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If you’ve ever done something reactionary, without thinking it through, there was a certain element that spurred you to act even though you might not have been aware of it. If you have an addiction, or simply find yourself repeating a behavior even while knowing it isn’t good for you, this element is there as well. It’s also there when you procrastinate. And when you avoid certain people. And when you dodge uncomfortable conversations. And it inevitably plays a central role in every case of anxiety or depression.
The element I’m speaking of is feelings. And although it might sound obvious to say, “Feelings play a central role in unhappiness,” I believe that most unhappy people rarely have an intentional meeting with those feelings. Whether recognized or not, their presence moves us to act – and to avoid acting. They dramatically alter our experience of life and our perspective of the ourselves and the world.
Rather than labeling them as good or bad, I think it’s more meaningful to look at how much freedom do you have in your relationship with a given feeling?
I often ask people about their feelings, especially when the feelings seem to be in control. Specifically, I inquire about the physical experience they’re having. Frequently they report that they can’t perceive anything. Despite the fact that there’s a feeling that’s strong enough to prompt them to, say, gobble up a bag of candy faster than they can stop themselves, the felt sense of that feeling can be hard to pin down. I guarantee it’s there though, and exploring it is likely to help unravel this behavior pattern.
We’re not apt to address our unpleasant feelings directly because, well, they’re unpleasant. Maybe we believe that willingly experiencing them would be more unpleasant than distracting ourselves from them or blocking them out. Furthermore, we learn early that other people disapprove of our anger and fear, and usually there’s no wise guidance for managing these feelings. So we develop the skill of stuffing them or becoming numb. When we look at trends in violence, it’s clear that boys, in particular, are expected to learn this skill and that it often fails miserably.
Actually it fails for everyone, eventually. Not acknowledging our feelings doesn’t neutralize them. It makes them toxic.
I know that an exploration of your negative emotions, many of them associated with traumatic events, doesn’t sound like a good time. It’s work. Perhaps even painful work. But it’s supremely worthwhile work. It’s like digging out a deep splinter. You know it’s not good to let it fester in there, and maybe it’s gotten so tender and swollen that you can’t get it all at once. However, there’s a certain strength that comes from knowing you’re finally doing what needs to be done. And it doesn’t have to be a grim process; you’re not going to be less effective by bringing humor, gentleness, and self-love to this work.
You will probably discover at times that your feelings are more complicated than you thought. Dr. Les Greenberg, the main developer of Emotion-Focused Therapy, explains that we have primary emotions and secondary emotions. Our primary emotions arise in the instant that an unpleasant thought or experience occurs, and they usually make us feel vulnerable or exposed. Thus, they’re often quickly and powerfully veiled by a secondary emotion (like anger, indignation, resentment, etc.) that feels less vulnerable. Greenberg describes primary emotions as “less rapid and less action-oriented” than secondary emotions. He says if we only address our secondary or surface emotions, the primary emotion remains and is likely to trigger new secondary emotions in future conflicts. With a spirit of curiosity and trust, you can go deep and get acquainted with these neglected parts of your shadow-self, bringing them into the light.
While reading the beginning of this article, perhaps you thought, “But these are all cases of being moved by negative feelings. What about positive feelings? Aren’t they one of the best parts of life? Can they run us, too?” Yes, they are one of the best parts of life. And no, they can’t run us in the same way. I have to choose my words carefully on this topic, because it’s easy to start thinking of certain emotions as good and others as bad, some as desirable and others as undesirable, and the truth is more nuanced than that. Again, what’s most important is how we relate to our emotions.
In most basic terms, negative emotions are a message that some form of conflict, resistance, or discord is occurring, and positive emotions indicate an experience of alignment, accord, or harmony. I know that sounds like good and bad, but how about we look at it this way: the Low Oil light on your dashboard indicates the potential for imminent friction and damage to your engine. Does that make the Low Oil light a bad thing? Would you prefer to put a piece of tape over it so you don’t have to see it? Auto makers would argue that this light, the equivalent of a negative emotion, is a very good thing as long as we respond to it appropriately.
