As the year comes to a close and we cozy into these long, dark nights, have you felt the tug of opposing desires? Maybe it’s the reflective energy of winter or the urgency of an impending New Year, but it seems to be everywhere—this sense of wanting two seemingly contradictory things.

Like wanting to hunker down in Montana near your family and also imagining the waves crashing on the beach outside your window. Or dreaming of being an airline pilot but longing to make it home for dinner every night (and actually eat something besides those sad little snack boxes).

I soooo get it.

This week, the polarity of desires has come up in deep conversations with my close girlfriends. And honestly? It can feel paralyzing. How do you plan for one dream without feeling like you’re saying goodbye to the other? It’s especially potent now, as the calendar invites us to map out intentions for the year ahead  (that’s why I love my Dreambook—it’s not just blank pages waiting to be filled. It’s a guide, a partner in creativity, standing by to help turn dreams into plans and visions into reality!)

One of my girlfriends is caught between embracing her inner bread-baking, stay-at-home-mom vibes and stepping into her power as a badass entrepreneur.  Another wants to take the year long sabbatical to rest and restore her body, mind, and soul AND she wants to start a new business venture right now, so she can build it and retire early.  

For me, it’s this: Do I want to travel the world with Peter, creating a book and (maybe!) a documentary about the five elements while teaching our kids on the go? Or do I want to sink roots deeper into Boulder, raise chickens, grow our own food, and build a life connected to the land? (Side note: Chickens always make me laugh. They’re goofy, chaotic, and always up to something ridiculous.)

Both paths call to me, but I know I can’t walk both at once. And the more I dwell on the contrast, the more it stirs stress and self-doubt. Sound familiar?

But here’s the thing: This tension between desires isn’t a problem to fix. It’s an invitation to explore.

As the darkest days of the year stretch before us, let’s use them to turn inward. To sit with our dualities and let them teach us. Here are five practices I’ve been leaning on during this time:

1. Get really present: Your life now is already a beautiful experience, if you are present for it.  Expressing gratitude for what you have and noticing all the amazing little miracles that surround you each and every day allow for the ideal unfolding of your life. If while you’re dreaming of these future options you don’t degrade the life you’ve already created, you’re more likely to experience nudges from the universe that will create more magic. For me, I’ve been really appreciating our house and life and family situation so much, even if neither of these two desires came true – I would be super happy regardless. 

2. Dig into the feelings: Ask yourself what are the feeling you want to experience with each of these opposing options?  See if you can surpass the top level obvious answer for this, and go a little deeper into what is underneath the desire. For me what I found was that under the desire to root down and modern homestead was a craving for strong community connection, feeling tapped into the earth and provided for from this source, and the ease and joy of the nurturing web of homelife. What was under the desire for traveling the world and experiencing the five elements in all forms was a feeling of lightness and freedom that travel encourages, a feeling of connectedness to all of the people of the world, and the awakening of wonder and magic. Once I was clear about the feelings I was wanting to experience, there was an openness created for me to see how to bring these feelings into my life in a multitude of ways, now and in the future. 

3. Tune into the seasons of your life: We all have seasons of our lives, times when we’re in planting seed mode, creation mode, tending mode, harvest mode, and hibernation mode.  And these modes, likely, are different for different parts of your life at any given time.  In work you could be in tend mode, while in your family life you could be in planting seeds mode. It’s useful to be aware of what season of life you’re in currently, and looking ahead to see what seasons may be coming up. If you’ve just had a baby and bought a new house – you’re probably in a season of nesting and family, so expecting yourself to be in the season of work domination might be a bit much to put on your plate. If you’re just starting your business and your working long hours to get it off the ground (while still, please, taking care of yourself 😉 ), you might find it hard to devote a lot of time to dating and finding Mr/s Right.  And it’s okay.  It’s just a season. When you understand the season you’re in, and perhaps what the next season is going to be – you can see where these big dreams might fit into different seasons of your life and plan for them accordingly. For me, I realized that the season of life I’m currently in is one of family, rhythms, and community and also business growth.  Which means that taking off for a year or two around the world just doesn’t make sense.  Maybe chickens do? 

4. Be okay in the discomfort: I know, I know – not knowing doesn’t feel good.  It’s completely uncomfortable.  But, that doesn’t mean it’s something that needs to be pushed away or escaped.  In fact, there is a lot to learn in the discomfort: we learn about ourselves, we learn to find real comfort in what matters most, and we learn to grow and evolve out of the discomfort by sitting in it and letting ourselves be.  Just be. It’s okay to not know. And it’s okay to be uncomfortable. The more you practice being in the discomfort, the less you will avoid it in all areas of your life – which creates so much freedom and endless possibilities that were not there before. I still can’t say that I know for sure which of these two options I’ll choose, or if I’ll choose either one, but I’m okay with being in the discomfort of it.  I can hang here. 

5. Listen: You have an endless amount of wisdom inside of you.  It’s powerful, it’s made just for you, and it’s truth.  It’s always the truth. But there is so much other noise: social media, bosses, parents, friends, advertising “experts”, etc that are telling you who to be and what to want loudly and tirelessly, so your inner wise voice gets drowned out.   But you can pause all the noise.  You need to pause all the noise.  Because when you do, you’ll start to hear the whisper.  And the more you create time to listen to the whisper, the louder and bolder the whisper will get, until that little voice is the one running the show – guiding you, informing you, and loving you.   My inner wise voice has been telling me to just be and to pay attention to all the little nudges from the universe without resistance.  So, that’s what I’m going to do.

As the New Year approaches, remember: It’s not about choosing “right.” It’s about choosing with heart. I’m still figuring out my own path, and that’s okay. I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your big decisions right now.

Sending you love in the new year, and maybe a chicken or two for company during these long nights,
Briana