, that is a first step).
Thank you for all you do!