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[post_content] => It seems obvious to say, but the more special moments you fill your life with, the more special your life will feel.
That goes for planning, too.
That’s why we love not only creating products that help people plan out their big dreams, but help them do the planning itself.
Our number one tip for how to make planning a part of your life that you adore is to make it feel really special.
Here are three ways to do that so that your time spent planning feels more like a treat than another item on your to-do list.
1. Set aside time and treat it like a date.
Because it is! It’s a date with your future self. Set aside time for your planning dates and let them be really special. Lots of people in our community like to do their planning at what feels like the start of their week, whether that is Sunday afternoon or Monday morning.
Pick what feels right to you! You may find you work best when planning on Friday evenings with a glass of wine & jazz music playing, or on Wednesdays after your favorite yoga class. Whatever you choose, see if you can create a plan that honors your life, your schedule, and what feels fun to you.
2. Weave your big dreams into your day-to-day life.
So often we have a disconnect between our big picture goals (write a book someday, start a non-profit eventually) and our daily to-do list (pick up dry cleaning, prep for meeting) – how can you incorporate more of the big picture into your tasks?
3. Set small goals and follow through.
You’ll find that you get better and better at planning as you practice, and something great to do if you’re just starting to get into it, is to set small goals that you know you’ll be able to follow through with. This will help you build your self-trust and deeply know that you can tackle larger and larger tasks. So, rather than set yourself up to fail by planning to go to buckram yoga at 5am every day next week when this week you didn’t work out at all, how can you set a small goal that will feel good? Maybe you just take your morning tea on a walk to a local park, and aim to do that a few days this week. Then, add more and more. That way, you aren’t feeling overwhelmed or defeated, instead, you feel like you are truly the boss of your own life and that your #1 employee (you!) actually does what they say they are going to do.
Once you start implementing these habits, you’ll find planning is one of the most useful tools you have for creating a life that feels like it is truly YOURS everyday. You’ll look forward to your planning dates, because they are really just chances to get your priorities, preferences and big picture dreams INTO your actual life.
The next time you set up your ritual for planning or jot down a space for your big dreams in your schedule, tag us on social media @thedragontree so we can see and cheer you on!
Love,
Briana and all of us at The Dragontree
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Later this week Briana and I will be hosting the Illuminator Training – part of Dragontree Life Coaching Program – and we’ll spend four days in a very special space. It’s going to be at our house, and while I think our house is a special physical space, the space I’m talking about here is something different. I really mean that we’ll be in a special state of consciousness – one in which people feel safe to really see themselves and others, to be in loving community, to learn and heal.
I am both proud and humbled to co-create such a space. When I write or talk about it, it’s hard not to feel I’m exaggerating; so much positive change occurs in such a short time. For me, it reinforces the value of what we teach in the course – primarily the value of holding space.
The first handful of times I heard the term “hold space” I regarded it as New Age jargon and didn’t give it serious consideration. Once I was 20-something at a big dance event and the movie Baraka was being projected onto the walls. Amidst beautiful, sometimes haunting imagery, we were taken to an egg factory. There were conveyor belts and metal chutes along which were tumbling thousands and thousands of fuzzy yellow chicks. Attendants casually pulled them out by a wing and then tossed half of them (the males) down a giant funnel (into a grinder). The remainder were de-beaked, and in the next scene they were sickly and missing feathers, crammed into stacks upon stacks of wire cages.
There was a sudden collective moan of sorrow through the crowd. Someone shouted, “Breathe! Hold space for them!” And I thought, “What does that even mean?”
Well, now I know what it means and I think it was good advice – not just to hold space for the chicks, but to hold space for everyone involved. I also think that the term “hold space” is perfect for describing this practice. It’s an art, really. It comes naturally to some people but not most, and many gifted healers, teachers, and guides are skilled at it even if they’ve never heard the term.
Holding space has a few meanings for me. First, it means to become a neutral, benevolent container for what’s happening. That is, hold this moment in your awareness – ideally until some resolution or balance has developed. This entails giving your attention to what’s happening right here, right now and supporting its natural unfoldment.
