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As the parents of a teenager, we often find ourselves in a series of conversations called, “When am I Going to Use This in Real Life?” Popular episodes include, “When Am I Going to Use Calculus in Real Life?” and “When am I Going to Use Shakespeare in Real Life?”
Between trying to find ways to motivate our kid to stick with the subjects they don’t care about, we’ve given a lot of thought to what really IS important to learn for “real life,” and we believe that near the top of the list are the skills of goal-setting, planning, and follow-through. Sadly, these subjects won’t be covered (directly) in our kid’s high school and they probably weren’t at yours either.
As a result, many of us just stumble upon methods that work reasonably well, and we may start to relate to life as something to be maintained rather than our ongoing creation with infinite opportunities for improvement. The second perspective is not only more gratifying, it’s also a lot more fun.
We want to help you get the training you never received.
If your goals always get pushed to the bottom of your to-do list…
If you doubt your ability to follow through…
If you feel more daunted than excited by your big dreams…
If you procrastinate the changes that will make your life better…
If you know you have more potential than this, but don’t know how to start actualizing it…
Don't give up! You just need to be shown HOW.
That’s what we’ll do for you in our 9 week course, Dreaming and Planning.
We’ll guide you through all the steps for making goals, breaking them down into manageable pieces, and achieving them, step-by-step.
In this course you will actually set and attain a goal that you choose, so you’ll have the experiential instruction of moving through this process to completion (with plenty of hand-holding).
Your confidence will grow.
You’ll build personal integrity.
You’ll start to trust yourself.
Your nervous system will calm down.
You’ll feel less overwhelmed.
The potential everyone always saw in you will finally have a powerful outlet.
It’s life changing!
We can do this together.
Check it out below.
Be well,
Peter and Briana
[post_title] => Truly Useful Real-Life Skills
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As a young adult living in Western Massachusetts, I had a handful of friends who attended Hampshire College. Hampshire is well known for being highly unconventional. There are no majors, no departments, and no grades. So much of the program is up to the student, including a final yearlong project. I could see why it was appealing, especially to people who didn’t seem to fit into typical academic institutions.
When I first heard these friends talk of the wonderfully freeform nature of their college experience, I was envious. In later years, as they found it increasingly challenging to keep themselves on course, I remember saying, “That kind of program wouldn’t work for me.” I realized, with no shame at all, that I needed way (way) more hand-holding. Only one of my Hampshire friends graduated. I guess they needed more hand-holding too.
There are a number of reasons we avoid getting help or taking direction:
- We’re too proud to admit we need help.
- We’re afraid of opening up, being vulnerable, or appearing weak.
- We think nobody is capable of helping us.
- We don’t want to be controlled or guided in a way we don’t like.
- We don’t want to be told what to do.
- We don’t want to be a burden.
- We don’t want to share the credit.
- We feel it’s less of an accomplishment if we get help.
- We believe we need to do things all by ourselves.
This last one is a common inherited belief, though nearly every impressive historical figure had a team of supporters. Yes, there’s a grain of truth to it: each of us is responsible for ourselves, our choices and actions. Each of us is responsible for how we show up in the world. Nobody can do the internal work for us. But it’s perfectly okay to get tons of help along the way. It doesn’t diminish the outcome. In fact, we connect and improve through the process when we let others in. This is true even when it comes to healing and spirituality. It’s time to let go of the “Lone Ranger complex.”
Guidance and mutual support are an important part of why our program, Sacred Expansion, has been so successful. We created Sacred Expansion as a prerequisite for our life coaching trainees, as we feel it’s important to “clean house” before guiding others. It was designed to help people get to know themselves more deeply, release old unhealthy patterns, and open to a state of greater intuition and trust – all within a group of others on the same journey.
It turned out to be so monumental for our early participants that we decided to make Sacred Expansion available as a stand-alone course. Enrollment is happening NOW! You’ll be lovingly led by my wife, Briana, through an exploration of yourself through the metaphors of the seasons. And you’ll come out of it with greater clarity and self-awareness, less baggage, a deeper connection to Spirit, and the tools to continue the process on your own. I encourage you to do it!
Also, I recommend you look back at that list of reasons we avoid getting help and see if there are any that ring a bell for you. If so, consider the following questions. Is this belief true? (E.g., Is it true that nobody could help me? Is it true that if I asked for help, it would compromise me in some critical way? Is it true that it’s less of an accomplishment if I get help?) And then meditate on what life might be like if you felt completely at ease and unembarrassed about asking for help and graciously receiving it?
Be well,
Peter
P.S. Early Bird pricing for Sacred Expansion is currently in progress. Sign up today and save $200! On August 17th, the price goes up, so if you want to join us, don't miss this opportunity!
Click here to enroll today!
[post_title] => Why Don't We Get The Help We Need?
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During a particularly hard break-up in my 20s, a friend advised me, “The more present you are during this process, the bigger the present you’ll get out of it.” And though I barely understood what that meant, I gave it a try and an odd thing happened. I saw that I was choosing the big, dramatic grieving process I was going through. And that meant it was optional.
