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I once took a required course in a subtle form of bodywork called Jin Shin Do. Rather than pressing, kneading, or stroking, the practitioner simply rests her fingers on specific combinations of acupuncture points and intends for healing to occur. During the first few classes, I thought, “I have all these other healing tools. Why would I waste my time on this? Who can even tell if anything is happening?!”
Yet, I was pleasantly surprised. This class gave me an appreciation for the power of subtlety in medicine. I now believe that subtle healing techniques often succeed where others fail, because there’s less potential for the recipient’s mind or body to object to the intervention, less potential to exacerbate an existing condition, plus an opportunity to “slip under the radar” and initiate a deeper healing.
Frequently, the professor broke us into pairs – a giver and a receiver – to try experiments. And there was one experiment that I’ll never forget.
While the givers’ hands rested on the receivers, she would circulate through the room whispering a variety of words into the givers’ ears. Some of the phrases I remember were, “I love you,” “You are safe,” “You are healed,” and “Everything is good.” The givers were instructed to hold each set of words in their consciousness without changing anything about what they were doing with their hands. Sometimes they were directed to think about what they were going to have for dinner or to ponder a current problem in their life. After a few minutes, both the giver and the receiver would report about what they experienced.
Nearly all the receivers, without knowing what the givers were focused on, reported feeling better when the givers were focused on a positive intention rather their own “stuff.” They weren’t always able to articulate what exactly felt better about it, but some felt more “held” by the giver, or more energy, or an alignment of their skeleton, or a reduction in pain.
There were minimal differences in the effect of the various positive intentions – except one. Everyone in the room reported that the best, most “connected” experience occurred when the giver held the phrase “I am here for you” in their mind. In fact, when the giver thought, “I am here for you,” there were sighs around the room from the receivers. Their breathing deepened and they relaxed more.
I’ve thought about this a lot in the years since. It reminds me of an anxious phase I went through as a tween. When I was 12 I had some panic attacks, and afterwards I always wanted one of my parents to be near me. That need for physical proximity eventually passed – I actually preferred to be alone much of the time – but as I got clearer about it, I realized that I what I really wanted was to know that someone would be available to give me their full presence if I ever needed it. (Kind of like the ease that comes from having a Xanax in your pocket, even if you never take it.)
This realization eventually led to the understanding that attention is an exceedingly valuable thing. We all know that “time is money” because there’s a finite amount of it in the workday. But attention (or presence) is even more precious. How often do you feel that you have someone’s complete, undivided attention?
Back in my angsty tweens and teens – before the Internet, and when it used to cost a lot to make a long-distance phone call – if there wasn’t someone nearby, it might be difficult or expensive to find a human connection. Today, it’s much easier and cheaper. We can Skype or Facetime with someone on the other side of the planet for free! We’ve made great gains in bridging distance with technology.
And yet, it seems even more uncommon to find someone who can give you their presence in a sustained way. Based on my conversations with patients, people feel busier and more distracted than a few decades ago. We have shorter attention spans and less ability to focus. (I believe the phenomenon I’ve dubbed the Human Data Stream – that massive flow of information in the form of texts, calls, videos, social media, emails, etc., and the devices that transmit it – is largely to blame.) You could be sitting across the table from someone, engaged in a conversation, and still feel that they’re not really “here for you.”
HERE. FOR. YOU.
Think about what it means to really be present for someone you care about. As in, I offer you my total presence. And consider how good it would feel if you could allow yourself to fully trust and relax in the presence of a loved one who’s holding the space for you. What a gift! I encourage all of us to practice offering our presence to others – setting aside our personal agendas and giving our full attention to the one in front of us.
Now, there’s a little more to the story. So, I realized that I didn’t need someone always holding my hand, but I wanted to know I had a support system in my family and community. I gathered folks who would be here for me if I needed it (and I for them). And I will always prioritize family and community for the rest of my life.
However, I came to understand that even that level of support was still external in a way. I don’t mean to diminish its value, but I recognized that there was a deeper or closer trust available, a closer presence, that wouldn’t require calling a friend.
I saw that I rarely offered myself my own total presence, choosing instead, almost incessantly, to give my attention to my mind’s constant stream of thoughts. I saw that I rarely told myself, I AM HERE FOR YOU! (By “I” in this phrase, I mean my Authentic Self, my Divine Self, my Absolute Self, or what many people simply call a Oneness with God.) It’s at once tragic and glorious to recognize this self-deprivation.
