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self-trust

Claim your Light and Illuminate the World

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about the fourteen main themes in our book, Rituals for Transformation. It’s a 108-day process for clearing away the thoughts, feelings, and… Read More

What are you longing for most in life?
At the end of life what do you want to have accomplished?
If you knew you had one year left to live would there be anything you’d want to fix or clean up?
What are you ready to let go of – habits, attitudes, obligations, beliefs, outdated goals, etc. – that aren’t serving you?
What do you want to explore more deeply?
What would make life feel ridiculously fun?
What feels really nourishing in your life?
Of all the things you’ve done or accomplished in your life, what has given you the deepest sense of fulfillment? When have you been most proud of yourself?
Where do you find yourself not being fully “present” in your life, or not participating fully?

I hope your answers to these questions help you know yourself better and give you some insights into your true needs and drives. In the Dreambook these questions are followed by a section on each of the following areas of life:

Livelihood, career, and influence
Relationship and family
Community connection
Physical wellness
Creation, exploration, and play
Psychological and spiritual health

For each of these arenas, you visualize a best case scenario three years into the future and answer a series of questions that guide you to define exactly how your life will feel, look, and taste. It’s such a powerful process. So many users have written us to say that just doing this – being prompted to clearly define what they want and intend to create – launched the manifestation of their dreamlife into reality. Much of the rest of the book deals with choosing clear goals related to these insights and forming plans to achieve them – and, importantly, nourishing yourself and staying balanced along the way. I hope you’ll join us for the 2020 version of the book. If ever there were a year to see clearly the path ahead (20-20, get it?), it’s this one! Be well, Peter [post_title] => See 20/20 [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => dream-it-plan-it-do-it [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2019-09-18 21:41:21 [post_modified_gmt] => 2019-09-18 21:41:21 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://thedragontree.com/?p=7638 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 4 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8006 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2020-08-17 17:17:50 [post_date_gmt] => 2020-08-17 17:17:50 [post_content] => So much of what we do through The Dragontree – both at our spas and with our products, courses, and articles – is meant to assist people to prioritize self-care. In an age when many people barely take a minute in a day for pure self-care, I’m happy to hear of any way in which someone is making space in their life for wellness. And also . . . if I could be a little nit-picky about it, I’d wish for even more Self in people’s self-care. From talking about it with my patients, I’ve gathered that most people’s idea of self-care includes things like grooming, bathing, exercise, eating well, and perhaps reading a book in a cozy chair. These are all good and important, but it’s possible to do them without really getting to what the Self needs, and we can perform these activities without any conscious care. I’ve even known people whose die-hard approach to yoga was ultimately more stress-inducing than it was nourishing. Care implies listening – quieting the mind and being open to understand what is needed. If someone handed you a crying child and said, “Care for this child,” you’d probably drop what you were doing – both physically and mentally – and ask something like, “What’s wrong?” Then you’d just listen. And perhaps you’d next ask, “What do you need?” I don’t mean to imply that grooming can’t be self-care. But let’s think of self-care as comprising multiple layers. On the surface there are the things you do to maintain your appearance, your general health, your ability to function in society, and your composure – bathing, eating, sleeping, haircuts, etc. The next layer contains the deeper (or higher, if you prefer) measures of maintenance that enable you to manage your challenges and thrive. Perhaps this means taking time to forgive, to process your relationship challenges, work on your communication skills, clean up interpersonal conflicts, deactivate your buttons, define and pursue your (worldly) dreams, discipline your mind, etc. Most of this falls within the realm of “self-help.” And then there’s an even deeper (or higher) layer of self-care that’s could be described as making space for your Essence. That is, letting your Self (AKA the Consciousness that you are, your Divine nature, Spirit, God, your Highest Self) be recognized and listening to it. (By the way, I make no promise that there are only three layers. There might be seventeen layers. My point is that self-care can address the form or the essence or both.) Take a break from giving your attention to your mind, your emotions, your pain, your grievances, or any of the other content of your life. Instead, notice the container that holds it all. Or, as Adyashanti says, “Turn your attention upon itself.” Your attention – whose attention is that? Turn the focus of your attention around to notice the source of that attention. The container that holds all the contents of life – all the thoughts, feelings, events, all the objects of your attention – that container itself, the Space, is You. Many spiritual teachers assert