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Years ago, a woman in her 70s came to see me with a long list of health problems. It seemed there was something wrong with almost every area of her life. As I listened to sound of defeat in her voice as she described the misery she was experiencing, I noticed myself think, “What a mess.” And I realized I was feeling her misery in myself, in my own body.
I also realized I was helping to perpetuate her situation. I know we’re crossing into woo-woo territory here, but hear me out. Built into virtually any longstanding pain or health problem is a secondary factor – one’s resistance to the experience. The resistance can both magnify the issue and cause it to become more firmly anchored in us. And even though she probably wasn’t conscious of it, I was validating that resistance by sending a subtle negative communication: “I resist your problems, too. I’m uncomfortable just imagining what your life is like. And just as you don’t accept this facet of your experience, neither do I.”
At the time I was studying a form of healing called Sat Nam Rasayan which entails the healer entering a meditative state wherein any sense of separation or resistance disappears. As one welcomes all perception, internal and external – thoughts, smells, sounds, feelings, tastes, images, etc. – an experience of equalization occurs. The “quiet” perceptions – a hidden thought, the air moving across one’s skin, a distant scent – come up in volume. And the “loud” perceptions – a prominent thought, a fire engine passing by, a sharp pain, a strongly scented detergent – come down in volume. All things meet in the middle, in an experience of deeply peaceful, neutral oneness, and there, healing happens.
So, when I noticed my resistance to this woman’s story, I relaxed. I accepted all of her and I accepted the feelings that arose in me as she spoke, and all the others in the room, from the sun streaming through the skylight to the ticking of the clock to the feeling of my clothes on my body, plus numerous other smells, thoughts, tastes, and feelings. I allowed it all to equalize into a sort of perceptual flatline, and I experienced a sense of expansion of the space within and around us.
And then she changed.
She stopped talking for a moment, blinked, and took a deep breath. Then her voice had a different, stronger quality to it as she said, “You know, I’m going to get healthy again. Tell me what to do.”
Usually I restrain myself from prescribing a total life overhaul because it’s simply too much for most people to implement at once. And if they dive in and then fail, it may hurt their ability to trust themselves and undermine future efforts toward healthy change. But in this case, I felt daring. I laid out all the things I thought she should change, from diet to sleep to her relationship with her adult children.
Months passed and she didn’t return. I wondered if my treatment didn’t work, or if I pushed her too hard, or if she had died. Hey, sometimes that’s just where your mind goes. Anyway, eventually, I saw her name in the appointment book and I was eager to hear what happened.
It was one of the most dramatic transformations I’ve ever seen in a patient. She was a new woman. Her eyes were clear and sharp, her voice was strong, she sat up straight and looked confident and youthful. I asked her, “Were you able to make any of the changes I recommended?”
“All of them,” she replied.
And that was pretty much that. I saw her a few more times for minor things, but she just didn’t need me. Of course, we can assume that her own actions were instrumental in her healing, but I tell you, everything shifted when I chose to hold her differently.
Since then, I try to avoid mirroring people’s resistance back to them. I feel the angst of their struggle with unwanted experiences and I work to accept the whole individual, allowing their state to equalize into the broader field of my awareness. I can’t say I always succeed at this or that the result is always miraculous when I do. In fact, I’ve found it’s best not to do it for the result. I just do it because there’s no point in resisting. And because I’d rather see people as I believe they really are – not victims of their circumstances, but powerful and perfect, and temporarily confused about who and what they really are.
So, let’s try some more equalization this week. Notice your resistance. Notice others’ resistance. As you perceive it, broaden your perception to include more and more of your total mental and multisensory experience, allowing the field to equalize. Allowing the subtle to come up and the noisy to settle down, everything evening into a still neutrality. Then share your experience here, if you feel like it.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. If you missed my first article on equalization last week, you can click here to read it.
P.P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about this and other approaches for resolving pain of all kinds, check out my new online course, Live Pain Free.
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After so many newsletters about pretty deep topics, I thought I’d get really superficial this week and talk about skin. Winter’s dryness and cold plus extra clothing, obsessive handwashing, and indoor heating form a combination that can be very hard on our skin. My whole life, I’ve had skin that dislikes winter. Even if your skin doesn’t get flaky or irritated, taking good care of your skin at this time of year may still help it retain its youthful elasticity and luster. Here are eleven self-care recommendations:
Drink plenty of water. Divide the number of pounds you weigh in half – that’s the number of ounces of watacer to drink evenly over the course of the day (ideally at room temperature).