In The Art of Presence, Eckhart Tolle says, “Through thought you cannot possibly grasp what presence is.” But he gives some clues to point us in the right direction. He says it’s there, “when you’re not thinking about the last moment, or looking to the next one.” And he uses phrases like “a state of relaxed alertness” and “a spacious stillness,” to describe it.
Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.”
Our presence is tremendously rare and hugely valuable. Especially in this age of epidemic distraction, it’s increasingly difficult and uncommon to choose a voluntary time-out from technology, data, and our own mental analysis. But unlike the artificial value of a coin that accidentally got stamped with a head on both sides, our presence can do for us what nothing else can. And we can make it more abundant by simply choosing it.
Although it may not put food in our belly, most other problems disappear with presence. The need to fix or relive the past disappears. The need to avoid certain unwanted events in the future disappears. Even if we're working on something now that will benefit us in the future, with our presence, we work on it now in order to work on it now. And that’s enough.
The allure of distraction, which so often threatens our presence, dissolves when we practice being present. Do you know the word obviate? I like to write using words that almost everyone understands, but there’s only one word I can think of that means “to make unnecessary,” and that word is obviate. Learning to deepen our presence obviates the urge for distraction and mental departure from our current reality.
With presence, we perceive all kinds of intelligence and detail that we’re otherwise deaf and blind to. We know when to eat and when to stop eating. We know how to move our body in a way that doesn’t cause pain or injury. Our work becomes more interesting. Our relationships become healthier. We listen better and we feel heard.
With two kids, my presence is requested almost incessantly. I hear the word Papa at least 100 times a day. Often, I hear it ten or more times in quick succession. We all yearn for someone’s total presence with us. These are the moments of connection between what is the same in both of us. Presence uncovers what’s real in this moment. And that’s refreshing, exciting, and affirming.
When we’re all so busy that we see time as a commodity, it can seem that giving our presence to someone else is like giving away our treasure. But are we actually giving something away?
Of course not. When we “give” our presence we gain the present. To withhold our presence means both we and the other person miss out.
So, how can you learn to be more present? It takes practice. If you’re new to this, I don’t recommend making a goal like, “I’m going to be more present from now on.” I don’t want to discourage you, I just want you to be realistic about what you’re up against – a lifetime of habits and a sea of tantalizing distractions.
Try something a bit less ambitious, such as this: Once a day, as you begin some activity – whether it’s buying groceries, playing Candyland, eating a meal, and listening to a friend’s problems – select this activity as an exercise in presence. In your mind, identify what exactly you’re doing – “I’m vacuuming the floor” – and devote yourself to that. Don’t run away in the middle of the activity. This means don’t pick up your phone, don’t depart in your mind to explore other thoughts and ideas, don’t visit the past, don’t anticipate what’s next, don’t judge. Just dwell in the present. Be saturated by the present. Feel everything. Accept everything. And let each next moment come.
Over time, quicker than you might think, you’ll start regaining your attention. You’ll be able to focus on something for more than five seconds. You’ll begin to yearn for this, which will make your practice much easier. And as you start willingly selecting more and more moments to be completely present, you’ll experience an unending offering of presents.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => A Free Pile of Presents Just for You
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As the parents of a teenager, we often find ourselves in a series of conversations called, “When am I Going to Use This in Real Life?” Popular episodes include, “When Am I Going to Use Calculus in Real Life?” and “When am I Going to Use Shakespeare in Real Life?”
Between trying to find ways to motivate our kid to stick with the subjects they don’t care about, we’ve given a lot of thought to what really IS important to learn for “real life,” and we believe that near the top of the list are the skills of goal-setting, planning, and follow-through. Sadly, these subjects won’t be covered (directly) in our kid’s high school and they probably weren’t at yours either.
As a result, many of us just stumble upon methods that work reasonably well, and we may start to relate to life as something to be maintained rather than our ongoing creation with infinite opportunities for improvement. The second perspective is not only more gratifying, it’s also a lot more fun.
We want to help you get the training you never received.
If your goals always get pushed to the bottom of your to-do list…
If you doubt your ability to follow through…
If you feel more daunted than excited by your big dreams…
If you procrastinate the changes that will make your life better…
If you know you have more potential than this, but don’t know how to start actualizing it…
Don't give up! You just need to be shown HOW.
That’s what we’ll do for you in our 9 week course, Dreaming and Planning.
We’ll guide you through all the steps for making goals, breaking them down into manageable pieces, and achieving them, step-by-step.
In this course you will actually set and attain a goal that you choose, so you’ll have the experiential instruction of moving through this process to completion (with plenty of hand-holding).
Your confidence will grow.
You’ll build personal integrity.
You’ll start to trust yourself.
Your nervous system will calm down.
You’ll feel less overwhelmed.
The potential everyone always saw in you will finally have a powerful outlet.
It’s life changing!
We can do this together.
Check it out below.
Be well,
Peter and Briana
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