that it’s actually much more your true Essence than any of its contents. The contents are fleeting. The container – Consciousness itself – is eternal. The deepest self-care is the practice of trusting in it. Surrendering to it. Relinquishing everything to it. Even if only for the duration of a single breath. A daily practice is likely to yield the greatest transformation, and you don’t really need to make time for it. You just need to make Space for it. Several times a day, give the whole of your awareness to a single breath (or a couple breaths). Once in a while you might ask yourself, how much of my awareness did I give to that breath? I just took a breath between that sentence and this one, and I’d say I gave 83% of my awareness to it. Notice that. Does it change over time? Sometimes, try doing it without stopping whatever else you’re doing. Watch your breath while you are in conversation, while eating, while showering, while driving, and especially while doing the other forms of self-care. Although getting a pedicure might be a relatively superficial form of self-care, if you are completely present to it, it becomes true Self-care. Little by little, your Essence will be a growing presence in your everyday life. You won’t get wrapped up as easily in drama. Jiddu Krishnamurti said, “My secret is . . . I don’t mind what happens.” This is the case when Essence, rather than ego, is in the driver’s seat. Be well, Peter [post_title] => Deeper Self-Care: Making Space for your Essence [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => deeper-self-care-making-space-for-your-essence-2 [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-08-17 17:20:03 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-08-17 17:20:03 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://thedragontree.com/?p=8006 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 2 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 6842 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2017-12-19 16:57:00 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-12-19 16:57:00 [post_content] => As we descend into darkness at this time of year, our attention is naturally drawn to the light. As with many things of value, we notice it more when it seems to be going away. When you illuminate your tree, light the candles in a menorah, or throw a yule log in the fireplace this season, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to meditate on darkness and light. Darkness is a metaphor for all the parts of ourselves and our lives that we fear or resist. We banish these aspects to the shadowy corners of our minds where we can avoid reckoning with them. But rather than remaining contentedly neglected there, they tend to weigh on us, as if we’re being followed by a murky figure or a long-procrastinated task. In this way, they infringe on our freedom. Have you ever felt completely free? Not just in the ability to do or say what you want, but free in the sense that there is nothing you are trying to avoid. Nothing. It is supremely peaceful and powerful. A starting point could be the non-avoidance of anything within the small range of thoughts, feelings, and surroundings in your current experience. The next step is to venture a bit into the darkness. Depending on what you’ve got stored in there, it can feel quite daunting. But the thing the makes all the difference is that you’re allowed to bring a light with you. I happened upon this realization during an involuntary visit to my own darkness, and I’ll bet you’ve had a similar experience – even if you didn’t realize it at the time. For me, the darkness came without a conscious request for it, and there I was, resisting it with all my might, feeling I would never find my way out of it. Suddenly, a little drop of curiosity fell into the dark. There was a tiny impulse that felt different from the fight and despair. There was a part of me that was just a teensy bit curious about the dark. And as I brought my attention to this curiosity, a thought arose: “Where did this come from?” I didn’t get a clear answer to that right away, but I could feel that the question opened something; my consciousness wasn’t wholly dominated by aversion anymore. So I gave myself over to the curiosity. It wanted to venture into the shadows. Like a cat in a room with a box, it couldn’t resist. I saw and felt some unpleasant things, but only a fraction of what lurked in the recesses of my mind was connected in any rational way to my own life. Most of it was fabricated from a vast collection of disturbing thoughts and images – just a lot of “what-ifs.” As in, What if I have to experience [insert undesired scenario here]? As I went deeper, these what-ifs were more existential, like, What if I lose myself? Or, What if I’m wrong about everything? If I let my mind run away with what I encountered, I felt aversion and discomfort again; but as long as I stayed curious and open, I could perceive the insubstantiality of these thoughts and I remained in a state of relative peace. After a while, my attention returned to the curiosity itself and its origin. I was conscious that I was looking into the darkness, but it occurred to me that people can’t see in the dark. Even cats, whose eyeballs are excellent at making the most of a few photons, can’t see in total darkness. So, there had to be a light source here. But where was it? “Where is the light coming from?” I asked inwardly. And this time the answer was clear. It was coming from me. Not from my mind, but from my Higher Self – from that One Awareness that is the same One Awareness that you access whenever you allow your consciousness to expand beyond your thoughts. This realization made the light grow brighter. As