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We’re living in a time when the bulk of news headlines are threatening in some way. Whether it’s the pandemic, wildfires, climate change, storms, or political corruption, there’s always bad news, and when we expose ourselves to it, it’s natural for our survival instincts to be triggered. Living in “survival mode” inevitably takes us out of the present and profoundly degrades our quality of life.
I’ve been writing this series on longevity to help guide people in the opposite direction – to help stoke the love of life. Of course, as I said at the beginning, it’s possible to desire longevity from a place a fear. That’s why my first recommendation was “live for now and love life.” Quality of life trumps duration.
My second recommendation was to work, stretch, and relax each and every part of ourselves on a regular basis. My third recommendation was to dance on a regular basis and to explore its potential as a tool for healing, self-awareness, and spiritual connection. You can read those articles on our blog. Let’s continue.
#4: Be Discriminating About Your Media Consumption and Take Regular Fasts
As I said above, it’s easy to be influenced by what we’re exposed to and when it comes to news media the impact is almost never positive.
The challenge is that we can become addicted to it. The addiction may be fueled by a number of mechanisms. First, almost all humans have an appetite for conflict. Even though it can be stressful, there’s also energy in the drama of it. It’s exciting and polarizing. It also feeds what Eckhart Tolle has called our “pain body” – the part of our being that feeds on pain and yearns for more when life gets too peaceful.
Second, we may be addicted to news because we believe it’s vital to stay informed – even if it doesn’t change anything about our behavior. Being informed gets us social approval in some circles, and it helps us feel we’re prepared for disaster.
Third, we may be addicted to news because we’re hoping something good will come along. It’s like the stretched, desperate feeling that occurs when we’re on a losing streak at a casino. The mind thinks, “My luck has to turn around sometime! I can’t stop now!” A similar mentality can push us to read more and more news, hoping to come across a point of view that puts us at ease.
News media have always been primarily a source of bad feelings. Now this is compounded by a new problem – not only is the news mostly dire, it also no longer serves as a trustworthy source of facts. There was a time when journalists prided themselves on unbiased investigation and deadpan delivery of the facts untainted by even an ounce of personal opinion. Today, too many people consume highly biased media and believe this qualifies as factual news.
Media fasts are an important part of psychological self-care. I recommend fasting for at least one full day each week and avoiding all media (music is okay) until after breakfast. If your mind protests, give sincere consideration to what you gain from news – and movies, articles, and other media – that’s violent, depressing, or otherwise makes you feel bad or “keyed up” afterwards. If you’re not in a position to process it in a calm, healthy way or take meaningful action to help, then it’s only degrading you.
Try to become aware of the compulsion to consume negative and sensational media. Virtually all of it is stressful. The repercussions of this stress can be insidious – low energy, distraction, difficulty making decisions, anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, irritability, poor and impulsive eating choices, and a shorter lifespan.
When you choose to consume news, make sure that it really is an intentional choice – not just something to pass the time while you’re sitting on the toilet or riding the bus. Do your homework – find truly unbiased sources and draw your own conclusions. Be wary of any “reporter” who seems intent on telling you what to think. Hint: almost nothing you find on YouTube qualifies. Take advantage of your library – there are countless free audiobooks and music albums available.
Please share in the comments section about what kind of media fast you’re going to commit to. Then tell us what happened in your time away from it. Did the world end? Did you feel free and happy? We’d love to know.
Be well,
Peter
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I love cookies of all kinds. At times my wife or kids have made a batch of cookies and – after they each tried one – I quietly finished off all the rest. So I know a thing or two about restraint and lack thereof. Last week I wrote about smoking and a process for making quitting easier. Today let’s look at how we can adapt this process for a healthier relationship with food.
Often we eat in a way that’s out of sync with what’s best for the body (and mind). The most prevalent example is overeating – i.e., eating beyond the point at which we’re no longer hungry. We do this for many reasons: because the food is tasty, because we were taught to empty our plate, because we don’t want to waste food or insult the cook, because of biological mechanisms designed to protect us against famine, or because we’re simply eating on “autopilot.”
