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Ah, the New Year. It’s fresh and innocent and undefined. Except for the things you already have scheduled for 2023. And everything you have already set into motion that is likely to continue to play out in the coming year and beyond. But besides that, it’s an empty canvas!
Last week I recommended keeping your resolutions simple – just choosing a single thing. This week I want to encourage you to put that into a context you define for this year by choosing a theme for 2023.
If you have our Dreambook, there’s a section on Theme of the Year and you can write it in there. If you don’t have the Dreambook, or even if you do but wish to make this a bit more special, I encourage you to write your theme on a nice piece of paper with a good pen and frame it or keep it in a place where you’ll see it every day.
Here are some questions to help guide you to your theme as you visualize a wonderful, productive, peaceful, playful, successful coming year.
Who do you want to BE this year? What aspect of your potential do you want to cultivate this year?
What will you bring to your community? How will you be a positive influence on your environment?
What will you be a channel for? How will you speak intentionally?
How will you grow this year? How will the world respond to your love and light?
Take plenty of time with this and consider writing your answers down to see what comes through. Out of all these inspirations, which feels like it’s coming from your Highest Self? Which feels the most compelling? Which would benefit both you and your community? What is the emerging theme?
Here are some examples: The Year of Loving Myself Completely. The Year of Living my Purpose. The Year of Learning to Trust. The Year of Shining my Light Upon the World. The Year of Owning My Power. The Year of Healing my Body. The Year of Playfulness. The Year of Lightheartedness. The Year of Remembering We’re All Connected. The Year of Forgiveness. The Year of Great Healing. The Year of Simplicity. The Year of Living Through My Heart.
After you refine your theme and write it down, try to read it ever morning, and if you’ve got a minute, feel into how life will be as you embody this theme, tell yourself, “I’m already on my way. Today I choose to stay conscious of this theme and to find ways to live it.”
Wishing you your best year yet,
Peter
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When I’m counseling clients with marital challenges, my orientation is to always try to save the relationship. Especially if the individuals are interested in growing, becoming more self-aware, and healing old wounds and patterns of dysfunction, there’s nothing like an intimate relationship to facilitate that process. Some of the main recurring themes of our conversations are commitment, intention, and integrity.
I don't mean to provoke blame or shame when I point out that nearly every relationship that ends in divorce begins with two sane and sober people making lifelong promises to each other in front of a room full of loving witnesses. Whether we realize it or not, I believe the essence of what most couples are vowing is, “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make this a healthy relationship.” Over time, we may forget our promise or rationalize breaking it because we’re not happy, we and our circumstances have changed, or the other person is annoying and smelly.
Of course, many people enter such a contract without giving it much thought. They feel in love and assume that feeling is enough. They don’t sincerely consider the inevitability of change, hardship, and annoyance. If only we could impress upon engaged couples how important it is to be completely present in this act of commitment. Forever means forever.
Yes, there are times when it’s best to part ways – especially when there’s abuse or when your partner has withdrawn and has no interest in maintaining the relationship – but most of the cases I see are salvageable; the primary issue is one of attitude. If both parties can recognize and honor the commitment they made, both parties want to save and improve the relationship, and both parties are willing to work at it, the relationship will likely survive and be all the stronger. Further, both people will inevitably grow through the process.
While it may require role modifications, improving communication, prioritizing intimacy, and other outward changes, an important starting point is being real with oneself about one’s commitment. Lifelong commitment implies not entertaining the idea of leaving unless all options for achieving a healthy relationship have been exhausted. But frequently we do think about exiting the relationship when it’s not to our liking, sometimes before we’ve tried much to improve the situation, and this can be a form of sabotage. Even if our partner doesn’t know we’re doing it, when we’re thinking this way – i.e., “I could end it” – we subtly withdraw, and the relationship suffers from it. We’re no longer all-in. The degradation can easily snowball.
When even one member of a relationship is all-in, the chances of success are good. Of course, it’s not healthy or sufficient if one person is consistently all-in and the other is chronically disengaged, but if there’s a loving recognition that the other party’s ability to participate waxes and wanes as they grapple with their own “stuff,” and we don’t take it personally, periods of imbalance are easier to repair. If, on the other hand, we respond to a partner’s deficit of engagement by pulling out in equal measure, we’re acting against the health of the relationship and our own best interests.