Eat moistening foods. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, certain foods are considered to build vital fluids in the body which are disseminated to the skin and affect skin moisture. Some of these foods include: sesame seeds (especially the black kind), dark leafy greens, berries, pears, oranges, watermelon, string beans, tomatoes, flax seed, hemp seed, tomatoes, plums, mung beans and sprouts, cucumber, water chestnuts, eggs, fish, nuts, seed and nut oils.
Get a humidifier. In our house in Colorado, the usual tabletop humidifiers make very little difference in the moisture of the air, but I’ve heard good things about “whole house humidifiers” and I plan to get one for our home soon. They hook up to your water line (so you don’t need to refill them) and moisten the air that moves through your heating system. The units cost a couple hundred dollars and installation is a few hundred more (or you could do it yourself if you’re handy).
Put oil on your skin. Lotions are emulsions of oil and water, and while they’re moisturizing, they aim to be well absorbed and to feel light and residue-free. As such, lighter lotions may not cut it if you have very dry skin, or they may need to be applied many times a day. If your skin suffers during the winter, you may need something that functions more as a barrier – that impedes water loss through the skin and protects against the elements – such as: pure oil (coconut, jojoba, grape seed, sesame (untoasted), etc.); a thicker lotion that contains more oil or heavier oils (like castor, rosehip seed, or tamanu oil); or a semi-solid lotion with even heavier, waxy ingredients (shea butter, cocoa butter, or beeswax). However, the richest of these (shea butter and wax) are probably too heavy for the face and could clog your pores.
Exfoliate gently before moisturizing and apply moisturizer to still-damp skin. As long as your skin isn’t irritated, gently removing the top layer of dead cells will make it easier for moisturizers to penetrate. I like a coarse cloth, raw silk gloves, or a natural plant bristle brush for exfoliating the whole body. After bathing, you have a window of a few minutes during which moisturizers will work best. Personally, I enjoy the combination of dry skin brushing followed by a shower and then a brisk self-massage with oil (a practice called abhyanga in Ayurveda).
Use less soap. Soap dries out your skin and is usually unnecessary.
If your hands get chapped, dry them thoroughly after washing. Letting your skin air dry slowly usually results in drier skin. This is especially important for people with eczema.
Avoid colors, synthetic fragrances, and other chemicals in your detergents and body care products. Dry winter skin is often extra sensitive to chemicals – and absorbs them more effectively.
Wash in cooler water. If your skin becomes more sensitive in the winter, and especially if you have a rash, hot water will often make it worse. Bathe in the coolest water you can tolerate.
Use sunscreen. I don’t buy into the idea that we should wear sunscreen constantly, but judicious use has some benefits. Sun exposure feels good, activates immune cells, and stimulates vitamin D production in our skin, which is beneficial to our health in numerous ways. But the UV portion of sunlight causes damage to our tissues through a process called oxidation. (It’s the same process that causes oils to go rancid, vitamins to spoil, and meat to turn grey.)
We all know sunburns are bad, but even without burning, extended exposure to UV light tends to cause yellowing, dryness, and wrinkling of our skin. It damages fibers called elastin, which, as you might guess from the name, gives our skin its elasticity. Over the years, this makes our skin saggy and more prone to tearing. UV light also blesses us with age spots or “liver spots.” And finally, it’s a major risk factor in skin cancers, especially the non-melanoma kinds. So, if you like youthful skin, sunscreen is a good idea – especially in the middle of the day – and it’s easy to forget to use it in the winter. Winter sun isn’t usually direct enough to stimulate vitamin D synthesis, but it’s still strong enough to cause skin damage (especially in sunny places).
I don’t like chemical sunscreens, so I steer my patients to mineral-based ones – zinc oxide and titanium oxide. Zinc is the best option: it’s an excellent skin soother and barrier, and it works better than any other sunscreen chemical approved for use in the U.S. It’s the main ingredient in many diaper rash ointments and was responsible for that classic white stripe on lifeguards’ noses years ago.
Nowadays, most mineral sunscreens aren’t quite as opaque – some are completely transparent – probably because manufacturers have gotten better at creating smaller particles of zinc and titanium. However, this presents a big unknown – are these tiny “nanoparticles” entering our cells and doing something bad? In response to initial concerns, some companies now sell “non-nano” mineral sunscreens, but according to the Environmental Working Group (EWG) even the mineral particles in these products would technically be considered “nano” sized.
