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[post_content] => Desire is a confusing idea. We’re taught that desire is what leads us astray, that it makes us materialistic and unsatisfied with our lot. To be free from desire implies that we’ve achieved a state of moral and/or spiritual perfection – plus deep inner peace. On the other hand, a lack of desire might mean we’re complacent, lacking ambition, or dimwitted. After all, the reputation of every revered historical figure was rooted in strong desire – to set slaves free, to achieve peace, to get women the right to vote – and it changed the world for the better.
We’re also taught that we deserve to have and enjoy desirable things. And everyone knows that it’s important to be desirable to whomever we might want to attract or impress. Marketers have long reminded us that we’ll be undesirable to a prospective lover, boss, or college admissions officer if we have dandruff on our shirt, ring around the collar, or yellow teeth.
Clearly there’s no single correct answer to the question of whether desire is good or bad. It all depends on what’s behind that desire and how we relate to it.
A tidbit I appreciate from the work of Neale Donald Walsch is the notion that our desires tend to be “sponsored” by either love or fear. Fear-based desire is exceedingly common. It’s part of why capitalism is such a massive force in the world. Because of fear, we desire security and protection, and we’re often motivated to pursue them at the expense of growth and healing. Moved by fear of inadequacy, we might desire a flashy car or a trophy partner – whatever we perceive as signaling our prowess to others. Gripped by fear of death we desire whatever we believe will tether us to life.
Love-sponsored desire is very different. Most importantly, the quality of the energy behind it is different. If you met two people intent on changing the world, one driven by love-sponsored desire, the other by fear-sponsored desire, you couldn’t assume that the fear-driven one wants to change it in bad ways. Or that the love-driven one is going to be more effective. But if you got to know these people, you’d feel the difference and it would be written all over how they relate to life.
Which would you prefer to be driven by? Regardless of your answer (I’m going to take a wild guess and say, “love-sponsored desire”) it’s worthwhile to discern your motivations. If you discover that you’re following a course that’s dictated by fear-sponsored thoughts and desires, there’s an opportunity for liberation – from both the fear and the lifeforce-draining remedies you’re pursuing. If your desires are sponsored by fear, you’ll find that when you challenge them your mind gets defensive. And if you ask, “What if I relinquish this desire?” the response is, “Something bad will happen.”
This isn’t the case with love-sponsored desires. There’s no feeling of, “I have to do this or else!” It’s more like, “My Highest Self is calling me to do this,” and you can feel that it’s coming from love. That said, there may occasionally be cases when some form of harm is occurring and you feel moved by love to help – like getting involved to stop human trafficking or animal abuse. But the difference is, your heart will feel open.
Whereas fear-sponsored desire is rooted in one’s own subconscious thoughts, love-sponsored desire is transpersonal. That is, both its source and its scope are beyond the personality.
It’s similar to concept of iccha shakti as defined in the ancient philosophy of Nondual Shaiva Tantra (NST). A Sanskit term, iccha shakti is used commonly to mean willpower or life drive, but the NST definition is more specific. In the words of author Christopher Wallis, it’s “a precognitive creative urge toward self-expression. It is the impulse behind the manifestation of a universe and behind all artistic expression that is done for its own sake.” Like the idea of love-sponsored desire, to be an expression of iccha shakti means to be moved not by the will of the personality but by divine will that seeks expression through us.
Wallis continues: “The more we access our real innate nature, the more we can draw on the unfailing power of the divine Will. The Will seeks self-expression for no reason other than the joy inherent in the act of self-expression. If you are tapping into iccha shakti in your pursuits in life, be they dancing or computer repair, you will have a vast reservoir of energy to draw on. This is because when you are pursuing an activity as a form of self-expression, it replenishes you instead of draining you.” And I would say the same goes for being led by love-sponsored desire.
I encourage you to ask yourself some questions. At any time you feel strongly moved, you can ask, “Is this a fear-sponsored or love-sponsored thought / feeling / action?” You can also ask, “What is love sponsoring in my life?” or “Where does love want to take me?” Does your work feel connected to iccha shakti? If not, can you change how you relate to it and let love and iccha shakti be sponsors? I always enjoy hearing how these articles land with you.
Be well,
Peter
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[post_content] => At a party some years ago I noticed a guy across the room with a big personality. Like a strong double-ended magnet, he appeared to either attract or repel everyone around him. Eventually someone introduced us. He was a successful and intimidating businessman, and for some reason he seemed to like me.
At one point he leaned in with a sly grin as if he were about to confide something in me. Then he said, “You know what I love to do at parties? I meet someone, find out what they believe in, and then I explain why they’re wrong about all of it. I systematically tear apart their whole worldview. They walk away like they just lost their compass!” He laughed like he genuinely relished those moments.