When we’re holding space, we’re not trying to diagnose, fix anything, or come up with the answer. We’re not trying to be impressive or spiritual, and we’re not hoping to get approval. And we’re not departing from the task at hand to meander into the forest of our own thoughts.
Second, holding space means focusing on and protecting the space itself – maintaining an opening. By space here, I mean the formless consciousness that is the Universe – the matrix from which all objects (things, feelings, ideas) arise. You could also call it God or Undifferentiated Awareness or Spirit. It’s the bulk of the iceberg of reality, while the stuff that tends to get 99.9% of our attention is the very tip. Because space is more ethereal than form, it not only surrounds everything, but also exists within everything.
When we happen upon a moment when our consciousness is on the space (rather than engrossed in its contents), it usually feels good – our stories fall away and we expand into that space (because we are the space!). But the ego doesn’t like it. “Hey! Don’t forget about me!” it yells. “Come back! I’ve got some juicy gossip and some intense fears and a long list of grievances with the world!”
It seems crazy to go back to that – a reality marked largely by conflict and resistance – but we all do it. The ego is hooked up our survival mechanisms and it’s able to produce some compelling thoughts and feelings which shrink our consciousness like a turtle pulling into its shell. “It’s smelly and dark and crowded in here,” some part of us registers, “but it’s familiar.”
So, holding space in the second sense means maintaining the space – staying expanded, bringing in and honoring Spirit. We prevent encroachment upon or eclipsing of that space mainly by abstaining from the compulsion to fill it up with our stuff.
In the case of the chicken scene, it would have been a difficult setting in which to hold space for all the layers needing illumination (from the suffering of innocent creatures, to the knowing that we are complicit in this if we buy chicken, eggs, or pet food, and so on). But there are opportunities for space-holding all the time, and I see the magic of it so clearly at these Illuminator trainings – the magic of a whole room of coaches holding space for one individual to see themselves, heal, and blossom.
Holding space isn’t just for a formal coach-client or healer-patient setting, it’s a practice by which the mundane becomes holy, and we can do it all the time. At first (and sometimes later) it can feel like hard work. It takes discipline to stop thinking and to instead hold your attention on the Now. It takes trust to not intervene or analyze. But it’s deeply rewarding.
When you hold space for someone, even if they don’t know what you’re doing, they tend to experience that spaciousness. There’s more space between their thoughts. There’s a broadening of perspective and they access their resources. They begin to open and heal. Your space-holding is like a bridge that helps them connect with their Higher Self.
You can hold space for anything, for any and every moment. Things that are naturally riveting – like a baby being born – can be easier to hold space for because they’re so uncommon and so obviously miraculous. However, there’s much to be learned and experienced through holding space for the “everyday” – for the blowing of a tree in the breeze, for the dripping of a water faucet, for the barking of a dog. One of the most fundamental yet profound meditative practices is to simply hold space for your own breath. Let’s both hold space for whatever is happening right now for the next thirty seconds.
Mmmm. That was good. It reminded me of something I wanted to tell you: thinking is optional. I know we all have times when we can’t seem to turn off our mind, but just as you can stop talking aloud, you can stop talking inside. It’s an expression of reverence for the space to take a break from talking once in a while.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => What is "Holding Space"?
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Perhaps more than ever, mortality is the focus of our news – day after day, week after week, month after month. Over time such persistent messages find their way into our minds and we start thinking of life as a fragile thing. A decade ago I wrote a series of Dragontree newsletters on longevity and I’ve decided it’s time to revisit the subject. In the coming weeks, I’ll be discussing the most effective ways to imbue ourselves with a stronger life force.
#1. Live For Now and Love Life
Time is malleable. When we have a practice of intentionally living in the now – even if it doesn’t make our life measurably longer (and it probably does, since it greatly reduces stress) – our experience is that our moments are both longer and richer. In contrast, when we habitually depart from the present to meander in thoughts that are elsewhere, then, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, this moment is “dead” to us.
Survival is a primitive drive, and it’s deeply and powerfully wired in us. It motivates us in many ways, both obvious and hidden, often through the arousal of fear. I feel it’s important to clarify, when speaking of cultivating longevity, that I don’t mean pursuing immortality out of a fear of death.
