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[post_date] => 2018-01-09 20:47:32
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[post_content] =>
My friend called me this morning begging to be rescued from herself. She said “I knew I had a ton of things to catch up on today and projects I want to work on that will move me towards my goals, yet I stayed up late last night, slept in, walked in multiple circles trying to figure out where to start, then after feeling overwhelmed and discouraged I turned on Netflix and binge watched 2 seasons of Friends. What is wrong with me? I am wasting my youth and my life, I’m never going to amount to anything! Why do I do this?”
Her shame and self-blame were on a downward spiral fast and she needed someone to snap her out of it.
Self-sabotage happens when part of our ego wants to stop us from going beyond our ego constructs. Our egos are strong, they’re here to try to keep us safe, which usually means keeping us small, in this little container where we protect ourselves. Within these boundaries, we limit ourselves because we’re only willing to experience what’s familiar. So we procrastinate, we create obstacles, we stir up drama to get in our own way.
Then something arises within us, a desire to connect, to expand, deepen. As that happens our ego comes in and tries to obscure it because it doesn’t feel safe, it’s the great unknown for the ego because it isn’t where the ego lives, that’s when self-sabotage rears it’s ugly head.
First become aware of where you’re self-sabotaging and bring a huge amount of curiosity to the underlying reasons and impulses causing it. Many people haven’t been introduced to this practice of deep inquiry, so they only scan the surface layers of it. Even if they notice that they are self-sabotaging they may only recognize it’s not serving them but don’t examine the deeper “why was I doing that, where did it come from, isn’t that interesting?” Where else in your life do you have this experience? Where do you feel that in your body? What does it look like when you sabotage yourself? How does it feel when are you doing it? When does it come up? When does it not come up? How has it felt when you didn’t do it?
What advice did I give to my friend? “Love yourself anyway. There’s no benefit to feeling bad about it, but be honest about what is really going on. Dig into why are you not doing what you say you want to do. Do you actually not want to do those things? What do you really want to be devoted to? What action can you take towards that today, right now?”
Keep asking the whys, hows, and whats so you can start shining a light on this ego structure that is trying to keep you in your small self. The keys to ending the cycles of self-sabotage are meditation and being curious about your feelings. Curiosity without judgment is crucial. If you’re judging while being curious you’re not really being curious, you’re examining the right and wrong of something versus opening up to deeper understanding. Honor that voice arising from within you that is leading you to heal old destructive patterns by listening.
Really slow down and listen… listen… listen… listen...listen.
If you're having a hard time uncovering the whys or being able to hear that loving voice inside you, I'd love to help. Join our Love Rising community as we gather in a group to get in touch with our true selves, in touch with our essence. As a group, we’ll amplify this connection and get clear on the next step forward, along the way resolving obstacles and challenges blocking our ability to receive. To trust.
With so much love for you,
Briana
PS - The next
Love Rising Collective begins January 11th. Don't wait, or you'll miss it.
[post_title] => Letting Go of Self Sabotage
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[post_content] => In this video, Briana explains why self-love is so vitally important, and shares some easy practices you can use fall more deeply in love with yourself and protect your heart from your own inner critic.
[post_title] => Conversations with Briana: Self-Love
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[post_date] => 2019-09-18 20:22:20
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[post_content] =>
A few years ago, Briana and I set out to create the ultimate system for planning, goal making, and life-sweetness-maximization. The result was The Dreambook. We launched it as a crowd-funded Kickstarter project and greatly exceeded our funding goals. In the years since then it’s been popular and successful beyond our wildest dreams.
When we were crafting the Dreambook, we knew that users would need to do some preliminary work to get aligned. So the first part is about discovering what your core values are, identifying your gifts, defining your life purpose, and learning what you really want.
It might seem a simple thing to know what you really want, but over the past few years of publishing this book, we’ve probably gotten more comments about this section than any other part. It turns out that our days are filled with thoughts of what we want, they’re even more filled with thoughts of what we don’t want. And they’re also filled with thoughts of things we used to want or were told we should want.
Rarely do we go through a deep, introspective process for learning what really gives us satisfaction, what makes us feel most alive, what naturally energizes us, what inspires us bring our best self to the table. So there’s a whole section for that, and people often tell us it’s incredibly illuminating.
I want to share with you an excerpt from that section so you can see what I’m getting at and try it out. I invite you to do this for yourself, even if you only have a few minutes. Just answer these questions honestly, as if no one will ever see the answers, and as if you’ll have the approval of your friends, your family, and yourself – regardless of how you respond.