Another example is low quality foods. High sugar foods, for example, can suppress the immune system, cause excessive weight gain, promote inflammation, and lead to insulin resistance (type 2 diabetes). Deep fried foods have similar impacts – promoting inflammation and contributing to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, obesity, and cancer. I won’t list all the examples here, but if it’s highly processed, contains artificial colors and flavors, white flour, chemical preservatives, or was purchased at a gas station, it probably falls into this category.
Other foods may be essentially benign but not good for a given individual because of a personal sensitivity. Since starting to treat people in the late 90s, I’ve seen a huge increase in patients’ awareness of the foods they’re sensitive to. On the whole this is a great thing, though it’s not always easy for people to avoid these foods – even knowing they’ll feel bad later.
For what it’s worth, I try not to entirely forbid any foods, because of the repercussions of setting up a system of deprivation and rebellion. Besides, we can only maintain discipline for so long. Our willpower wanes when we’re tired, hungry, or stressed. And we all occasionally find ourselves in dining situations where there simply aren’t healthy options.
I believe there’s a time and place for almost any food – including cheesecake and French fries – as long as we practice moderation and mindfulness. When these foods constitute a significant portion of our diet, and/or we’re experiencing negative impacts from consuming them, and/or we can’t control ourselves, this should tell us that something needs to change.
For the bulk of our history as a species, food scarcity was one of our main challenges. Now, in much of the world, this has been replaced by the challenge of restraint.
Healthy restraint with food can be as challenging as dealing with a smoking addiction or alcoholism. At least a smoker or alcoholic has the option of entirely removing cigarettes and alcohol from their life. But we’re obligated to keep eating. The closest equivalent we can exercise is to remove from our cupboards the foods that we have the most difficulty with.
Furthermore, almost everyone has beliefs and baggage wrapped up around food and body image, which complicates our relationship with eating. My purpose today isn’t to completely unpack this whole topic, but to just address one aspect of the pattern – restraint around eating in a way that we know isn’t good for us.
Here are seven steps you can take to feel clearer and stronger about what you feed your body:
1: Setting the stage and loving yourself. Make it easy for yourself to succeed and harder for yourself to overeat, to eat unconsciously, or to eat foods that aren’t good for you. These choices are about avoiding or cleaning up the environments that promote poor eating habits; setting some basic ground rules for yourself – except we’re not going to call them rules, but basic standards; honoring the process of nourishing yourself; and remembering that you are worth treating yourself well.
Eat only in a proper dining setting – not at your desk, not in front of a TV, not while driving, not between meals, not while in a meeting – you’re better than that. Get the junky stuff out of your house. Don’t go to fast food restaurants. Tell your coworkers you’re not eating that stuff anymore, so please don’t even offer you a cupcake – you’re better than that too! Bring your own lunch. Eat a healthy meal before the party. Don’t hang out by the food table.
2: Use empowering language. Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t eat that donut” or “I shouldn’t eat those French fries,” use verbiage that conveys power and choice. Some examples: “I don’t eat garbagey foods. I don’t put that crap in my beautiful body. I choose to be a healthy eater. I choose to love myself so much that I only eat really high quality food. I don’t overeat. I choose to stop eating before I’m full. I feel great when I feed myself well.”
3: Slow down and breathe. Slowing down the eating process makes it easier to perceive when you’ve had enough, and also to feel if your body doesn’t like what or how you’re eating. Before you eat something you know isn’t great for you, take at least one deep breath. You’re creating space so that the behavior isn’t automatic and unconscious.
4: Tune in to the underlying feeling. If you’re wanting to eat something unhealthy, or to continue eating even though you know you’re not hungry anymore, tune in to the feeling that’s urging you to do this. Just take a moment to visit it. If it helps, tell yourself, “You can still have the treat afterwards. We just going to do this first.” Often this feeling is below your radar and you respond to it unconsciously by eating and eating. Let’s make it conscious. Drop into your body and feel what’s happening. What does it feel like? An anxious, unsettled feeling? An empty, yearning feeling? Numbness? Whatever you feel, see if you can simply be with it for a moment, without any resistance. Let yourself feel it fully. Take a breath into it. Allow it to pass through you and depart. What happens? Even if you still eat the food in question, this is nonetheless a useful process.