When we’re driven by fear, we may find ourselves thinking always of the future – incessantly planning for “someday,” trying to avoid undesirable possibilities, attempting to ensure perpetual safety and comfort for ourselves, etc. Paradoxically, future tripping causes us to miss out on what’s happening right now. In effect, we can spoil our experience of life through our efforts to hold onto it.
It’s useful to take stock of our relationship with the present. If longevity sounds appealing to you: why?
- What would you do with an extra few decades?
- Do you want to live longer because you just don’t like the idea of dying?
- Do you love your life?
- Are you afraid of the impact that your death would have on those you’d leave behind?
- Do you want to live longer so you can finally get through everything on your to-do list?
- Do you spend more time savoring the moment or being distracted by thoughts of the past and future?
My intention with these questions is to help you see the mentality that’s sponsoring your desire to live longer.
More than our personal circumstances, it’s our perspective that dictates our quality (and sometimes length) of life. That’s why I want to begin here, with the why of longevity and what I believe to be the single most important factor in quality of life, regardless of how long it lasts: living for the present moment and loving life itself. Until we investigate and challenge the factors that infringe on the quality of our life, what's the use of trying to prolong it?
A difference of perspective can have an enormous impact. How often do you view a view a day or situation as something to “get through” rather than be in? Even if you’re not lucky enough to have a naturally happy-go-lucky disposition, you can change your wiring. It just takes discipline. Notice the good; stop indulging in negativity; practice gratitude; keep playing; stay in the here and now, and remember, remember, remember: life is a gift. It’s not the perpetual struggle we’ve taught ourselves to believe it is.
There’s much more to come, but for today I wanted to not clutter this core concept with anything else. Share with us about your experience of perspective and tell us what you’d do with some extra years.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => How to Live a Longer Life
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[post_content] => It seems obvious to say, but the more special moments you fill your life with, the more special your life will feel.
That goes for planning, too.
That’s why we love not only creating products that help people plan out their big dreams, but help them do the planning itself.
Our number one tip for how to make planning a part of your life that you adore is to make it feel really special.
Here are three ways to do that so that your time spent planning feels more like a treat than another item on your to-do list.
1. Set aside time and treat it like a date.
Because it is! It’s a date with your future self. Set aside time for your planning dates and let them be really special. Lots of people in our community like to do their planning at what feels like the start of their week, whether that is Sunday afternoon or Monday morning.
Pick what feels right to you! You may find you work best when planning on Friday evenings with a glass of wine & jazz music playing, or on Wednesdays after your favorite yoga class. Whatever you choose, see if you can create a plan that honors your life, your schedule, and what feels fun to you.
2. Weave your big dreams into your day-to-day life.
So often we have a disconnect between our big picture goals (write a book someday, start a non-profit eventually) and our daily to-do list (pick up dry cleaning, prep for meeting) – how can you incorporate more of the big picture into your tasks?
3. Set small goals and follow through.
You’ll find that you get better and better at planning as you practice, and something great to do if you’re just starting to get into it, is to set small goals that you know you’ll be able to follow through with. This will help you build your self-trust and deeply know that you can tackle larger and larger tasks. So, rather than set yourself up to fail by planning to go to buckram yoga at 5am every day next week when this week you didn’t work out at all, how can you set a small goal that will feel good? Maybe you just take your morning tea on a walk to a local park, and aim to do that a few days this week. Then, add more and more. That way, you aren’t feeling overwhelmed or defeated, instead, you feel like you are truly the boss of your own life and that your #1 employee (you!) actually does what they say they are going to do.
Once you start implementing these habits, you’ll find planning is one of the most useful tools you have for creating a life that feels like it is truly YOURS everyday. You’ll look forward to your planning dates, because they are really just chances to get your priorities, preferences and big picture dreams INTO your actual life.
The next time you set up your ritual for planning or jot down a space for your big dreams in your schedule, tag us on social media @thedragontree so we can see and cheer you on!
Love,
Briana and all of us at The Dragontree
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