Yet, EWG still believes they are our best option. A mixture of particle sizes, some nano and some larger, seems to offer the best sun protection, and the evidence so far indicates that they don’t penetrate into the skin far enough to encounter living cells. However, if you were to inhale a bunch of mineral sunscreen in powder or spray form, that wouldn’t be good for your lungs.
See a good skin care specialist. Believe it or not, I was co-owner of a spa for a couple years before I got my first facial. If I was going to take the time to get a spa treatment, I’d always opt for a massage. But one year, on my birthday, Briana scheduled a facial for me, and it was just lovely. Having someone steam and massage oils into your face is deeply relaxing. And I had to admit, my skin was glowing afterwards. I highly recommend it.
I hope these recommendations help you get through the winter with moister, healthier, happier skin.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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If we hear a saying enough – especially at an impressionable time and/or spoken by someone we respect – we may accept it without applying critical thinking to determine if it’s actually true. For me, one such saying was, “People don’t change.”
As a young adult I heard it said by a guy I looked up to, and I remember thinking he must be wise. He stated it with triumph and bitterness – as a keen insight that would allow him to never be hurt again.
In writing this article, I googled “people don’t change” and “people can’t change” and got about 4 million hits for each phrase. Clearly this is a prevalent idea. But is it true?
When psychologists Dan Gilbert, Jordi Quoidbach, and Timothy Wilson set out to investigate perceptions of personal change, they discovered something surprising: most people believe that they have gotten all of their changing over with. Interviews with 19,000 participants revealed that young people, middle aged people, and old people all saw themselves as having changed a lot in the past, but believed they had more or less “arrived” at who they would be from now on. The scientists called this the “end of history illusion.” They used the word “illusion” because . . . we’re almost always wrong.
Perhaps this widespread view of ourselves as unlikely to change spills over onto what we expect of others – i.e., that they won’t change either. But we might ask, when someone believes that people don’t change, did it originate as a rational assessment of the likelihood of change? Or did it begin as a way of saving face, as in, “It may look like I got blindsided, but I actually saw this coming – because people don’t change.” Or as ammo for self-punishment, as in, “I’m a fool. I should have seen this coming – because people don’t change.” Or as the basis for blaming others for our pain, as in, “I was relying on you to become different so that I could be happy, but I’m not happy – because people don’t change.”
I happen to be in the business of tracking change. A few folks come to me for health maintenance, but I like to empower people to do most of their maintenance themselves, so the majority of my patient visits are from humans wanting the same thing: change. They want their body to change or their mind to change or their life circumstances to change. Because my task is to help facilitate this change, a significant part of my job is to be a change tracker. As a change tracker, I can assure you, people change all the time, often dramatically. If they didn’t, I’d feel like a charlatan.
But of course, we all have recurring patterns. In Vedic philosophy, these are considered to be expressions of our samskaras – the imprints of past experiences. Samskara literally means “impression” – like a footprint in the sand or a groove cut in the earth – and we tend to fall into them over and over, just as water naturally follows ruts in the land. Likewise, as experiences “flow” through our consciousness, they are manipulated by these contours of our psyche. Our capacity for discernment, called the buddhi, is said to be impaired by the presence of samskaras because they cause us to see things differently than they really are.
Scientists in the field of psychoneuroimmunology discovered that there’s a biological basis for this behavior. The repetition of the same thoughts, feelings, or behaviors strengthens a particular neurological pathway. These neurons “wire together” making a more efficient channel for nerve impulses to flow through, much like a groove in the sand. This increases the likelihood of our continuing to repeat the thought / feeling / behavior and thus to further strengthen the pathway and increase the potential to revisit it.
What can we do about this? There are many useful strategies, most of which amount to the cultivation of clear vision and perspective. Traditionally, this is one of the central purposes of yoga – meditation, specifically – which is said to be like polishing the dirty mirror of the buddhi so that it provides accurate reflections.
Meditation is like walking to the top of a mountain, where we can see the big picture (something impossible to do when we’re stuck in a rut in the ground). Here we can determine our most efficient course of action. Here we see the grooves of samskaras and “fill them in” through forgiveness, love, and acceptance. Here we can see the ways we have changed, and, indeed, see that big change is inevitable for ourselves and everyone else.
