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[post_content] => I was stopped at a red light the other day and found myself reaching for the radio controls. While sitting on the toilet, I noticed that I was reading the exceptionally boring insert for contact lens solution. Sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday I started counting the number of stars in the wallpaper around the windows. Between waking up and doing my morning meditation I often feel compelled to look at my phone.
These are some of the many gaps in my day, and there’s a part of me that wants to fill them all. But I feel better when I don’t.
Of course it’s okay to listen to the radio or use your phone to get something done while standing in line. But there’s a big difference between doing these things mindlessly versus choosing them consciously; and there’s a difference between filling every moment with activity versus leaving some space unfilled. Mindless and/or constant “filling” perpetuates the habit of continuous mental engagement.
Continuous mental engagement might seem inconsequential, especially if you don’t care for the spiritual dimension of life, you feel peaceful and happy. But if you do care for the spiritual dimension of life and/or you’d like to be happier or more peaceful, continuous mental engagement will be a significant impediment. It’s a habit worth breaking.
The habit of continuous mental engagement masks the spiritual dimension. It impairs intuition. And it gives us the false impression that our mind is in charge, or even that our mind is what we are.
I welcome you to join me in letting gaps be gaps. Whenever space arises, see if you can just BE in it. Being means abiding in the here and now. Not departing, not manipulating, not judging, not filling the space.
Being is different than waiting. When waiting, we’re oriented to an outcome that isn’t here and now – i.e., the end of the waiting – whereas in being there is no separate goal. Being is also different than thinking. Thinking takes us out of being because it puts us in places other than here and times other than now.
The gaps in our otherwise perpetual mental stream are opportunities. Openings. Let’s notice what happens when we take a week to practice being in every gap. Notice the expansion of the present when you stop trying to avoid it. Notice the underlying stillness and silence. Notice the depth you drop into. And notice who you become when you allow space into your life.
Love,
Peter
[post_title] => Let Gaps Be Gaps
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[post_content] => So much of what we do through The Dragontree – both at our spas and with our products, courses, and articles – is meant to assist people to prioritize self-care. In an age when many people barely take a minute in a day for pure self-care, I’m happy to hear of any way in which someone is making space in their life for wellness. And also . . . if I could be a little nit-picky about it, I’d wish for even more Self in people’s self-care.
From talking about it with my patients, I’ve gathered that most people’s idea of self-care includes things like grooming, bathing, exercise, eating well, and perhaps reading a book in a cozy chair. These are all good and important, but it’s possible to do them without really getting to what the Self needs, and we can perform these activities without any conscious care. I’ve even known people whose die-hard approach to yoga was ultimately more stress-inducing than it was nourishing.
Care implies listening – quieting the mind and being open to understand what is needed. If someone handed you a crying child and said, “Care for this child,” you’d probably drop what you were doing – both physically and mentally – and ask something like, “What’s wrong?” Then you’d just listen. And perhaps you’d next ask, “What do you need?”
I don’t mean to imply that grooming can’t be self-care. But let’s think of self-care as comprising multiple layers. On the surface there are the things you do to maintain your appearance, your general health, your ability to function in society, and your composure – bathing, eating, sleeping, haircuts, etc. The next layer contains the deeper (or higher, if you prefer) measures of maintenance that enable you to manage your challenges and thrive. Perhaps this means taking time to forgive, to process your relationship challenges, work on your communication skills, clean up interpersonal conflicts, deactivate your buttons, define and pursue your (worldly) dreams, discipline your mind, etc. Most of this falls within the realm of “self-help.”
And then there’s an even deeper (or higher) layer of self-care that’s could be described as making space for your Essence. That is, letting your Self (AKA the Consciousness that you are, your Divine nature, Spirit, God, your Highest Self) be recognized and listening to it. (By the way, I make no promise that there are only three layers. There might be seventeen layers. My point is that self-care can address the form or the essence or both.)
Take a break from giving your attention to your mind, your emotions, your pain, your grievances, or any of the other content of your life. Instead, notice the container that holds it all. Or, as Adyashanti says, “Turn your attention upon itself.” Your attention – whose attention is that? Turn the focus of your attention around to notice the source of that attention.
The container that holds all the contents of life – all the thoughts, feelings, events, all the objects of your attention – that container itself, the Space, is You. Many spiritual teachers assert that it’s actually much more your true Essence than any of its contents. The contents are fleeting. The container – Consciousness itself – is eternal. The deepest self-care is the practice of trusting in it. Surrendering to it. Relinquishing everything to it. Even if only for the duration of a single breath.
A daily practice is likely to yield the greatest transformation, and you don’t really need to make time for it. You just need to make Space for it. Several times a day, give the whole of your awareness to a single breath (or a couple breaths). Once in a while you might ask yourself, how much of my awareness did I give to that breath? I just took a breath between that sentence and this one, and I’d say I gave 83% of my awareness to it. Notice that. Does it change over time?