5: Ask your body. If you’re on the verge of eating in an unhealthy way, just take a second to ask inwardly, “How do you feel about my eating this?” Then feel and listen for the response. Maybe you won’t perceive anything, but maybe you’ll feel a very clear, “No thanks” or “I’m good” or “Sure!” or “Please don’t.” I know you haven’t always loved the way your body has looked and felt and performed for you, but consider being friends with it and honoring its feelings about what’s best for it.
6: Give all your attention to the act of eating. It would be excellent if we could all give our full attention to the act of eating throughout every meal. Eating mindlessly doesn’t just make us prone to doing something that’s not good for us, it also means we’re missing out on fully enjoying the food and missing out on the beautiful, sacred, self-loving act of feeding ourselves and connecting to the fruitful earth that provided it.
It’s especially useful to give your full attention to the act when you’re knowingly eating in a way that’s not ideal for you. Let’s say you decide to have some chocolate mousse. You know it’s not a health food, but it’s going to be incredibly delicious, and sometimes that’s a worthwhile tradeoff, because savoring deliciousness has some value too. This only makes sense, of course, if you’re going to be fully present for the deliciousness experience. Enjoy the hell out of it. Don’t speak. Don’t listen to anything but your own chewing and moaning. Don’t go fast.
7: Let go of the guilt. I know it’s easier said than done, but let’s not add insult to injury. Guilt is the worst thing you can sprinkle over your meal. I believe that feelings of guilt, shame, and self-hate have a tangible impact on what happens to that food after you’ve eaten it. You’re not going to digest it as well, be nourished as thoroughly, or clear out the waste as efficiently if you’re in emotional upset about it. If you’re feeling heavy afterwards, take at least a moment to forgive yourself.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because it’s SO freakin’ scrumptious.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because you’re stressed and eating is soothing.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because your ancestors didn’t have enough to eat and wired you to eat as much as you could when you had the chance.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because you’re upset with yourself or displeased with your body.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because it makes you feel more in control.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way to get back at people who have mistreated you or objectified your body.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because you’re upset with the world for telling you to look like an ideal that’s only possible for a small portion of the population.
It’s understandable that you would eat this way, because you feel deprived or lonely or sad or ungrounded or empty or anxious.
All of this is understandable. AND, you know that there are healthier ways to feel better than by taking it out on your body. Ask your body to forgive you for not always treating it well. Thank your body for being the vehicle that has made this incredible life possible. Take ownership of your body. Forgive your body. Love your body.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Seven Steps for Managing the Habit of Unhealthy Eating
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One of the main ways that we get stuck or fail to reach our potential is through persistent psychological patterns. Some would say they’re not just psychological, but psycho-spiritual, or even karmic. Perhaps they’re an expression of what are called samskaras in Vedic thought – ruts or imprints that we’re prone to fall into over and over. The tendency to think and act in a certain way can be difficult to break, even if we know it’s not serving us.
Often these patterns are founded in stories and beliefs in which we have a one-sided view, and the single-sidedness gives them a stronger charge that tends to make them more enduring. Here are some examples:
I am a victim. I mess everything up. I never have enough money. People are selfish. I’m not disciplined enough to live to my potential. Happiness doesn’t last. Life is scary.
Part of why these stories won’t die is because of our inability to see more than one perspective. Often we put ourselves in a certain role, with the opposing role played (usually in our mind) by some adversary, which could be a parent, partner, enemy, God, the whole world, some imagined “lucky person,” or even another aspect of ourselves.
We can get invested in playing the bad guy, the hero, the spiritual one, the rebel, the starving artist, or the martyr. This may cause us to suppress aspects of ourselves that don’t align with this role, which serves to perpetuate the one-sidedness of our position. The exaggerated dynamic it sets up is like sitting at the outermost point on a seesaw; we’re bound to get carried way up and down by our emotions.