Although I was disgusted by this admission I also found it fascinating. Of course, it’s not unusual to witness power struggles for dominance – especially between men, between dogs, between couples, and between parents and children.
But most power struggles begin with a disagreement, and – on the surface, anyway – that seems to be the cause of the struggle. What was less common in this case was that this fellow was consciously setting out to dominate others he didn’t yet know and was looking forward to the satisfaction he’d feel when he “won.”
Though a psychologist might say the guy’s social behavior was pathological, in a way it was just a more obvious and one-sided expression of something many of us engage in on a routine basis.
When absorbed in a power struggle we may believe that we’re just righting a wrong, correcting a mistake, or doing the right thing. But if we were to stop and ask ourselves honestly where we’re coming from, the truth is often that we just want to win and/or that we can’t bear losing.
In the book The Courage to Be Disliked, authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga argue that rarely are our arguments about the topic we believe; mostly they’re driven by the desire to prove our power and make the other person submit. They advise that when we recognize we’re in a power struggle it’s best to step down without reacting.
“Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles – none of these things is defeat,” they write. “The pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people.” The term superiority here simply means personal excellence, not superiority in comparison to someone else.
Kishimi and Koga (summarizing the work of psychologist Alfred Adler) explain that power struggles hinge on the belief that one’s stance on an issue makes them right. “The moment one is convinced that ‘I am right’ in an interpersonal relationship, one has already stepped into a power struggle. At that point, the focus of the discussion shifts from the rightness of the assertions to the state of the interpersonal relationship.” Then it’s no longer a conversation. It’s a contest.
Though he doesn’t use the term “power struggle” Author Vadim Zeland makes a similar point in Reality Transurfing. He describes the energy behind these struggles as “pendulums.” Like the giant swinging pendulum of an enormous clock, they’re fueled both by collective adherence or opposition to an issue. When you’re presented with a pendulum, whether you jump aboard in agreement or fight it tooth and nail, you’ve jumped aboard it and are being taken for a ride.
He advises stepping back (mentally) and disengaging, imagining you’re like a ghost – so the swinging pendulum doesn’t trigger you or affect you in any way. It just swings right through you.
I encourage you this week to notice the power struggles and pendulums in your life. What happens when you engage with them? What happens when you attempt not to engage? Are you able to? Is there a part of you that desires the conflict? Does it feel disappointed if you step back? If you engage in a power struggle and “win” how does this feel? If you notice a power struggle between others, can you witness the energetic conflict beneath the words? Do you feel called to bring light to it? What happens if you do?
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Our Curious Urge to Dominate Each Other
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[post_content] => Gratitude is the understanding that many millions of things come together and live together and mesh together and breathe together in order for us to take even one more breath of air, that the underlying gift of life and incarnation as a living, participating human being is a privilege; that we are miraculously, part of something, rather than nothing. – David Whyte
Coincidentally, I encountered this quote shortly after hearing a lecture on happiness in which the speaker asserted that when we truly recognize our privilege, we readily feel enthusiastic and grateful about whatever we’re engaged in, work included.
It’s easy to forget to be grateful though, just as it’s natural to expect life to continue in roughly the way it always has, with ample clean air, water, food, electricity, safety, and everything else that supports us. Sometimes it’s not until we experience contrast that we recognize our privilege.
Having a period of sickness makes us appreciate our health. Smoky air makes us appreciate fresh air – and firefighters and rain. Traveling in an area with mediocre food options makes us appreciate farmers’ markets and well-stocked grocery stores. All of our adversity, including even our day-to-day micro-adversities, can become prompts to recognize what’s still working and good in our life. You can even try making a rule for yourself that every time you complain about something – even just to yourself – you follow it with a statement of gratitude.
When traffic is bad, what’s good? When there’s pain in your back, what parts of your body still work well and feel okay?
Of course, we don’t need to wait for suffering in order to pay attention to our gifts. It’s just that suffering – especially when it’s really painful – has a way of capturing our attention. The key is the paying attention, and we’re in the habit of letting our attention go to whatever’s loudest or most dramatic, like media, interpersonal conflict, and worry.
Sometimes we need to grab our attention and put it on something else. And when I say “sometimes” I mean virtually all the time – choosing intentionally what we’re putting our attention on. Might I recommend a good place to put it: on the total experience that is happening right here, right now. Your breath and the air entering and exiting your lungs. What it feels like in your body. What you’re currently engaged in. The land you’re sitting on. The beating of your heart. The sun illuminating the world. The soft clothes on your skin. The feeling of the earth’s gravity acting on you.