Sometimes I have difficulty remembering it or accessing it, but I know it’s always there. That is, I am always here. And, because you and I are one, I am always here for you, and you are always here for me. Let’s remember together, and dispel the illusions of separation that cloud our vision.
Be well my friend,
Peter
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After so many newsletters about pretty deep topics, I thought I’d get really superficial this week and talk about skin. Winter’s dryness and cold plus extra clothing, obsessive handwashing, and indoor heating form a combination that can be very hard on our skin. My whole life, I’ve had skin that dislikes winter. Even if your skin doesn’t get flaky or irritated, taking good care of your skin at this time of year may still help it retain its youthful elasticity and luster. Here are eleven self-care recommendations:
Drink plenty of water. Divide the number of pounds you weigh in half – that’s the number of ounces of watacer to drink evenly over the course of the day (ideally at room temperature).
Eat moistening foods. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, certain foods are considered to build vital fluids in the body which are disseminated to the skin and affect skin moisture. Some of these foods include: sesame seeds (especially the black kind), dark leafy greens, berries, pears, oranges, watermelon, string beans, tomatoes, flax seed, hemp seed, tomatoes, plums, mung beans and sprouts, cucumber, water chestnuts, eggs, fish, nuts, seed and nut oils.
Get a humidifier. In our house in Colorado, the usual tabletop humidifiers make very little difference in the moisture of the air, but I’ve heard good things about “whole house humidifiers” and I plan to get one for our home soon. They hook up to your water line (so you don’t need to refill them) and moisten the air that moves through your heating system. The units cost a couple hundred dollars and installation is a few hundred more (or you could do it yourself if you’re handy).
Put oil on your skin. Lotions are emulsions of oil and water, and while they’re moisturizing, they aim to be well absorbed and to feel light and residue-free. As such, lighter lotions may not cut it if you have very dry skin, or they may need to be applied many times a day. If your skin suffers during the winter, you may need something that functions more as a barrier – that impedes water loss through the skin and protects against the elements – such as: pure oil (coconut, jojoba, grape seed, sesame (untoasted), etc.); a thicker lotion that contains more oil or heavier oils (like castor, rosehip seed, or tamanu oil); or a semi-solid lotion with even heavier, waxy ingredients (shea butter, cocoa butter, or beeswax). However, the richest of these (shea butter and wax) are probably too heavy for the face and could clog your pores.
Exfoliate gently before moisturizing and apply moisturizer to still-damp skin. As long as your skin isn’t irritated, gently removing the top layer of dead cells will make it easier for moisturizers to penetrate. I like a coarse cloth, raw silk gloves, or a natural plant bristle brush for exfoliating the whole body. After bathing, you have a window of a few minutes during which moisturizers will work best. Personally, I enjoy the combination of dry skin brushing followed by a shower and then a brisk self-massage with oil (a practice called abhyanga in Ayurveda).
Use less soap. Soap dries out your skin and is usually unnecessary.
If your hands get chapped, dry them thoroughly after washing. Letting your skin air dry slowly usually results in drier skin. This is especially important for people with eczema.
Avoid colors, synthetic fragrances, and other chemicals in your detergents and body care products. Dry winter skin is often extra sensitive to chemicals – and absorbs them more effectively.
Wash in cooler water. If your skin becomes more sensitive in the winter, and especially if you have a rash, hot water will often make it worse. Bathe in the coolest water you can tolerate.
Use sunscreen. I don’t buy into the idea that we should wear sunscreen constantly, but judicious use has some benefits. Sun exposure feels good, activates immune cells, and stimulates vitamin D production in our skin, which is beneficial to our health in numerous ways. But the UV portion of sunlight causes damage to our tissues through a process called oxidation. (It’s the same process that causes oils to go rancid, vitamins to spoil, and meat to turn grey.)
We all know sunburns are bad, but even without burning, extended exposure to UV light tends to cause yellowing, dryness, and wrinkling of our skin. It damages fibers called elastin, which, as you might guess from the name, gives our skin its elasticity. Over the years, this makes our skin saggy and more prone to tearing. UV light also blesses us with age spots or “liver spots.” And finally, it’s a major risk factor in skin cancers, especially the non-melanoma kinds. So, if you like youthful skin, sunscreen is a good idea – especially in the middle of the day – and it’s easy to forget to use it in the winter. Winter sun isn’t usually direct enough to stimulate vitamin D synthesis, but it’s still strong enough to cause skin damage (especially in sunny places).
