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My friend called me this morning begging to be rescued from herself. She said “I knew I had a ton of things to catch up on today and projects I want to work on that will move me towards my goals, yet I stayed up late last night, slept in, walked in multiple circles trying to figure out where to start, then after feeling overwhelmed and discouraged I turned on Netflix and binge watched 2 seasons of Friends. What is wrong with me? I am wasting my youth and my life, I’m never going to amount to anything! Why do I do this?”
Her shame and self-blame were on a downward spiral fast and she needed someone to snap her out of it.
Self-sabotage happens when part of our ego wants to stop us from going beyond our ego constructs. Our egos are strong, they’re here to try to keep us safe, which usually means keeping us small, in this little container where we protect ourselves. Within these boundaries, we limit ourselves because we’re only willing to experience what’s familiar. So we procrastinate, we create obstacles, we stir up drama to get in our own way.
Then something arises within us, a desire to connect, to expand, deepen. As that happens our ego comes in and tries to obscure it because it doesn’t feel safe, it’s the great unknown for the ego because it isn’t where the ego lives, that’s when self-sabotage rears it’s ugly head.
First become aware of where you’re self-sabotaging and bring a huge amount of curiosity to the underlying reasons and impulses causing it. Many people haven’t been introduced to this practice of deep inquiry, so they only scan the surface layers of it. Even if they notice that they are self-sabotaging they may only recognize it’s not serving them but don’t examine the deeper “why was I doing that, where did it come from, isn’t that interesting?” Where else in your life do you have this experience? Where do you feel that in your body? What does it look like when you sabotage yourself? How does it feel when are you doing it? When does it come up? When does it not come up? How has it felt when you didn’t do it?
What advice did I give to my friend? “Love yourself anyway. There’s no benefit to feeling bad about it, but be honest about what is really going on. Dig into why are you not doing what you say you want to do. Do you actually not want to do those things? What do you really want to be devoted to? What action can you take towards that today, right now?”
Keep asking the whys, hows, and whats so you can start shining a light on this ego structure that is trying to keep you in your small self. The keys to ending the cycles of self-sabotage are meditation and being curious about your feelings. Curiosity without judgment is crucial. If you’re judging while being curious you’re not really being curious, you’re examining the right and wrong of something versus opening up to deeper understanding. Honor that voice arising from within you that is leading you to heal old destructive patterns by listening.
Really slow down and listen… listen… listen… listen...listen.
If you're having a hard time uncovering the whys or being able to hear that loving voice inside you, I'd love to help. Join our Love Rising community as we gather in a group to get in touch with our true selves, in touch with our essence. As a group, we’ll amplify this connection and get clear on the next step forward, along the way resolving obstacles and challenges blocking our ability to receive. To trust.
With so much love for you,
Briana
PS - The next
Love Rising Collective begins January 11th. Don't wait, or you'll miss it.
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As a teenager I spent a lot of time in the tunnels of Boston’s subway system. They were brightly tiled in red, blue, green, and orange, and there was a smell that I’ll never forget – not terrible, not pleasant – that poured forth in gusts as a train approached. I sat on benches with my head down, doing homework or reading the liner notes of albums, and generally nobody bothered me.
Except the evangelists, that is. I was often told that I needed to accept Jesus as my lord and savior – or else burn in hell. One guy had a sandwich board that listed all the reasons you could go to hell – rock ’n’ roll, masturbation, homosexuality, fornication, socialism, feminism, atheism, etc. – and he liked to give me the stink eye as I walked by. Sometimes I’d run into the Hare Krishnas, who told me that my whole way of life was wrong and tried to get me to come to their temple. And at home, we were visited weekly by Jehovah’s Witnesses who were determined to win us over despite being told repeatedly that we already had a religion.
Religion felt like a heavy inheritance, and these exchanges made me averse to being told what to believe – so averse that I threw the baby out with the spiritual bathwater and turned my back on it altogether. Eventually I was able to recognize that the spiritual connection – which religion aims to facilitate – doesn’t require a religious structure, and it certainly doesn’t require dogma. But even years later, having studied yoga, qi gong, reiki, acupuncture, Daoism, and other practices that offer a non-dogmatic approach to spiritual enrichment, I still found it difficult to speak openly to students and patients about spirituality because I didn’t want to come across like those evangelists – pushy, judgmental, and condescending.