In truth, the staying together part is only the most superficial aspect of our commitment. I’m sure you’ve seen unhealthy relationships that were clearly causing both members to suffer, but they seemed to feel there was merit in sticking it out, even if they weren’t actively working to heal it. So, what did we actually commit to? Even if you never put words to it, it’s still possible to do so retroactively.
Whether you’re married, in a committed non-married relationship, or single but interested in a deep relationship, I encourage you to think and write about what kinds of qualities you’re committed to. If you’re currently in a relationship, what kind of attitude do you aim to have toward the relationship and your partner? What conditions tend to degrade your attitude? What helps to strengthen your commitment to show up fully and positively? We’ll explore this more next week.
Be well,
Peter
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As the parents of a teenager, we often find ourselves in a series of conversations called, “When am I Going to Use This in Real Life?” Popular episodes include, “When Am I Going to Use Calculus in Real Life?” and “When am I Going to Use Shakespeare in Real Life?”
Between trying to find ways to motivate our kid to stick with the subjects they don’t care about, we’ve given a lot of thought to what really IS important to learn for “real life,” and we believe that near the top of the list are the skills of goal-setting, planning, and follow-through. Sadly, these subjects won’t be covered (directly) in our kid’s high school and they probably weren’t at yours either.
As a result, many of us just stumble upon methods that work reasonably well, and we may start to relate to life as something to be maintained rather than our ongoing creation with infinite opportunities for improvement. The second perspective is not only more gratifying, it’s also a lot more fun.
We want to help you get the training you never received.
If your goals always get pushed to the bottom of your to-do list…
If you doubt your ability to follow through…
If you feel more daunted than excited by your big dreams…
If you procrastinate the changes that will make your life better…
If you know you have more potential than this, but don’t know how to start actualizing it…
Don't give up! You just need to be shown HOW.
That’s what we’ll do for you in our 9 week course, Dreaming and Planning.
We’ll guide you through all the steps for making goals, breaking them down into manageable pieces, and achieving them, step-by-step.
In this course you will actually set and attain a goal that you choose, so you’ll have the experiential instruction of moving through this process to completion (with plenty of hand-holding).
Your confidence will grow.
You’ll build personal integrity.
You’ll start to trust yourself.
Your nervous system will calm down.
You’ll feel less overwhelmed.
The potential everyone always saw in you will finally have a powerful outlet.
It’s life changing!
We can do this together.
Check it out below.
Be well,
Peter and Briana
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Ah, the New Year. It’s fresh and innocent and undefined. Except for the things you already have scheduled for 2023. And everything you have already set into motion that is likely to continue to play out in the coming year and beyond. But besides that, it’s an empty canvas!
Last week I recommended keeping your resolutions simple – just choosing a single thing. This week I want to encourage you to put that into a context you define for this year by choosing a theme for 2023.
If you have our Dreambook, there’s a section on Theme of the Year and you can write it in there. If you don’t have the Dreambook, or even if you do but wish to make this a bit more special, I encourage you to write your theme on a nice piece of paper with a good pen and frame it or keep it in a place where you’ll see it every day.
Here are some questions to help guide you to your theme as you visualize a wonderful, productive, peaceful, playful, successful coming year.
Who do you want to BE this year? What aspect of your potential do you want to cultivate this year?
What will you bring to your community? How will you be a positive influence on your environment?
What will you be a channel for? How will you speak intentionally?
How will you grow this year? How will the world respond to your love and light?
Take plenty of time with this and consider writing your answers down to see what comes through. Out of all these inspirations, which feels like it’s coming from your Highest Self? Which feels the most compelling? Which would benefit both you and your community? What is the emerging theme?
Here are some examples: The Year of Loving Myself Completely. The Year of Living my Purpose. The Year of Learning to Trust. The Year of Shining my Light Upon the World. The Year of Owning My Power. The Year of Healing my Body. The Year of Playfulness. The Year of Lightheartedness. The Year of Remembering We’re All Connected. The Year of Forgiveness. The Year of Great Healing. The Year of Simplicity. The Year of Living Through My Heart.
After you refine your theme and write it down, try to read it ever morning, and if you’ve got a minute, feel into how life will be as you embody this theme, tell yourself, “I’m already on my way. Today I choose to stay conscious of this theme and to find ways to live it.”
Wishing you your best year yet,
Peter
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