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I was stopped at a red light the other day and found myself reaching for the radio controls. While sitting on the toilet, I noticed that I was reading the exceptionally boring insert for contact lens solution. Sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday I started counting the number of stars in the wallpaper around the windows. Between waking up and doing my morning meditation I often feel compelled to look at my phone.
These are some of the many gaps in my day, and there’s a part of me that wants to fill them all. But I feel better when I don’t.
Of course it’s okay to listen to the radio or use your phone to get something done while standing in line. But there’s a big difference between doing these things mindlessly versus choosing them consciously; and there’s a difference between filling every moment with activity versus leaving some space unfilled. Mindless and/or constant “filling” perpetuates the habit of continuous mental engagement.
Continuous mental engagement might seem inconsequential, especially if you don’t care for the spiritual dimension of life, you feel peaceful and happy. But if you do care for the spiritual dimension of life and/or you’d like to be happier or more peaceful, continuous mental engagement will be a significant impediment. It’s a habit worth breaking.
The habit of continuous mental engagement masks the spiritual dimension. It impairs intuition. And it gives us the false impression that our mind is in charge, or even that our mind is what we are.
I welcome you to join me in letting gaps be gaps. Whenever space arises, see if you can just BE in it. Being means abiding in the here and now. Not departing, not manipulating, not judging, not filling the space.
Being is different than waiting. When waiting, we’re oriented to an outcome that isn’t here and now – i.e., the end of the waiting – whereas in being there is no separate goal. Being is also different than thinking. Thinking takes us out of being because it puts us in places other than here and times other than now.
The gaps in our otherwise perpetual mental stream are opportunities. Openings. Let’s notice what happens when we take a week to practice being in every gap. Notice the expansion of the present when you stop trying to avoid it. Notice the underlying stillness and silence. Notice the depth you drop into. And notice who you become when you allow space into your life.
Love,
Peter
[post_title] => Let Gaps Be Gaps
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Welcome to article number five on longevity. I wrote a series on the topic ten years ago and I felt it was time to revisit it because the world needs a dose of positivity and hope. Not only is it possible to live longer, it’s possible to want to live longer despite the perpetual messages of doom and gloom we’re bombarded with.
In the first article I explained why we must start with living for now and loving life. In the second I discussed the value of working, stretching, and relaxing all parts of ourselves (both body and mind). In the third we explored the incredible healing (and playful) potential of dance. In the fourth, we looked at the impact of media on our health and the importance of being discriminating in our media consumption and taking regular media fasts. You can read these articles on our site. Let’s continue.
#5: Bring Consciousness to Your Breathing
The quality of our breathing can have a profound effect on all aspects of our health. Deep, full breaths calm the mind, massage the internal organs, promote digestion, improve oxygenation of our tissues, bring us into the present moment, and facilitate the release of thoughts and emotions.
The first thing I tell someone suffering from stress or anxiety is to slow down and deepen their breathing, specifically lengthening the exhale. The first thing I tell someone who feels overwhelmed, distracted, or unable to remain rooted in the present is to bring more awareness to their breathing.
The mind follows the breath. This means that shallow, rapid breathing goes along with shallow, rapid, anxious thoughts. By “shallow thoughts” I mean those emanating from most simplistic mechanisms of our being – those concerned with mere survival. You may argue, “These aren’t survival thoughts; they’re thoughts about making my deadline, paying my bills, and avoiding COVID.” But in 2020 that’s what survival thoughts look like, especially when accompanied by fear.
Slowing and deepening the breath slows down the mind and draws our consciousness deeper into the ocean of our being – into the stillness beneath the choppy waves that tend to monopolize our attention. Every breath stands to be a simple, elegant (and rather brief) meditation session. Giving the whole of your attention to a single inhalation and exhalation can profoundly change your consciousness and physical experience. Pain can be alleviated. Perspective can broaden. Point of view can shift. Burdens can be relinquished.
Our lungs inflate and deflate through the action of the diaphragm, the muscle that forms the floor of the space enclosed by the ribcage. When relaxed, it forms a high dome like an umbrella, shrinking the space above it and emptying the lungs. When it contracts, it drops and flattens, enlarging the thoracic space and causing the lungs to fill up. Because both the heart and diaphragm do their work automatically, presiding over the filling and emptying of live-giving chambers, the diaphragm has been called “the second heart.”