It’s kind of like the Hot/Cold game, where someone tells you you’re getting closer to some treat by saying “warmer” (i.e., a positive emotion) or further away from it by saying “colder” (i.e., a negative emotion). Hot and Cold stand to be equally useful. But imagine how the game would go if, upon hearing the other player say, “colder,” you just shut down. Or you said, “I can’t do anything right!” Or, “Why do you always have to attack everything I do?!” When we behave this way in the presence of negative emotions, the whole game ends. But when we remain open, the prize is our freedom – even if it takes years to find that treat.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. I don’t mean to confuse the issue, but I feel it’s worthwhile to share a few words of non-dual perspective on the subject (garnered from several spiritual traditions). Within this dualistic world, it makes perfect sense to treat negative and positive emotions as two sides of the same coin. Or as two sides of the same mountain – the light side and the shadow side. Neither is more valid or real than the other.
But as we begin to have experiences of expanded consciousness – an awareness that transcends our everyday consciousness – positive and negative feelings may take on new meaning. If we define positive feelings as those that offer greater freedom, deeper peace, union with truth and love, these are (as I see it) an indication of alignment with our Highest Self (or God, or our Authentic Self, or Dao, or Buddha, or whatever other term you like).
The non-dual perspective is that there is no opposite to this state. That is, this (love/truth) is reality, and the negative feelings and suffering that so define the human experience emerge from our immersion in an illusion, a state of forgetfulness in which love is conditional, anything of value is bound to be lost, and we must out-compete each other for happiness. Therefore, as we expand beyond our ego-dominated awareness, negative emotions may be seen as indicators that we’ve become re-immersed in the illusion, or that our ego is attempting to regain control over our consciousness. And positive feelings (as defined above) show us that we’re in the flow, that we’re expanding, or that we’re choosing love.
While the perspective of Classical Chinese Medicine isn’t non-dual per se, it takes a similar view of classifying negative and positive emotions as fundamentally different things. The five basic “sentiments” – joy, contemplation, wonder, reflection, and vigor – are qualities we’re experience continually when we’re healthy. In contrast, the five primary negative emotions – anger, fear, joylessness (or mania), worry, and grief – are considered to be signs of imbalance. (However, if we’re able to accept and experience them readily, allowing them to move through us without resistance, this is not considered unhealthy. It’s only when they occur in an extreme or prolonged way that they become toxic.)
Finally, while we can be guided almost equally well by Hot and Cold (i.e., indicators that we’re becoming more aligned and less aligned with our truth), ultimately, we can’t be shown the whole way home through expressions of the Cold end of the spectrum (i.e., “you’re going the wrong way!”). Expect to encounter discomfort and difficulty – they don’t mean you’re on the wrong path – but if you make your choices from love rather than fear, you should also expect that increased freedom, peace, love, and joy will light the way for you.
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In this month’s series on pain, I’ve detailed the interventions that I feel make the biggest difference in sustainable pain management without medication. I haven’t mentioned drugs because I feel their side effects make most of them inferior for chronic pain management. For short term use, I have no problem with aspirin or ibuprofen. Many of my our clients are as naturally-oriented as I am, and want to avoid pharmaceuticals at any cost, but if you get a headache once a year, don’t feel guilty about taking an aspirin for it! For longer term use, I encourage you to try the measures I’ve discussed and also to consider some natural analgesic and anti-inflammatory supplements, many of which are profiled in an article on joint pain I wrote a few years ago.
Now I will introduce a few final practices to help you avoid pain:
1. Pay attention to your posture. I’ve written a lot about posture, so here’s the deep and brief. The majority of our pain results from muscular strain, and a great deal of our muscular strain is postural strain. We may think about posture when we sit at a dinner table and perhaps when we lift a heavy box, but all day long we have opportunities to improve our posture and lessen the total strain our activities exert on our bodies.
Some of the key situations to pay attention to posture are: (A) Sitting on a chair or couch. (B) Holding a phone up to the ear. (C) Typing on a phone, tablet, or computer. (D) Driving. (E) Exercising (F) Sleeping.
In exercise, we call good posture “good form,” and without it, our workout isn’t as comprehensive, plus there’s a much higher risk of injury. When talking on the phone, we should be careful not to tilt the head to one side. When typing, keep the shoulders back, the chest open, and the spine straight. When driving, be aware that keeping your elbows up in order to grip the steering wheel means a prolonged strain of the back – take breaks, stretch, drink water, relax.