I don’t like chemical sunscreens, so I steer my patients to mineral-based ones – zinc oxide and titanium oxide. Zinc is the best option: it’s an excellent skin soother and barrier, and it works better than any other sunscreen chemical approved for use in the U.S. It’s the main ingredient in many diaper rash ointments and was responsible for that classic white stripe on lifeguards’ noses years ago.
Nowadays, most mineral sunscreens aren’t quite as opaque – some are completely transparent – probably because manufacturers have gotten better at creating smaller particles of zinc and titanium. However, this presents a big unknown – are these tiny “nanoparticles” entering our cells and doing something bad? In response to initial concerns, some companies now sell “non-nano” mineral sunscreens, but according to the Environmental Working Group (EWG) even the mineral particles in these products would technically be considered “nano” sized.
Yet, EWG still believes they are our best option. A mixture of particle sizes, some nano and some larger, seems to offer the best sun protection, and the evidence so far indicates that they don’t penetrate into the skin far enough to encounter living cells. However, if you were to inhale a bunch of mineral sunscreen in powder or spray form, that wouldn’t be good for your lungs.
See a good skin care specialist. Believe it or not, I was co-owner of a spa for a couple years before I got my first facial. If I was going to take the time to get a spa treatment, I’d always opt for a massage. But one year, on my birthday, Briana scheduled a facial for me, and it was just lovely. Having someone steam and massage oils into your face is deeply relaxing. And I had to admit, my skin was glowing afterwards. I highly recommend it.
I hope these recommendations help you get through the winter with moister, healthier, happier skin.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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One evening several years ago, I was taking a walk and saw something big flapping in the wind. As I got closer, I realized it was a giant plastic bag that was stuck to a tree. I thought to myself, “Someone should clean that up,” and I walked on.
It was one of those thoughts where you actually hear the specific words in your head – Someone should clean that up. And one word in particular stuck in my mind: Someone.
Then it felt like my body was compelled to slow down, and a higher part of my consciousness seemed to be telling me, “Look more closely at this pattern.”
Someone should deal with what I dislike. Make it better for me.
I turned around. I disentangled the bag from the tree. I balled it up, found a nearby dumpster, and threw it away. And though it was just one bag, it was symbolic of a shift. The shift wasn’t that I now pick up all the litter I see wherever I go. It was a recognition of how I want the world to be different without participating in the process, and it was a reminder of my ability to choose my perspective and to act on my own behalf.
Then there was one more insight from that soul place: This is (part of) what being an adult means. As children we expect our caregivers to make the world right for us; as adults, we act on our own behalf. It struck me that growing up has little to do with how many years you’ve been alive. You could be 80 years old and still expecting the world to make things right for you.
Over the following months, I paid closer attention to people who were active in consciously shaping their world. It was so inspiring. I noticed that sometimes this approach to life issued from an attitude of optimism and empowerment, like, “I have gifts to share!” or “I want to be an active participant in changing my environment.” And other times it came from an attitude of mistrust and pessimism, like, “You can’t count on anyone; that’s why you have to do everything yourself” or “People are going to mess it up if I don’t step in.”
Gradually, another characteristic of growing up was revealed: letting go of fixed positions. In those who strove to improve their world, there was always flexibility and a willingness to see more than one side of an issue, because the truth is rarely black-and-white. Children like things in absolute terms: this superhero is good and the other guy is bad; broccoli is healthy and candy is unhealthy; sharing is the right thing to do and not sharing is wrong. But adults recognize that such formulaic ways of thinking often fall short. Only by engaging with life openly and organically, with a strong appetite for the truth, do we stand to grow and evolve. This brings lots of grey and apparent paradox, but the adult mind can handle it.
How do you define growing up? What challenges you about being an adult? Share in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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I once took a required course in a subtle form of bodywork called Jin Shin Do. Rather than pressing, kneading, or stroking, the practitioner simply rests her fingers on specific combinations of acupuncture points and intends for healing to occur. During the first few classes, I thought, “I have all these other healing tools. Why would I waste my time on this? Who can even tell if anything is happening?!”
