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In working with the community that has developed around our Dreambook, Briana and I have encountered people looking for many different forms of life-optimization. While there’s plenty of guidance we can offer someone to help them figure out and actualize what makes them happy, we meet quite a lot of people who essentially already have it. They really are living the dream. The main issue is that they just don’t see it.
They often suffer from what my friend Andy Dooley calls “lousy and lazy thinking.” Today I want to talk about the antidote. Whether you’ve already got a great thing going or there’s clearly a gap between where you are now and where you want to be, either way, you’ll benefit from being deliberate with how you use your attention.
Attention is like fertilizer. When you put your attention on something it grows.
This is why panicky thoughts tend to balloon and pain tends to increase when we focus on it. Unfortunately, bad experiences also tend to cut deeper grooves in our inner terrain, causing stronger memories and a tendency to be retriggered. We can easily get into a negative feedback loop as the thought “something’s wrong” demands our attention and then gets fed by it.
Our nervous system is just trying to be helpful; we’re wired this way to ensure our survival. Thus, it’s by design that things that signal danger are able to usurp our attention. But even while the risk of physical danger is lower than ever for most modern humans, we’ve trained ourselves to react similarly to a very broad range of other conditions, like money scarcity and situations that could lead to disapproval by our peers (because we subconsciously associate both money and our tribe’s approval with our survival).
But as humans with highly evolved brains capable of reasoning, we don’t need to be run by our animalistic side. We can change our default programs. One of the best antidotes is get a hold of that mind and put your attention on something else. Your two best options are (1) whatever you are currently engaged with (A.K.A. mindfulness) (2) anything that is good, fascinating, funny, joyous, celebratory, beautiful, loving, trustworthy, kind, generous, or peaceful.
By putting your attention on what is good and what is here and now, you fertilize those parts of life and override your overactive survival mechanisms. Not only does this help heal you of the tendency to focus on the bad (or possibly-maybe-could-be-bad), if you do it enough it actually starts to change your life.
If you’re using the Dreambook, an easy thing to put your attention on is all the goals you achieve. Too often we complete something, barely register it, and move on to the next thing. Just pausing, acknowledging, and celebrating this achievement amplifies the feelings of satisfaction, self-trust, and gratitude.
Revel in those feelings. The satisfaction of completion – like finishing a puzzle or making it to the finish line – is a combination of relief and delight. The feeling of self-trust is like an inner stability and fortitude. You said you were going to do this and you do it. You can rely on yourself. You will always be there for you. Finally, gratitude makes you feel expansive and connected. Consider all the internal powers (your body, your ingenuity, your creativity, your persistence, etc.), external powers (the people and resources that helped you get it done), and spiritual powers (the vision, strength, and gifts of your Highest Self) that made this possible. It’s like saying to your system, “I’m pressing the save button. I’m configuring myself for trust, fulfillment, serendipities, and optimism.”
While it’s especially important to do this with your big quarterly and one-year or longer-term goals, it’s perfectly wonderful to do it with your monthly, weekly, and daily goals too. In fact, the more you celebrate the more you start to notice reasons to celebrate.
Be so well,
Peter
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January first may be a somewhat arbitrary date to divide the chapters of our lives, but there’s something to be said for joining the momentum of the mass consciousness focused on bettering ourselves. Sure, you can make new habits anytime, but there aren’t always millions of other people doing it at the same time.
That said, clearly the group trajectory isn’t enough to ensure your success. Plenty of people make and break resolutions every year, and while a few weeks (or days, as the case may be) of a healthy new habit is better than nothing, there’s also the toll of broken self-trust to consider.
If you’re going to make an agreement with yourself, it’s best to choose terms that you can fulfill, because a lack of self-trust is a serious impediment. You may think, “It just means I changed my mind about exercise and cookies,” but it has broader consequences in the bigger picture of your ability to choose and create the life you desire.