2. Get your sleep situation optimized. By bedtime, most people – even those with chronic pain – crawl into bed without having given a thought to the fact that they always wake up sore. This could simply be the result of 8 hours of immobility, but since we spend a third of our life in this place, it’s worthwhile to make it thoroughly rejuvenating to the body. Or at least, to ensure that it isn’t a detriment. If you want better sleep and vivid dreams, I would also recommend you read this post on Andara Crystal Properties: What they are and how they work?
Unfortunately, many of the positions we put ourselves in create postural stress or put excessive pressure on sore spots. I’ve had patients make tremendous recoveries from severe pain just by changing their sleep configuration. Investigate mattresses and pillows of varying firmness. Get a body pillow, and/or multiple smaller pillows and something like ZQuiet review - here , an experiment with positioning them so that all parts of you feel supported. Avoid positions that crimp muscles or joints (such as sleeping with an arm above your head or under your pillow). Almost everyone does best sleeping on their back, possibly with a small support under the arch of the neck and another under the arch of the lower back.
3. Treat your life like an all day workout. This is another subject I’ve covered extensively in the past, so I’ll bottom line it. All day long, we work certain muscles for longer than we ever dream of working them at the gym. And we habitually (though unintentionally) work the same muscles day after day and neglect the same muscles day after day. If we were approaching our day’s activities as a workout, we’d stretch before and after, we’d drink lots of water, we’d take breaks, we’d be well-rounded, etc. Try to bring the same level of consciousness to your everyday activities. Switch it up, take breaks, stretch, move around, engage your core, have good form, drink water and electrolytes, etc.
Holistic practices of conditioning, such as taijuquan (tai chi) and yoga are excellent in part because they help us to use the body and breath in a balanced way throughout our day. Of course, it’s up to you to not think of these as compartmentalized practices, but to endeavor to do yoga/tai chi all day long. Your life will change in ways that far exceed the alleviation of pain.
I hope you earnestly apply these recommendations and overcome your pain.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => Unlocking Pain, Part Four – Body Mechanics
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In last week’s article, I introduced the Chinese Medicine concept that all forms of pain are caused by stagnation, and I explained that the standard of care for traumatic injuries – rest, ice, compression, and elevation – may actually inhibit the healing process. This week I’ll cover some interventions that do work to facilitate the resolution of pain – they’re things that everyone should know. All of them are ways of promoting movement to liberate stagnation.
1. Breathe. Our energy follows our breath. I discussed this in the context of stress and relaxation, where slowing the breath can calm agitation and crazy thinking. As it relates to pain, breathing fully and deeply encourages movement of life energy (Qi in Chinese medicine; prana in the yogic tradition) and blood. This helps to alleviate stagnation and ease pain.
Simply taking long, deep breaths, inhaling into the belly and making the exhale as long as you can, will calm your nervous system and reduce pain. You can usually get even better results by imagining the breath is moving through the painful area. If your elbow hurts, for instance, imagine you’re drawing air in through your elbow and then exhaling out your elbow, visualizing energy coursing through the region as you do so. If your pain is emotional, there will still be a part of the body where the emotion is most strongly felt, and this should be the focal point of your breathing. If you’re having a painful experience, keep breathing deeply and fully as you move through it.
2. Get a massage. Massage, at its most basic level, is the practice of mechanically breaking up stagnation and restoring proper flow. Regardless of the nature of your pain, massage will probably help. Plus, it feels good – how many medical interventions can you say that about?
While massage is an integral part of the healing practices of so many cultures, it is greatly undervalued in the United States. Maybe we have a hard time separating the idea of therapeutic touch from sexual touch. Maybe we just think things that feel good are indulgent and bad for us. But the reality is that the great majority of pain benefits from massage, which is a more impressive claim than can be made of nearly any conventional pain therapy. And human touch is a basic human need.
Although I believe there is no substitute for having someone else give you a massage, even self-massage can often be enormously beneficial. I have saved myself from severe pain countless times by rolling on a small, firm ball (a lacrosse ball is my favorite).
3. Drink water. It’s cheap and it’s easy. Dehydration makes almost any kind of pain worse, and some pain is entirely due to being dried out. So, first thing, make sure you’re drinking at least half the number of pounds you weigh as ounces of room temperature water each day. (That is, if you weigh 120 pounds, you should drink 60 ounces of water, a little at a time over the course of the day.)