The rising and sinking of the diaphragm takes numerous organs up and down all day. Shallow breathing makes for a boring ride – there’s barely any movement at all. Deep breathing, through which you should feel the belly expand (because the fully flattened diaphragm pushes down on the abdominal contents), is much more fun for your organs 😉, besides being relaxing and energizing.
Virtually always, except when eating or talking, the breath should enter through the nose. The nose is considered to belong to the lung system in Traditional Chinese Medicine. The lung warms and filters incoming air. It also adds a special treat from the paranasal sinuses – nitric oxide, a gas which opens our blood vessels and improves blood flow. In contrast, mouth breathing tends to promote poor concentration, poor sleep, dental problems, and begets more mouth breathing. Try to breathe through your nose whenever possible – even while sleeping and during vigorous exercise. Also, humming increases nasal nitric oxide production! And it’s hard to be in a bad mood when you’re humming.
Besides how you breathe, what you're breathing matters: clean, fresh, unpolluted air can be powerful medicine. If you don’t live in a place with good air, consider a good air filter, get your ducts cleaned, avoid household chemicals, use no-VOC paints, get houseplants, and take trips out into the woods.
You probably don’t need to be convinced that the breath is connected to life, but the connection is deeper than we may appreciate. Many languages have words that mean both breath and life, spirit, or God. These include the Sanskrit term Prana, the Chinese Qi, Greek Pneuma, and the Hebrew Neshama.
Similarly, many cultures have names for the Divine that parallel the sound of the breath. One is the Jewish Yahweh, sometimes referred to as the “unpronounceable name of God” which is uttered every time we draw the Universe into ourselves (“yahhhhhhh…”) and then release ourselves into it (“wehhhhhh…”). We literally exchange our own atoms with those of everyone else in each breath.
It’s a similar case with the Hindu Soham, which literally means “I am He/She/That” (or “I am one with the Universe”), also said to convey the inhale (“soooooo…”) and exhale (“hummmm…”). Soham is often inverted to form Hamsa (“The Universe/Divine is one with me”) and carried on the inhale as “hummm…” and the exhale as “saaahhh…” If this idea resonates with you, it can add an additional reward to giving your attention to the breath.
Breathe well,
Peter
[post_title] => Don't Forget to Breathe
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Numerous members of the Dragontree community have told us they’re dealing with a lot of anxiety these days, and it happens to be something I’m very familiar with. I think my half-Jewish DNA blessed me with a substantial dose of fear and paranoia. Although there have been plenty of times I wished I weren’t wired this way, I’ve worked through it enough to recognize that many good things have come out of it – including that it has allowed me to help many others with anxiety.
I’ve found that there’s no single approach that works for everyone, so I like to give people a few things to try together, and I’ll share some of these today. A good place to start is with an understanding of how our survival mechanisms work – and malfunction.
Most of us had our first taste of intense fear in childhood and it made a strong impression on us. The feeling itself is often as memorable as whatever it was trying to warn us about. After a few incidents in which a strong feeling of fear accompanied a situation in which we had a strong desire to avoid an unpleasant outcome – e.g., getting hurt or losing something or someone, perhaps our own life – we began to trust fear.
“Why would I be feeling this way,” the mind rationalizes, “if there weren’t something bad about to happen?” Fear is the emotional mechanism our survival instinct uses to get our attention and to cause us to prioritize security above all else. It makes sense that fear feels bad, that it jars us, that it causes us to react without thinking – and that, since it arises when big things seem to be at stake, it’s trustworthy. It’s not.
Our trust in fear began at an age when we didn’t know how to discern whether or not it was legitimate. It turns out much of the time that fear is aroused by our survival mechanisms, it’s misinformed and exaggerated. Just think of all the times you’ve gotten scared about something that turned out to be nothing. We even feel fear while sitting safely on our couch, reading or watching a story in which a fictional character is threatened.
For most people with anxiety, fear is an error nearly 100% of the time. We just got into the bad habit of letting it take over whenever it arises. Breaking a habit takes work, but anyone can do it. When it comes to anxiety this means, as often as possible, doing something different than usual when you feel fearful.
