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My Favorite Kind of Pain

I had been hearing about an impressive tai chi teacher named Gregory Fong since moving to Portland in 1997. It was about five years later that I convinced Briana to… Read More

Why We Want You to Become Wealthy and Enlightened

Even if you’re not in the medical world like me, you probably still hear a lot about the COVID vaccine. There are people with very strong feelings for and against… Read More

Have special food / drink. Briana and I were already at a great restaurant. However, since we make a point of eating delicious, high quality food every day, this didn't feel celebratory in itself. As with rituals in general, an important part of the recipe for celebration is that it feels different than the usual. That might mean a cake with candles or champagne. For us it meant ordering $20 cocktails with some kind of amazing locally-crafted flower nectar in them. Mmmm.

Take time off. If your usual routine would be to go to work or do some chores, celebrating could mean deliberately setting aside your work. Further, if this is how you celebrate, it's important to let go of the need to be productive during this time. Specifically, do the opposite of working!

Special purchase for YOU. Sometimes splurging can be a way to celebrate, though it's important that the purchase feels like a gift to yourself. Ideally something that's going to help you feel celebratory, light hearted, and playful. This is almost always easier to achieve when you spend your money on an experience than a thing.

Take a trip. There are many ways to celebrate through a journey. It could be a trip to somewhere beautiful, inspiring, or fun. It could be a visit to see someone you love. It could be a pilgrimage that's deeply meaningful to you. Just remember, as often as you can, that it’s a celebration.

Get flowers. In our house, we decided long ago to always prioritize having fresh flowers year-round, so more flowers might not feel celebratory. But if flowers aren’t a fixture in your space, they’re a lovely way to signal that you’re intentionally celebrating.

Dance / cheer / emote. While these are some of the most obvious expressions of celebration, for many people – myself included – they don’t come naturally. If you feel similarly about expressing I’M CELEBRATING! physically and verbally, it may be an edge worth leaning into. What holds you back? Does it feel silly? Is there a way that lets you turn off your self-critic?

Make art / a memento to mark the event. While creating art may be a more subdued form of celebration than #6, it’s a great way to celebrate. It gives expression to our creative urge and it results in something that reminds us of the goodness it represents. If you’re so inclined, you may choose a tattoo for an especially indelible reminder.

Share about it. While this isn’t exactly a way of celebrating in itself, telling people that you’re celebrating can be powerful. It makes the celebration more real. It lets others see you, cheer for you, and celebrate with you. If you have a hard time with this, is it because it feels boastful? Is there a way to do it while retaining your humility?

Plant something. Buy a plant for your land / garden / apartment to commemorate the occasion and take good care of it. (Try not to attach meaning to whether or not it thrives.)

Journal about it. I know journaling doesn’t sound like celebrating, but let’s call it an adjunct to celebrating. Journaling is a bit like hitting the save button. It helps you get deep and clear about what you’re celebrating, the ways you’ve grown through it, the fact that you chose this, and that you’re grateful for it.

Let go / release. Dancing a jig and throwing confetti are great. Don’t miss out, though, on the satisfaction of letting go of all the energy that has led up to whatever you’re celebrating. The feelings that happened along the way may have included stress, anxiety, doubt, failure, confusion, anticipation, and more. Take the opportunity to intentionally unburden yourself. Let it all go and revel in the lightness.