Sometimes, try doing it without stopping whatever else you’re doing. Watch your breath while you are in conversation, while eating, while showering, while driving, and especially while doing the other forms of self-care. Although getting a pedicure might be a relatively superficial form of self-care, if you are completely present to it, it becomes true Self-care.
Little by little, your Essence will be a growing presence in your everyday life. You won’t get wrapped up as easily in drama. Jiddu Krishnamurti said, “My secret is . . . I don’t mind what happens.” This is the case when Essence, rather than ego, is in the driver’s seat.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => One of the most basic ways to grow the spiritual dimension of your life is to consciously invite Spirit into whatever you’re doing. It’s like there’s a friend who’s been hanging out in the background while you eat and work and exercise, and you’re saying, “Oh, I forgot you were there. Would you like to join me?”
Doing so doesn’t require any particular spiritual or religious orientation. Even if you’re an atheist, you can probably still conceive of a Highest Self – an aspect of you that, in a way, is more You than any of the various personalities, thought patterns, or styles you’ve had throughout your life. It’s a stable, enduring, virtuous witness to everything you’ve been and done.
Our ability to sense this presence, whatever we choose to call it, waxes and wanes. Same with the degree to which we let it guide us. As these factors increase (more awareness and willingness to be guided), we experience a corresponding increase in trust, an expanded perspective, and less overwhelm. The feeling of being small and helpless in a big scary world diminishes.
If you haven’t done this much (or at all) it can feel at first like you’re hanging out with an imaginary friend. Is this real? Are they still in the room? It’s especially common if this is a dimension you’ve barely tuned in to. You’re used to giving most of your attention to relatively tangible and superficial planes of existence – media and culture, your possessions, your body, your thoughts and emotions. Over time the sense of opening to something bigger and subtler becomes more palpable. Simply remembering and intending to invite this Consciousness into more of your experiences makes a difference.
To get started, you could just try quieting your mind for a moment and saying hello. Hello, Source. Hello, Highest Self. Hello, Divine Light. Then be still and see if you notice anything. I believe we are that Source experiencing itself as a human being. There is no true separation, only the veil of the mind (which can be quite obscure). Your Highest Self wants to be perceived and known and consciously channeled.
Here are some other possible invitations:
Come on this hike with me. Help me notice what I usually miss.
Show me what I need to see for my healing and evolution.
Let me stay present and accepting through this event.
Let’s experience the act of eating delicious food together.
Let me see this through the eyes of my Highest Self / Spirit / God / Unconditional Love / Awareness.
But it’s not just the pleasant things that are worth inviting Spirit into. . .
I let you into my fear so that you may share it, illuminate it, transform it.
Come into my pain; please be with me in this suffering.
I invite you into my grief, as this, too, is part of the human experience.
Enter this crazy situation with me, Highest Self, and give me perspective.
Join me, Divine Light, in my depression, and hold me.
These painful states inevitably change when we open them to the spiritual dimension. It’s the simplest thing to do, yet sometimes the hardest to remember. This message is for me as much as it is for you.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => I was stopped at a red light the other day and found myself reaching for the radio controls. While sitting on the toilet, I noticed that I was reading the exceptionally boring insert for contact lens solution. Sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday I started counting the number of stars in the wallpaper around the windows. Between waking up and doing my morning meditation I often feel compelled to look at my phone.
These are some of the many gaps in my day, and there’s a part of me that wants to fill them all. But I feel better when I don’t.
Of course it’s okay to listen to the radio or use your phone to get something done while standing in line. But there’s a big difference between doing these things mindlessly versus choosing them consciously; and there’s a difference between filling every moment with activity versus leaving some space unfilled. Mindless and/or constant “filling” perpetuates the habit of continuous mental engagement.
Continuous mental engagement might seem inconsequential, especially if you don’t care for the spiritual dimension of life, you feel peaceful and happy. But if you do care for the spiritual dimension of life and/or you’d like to be happier or more peaceful, continuous mental engagement will be a significant impediment. It’s a habit worth breaking.
The habit of continuous mental engagement masks the spiritual dimension. It impairs intuition. And it gives us the false impression that our mind is in charge, or even that our mind is what we are.
I welcome you to join me in letting gaps be gaps. Whenever space arises, see if you can just BE in it. Being means abiding in the here and now. Not departing, not manipulating, not judging, not filling the space.
Being is different than waiting. When waiting, we’re oriented to an outcome that isn’t here and now – i.e., the end of the waiting – whereas in being there is no separate goal. Being is also different than thinking. Thinking takes us out of being because it puts us in places other than here and times other than now.
The gaps in our otherwise perpetual mental stream are opportunities. Openings. Let’s notice what happens when we take a week to practice being in every gap. Notice the expansion of the present when you stop trying to avoid it. Notice the underlying stillness and silence. Notice the depth you drop into. And notice who you become when you allow space into your life.
Love,
Peter
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