- What are you longing for most in life?
- At the end of life what do you want to have accomplished?
- If you knew you had one year left to live would there be anything you’d want to fix or clean up?
- What are you ready to let go of – habits, attitudes, obligations, beliefs, outdated goals, etc. – that aren’t serving you?
- What do you want to explore more deeply?
- What would make life feel ridiculously fun?
- What feels really nourishing in your life?
- Of all the things you’ve done or accomplished in your life, what has given you the deepest sense of fulfillment? When have you been most proud of yourself?
- Where do you find yourself not being fully “present” in your life, or not participating fully?
I hope your answers to these questions help you know yourself better and give you some insights into your true needs and drives. In the Dreambook these questions are followed by a section on each of the following areas of life:
- Livelihood, career, and influence
- Relationship and family
- Community connection
- Physical wellness
- Creation, exploration, and play
- Psychological and spiritual health
For each of these arenas, you visualize a best case scenario three years into the future and answer a series of questions that guide you to define exactly how your life will feel, look, and taste. It’s such a powerful process. So many users have written us to say that just doing this – being prompted to clearly define what they want and intend to create – launched the manifestation of their dreamlife into reality. Much of the rest of the book deals with choosing clear goals related to these insights and forming plans to achieve them – and, importantly, nourishing yourself and staying balanced along the way.
I hope you’ll join us for the 2020 version of the book. If ever there were a year to see clearly the path ahead (20-20, get it?), it’s this one!
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => See 20/20
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My friend called me this morning begging to be rescued from herself. She said “I knew I had a ton of things to catch up on today and projects I want to work on that will move me towards my goals, yet I stayed up late last night, slept in, walked in multiple circles trying to figure out where to start, then after feeling overwhelmed and discouraged I turned on Netflix and binge watched 2 seasons of Friends. What is wrong with me? I am wasting my youth and my life, I’m never going to amount to anything! Why do I do this?”
Her shame and self-blame were on a downward spiral fast and she needed someone to snap her out of it.
Self-sabotage happens when part of our ego wants to stop us from going beyond our ego constructs. Our egos are strong, they’re here to try to keep us safe, which usually means keeping us small, in this little container where we protect ourselves. Within these boundaries, we limit ourselves because we’re only willing to experience what’s familiar. So we procrastinate, we create obstacles, we stir up drama to get in our own way.
Then something arises within us, a desire to connect, to expand, deepen. As that happens our ego comes in and tries to obscure it because it doesn’t feel safe, it’s the great unknown for the ego because it isn’t where the ego lives, that’s when self-sabotage rears it’s ugly head.
First become aware of where you’re self-sabotaging and bring a huge amount of curiosity to the underlying reasons and impulses causing it. Many people haven’t been introduced to this practice of deep inquiry, so they only scan the surface layers of it. Even if they notice that they are self-sabotaging they may only recognize it’s not serving them but don’t examine the deeper “why was I doing that, where did it come from, isn’t that interesting?” Where else in your life do you have this experience? Where do you feel that in your body? What does it look like when you sabotage yourself? How does it feel when are you doing it? When does it come up? When does it not come up? How has it felt when you didn’t do it?
What advice did I give to my friend? “Love yourself anyway. There’s no benefit to feeling bad about it, but be honest about what is really going on. Dig into why are you not doing what you say you want to do. Do you actually not want to do those things? What do you really want to be devoted to? What action can you take towards that today, right now?”
Keep asking the whys, hows, and whats so you can start shining a light on this ego structure that is trying to keep you in your small self. The keys to ending the cycles of self-sabotage are meditation and being curious about your feelings. Curiosity without judgment is crucial. If you’re judging while being curious you’re not really being curious, you’re examining the right and wrong of something versus opening up to deeper understanding. Honor that voice arising from within you that is leading you to heal old destructive patterns by listening.
Really slow down and listen… listen… listen… listen...listen.
If you're having a hard time uncovering the whys or being able to hear that loving voice inside you, I'd love to help. Join our Love Rising community as we gather in a group to get in touch with our true selves, in touch with our essence. As a group, we’ll amplify this connection and get clear on the next step forward, along the way resolving obstacles and challenges blocking our ability to receive. To trust.
With so much love for you,
Briana
PS - The next
Love Rising Collective begins January 11th. Don't wait, or you'll miss it.
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