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self-trust

Permission Granted to Get the Rest You Need

In the early years of my practice, I studied with an expert in Chinese pulse diagnosis. He had studied under a Chinese doctor named John H. F. Shen who was… Read More

The Virtue of Clarity: A Gift from Water That’s Available to Everyone

This year I’ll be writing a book about reconnecting with the natural world. This was the subject of my doctoral thesis years ago, but while that was a 500-page document… Read More

Focus on the Good

I believe we need about 364 more celebrations of Thanksgiving in a year, and not because we need more reasons to overeat and watch football. Giving thanks is good for… Read More

How to Rebuild Self-Trust

We recently opened enrollment for this year’s life coach training program, which always feels exciting to me. There’s a buzz of activity as the new participants get oriented and we’re… Read More

Claim your Light and Illuminate the World

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about the fourteen main themes in our book, Rituals for Transformation. It’s a 108-day process for clearing away the thoughts, feelings, and… Read More

A point of view that acknowledges the facts and remains completely neutral
A point of view that degrades our or others’ experience of the situation (e.g., by subtracting personal power and adding blame, resentment, shame, victimization, guilt, etc.)
A point of view that enhances the situation for oneself and/or others (e.g., by spotting opportunity, expressing gratitude, remaining open, etc.)

The purpose of a drama fast is to promote the choice of viewpoints that fall into categories one and three. Every human has the ability to regard whatever life brings us in an inner atmosphere of light – meaning, illumination, weightlessness, and clarity. This isn’t to say we should never experience sadness or anger, but that we can experience these emotions without shutting down or letting them override our power of choice. Experienced in our inner light, negative thoughts and emotions don’t damage us, and the natural impulse of contraction they tend to cause is usually brief and followed by an expansion. Taking a fast from drama is about responsibility (not blame) – owning the way you shape your own experience of life and the effect you have on others. We don’t usually consciously intend to degrade our experiences, but the urge to be dramatic is sometimes so insidious we don’t notice it. It frequently arises when things don’t go the way we want them to (whether it’s simply the flow of our day or the overall socio-politco-environmental trajectory of the planet). While disappointment feels like an energetic slump, turning it into a drama – even if it means we’re the victim – brings a certain dynamism to it and makes it a better story that enrolls us and others. During a drama fast, try to catch yourself falling in this habit and focus your attention instead on being a master of cleanness (stick to the facts, don’t share dirt), focusing on the good, and finding solutions. Though it may not always seem possible, the simplest solution is to just let it go. Letting go of an upset isn’t always a matter of saying, “I’m letting this go,” and then you’re done with it permanently. You must be committed to letting it go. If you notice you’ve picked up the upset again, just purposefully let it go again without analyzing it. It’s not just a benefit to you; it’s actually a valuable community service. Drama is often used to identify unfavorable things about others to either help us feel superior by comparison, or to distract others from noticing our own flaws. But have you noticed that the folks who never engage in drama tend to exude calm and confidence? While one might think that the calm and confidence are a prerequisite to not being dramatic, it’s really a choice anyone can make at any time: “I choose not to degrade my own – or others’ – experiences.” Fasting from drama means changing your inner conversation, noticing when you're indulging in drama, and choosing cleanness again. The same goes for outer conversations. Before you share, you can always ask yourself, is it true? is it necessary? is it kind? And finally, what is my purpose? What can you do when conversing with someone who is “revving up the drama”? If you feel you can’t be in their presence without getting wrapped up in it, you may just have to excuse yourself. While it may feel unsupportive, staying and validating or even feeding their drama won’t really serve them. If you’re up for staying, you can enhance the situation compassionately. Here are some approaches to try:

What happens when you become a neutralizing container for their experience, listening without feeding it?
What happens when you practice being the embodiment of calm clarity?
What happens when you remind them of their power to choose their perspective?
When happens when you gently ask them to give you the facts without any interpretation?
What happens when you simply see them as their highest Self, rising above this story?
What happens when you remind and redirect them to the path they were on before the drama derailed them?

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