Water is essential to the elasticity of our connective tissue and the fluidity of our joints. When I’m dehydrated, my neck and shoulders get tight and my head starts to hurt. I know that means I’ve forgotten about water.
Don’t undervalue the simple just because it’s simple. Just drink more water, get some massage, and breathe more deeply. Next week I’ll have more strategies for you.
Meanwhile, be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => Unlocking Pain, Part Two – Keep it Simple
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If you’ve ever done something reactionary, without thinking it through, there was a certain element that spurred you to act even though you might not have been aware of it. If you have an addiction, or simply find yourself repeating a behavior even while knowing it isn’t good for you, this element is there as well. It’s also there when you procrastinate. And when you avoid certain people. And when you dodge uncomfortable conversations. And it inevitably plays a central role in every case of anxiety or depression.
The element I’m speaking of is feelings. And although it might sound obvious to say, “Feelings play a central role in unhappiness,” I believe that most unhappy people rarely have an intentional meeting with those feelings. Whether recognized or not, their presence moves us to act – and to avoid acting. They dramatically alter our experience of life and our perspective of the ourselves and the world.
Rather than labeling them as good or bad, I think it’s more meaningful to look at how much freedom do you have in your relationship with a given feeling?
I often ask people about their feelings, especially when the feelings seem to be in control. Specifically, I inquire about the physical experience they’re having. Frequently they report that they can’t perceive anything. Despite the fact that there’s a feeling that’s strong enough to prompt them to, say, gobble up a bag of candy faster than they can stop themselves, the felt sense of that feeling can be hard to pin down. I guarantee it’s there though, and exploring it is likely to help unravel this behavior pattern.
We’re not apt to address our unpleasant feelings directly because, well, they’re unpleasant. Maybe we believe that willingly experiencing them would be more unpleasant than distracting ourselves from them or blocking them out. Furthermore, we learn early that other people disapprove of our anger and fear, and usually there’s no wise guidance for managing these feelings. So we develop the skill of stuffing them or becoming numb. When we look at trends in violence, it’s clear that boys, in particular, are expected to learn this skill and that it often fails miserably.
Actually it fails for everyone, eventually. Not acknowledging our feelings doesn’t neutralize them. It makes them toxic.
I know that an exploration of your negative emotions, many of them associated with traumatic events, doesn’t sound like a good time. It’s work. Perhaps even painful work. But it’s supremely worthwhile work. It’s like digging out a deep splinter. You know it’s not good to let it fester in there, and maybe it’s gotten so tender and swollen that you can’t get it all at once. However, there’s a certain strength that comes from knowing you’re finally doing what needs to be done. And it doesn’t have to be a grim process; you’re not going to be less effective by bringing humor, gentleness, and self-love to this work.
You will probably discover at times that your feelings are more complicated than you thought. Dr. Les Greenberg, the main developer of Emotion-Focused Therapy, explains that we have primary emotions and secondary emotions. Our primary emotions arise in the instant that an unpleasant thought or experience occurs, and they usually make us feel vulnerable or exposed. Thus, they’re often quickly and powerfully veiled by a secondary emotion (like anger, indignation, resentment, etc.) that feels less vulnerable. Greenberg describes primary emotions as “less rapid and less action-oriented” than secondary emotions. He says if we only address our secondary or surface emotions, the primary emotion remains and is likely to trigger new secondary emotions in future conflicts. With a spirit of curiosity and trust, you can go deep and get acquainted with these neglected parts of your shadow-self, bringing them into the light.
While reading the beginning of this article, perhaps you thought, “But these are all cases of being moved by negative feelings. What about positive feelings? Aren’t they one of the best parts of life? Can they run us, too?” Yes, they are one of the best parts of life. And no, they can’t run us in the same way. I have to choose my words carefully on this topic, because it’s easy to start thinking of certain emotions as good and others as bad, some as desirable and others as undesirable, and the truth is more nuanced than that. Again, what’s most important is how we relate to our emotions.