What I’m saying is, don’t do it unless you’re serious about it. And even if you are serious, I still recommend committing to just one thing. I know, I know, you can do lots of things. But I’m saying, just do one thing not only because it’s harder to keep multiple resolutions than it is to keep a single one, but also because it means that your focus and power won’t be divided (any more than they already are). Take on one thing and give all the “resolution energy” you’ve got to that one thing. Later you can add another thing.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m lowering the bar for you. I think people are capable of greatness far beyond their imagined limitations. But imagined limitations become actual limitations when we believe in them. In subtle ways we tend to sabotage ourselves, and one of the most effective forms of self-sabotage is crappy focus. We often simply don’t hold our attention on something for long enough to see it through.
Yes, there are some organic causes of impaired mental focus, but just because someone gets more done when they take an ADD drug (i.e., amphetamine), doesn’t prove that the cause was biological. In an age when we’re bombarded with a constant stream of data through multiple devices, an age with more options for distraction than ever before, we may be regularly making subconscious choices that reinforce a short attention span. Regardless of the cause, we can all improve our ability to focus simply by practicing it.
Let’s try a little exercise. It will only take one minute. Choose something small and natural in your environment to gaze at, like a candle flame, a leaf, a piece of food, or one of the lines on your palm. You’re going to spend just 60 seconds looking at it without taking your eyes or mind off it, and without thinking and mentally “talking” to yourself about what you’re looking at or anything else. Try it now, then come back.
How did it go? Were you able to do it for the whole minute? What did you notice? Was it squirmy? Was it relaxing? When I do this, I notice my breathing slows down significantly and I feel grounded. This shift may be partly due to looking at whatever I’m looking at, but I think the main reason it feels peaceful is because it’s a break from continuous mental chatter and shifting focus.
Back to resolutions, I encourage you to choose a single thing to commit to. Write down what exactly it means so that you’re clear about how to stay in the spirit of this commitment. Choose a time frame for the commitment; don’t make it open-ended because that implies forever. If you have a hard time with follow-through, you might want to start with a very short time frame, like one day. You can always re-up your commitment at the end of the period you choose.
Ensure that you don’t forget it by writing it down, setting reminder alarms for yourself, finding a partner to do this with, renting out billboard space along your commute . . . whatever it takes. Finally, as part of your commitment practice, set aside just 60 seconds every morning to sit and focus on the commitment, visualizing yourself embodying it.
Let us know how it goes.
Be well,
Peter
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I feel the more we celebrate, the better our quality of life. And there are two holidays worth taking time out for this week. Today, June 19th is Juneteenth, and Tuesday, June 21st is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. I think it’s appropriate that Juneteenth falls so close to the summer solstice, because both symbolize a certain abundance of light.
Juneteenth is a celebration of the emancipation of African American slaves. Throughout the Civil War, many slaveholders moved to remote areas to escape the fighting and hold onto their slaves. When Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation went into effect on January 1, 1863, nothing changed where it wasn’t enforced. This was especially the case in Texas, where there were still a quarter million slaves in 1865, even after General Lee surrendered the Confederacy.
On June 19th, 1865, Union General Gordon Granger presented Texas with a proclamation that read, “The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor.”
Although the enforcement of the law took years, and there’s still plenty of work ahead of us, June 19th became a day of celebration. Known as Juneteenth, it’s the longest standing African American holiday. The abolition of slavery was like clearing a dark cloud that had long hung over the country. It was the beginning of allowing African Americans to be their own people and freely shine their light.
There’s no way to undo the suffering caused by slavery and its aftermath of discrimination and systemic oppression, but one step in the right direction – especially for White people – is to recognize how much this country has benefited from the presence of African Americans. Just when the light of the sun is at its peak, we have the opportunity on Juneteenth (and always) to celebrate the light that’s symbolic of the African American soul, which has persevered through unimaginable violence and injustice, and evolved into an incredible cultural identity.
Despite comprising just 13% of our population, African Americans have had a disproportionately significant influence on the United States. From music to art to cuisine to literature to science to leadership to religion and more, it’s all around us.