However, I had seen firsthand the positive impact of a spiritual practice – and it’s supported by scientific research: people with a spiritual practice tend to have less stress, greater resilience during challenging times, more positive engagement with community, better health, and a longer life. So, little by little, I began delicately broaching the subject. I touched on it in some articles, and then Briana and I covered it a bit more explicitly in the book The Well Life.
Meanwhile, I observed more and more cases where the presence of a spiritual practice was instrumental in a patient’s recovery. It would be untrue to say that people can’t be happy or can’t overcome challenges without a spiritual practice, but for those who find it difficult to achieve lasting happiness or who seem beset by one challenge after another, a spiritual practice often makes the difference. The same is often the case for those who feel their achievements are somehow hollow, or who constantly feel that something is missing – that emptiness may be the absence of a spiritual dimension, a means by which one’s individual pursuits are connected to the whole.
Finally, a few years ago, we decided to stop beating around the bush. We wrote a book called Rituals for Transformation – a 108-day process for awakening this dimension of your life. Briana doesn't really have any hang-ups around this topic, but I was a bit nervous about releasing it. Even though it’s not a religious book, I thought it might push some of those buttons. After all, religion has been not only a structure for spiritual connection, but also an instrument for political control, discrimination, and genocide – and these associations aren’t easily erased from our collective consciousness. But part of our aim with this book is to help people see that spirituality is the baby that many of us threw out because we didn’t resonate with the bathwater. Your spiritual life is yours to define, and spirituality is available to everyone – religious and nonreligious, theist and atheist.
When you have an experience of this dimension, whether through prayer or mindfulness or a spontaneous connection with nature that transcends everyday consciousness, it’s funny to consider that we talk about wanting to give a sliver of our lives to it, or that it’s “available” to us if we’d like some, like, “Sprinkles are available for your ice cream,” because the reality is that it’s always here, and it encompasses the whole of your life.
But a little is enough, so we were careful not to make Rituals for Transformation so ambitious as to be difficult to complete. I remember my first qi gong teacher explaining that although we were beginning with exercises that would only take 20 minutes of each day, the change in consciousness they’d produce would begin to spread into the rest of our lives. She was right – it wasn’t long before I started to be aware of my energy and below-the-surface interactions with the world, even when I was just walking down a street or eating or having a conversation.
I’d love to hear about your experience with religion and/or spirituality and how this practice has supported you – or, if you don’t have a spiritual practice, what has gotten in the way.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Ditch the Dogma, Keep the Spirituality
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“All know that the drop merges into the ocean, but few know that the ocean merges into the drop.” - Kabir
Do you know that sensation of being in a room and feeling the entire atmosphere shift when someone walks in? I suppose we all have different degrees of sensitivity to this, but I’m sure you’ve had that experience. For me, it’s particularly obvious if it’s someone I’m close to and they walk in fuming with anger or overcome with sadness. Before they even speak I can feel a palpable change in the energy of the room. It’s as though their energetic wave is crashing on the shore of my own. When I’m well rested and grounded I maintain my ability to let that wave pass right through me, creating a ripple that returns to stillness, I can stay centered letting them have their own feelings. When I’m stressed out, overtired, and overworked that wave can unsteady me or even knock me right off my feet and carry me away.
We all have so much in common. The atoms that make up our body’s molecules, and the iron that courses through our veins all have a shared origin in the explosion of stars. We’re all connected through biology, shared history, and geography - floating together on this tiny blue marble together. We share many of the values that define our humanity - to have purpose, to feel fulfilled, to be healthy, to be happy, and to be safe even though we may disagree on the form those values take. We’re all born, we all die and we’re all connected by the atoms and the molecules that course through us, and through everything, like tiny points of light illuminating our life.
Our thoughts, feelings and actions have vibrations that send ripples into the world around us. Did you know that the electromagnetic field of your heartbeat can be measured several feet outside of your body with specialized equipment? We’re literally sending waves of our presence out around us.