Take a few minutes today for a mental fast. Close your eyes and allow yourself to rise above the chattering and judgements, the push and pull of emotions, and perceive what kind of change would bring you into closer alignment with your inner being. Then set an intention to allow this change to happen. Perhaps even ask your highest self to reconfigure you to experience peace more readily. A change is gonna come.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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Years ago, a woman in her 70s came to see me with a long list of health problems. It seemed there was something wrong with almost every area of her life. As I listened to sound of defeat in her voice as she described the misery she was experiencing, I noticed myself think, “What a mess.” And I realized I was feeling her misery in myself, in my own body.
I also realized I was helping to perpetuate her situation. I know we’re crossing into woo-woo territory here, but hear me out. Built into virtually any longstanding pain or health problem is a secondary factor – one’s resistance to the experience. The resistance can both magnify the issue and cause it to become more firmly anchored in us. And even though she probably wasn’t conscious of it, I was validating that resistance by sending a subtle negative communication: “I resist your problems, too. I’m uncomfortable just imagining what your life is like. And just as you don’t accept this facet of your experience, neither do I.”
At the time I was studying a form of healing called Sat Nam Rasayan which entails the healer entering a meditative state wherein any sense of separation or resistance disappears. As one welcomes all perception, internal and external – thoughts, smells, sounds, feelings, tastes, images, etc. – an experience of equalization occurs. The “quiet” perceptions – a hidden thought, the air moving across one’s skin, a distant scent – come up in volume. And the “loud” perceptions – a prominent thought, a fire engine passing by, a sharp pain, a strongly scented detergent – come down in volume. All things meet in the middle, in an experience of deeply peaceful, neutral oneness, and there, healing happens.
So, when I noticed my resistance to this woman’s story, I relaxed. I accepted all of her and I accepted the feelings that arose in me as she spoke, and all the others in the room, from the sun streaming through the skylight to the ticking of the clock to the feeling of my clothes on my body, plus numerous other smells, thoughts, tastes, and feelings. I allowed it all to equalize into a sort of perceptual flatline, and I experienced a sense of expansion of the space within and around us.
And then she changed.
She stopped talking for a moment, blinked, and took a deep breath. Then her voice had a different, stronger quality to it as she said, “You know, I’m going to get healthy again. Tell me what to do.”
Usually I restrain myself from prescribing a total life overhaul because it’s simply too much for most people to implement at once. And if they dive in and then fail, it may hurt their ability to trust themselves and undermine future efforts toward healthy change. But in this case, I felt daring. I laid out all the things I thought she should change, from diet to sleep to her relationship with her adult children.
Months passed and she didn’t return. I wondered if my treatment didn’t work, or if I pushed her too hard, or if she had died. Hey, sometimes that’s just where your mind goes. Anyway, eventually, I saw her name in the appointment book and I was eager to hear what happened.
It was one of the most dramatic transformations I’ve ever seen in a patient. She was a new woman. Her eyes were clear and sharp, her voice was strong, she sat up straight and looked confident and youthful. I asked her, “Were you able to make any of the changes I recommended?”
“All of them,” she replied.
And that was pretty much that. I saw her a few more times for minor things, but she just didn’t need me. Of course, we can assume that her own actions were instrumental in her healing, but I tell you, everything shifted when I chose to hold her differently.
Since then, I try to avoid mirroring people’s resistance back to them. I feel the angst of their struggle with unwanted experiences and I work to accept the whole individual, allowing their state to equalize into the broader field of my awareness. I can’t say I always succeed at this or that the result is always miraculous when I do. In fact, I’ve found it’s best not to do it for the result. I just do it because there’s no point in resisting. And because I’d rather see people as I believe they really are – not victims of their circumstances, but powerful and perfect, and temporarily confused about who and what they really are.
So, let’s try some more equalization this week. Notice your resistance. Notice others’ resistance. As you perceive it, broaden your perception to include more and more of your total mental and multisensory experience, allowing the field to equalize. Allowing the subtle to come up and the noisy to settle down, everything evening into a still neutrality. Then share your experience here, if you feel like it.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. If you missed my first article on equalization last week, you can click here to read it.
P.P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about this and other approaches for resolving pain of all kinds, check out my new online course, Live Pain Free.
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[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)