In most basic terms, negative emotions are a message that some form of conflict, resistance, or discord is occurring, and positive emotions indicate an experience of alignment, accord, or harmony. I know that sounds like good and bad, but how about we look at it this way: the Low Oil light on your dashboard indicates the potential for imminent friction and damage to your engine. Does that make the Low Oil light a bad thing? Would you prefer to put a piece of tape over it so you don’t have to see it? Auto makers would argue that this light, the equivalent of a negative emotion, is a very good thing as long as we respond to it appropriately.
It’s kind of like the Hot/Cold game, where someone tells you you’re getting closer to some treat by saying “warmer” (i.e., a positive emotion) or further away from it by saying “colder” (i.e., a negative emotion). Hot and Cold stand to be equally useful. But imagine how the game would go if, upon hearing the other player say, “colder,” you just shut down. Or you said, “I can’t do anything right!” Or, “Why do you always have to attack everything I do?!” When we behave this way in the presence of negative emotions, the whole game ends. But when we remain open, the prize is our freedom – even if it takes years to find that treat.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. I don’t mean to confuse the issue, but I feel it’s worthwhile to share a few words of non-dual perspective on the subject (garnered from several spiritual traditions). Within this dualistic world, it makes perfect sense to treat negative and positive emotions as two sides of the same coin. Or as two sides of the same mountain – the light side and the shadow side. Neither is more valid or real than the other.
But as we begin to have experiences of expanded consciousness – an awareness that transcends our everyday consciousness – positive and negative feelings may take on new meaning. If we define positive feelings as those that offer greater freedom, deeper peace, union with truth and love, these are (as I see it) an indication of alignment with our Highest Self (or God, or our Authentic Self, or Dao, or Buddha, or whatever other term you like).
The non-dual perspective is that there is no opposite to this state. That is, this (love/truth) is reality, and the negative feelings and suffering that so define the human experience emerge from our immersion in an illusion, a state of forgetfulness in which love is conditional, anything of value is bound to be lost, and we must out-compete each other for happiness. Therefore, as we expand beyond our ego-dominated awareness, negative emotions may be seen as indicators that we’ve become re-immersed in the illusion, or that our ego is attempting to regain control over our consciousness. And positive feelings (as defined above) show us that we’re in the flow, that we’re expanding, or that we’re choosing love.
While the perspective of Classical Chinese Medicine isn’t non-dual per se, it takes a similar view of classifying negative and positive emotions as fundamentally different things. The five basic “sentiments” – joy, contemplation, wonder, reflection, and vigor – are qualities we’re experience continually when we’re healthy. In contrast, the five primary negative emotions – anger, fear, joylessness (or mania), worry, and grief – are considered to be signs of imbalance. (However, if we’re able to accept and experience them readily, allowing them to move through us without resistance, this is not considered unhealthy. It’s only when they occur in an extreme or prolonged way that they become toxic.)
Finally, while we can be guided almost equally well by Hot and Cold (i.e., indicators that we’re becoming more aligned and less aligned with our truth), ultimately, we can’t be shown the whole way home through expressions of the Cold end of the spectrum (i.e., “you’re going the wrong way!”). Expect to encounter discomfort and difficulty – they don’t mean you’re on the wrong path – but if you make your choices from love rather than fear, you should also expect that increased freedom, peace, love, and joy will light the way for you.
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[webinar_id] => 0
)
[comment_count] => 0
[current_comment] => -1
[found_posts] => 22
[max_num_pages] => 1
[max_num_comment_pages] => 0
[is_single] =>
[is_preview] =>
[is_page] =>
[is_archive] => 1
[is_date] =>
[is_year] =>
[is_month] =>
[is_day] =>
[is_time] =>
[is_author] =>
[is_category] => 1
[is_tag] =>
[is_tax] =>
[is_search] =>
[is_feed] =>
[is_comment_feed] =>
[is_trackback] =>
[is_home] =>
[is_privacy_policy] =>
[is_404] =>
[is_embed] =>
[is_paged] =>
[is_admin] =>
[is_attachment] =>
[is_singular] =>
[is_robots] =>
[is_posts_page] =>
[is_post_type_archive] =>
[query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => 053627bdd4469e44acb3bf0296e90a02
[query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] =>
[thumbnails_cached] =>
[stopwords:WP_Query:private] =>
[compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => query_vars_hash
[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)
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