We want to feel spontaneous gratitude, the exalted kind that comes to us with strong emotion, rather than needing to prompt ourselves to think of something to be grateful for. But the chosen form isn’t any less real. And it has the same benefits of promoting happiness, broadening our perspective, and focusing our energy on good things.
I am grateful for you.
Love,
Peter & Everyone at the Dragontree
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[post_content] => Desire is a confusing idea. We’re taught that desire is what leads us astray, that it makes us materialistic and unsatisfied with our lot. To be free from desire implies that we’ve achieved a state of moral and/or spiritual perfection – plus deep inner peace. On the other hand, a lack of desire might mean we’re complacent, lacking ambition, or dimwitted. After all, the reputation of every revered historical figure was rooted in strong desire – to set slaves free, to achieve peace, to get women the right to vote – and it changed the world for the better.
We’re also taught that we deserve to have and enjoy desirable things. And everyone knows that it’s important to be desirable to whomever we might want to attract or impress. Marketers have long reminded us that we’ll be undesirable to a prospective lover, boss, or college admissions officer if we have dandruff on our shirt, ring around the collar, or yellow teeth.
Clearly there’s no single correct answer to the question of whether desire is good or bad. It all depends on what’s behind that desire and how we relate to it.
A tidbit I appreciate from the work of Neale Donald Walsch is the notion that our desires tend to be “sponsored” by either love or fear. Fear-based desire is exceedingly common. It’s part of why capitalism is such a massive force in the world. Because of fear, we desire security and protection, and we’re often motivated to pursue them at the expense of growth and healing. Moved by fear of inadequacy, we might desire a flashy car or a trophy partner – whatever we perceive as signaling our prowess to others. Gripped by fear of death we desire whatever we believe will tether us to life.
Love-sponsored desire is very different. Most importantly, the quality of the energy behind it is different. If you met two people intent on changing the world, one driven by love-sponsored desire, the other by fear-sponsored desire, you couldn’t assume that the fear-driven one wants to change it in bad ways. Or that the love-driven one is going to be more effective. But if you got to know these people, you’d feel the difference and it would be written all over how they relate to life.
Which would you prefer to be driven by? Regardless of your answer (I’m going to take a wild guess and say, “love-sponsored desire”) it’s worthwhile to discern your motivations. If you discover that you’re following a course that’s dictated by fear-sponsored thoughts and desires, there’s an opportunity for liberation – from both the fear and the lifeforce-draining remedies you’re pursuing. If your desires are sponsored by fear, you’ll find that when you challenge them your mind gets defensive. And if you ask, “What if I relinquish this desire?” the response is, “Something bad will happen.”
This isn’t the case with love-sponsored desires. There’s no feeling of, “I have to do this or else!” It’s more like, “My Highest Self is calling me to do this,” and you can feel that it’s coming from love. That said, there may occasionally be cases when some form of harm is occurring and you feel moved by love to help – like getting involved to stop human trafficking or animal abuse. But the difference is, your heart will feel open.
Whereas fear-sponsored desire is rooted in one’s own subconscious thoughts, love-sponsored desire is transpersonal. That is, both its source and its scope are beyond the personality.
It’s similar to concept of iccha shakti as defined in the ancient philosophy of Nondual Shaiva Tantra (NST). A Sanskit term, iccha shakti is used commonly to mean willpower or life drive, but the NST definition is more specific. In the words of author Christopher Wallis, it’s “a precognitive creative urge toward self-expression. It is the impulse behind the manifestation of a universe and behind all artistic expression that is done for its own sake.” Like the idea of love-sponsored desire, to be an expression of iccha shakti means to be moved not by the will of the personality but by divine will that seeks expression through us.
Wallis continues: “The more we access our real innate nature, the more we can draw on the unfailing power of the divine Will. The Will seeks self-expression for no reason other than the joy inherent in the act of self-expression. If you are tapping into iccha shakti in your pursuits in life, be they dancing or computer repair, you will have a vast reservoir of energy to draw on. This is because when you are pursuing an activity as a form of self-expression, it replenishes you instead of draining you.” And I would say the same goes for being led by love-sponsored desire.
I encourage you to ask yourself some questions. At any time you feel strongly moved, you can ask, “Is this a fear-sponsored or love-sponsored thought / feeling / action?” You can also ask, “What is love sponsoring in my life?” or “Where does love want to take me?” Does your work feel connected to iccha shakti? If not, can you change how you relate to it and let love and iccha shakti be sponsors? I always enjoy hearing how these articles land with you.
Be well,
Peter
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