1) Slow down and deepen your breathing. The mind follows the breath, so slower, deeper breathing – especially with a long exhale – will slow down your mind and open up space in your consciousness so you can notice and question this feeling without being at its mercy. Let your inhale go all the way down to fill up your pelvic bowl, and let the edgy feeling pour out of you on the exhale.
2) Turn toward it with curiosity and bravery. Fear goes hand-in-hand with the fight-flight-freeze reaction. That is, we tend to fight it (resist it, hate it, throw everything at it, spend all our savings on toilet paper, etc.), run away from it (any of various avoidance mechanisms, including getting on our devices or moving to a bunker), or freeze (become physically and/or mentally immobilized). These are all animalistic reactions; we can be smarter and braver. Instead of letting the feeling run you, get interested in it. It’s just a feeling. Examine it. What is this thing? What triggered it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like?
3) Don’t resist it. While meeting the feeling with bravery and curiosity, can you soften yourself in relation to it? What if you just let the feeling be here without fighting it? What if you even invite it to stay? What if you allow yourself to feel it with total willingness? Resistance makes fear stronger. You’ve probably heard “What you resist persists,” but maybe you haven’t heard the corollary: “A feeling fully felt finally fades.” The moment you say, “Bring it on,” it changes.
4) Turn the relationship around. When you have one or more intensely anxious experiences it’s easy to develop an aversion to fear. You may find yourself experiencing it as a monster that’s chasing you, which you need to destroy or run away from. But as soon as you run, you define the relationship. You make fear bad. You make yourself a victim. You relinquish your power.
When you start chasing it instead, it stops controlling you. Tell it, “I will find you. I will learn all of your appearances, all of your hiding places,” and you’ll stop fearing fear.
I know these are uncertain times. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. But I promise you, whatever happens, certain things will still be here. Love will still be here. Grace will still be here. Kindness will still be here. Peace will still be here.
I hope these different ways of relating to anxiety are helpful for you. Next time we’ll look at broader self-care strategies for “down-regulating” your nervous system.
I’m honored to help however I can,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S
If you need extra support, I've crafted our
Anxiety-Relief tincture to do just that.
[post_title] => 4 Steps to Breaking Your Anxiety Habit
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I was stopped at a red light the other day and found myself reaching for the radio controls. While sitting on the toilet, I noticed that I was reading the exceptionally boring insert for contact lens solution. Sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday I started counting the number of stars in the wallpaper around the windows. Between waking up and doing my morning meditation I often feel compelled to look at my phone.
These are some of the many gaps in my day, and there’s a part of me that wants to fill them all. But I feel better when I don’t.
Of course it’s okay to listen to the radio or use your phone to get something done while standing in line. But there’s a big difference between doing these things mindlessly versus choosing them consciously; and there’s a difference between filling every moment with activity versus leaving some space unfilled. Mindless and/or constant “filling” perpetuates the habit of continuous mental engagement.
Continuous mental engagement might seem inconsequential, especially if you don’t care for the spiritual dimension of life, you feel peaceful and happy. But if you do care for the spiritual dimension of life and/or you’d like to be happier or more peaceful, continuous mental engagement will be a significant impediment. It’s a habit worth breaking.
The habit of continuous mental engagement masks the spiritual dimension. It impairs intuition. And it gives us the false impression that our mind is in charge, or even that our mind is what we are.
I welcome you to join me in letting gaps be gaps. Whenever space arises, see if you can just BE in it. Being means abiding in the here and now. Not departing, not manipulating, not judging, not filling the space.
Being is different than waiting. When waiting, we’re oriented to an outcome that isn’t here and now – i.e., the end of the waiting – whereas in being there is no separate goal. Being is also different than thinking. Thinking takes us out of being because it puts us in places other than here and times other than now.
The gaps in our otherwise perpetual mental stream are opportunities. Openings. Let’s notice what happens when we take a week to practice being in every gap. Notice the expansion of the present when you stop trying to avoid it. Notice the underlying stillness and silence. Notice the depth you drop into. And notice who you become when you allow space into your life.
Love,
Peter
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