Coming from a Chinese Medicine background, I’m inclined to see this condition as an imbalance of yin and yang. It’s a denial of our wholeness and a limitation on our health and power.
Recognizing that we contain both sides of each coin is important and useful work, and it’s a primary theme in many healing modalities. It’s part of the integration of our shadow aspect (a term coined by Carl Jung to describe the parts of ourselves we deny, suppress, or are unconscious of). It’s an essential part of The Work developed by Byron Katie for challenging our thoughts. This process consists of asking questions to determine whether a given thought is true and how you’re affected by believing it, after which you “turn it around” to see how opposing viewpoints are equally true.
For users of our body-centered releasing workbook, Freedom, we recommend taking a charged issue or scenario and, after working on it with your usual position, see what comes up when you “try on” the opposing position. Releasing the pattern from both sides promotes a more complete resolution.
Similarly, Leslie Temple Thurston teaches that when we identify the polarized aspects of our stories and then figure out what their opposites are, we discover that both sides are within us (and our adversaries). This recognition shifts our position from the outermost edge of the seesaw to the center fulcrum – what Temple Thurston calls the neutral witness state – and the story falls apart.
To take this deeper, we can examine the interaction of two sets of opposing charges, which creates four perspectives. Temple Thurston calls this working with “squares.” The mind is rarely in the throes of just one duality. Beyond the charge of the two sides of a story, there is an additional dimension of polarization which is the basic push-pull of attraction and repulsion, also experienced as like/dislike, desire/fear, or attachment/rejection. By examining a pattern through all four sides of these interacting charges, we can achieve an even more complete neutralization.
I’ve depicted the basic format in this graphic. Take one duality, which I refer to as yin and yang here, and cross it with the duality of desire/fear to produce four states. Here I refer to the states as desire for yin, desire for yang, fear of yin, and fear of yang. This will all make more sense when we plug in an example to replace yin and yang here:
We all contain the four aspects shown in this square. Typically there are two that are easy to relate to, while the others may be trickier to access. In this example we’re looking at the qualities of the self that we consider acceptable and openly express (our light) and those we keep hidden (our shadow). When crossed with the duality of attraction/aversion, we get four states. The first two are attraction to our light (upper right) and aversion to our shadow (lower left). These are easy enough to recognize since that’s exactly the dynamic that sets up the light/shadow split in the first place.
Finding the other two qualities in ourselves may require looking a little deeper. At the upper left is attraction to our shadow. This can happen inadvertently as a result of the pressure buildup caused by suppressing it. Our shadow may seem dangerous and forbidden, and we may unleash it to defuse the inner charge of disapproval and rebellion. We may find ourselves expressing it in ways that are painful to us or others, and our regret about doing so may reinforce the urge to suppress it.
It’s important to point out, however, that the parts of ourselves we keep sequestered in the shadows aren’t necessarily socially unacceptable. They may in fact be virtuous qualities that we’re simply uncomfortable with. Attraction to our shadow may also occur in a healthy way as we endeavor to be integrated and self-realized beings, in which case we want to know all that we are and to consciously choose which aspects to express.
The last quadrant, aversion to our light, is what Marianne Williamson is speaking to in her famous quote: “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” Why do we fear our own light? Perhaps we’re afraid of everyone noticing us. Maybe we believe that if we shine, we’ll then do something to let everyone down. If we embrace our light, maybe we believe we’d outshine others. Possibly we don’t believe our light is even real.
How can we employ this exercise in a useful way? Start by taking a quality you seem to have an obvious desire for or aversion to. For example: desire to be powerful, desire to be happy, desire to be wealthy, fear of being alone, aversion to being sick, aversion to exercise. This quality and its opposite will form the two ends of the horizontal x-axis. Then the vertical y-axis will have desire, attraction, or wanting at the top and aversion, rejection, fear, or repulsion at the bottom. Fill in the four quadrants so that each of the x-axis qualities gets paired with each of the y-axis dynamics.