The best way to celebrate is to do it in a way that feels significant and celebratory to you – even if it doesn’t look like a party. I encourage you to find something to celebrate this week and do it. If nothing celebration-worthy seems to happen, pick something that’s already working well in your life but hasn’t gotten enough recognition. Or make a choice for yourself that’s worth celebrating – like becoming an optimist. Be well, Peter [post_title] => 11 Ways to Celebrate [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => 11-ways-to-celebrate [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-08-19 23:03:40 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-08-19 23:03:40 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8330 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 3 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8683 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2022-06-17 20:46:01 [post_date_gmt] => 2022-06-17 20:46:01 [post_content] => I feel the more we celebrate, the better our quality of life. And there are two holidays worth taking time out for this week. Today, June 19th is Juneteenth, and Tuesday, June 21st is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. I think it’s appropriate that Juneteenth falls so close to the summer solstice, because both symbolize a certain abundance of light. Juneteenth is a celebration of the emancipation of African American slaves. Throughout the Civil War, many slaveholders moved to remote areas to escape the fighting and hold onto their slaves. When Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation went into effect on January 1, 1863, nothing changed where it wasn’t enforced. This was especially the case in Texas, where there were still a quarter million slaves in 1865, even after General Lee surrendered the Confederacy. On June 19th, 1865, Union General Gordon Granger presented Texas with a proclamation that read, “The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor.” Although the enforcement of the law took years, and there’s still plenty of work ahead of us, June 19th became a day of celebration. Known as Juneteenth, it’s the longest standing African American holiday. The abolition of slavery was like clearing a dark cloud that had long hung over the country. It was the beginning of allowing African Americans to be their own people and freely shine their light. There’s no way to undo the suffering caused by slavery and its aftermath of discrimination and systemic oppression, but one step in the right direction – especially for White people – is to recognize how much this country has benefited from the presence of African Americans. Just when the light of the sun is at its peak, we have the opportunity on Juneteenth (and always) to celebrate the light that’s symbolic of the African American soul, which has persevered through unimaginable violence and injustice, and evolved into an incredible cultural identity. Despite comprising just 13% of our population, African Americans have had a disproportionately significant influence on the United States. From music to art to cuisine to literature to science to leadership to religion and more, it’s all around us. So, let’s celebrate the light this week. ☀️ Bask in the sun. Try this simple “solar energy” meditation: Inhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re absorbing the sun through your pores, deep into your body. Hold your breath for a count of 4 while imagining the solar energy working its way into all your cells and charging all your atoms. Exhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re beaming the sunlight out of every pore. Hold (with empty lungs) for a count of 4 while basking in your own glow around you. Then repeat. ☀️ Open your heart and shine your light into every environment you find yourself in. ☀️ Make a conscious choice to see the light in everyone you encounter. ☀️ Enjoy the contributions of African American writers, musicians, chefs, comedians, and influencers. ☀️ Whatever your race, consider how you've benefited from the influence of courageous and visionary African Americans, then take some action to honor this light and support our work toward true equity. Be well, Peter [post_title] => A Double Serving of Light [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => a-double-serving-of-light [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2022-06-17 20:46:01 [post_modified_gmt] => 2022-06-17 20:46:01 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8683 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8421 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2021-11-27 00:28:59 [post_date_gmt] => 2021-11-27 00:28:59 [post_content] => There was a lot of interest in the article I wrote last month called “How to Bounce Forward from Adversity” in which I discussed positive psychology. Whereas traditional psychology has focused primarily on helping unwell individuals to get to a state of normal functioning, positive psychology explores how we can go beyond “normal” to optimize wellbeing and life satisfaction. Today I’m going to share some of the most effective ways to do this. The core elements come from Martin Seligman, sometimes considered the founder positive psychology. Seligman is known for the PERMA model of wellbeing, which stands for: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement. We’ll look at these and some valuable additions from other psychologists. Positive Emotions: This is as much a measure of optimal wellbeing as it is a means. Seligman emphasizes that seeking positive emotions alone isn’t especially effective, but that fully experiencing positive emotions is vital. If positive emotions aren’t a prominent part of your psychological landscape, it’s worth looking and feeling into why. I believe positive emotions are part of our native state as humans, an expression of fundamental wellbeing, regardless of circumstances such as socioeconomic status. When they’re not naturally present, this tends to signal that there’s something in the way – such as limiting beliefs about one’s ability or deserving of happiness. We can change this. Engagement: Having a sense of engagement, in which we may lose track of time and become completely absorbed in something we enjoy and excel at, is an important piece of wellbeing. It’s hard to have a developed sense of wellbeing if you are not truly engaged in anything you do Psychologists Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff build on these first two methods through their model of positive experience called Savoring. Here’s how to savor fully and get the most out of your positive experiences:

Sharing: find other people to share the experience and tell them how much you value it. According to Black Dog Institute, this is the strongest predictor of the level of someone’ pleasure.
Memory building: do things to crystalize and save the moment, such as intentionally take mental photographs, keeping a souvenir of the event, and reminiscing about it later with others.
Self-congratulation: this is a hard one for many of us because it entails telling yourself what a good person you are and remembering everything you’ve done to get yourself to this point in your life.
Sharpening perception: this is practice to encourage the imprinting of the experience in your consciousness. Pay close attention and try focusing on certain elements and blocking out others, like closing your eyes while listening to music.
Absorption: allow yourself to become totally immersed, not thinking, just experiencing fully

Relationships: Study after study has shown that healthy relationships are the single most significant predictor of happiness and longevity. We are social creatures and our connections with others help us flourish. They give us opportunities to share, to help, to be heard, to be witnessed, to touch, to laugh, to be co-inspired. I have a homework assignment for you. Today I want you to call or visit someone you haven’t been in contact with for a while. Both of you will benefit from this. Meaning: There are plenty of ways to experience positive emotions and good connections without meaning, but for most of us, especially as we get older, this factor starts to matter more. Sometimes we can even have a “meaningless crisis” where we suddenly feel that nothing in our life has real significance. If we’ve spent the last decade getting stoned and playing video games, maybe such a realization is pointing to a need for some changes. But for most people, it’s a matter of attitude adjustment more than a life overhaul. For instance, doing the core values, gifts, and life purpose work in our Dreambook can help you get aligned with your meaning, which you then bring into whatever you do. An early mentor of mine, Matt Garrigan, used to say, “Life is meaningless. You add the meaning.” While that might sound kind of fatalistic, he meant it to be liberating. It underscores the power to choose our perspective. Dr. Amy Wrzesniewski of Yale University writes about the distinctions between relating to your work as a job (you see your work as a means of income, a necessity), a career (you take a certain pride in what you do and hope to advance and succeed at it), or a calling (your work is a central, meaningful part of life and who you are, a forum for self-expression and gratification). These three orientations represent degrees of meaning, and a spectrum of overall life satisfaction. Being dedicated to something bigger than oneself brings to a special kind of fulfillment. Incidentally, Wrzesniewski emphasizes that the job itself is irrelevant to one’s orientation toward it. You could approach trash collection as a calling. Achievement: In a world that sometimes hyper-focuses on achievement as the sole measure of a person’s worth, it’s easy to get the wrong idea about it and find ourselves unable to relax and play. But we need to strike a balance because accomplishing things, even small things, is essential to authentic wellbeing. When we set out to do something and follow it through to completion we build confidence and self-trust, and it reinforces the feeling that we have some control over the trajectory of our work and overall life, which is another factor that yields greater wellbeing. Play: Being able to play – doing something for no outcome other than play itself – is one I’d add to this list. Here’s an excerpt on play from our book, The Well Life: George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” We know it’s hard to schedule time just for enjoyment, but play is important stuff. Playing and laughing are good for our cardiovascular health. They foster bonding with our family and friends. They’re relaxing. They promote development of social skills. They’re uplifting. They teach us cooperation. They help us learn to manage our emotions. They improve brain function, learning, and cognition. They relieve stress. They enhance healing. They stimulate creativity and problem solving. They keep us feeling youthful. Unfortunately, we tend to save playtime for after everything else is done. But it shouldn’t be seen as just a reward. Play is therapeutic. Finally, one more that numerous others have added to PERMA is Vitality. Physical vitality and psychological wellness are interdependent. That’s not to say you can’t have one without the other, but many physical health factors such as high energy, good digestion, restful sleep, and adequate strength often translate to a better ability to do the other things on the list, as well as supporting a clear and open mind. I encourage you to go through this list and choose one factor to dedicate yourself this coming week – ideally one that could use some attention. Set an intention to work on it each day, and write it down. At the end of each day, take a few minutes to reflect on (and, better yet, journal about) how this affected you. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Use Positive Psychology to Get Happier and More Fulfilled [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => 8421 [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-11-27 01:10:48 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-11-27 01:10:48 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8421 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8330 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2021-08-19 22:53:32 [post_date_gmt] => 2021-08-19 22:53:32 [post_content] => In case you didn’t hear, Briana and I made the difficult decision last month to close the spa at the Portland Airport. Shortly thereafter, she and I were on a date at one of our favorite restaurants and we were reminiscing about all the work we put into that place and how great it was to have created an environment that was peaceful and beautiful in a place that’s often stressful and loud. We were both silent for a minute and then she said, “Let’s celebrate!” We weren’t really in a celebratory mood, but we shifted the discussion from “How are we going to bounce back?” to “How are we going to bounce FORWARD?” It didn’t take long to come up with numerous wins that were made possible by this loss, including reclaimed energy and resources to put into new endeavors to help people achieve peace, health, and happiness. What surprised us was when I asked, “Ok, how should we celebrate?” and we both drew a blank. Wait a second, how could two people who love holidays and creating ritual not remember how to celebrate? Well, in the same way that we sometimes forget what meals we like to cook, sometimes it’s good to get reacquainted with our palette of celebratory options. Besides having a party, here are some ideas to get your celebratory juices flowing:

Have special food / drink. Briana and I were already at a great restaurant. However, since we make a point of eating delicious, high quality food every day, this didn't feel celebratory in itself. As with rituals in general, an important part of the recipe for celebration is that it feels different than the usual. That might mean a cake with candles or champagne. For us it meant ordering $20 cocktails with some kind of amazing locally-crafted flower nectar in them. Mmmm.

Take time off. If your usual routine would be to go to work or do some chores, celebrating could mean deliberately setting aside your work. Further, if this is how you celebrate, it's important to let go of the need to be productive during this time. Specifically, do the opposite of working!

Special purchase for YOU. Sometimes splurging can be a way to celebrate, though it's important that the purchase feels like a gift to yourself. Ideally something that's going to help you feel celebratory, light hearted, and playful. This is almost always easier to achieve when you spend your money on an experience than a thing.

Take a trip. There are many ways to celebrate through a journey. It could be a trip to somewhere beautiful, inspiring, or fun. It could be a visit to see someone you love. It could be a pilgrimage that's deeply meaningful to you. Just remember, as often as you can, that it’s a celebration.

Get flowers. In our house, we decided long ago to always prioritize having fresh flowers year-round, so more flowers might not feel celebratory. But if flowers aren’t a fixture in your space, they’re a lovely way to signal that you’re intentionally celebrating.

Dance / cheer / emote. While these are some of the most obvious expressions of celebration, for many people – myself included – they don’t come naturally. If you feel similarly about expressing I’M CELEBRATING! physically and verbally, it may be an edge worth leaning into. What holds you back? Does it feel silly? Is there a way that lets you turn off your self-critic?

Make art / a memento to mark the event. While creating art may be a more subdued form of celebration than #6, it’s a great way to celebrate. It gives expression to our creative urge and it results in something that reminds us of the goodness it represents. If you’re so inclined, you may choose a tattoo for an especially indelible reminder.

Share about it. While this isn’t exactly a way of celebrating in itself, telling people that you’re celebrating can be powerful. It makes the celebration more real. It lets others see you, cheer for you, and celebrate with you. If you have a hard time with this, is it because it feels boastful? Is there a way to do it while retaining your humility?

Plant something. Buy a plant for your land / garden / apartment to commemorate the occasion and take good care of it. (Try not to attach meaning to whether or not it thrives.)

Journal about it. I know journaling doesn’t sound like celebrating, but let’s call it an adjunct to celebrating. Journaling is a bit like hitting the save button. It helps you get deep and clear about what you’re celebrating, the ways you’ve grown through it, the fact that you chose this, and that you’re grateful for it.

Let go / release. Dancing a jig and throwing confetti are great. Don’t miss out, though, on the satisfaction of letting go of all the energy that has led up to whatever you’re celebrating. The feelings that happened along the way may have included stress, anxiety, doubt, failure, confusion, anticipation, and more. Take the opportunity to intentionally unburden yourself. Let it all go and revel in the lightness.

You may also be interested in:

11 Ways to Celebrate

A Double Serving of Light

Use Positive Psychology to Get Happier and More Fulfilled

The Dragontree

life coaching course

My Favorite Kind of Pain

Why We Want You to Become Wealthy and Enlightened

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