I looked into these undesired stories of my shadow self, I began to see lightness even within them. They became less substantial and they started to fall apart, liberating facets of me that I had denied. At the same time, knowing I had this light, the darkness felt less forbidding. I started to experience a certain softness and stillness in it. I pulled back at first, because the stillness was disconcerting. It felt like what I would have imagined death to be. But then I revived my curiosity and stayed with it. And I could perceive the dark stillness as an infinite container, holding everything, and it was the most peaceful thing. Also, I remembered the many accounts of near-death experiences I had read, virtually all of which focus not on darkness but on the presence of light and an inexorable movement toward it. I began to see that this light is a source of freedom. The recognition of one’s light brings an assurance of not needing to avoid anything. This assurance is further bolstered by the recognition that the light isn’t something separate from us. We can forget about it, but we can’t lose it entirely because it’s what we are. As I was coming out of this experience, I saw a succession of memories – times like this when I had been rescued from despair by my own light – and I got an answer to that first question as a word formed in my mind: grace. I hadn’t really understood the meaning of grace before, but here it was. The Divine reaching down into the muck of my confused mind with a candle. During these dim days, I encourage you to be curious about the darkness. Rather than switching on all the lights in your home, let yourself be aware that we’re approaching the Longest of Nights. The world needs to rest, to bask in the stillness. What has been banished to the darkness of your mind, yet nonetheless encroaches on your freedom? Can you enter your darkness? Can you perceive the light you bring with you? As a final note, I’d like to direct you to the continuity of light in human traditions. For millennia, one torch has lit the next. Each Yule log was removed from the hearth before burning completely, so that it could be used to kindle the next log the following year. Similarly, when lighting a menorah, the tallest candle, representing the Divine Light, is ignited first, and from this one the others are lit. When you engage in merry making this year, notice the ways you carry forth a light that was kept alive by those before you. What happens when you stay conscious of your light as you interact with others? Where is your luminescence most needed? Be well, Dr. Peter Borten [post_title] => Lighting the Way [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => lighting-the-way [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2019-07-02 22:45:38 [post_modified_gmt] => 2019-07-02 22:45:38 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6842 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 14 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7638 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2019-09-18 20:22:20 [post_date_gmt] => 2019-09-18 20:22:20 [post_content] => A few years ago, Briana and I set out to create the ultimate system for planning, goal making, and life-sweetness-maximization. The result was The Dreambook. We launched it as a crowd-funded Kickstarter project and greatly exceeded our funding goals. In the years since then it’s been popular and successful beyond our wildest dreams. When we were crafting the Dreambook, we knew that users would need to do some preliminary work to get aligned. So the first part is about discovering what your core values are, identifying your gifts, defining your life purpose, and learning what you really want. It might seem a simple thing to know what you really want, but over the past few years of publishing this book, we’ve probably gotten more comments about this section than any other part. It turns out that our days are filled with thoughts of what we want, they’re even more filled with thoughts of what we don’t want. And they’re also filled with thoughts of things we used to want or were told we should want. Rarely do we go through a deep, introspective process for learning what really gives us satisfaction, what makes us feel most alive, what naturally energizes us, what inspires us bring our best self to the table. So there’s a whole section for that, and people often tell us it’s incredibly illuminating. I want to share with you an excerpt from that section so you can see what I’m getting at and try it out. I invite you to do this for yourself, even if you only have a few minutes. Just answer these questions honestly, as if no one will ever see the answers, and as if you’ll have the approval of your friends, your family, and yourself – regardless of how you respond.

What are you longing for most in life?
At the end of life what do you want to have accomplished?
If you knew you had one year left to live would there be anything you’d want to fix or clean up?
What are you ready to let go of – habits, attitudes, obligations, beliefs, outdated goals, etc. – that aren’t serving you?
What do you want to explore more deeply?
What would make life feel ridiculously fun?
What feels really nourishing in your life?
Of all the things you’ve done or accomplished in your life, what has given you the deepest sense of fulfillment? When have you been most proud of yourself?
Where do you find yourself not being fully “present” in your life, or not participating fully?

Livelihood, career, and influence
Relationship and family
Community connection
Physical wellness
Creation, exploration, and play
Psychological and spiritual health

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