So, let’s celebrate the light this week.
☀️ Bask in the sun. Try this simple “solar energy” meditation: Inhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re absorbing the sun through your pores, deep into your body. Hold your breath for a count of 4 while imagining the solar energy working its way into all your cells and charging all your atoms. Exhale for a count of 4 while imagining you’re beaming the sunlight out of every pore. Hold (with empty lungs) for a count of 4 while basking in your own glow around you. Then repeat.
☀️ Open your heart and shine your light into every environment you find yourself in.
☀️ Make a conscious choice to see the light in everyone you encounter.
☀️ Enjoy the contributions of African American writers, musicians, chefs, comedians, and influencers.
☀️ Whatever your race, consider how you've benefited from the influence of courageous and visionary African Americans, then take some action to honor this light and support our work toward true equity.
Be well,
Peter
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In working with the community that has developed around our Dreambook, Briana and I have encountered people looking for many different forms of life-optimization. While there’s plenty of guidance we can offer someone to help them figure out and actualize what makes them happy, we meet quite a lot of people who essentially already have it. They really are living the dream. The main issue is that they just don’t see it.
They often suffer from what my friend Andy Dooley calls “lousy and lazy thinking.” Today I want to talk about the antidote. Whether you’ve already got a great thing going or there’s clearly a gap between where you are now and where you want to be, either way, you’ll benefit from being deliberate with how you use your attention.
Attention is like fertilizer. When you put your attention on something it grows.
This is why panicky thoughts tend to balloon and pain tends to increase when we focus on it. Unfortunately, bad experiences also tend to cut deeper grooves in our inner terrain, causing stronger memories and a tendency to be retriggered. We can easily get into a negative feedback loop as the thought “something’s wrong” demands our attention and then gets fed by it.
Our nervous system is just trying to be helpful; we’re wired this way to ensure our survival. Thus, it’s by design that things that signal danger are able to usurp our attention. But even while the risk of physical danger is lower than ever for most modern humans, we’ve trained ourselves to react similarly to a very broad range of other conditions, like money scarcity and situations that could lead to disapproval by our peers (because we subconsciously associate both money and our tribe’s approval with our survival).
But as humans with highly evolved brains capable of reasoning, we don’t need to be run by our animalistic side. We can change our default programs. One of the best antidotes is get a hold of that mind and put your attention on something else. Your two best options are (1) whatever you are currently engaged with (A.K.A. mindfulness) (2) anything that is good, fascinating, funny, joyous, celebratory, beautiful, loving, trustworthy, kind, generous, or peaceful.
By putting your attention on what is good and what is here and now, you fertilize those parts of life and override your overactive survival mechanisms. Not only does this help heal you of the tendency to focus on the bad (or possibly-maybe-could-be-bad), if you do it enough it actually starts to change your life.
If you’re using the Dreambook, an easy thing to put your attention on is all the goals you achieve. Too often we complete something, barely register it, and move on to the next thing. Just pausing, acknowledging, and celebrating this achievement amplifies the feelings of satisfaction, self-trust, and gratitude.
Revel in those feelings. The satisfaction of completion – like finishing a puzzle or making it to the finish line – is a combination of relief and delight. The feeling of self-trust is like an inner stability and fortitude. You said you were going to do this and you do it. You can rely on yourself. You will always be there for you. Finally, gratitude makes you feel expansive and connected. Consider all the internal powers (your body, your ingenuity, your creativity, your persistence, etc.), external powers (the people and resources that helped you get it done), and spiritual powers (the vision, strength, and gifts of your Highest Self) that made this possible. It’s like saying to your system, “I’m pressing the save button. I’m configuring myself for trust, fulfillment, serendipities, and optimism.”
While it’s especially important to do this with your big quarterly and one-year or longer-term goals, it’s perfectly wonderful to do it with your monthly, weekly, and daily goals too. In fact, the more you celebrate the more you start to notice reasons to celebrate.
Be so well,
Peter
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