The energy of the people around us can affect our emotions and our strength in a very tangible way. This is why I’m so intent on choosing the people I surround myself thoughtfully. I want a community that helps me laugh more, helps me feel more connected to what’s real and most important, and who I can turn to when I need help.
With a supportive community, we can harness power to give us courage, boost our own energy reserves, jump higher, or run farther. When we’re surrounded by the energy of a group we commit more fully, we engage more deeply, and it increases our own capacity to do whatever it is that we want to do. We’re held more accountable to the way that we show up in the world.
Many people feel at a loss to find the time or opportunity to create a community that helps them with their deepest challenges and lifts them to their highest potential. We don’t always find that in the communities where we engage the most like the family we’re born into, or in our workplace.
Are you ready to access the level of energy that becomes available with support? We have so much power when we share a common goal. Look at all the ways, for good and bad, that we have shaped our planet. Everyone is participating in the creation of their reality, whether they like it or not they’re always involved in molding it. Our combined strength has raw elemental force when it is channeled.
Come check out
Love Rising, a facilitated group to help you tap into your innate gifts to shape the world you want to be a part of.
Love,
Briana
Discover the Love Rising Collective
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My friend called me this morning begging to be rescued from herself. She said “I knew I had a ton of things to catch up on today and projects I want to work on that will move me towards my goals, yet I stayed up late last night, slept in, walked in multiple circles trying to figure out where to start, then after feeling overwhelmed and discouraged I turned on Netflix and binge watched 2 seasons of Friends. What is wrong with me? I am wasting my youth and my life, I’m never going to amount to anything! Why do I do this?”
Her shame and self-blame were on a downward spiral fast and she needed someone to snap her out of it.
Self-sabotage happens when part of our ego wants to stop us from going beyond our ego constructs. Our egos are strong, they’re here to try to keep us safe, which usually means keeping us small, in this little container where we protect ourselves. Within these boundaries, we limit ourselves because we’re only willing to experience what’s familiar. So we procrastinate, we create obstacles, we stir up drama to get in our own way.
Then something arises within us, a desire to connect, to expand, deepen. As that happens our ego comes in and tries to obscure it because it doesn’t feel safe, it’s the great unknown for the ego because it isn’t where the ego lives, that’s when self-sabotage rears it’s ugly head.
First become aware of where you’re self-sabotaging and bring a huge amount of curiosity to the underlying reasons and impulses causing it. Many people haven’t been introduced to this practice of deep inquiry, so they only scan the surface layers of it. Even if they notice that they are self-sabotaging they may only recognize it’s not serving them but don’t examine the deeper “why was I doing that, where did it come from, isn’t that interesting?” Where else in your life do you have this experience? Where do you feel that in your body? What does it look like when you sabotage yourself? How does it feel when are you doing it? When does it come up? When does it not come up? How has it felt when you didn’t do it?
What advice did I give to my friend? “Love yourself anyway. There’s no benefit to feeling bad about it, but be honest about what is really going on. Dig into why are you not doing what you say you want to do. Do you actually not want to do those things? What do you really want to be devoted to? What action can you take towards that today, right now?”
Keep asking the whys, hows, and whats so you can start shining a light on this ego structure that is trying to keep you in your small self. The keys to ending the cycles of self-sabotage are meditation and being curious about your feelings. Curiosity without judgment is crucial. If you’re judging while being curious you’re not really being curious, you’re examining the right and wrong of something versus opening up to deeper understanding. Honor that voice arising from within you that is leading you to heal old destructive patterns by listening.
Really slow down and listen… listen… listen… listen...listen.
If you're having a hard time uncovering the whys or being able to hear that loving voice inside you, I'd love to help. Join our Love Rising community as we gather in a group to get in touch with our true selves, in touch with our essence. As a group, we’ll amplify this connection and get clear on the next step forward, along the way resolving obstacles and challenges blocking our ability to receive. To trust.
With so much love for you,
Briana
PS - The next
Love Rising Collective begins January 11th. Don't wait, or you'll miss it.
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