Then spend some time feeling into each of the four resulting states. Journal about how each state is within you and/or use our book, Freedom, to do a body-centered releasing process on each one. It doesn’t need to take very long, but ideally should be done until you feel a sense of acceptance and a dissipation of the charge associated with the issue. Afterwards, feel into your relationship with the object of this process. What has changed?
I hope this method of inquiry is beneficial to you. Feel free to share about your experience with it in the comments section.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Get Through Your Blocks By Seeing All Four Sides of the Coin
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We’re living in a time when the bulk of news headlines are threatening in some way. Whether it’s the pandemic, wildfires, climate change, storms, or political corruption, there’s always bad news, and when we expose ourselves to it, it’s natural for our survival instincts to be triggered. Living in “survival mode” inevitably takes us out of the present and profoundly degrades our quality of life.
I’ve been writing this series on longevity to help guide people in the opposite direction – to help stoke the love of life. Of course, as I said at the beginning, it’s possible to desire longevity from a place a fear. That’s why my first recommendation was “live for now and love life.” Quality of life trumps duration.
My second recommendation was to work, stretch, and relax each and every part of ourselves on a regular basis. My third recommendation was to dance on a regular basis and to explore its potential as a tool for healing, self-awareness, and spiritual connection. You can read those articles on our blog. Let’s continue.
#4: Be Discriminating About Your Media Consumption and Take Regular Fasts
As I said above, it’s easy to be influenced by what we’re exposed to and when it comes to news media the impact is almost never positive.
The challenge is that we can become addicted to it. The addiction may be fueled by a number of mechanisms. First, almost all humans have an appetite for conflict. Even though it can be stressful, there’s also energy in the drama of it. It’s exciting and polarizing. It also feeds what Eckhart Tolle has called our “pain body” – the part of our being that feeds on pain and yearns for more when life gets too peaceful.
Second, we may be addicted to news because we believe it’s vital to stay informed – even if it doesn’t change anything about our behavior. Being informed gets us social approval in some circles, and it helps us feel we’re prepared for disaster.
Third, we may be addicted to news because we’re hoping something good will come along. It’s like the stretched, desperate feeling that occurs when we’re on a losing streak at a casino. The mind thinks, “My luck has to turn around sometime! I can’t stop now!” A similar mentality can push us to read more and more news, hoping to come across a point of view that puts us at ease.
News media have always been primarily a source of bad feelings. Now this is compounded by a new problem – not only is the news mostly dire, it also no longer serves as a trustworthy source of facts. There was a time when journalists prided themselves on unbiased investigation and deadpan delivery of the facts untainted by even an ounce of personal opinion. Today, too many people consume highly biased media and believe this qualifies as factual news.
Media fasts are an important part of psychological self-care. I recommend fasting for at least one full day each week and avoiding all media (music is okay) until after breakfast. If your mind protests, give sincere consideration to what you gain from news – and movies, articles, and other media – that’s violent, depressing, or otherwise makes you feel bad or “keyed up” afterwards. If you’re not in a position to process it in a calm, healthy way or take meaningful action to help, then it’s only degrading you.
Try to become aware of the compulsion to consume negative and sensational media. Virtually all of it is stressful. The repercussions of this stress can be insidious – low energy, distraction, difficulty making decisions, anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, irritability, poor and impulsive eating choices, and a shorter lifespan.
When you choose to consume news, make sure that it really is an intentional choice – not just something to pass the time while you’re sitting on the toilet or riding the bus. Do your homework – find truly unbiased sources and draw your own conclusions. Be wary of any “reporter” who seems intent on telling you what to think. Hint: almost nothing you find on YouTube qualifies. Take advantage of your library – there are countless free audiobooks and music albums available.
Please share in the comments section about what kind of media fast you’re going to commit to. Then tell us what happened in your time away from it. Did the world end? Did you feel free and happy? We’d love to know.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Fasting for Longevity
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