Yet, I was pleasantly surprised. This class gave me an appreciation for the power of subtlety in medicine. I now believe that subtle healing techniques often succeed where others fail, because there’s less potential for the recipient’s mind or body to object to the intervention, less potential to exacerbate an existing condition, plus an opportunity to “slip under the radar” and initiate a deeper healing.
Frequently, the professor broke us into pairs – a giver and a receiver – to try experiments. And there was one experiment that I’ll never forget.
While the givers’ hands rested on the receivers, she would circulate through the room whispering a variety of words into the givers’ ears. Some of the phrases I remember were, “I love you,” “You are safe,” “You are healed,” and “Everything is good.” The givers were instructed to hold each set of words in their consciousness without changing anything about what they were doing with their hands. Sometimes they were directed to think about what they were going to have for dinner or to ponder a current problem in their life. After a few minutes, both the giver and the receiver would report about what they experienced.
Nearly all the receivers, without knowing what the givers were focused on, reported feeling better when the givers were focused on a positive intention rather their own “stuff.” They weren’t always able to articulate what exactly felt better about it, but some felt more “held” by the giver, or more energy, or an alignment of their skeleton, or a reduction in pain.
There were minimal differences in the effect of the various positive intentions – except one. Everyone in the room reported that the best, most “connected” experience occurred when the giver held the phrase “I am here for you” in their mind. In fact, when the giver thought, “I am here for you,” there were sighs around the room from the receivers. Their breathing deepened and they relaxed more.
I’ve thought about this a lot in the years since. It reminds me of an anxious phase I went through as a tween. When I was 12 I had some panic attacks, and afterwards I always wanted one of my parents to be near me. That need for physical proximity eventually passed – I actually preferred to be alone much of the time – but as I got clearer about it, I realized that I what I really wanted was to know that someone would be available to give me their full presence if I ever needed it. (Kind of like the ease that comes from having a Xanax in your pocket, even if you never take it.)
This realization eventually led to the understanding that attention is an exceedingly valuable thing. We all know that “time is money” because there’s a finite amount of it in the workday. But attention (or presence) is even more precious. How often do you feel that you have someone’s complete, undivided attention?
Back in my angsty tweens and teens – before the Internet, and when it used to cost a lot to make a long-distance phone call – if there wasn’t someone nearby, it might be difficult or expensive to find a human connection. Today, it’s much easier and cheaper. We can Skype or Facetime with someone on the other side of the planet for free! We’ve made great gains in bridging distance with technology.
And yet, it seems even more uncommon to find someone who can give you their presence in a sustained way. Based on my conversations with patients, people feel busier and more distracted than a few decades ago. We have shorter attention spans and less ability to focus. (I believe the phenomenon I’ve dubbed the Human Data Stream – that massive flow of information in the form of texts, calls, videos, social media, emails, etc., and the devices that transmit it – is largely to blame.) You could be sitting across the table from someone, engaged in a conversation, and still feel that they’re not really “here for you.”
HERE. FOR. YOU.
Think about what it means to really be present for someone you care about. As in, I offer you my total presence. And consider how good it would feel if you could allow yourself to fully trust and relax in the presence of a loved one who’s holding the space for you. What a gift! I encourage all of us to practice offering our presence to others – setting aside our personal agendas and giving our full attention to the one in front of us.
Now, there’s a little more to the story. So, I realized that I didn’t need someone always holding my hand, but I wanted to know I had a support system in my family and community. I gathered folks who would be here for me if I needed it (and I for them). And I will always prioritize family and community for the rest of my life.
However, I came to understand that even that level of support was still external in a way. I don’t mean to diminish its value, but I recognized that there was a deeper or closer trust available, a closer presence, that wouldn’t require calling a friend.
I saw that I rarely offered myself my own total presence, choosing instead, almost incessantly, to give my attention to my mind’s constant stream of thoughts. I saw that I rarely told myself, I AM HERE FOR YOU! (By “I” in this phrase, I mean my Authentic Self, my Divine Self, my Absolute Self, or what many people simply call a Oneness with God.) It’s at once tragic and glorious to recognize this self-deprivation.
Sometimes I have difficulty remembering it or accessing it, but I know it’s always there. That is, I am always here. And, because you and I are one, I am always here for you, and you are always here for me. Let’s remember together, and dispel the illusions of separation that cloud our vision.
Be well my friend,
Peter
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