WP_Query Object
(
[query] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 67
[1] => 65
[2] => 64
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 8769
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
)
[query_vars] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 67
[1] => 65
[2] => 64
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 8769
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
[error] =>
[m] =>
[p] => 0
[post_parent] =>
[subpost] =>
[subpost_id] =>
[attachment] =>
[attachment_id] => 0
[name] =>
[pagename] =>
[page_id] => 0
[second] =>
[minute] =>
[hour] =>
[day] => 0
[monthnum] => 0
[year] => 0
[w] => 0
[category_name] => creative_living
[tag] =>
[cat] => 67
[tag_id] =>
[author] =>
[author_name] =>
[feed] =>
[tb] =>
[paged] => 0
[meta_key] =>
[meta_value] =>
[preview] =>
[s] =>
[sentence] =>
[title] =>
[fields] =>
[menu_order] =>
[embed] =>
[category__not_in] => Array
(
)
[category__and] => Array
(
)
[post__in] => Array
(
)
[post_name__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__not_in] => Array
(
)
[tag__and] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__in] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__and] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__in] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__not_in] => Array
(
)
[author__in] => Array
(
)
[author__not_in] => Array
(
)
[search_columns] => Array
(
)
[suppress_filters] =>
[cache_results] => 1
[update_post_term_cache] => 1
[update_menu_item_cache] =>
[lazy_load_term_meta] => 1
[update_post_meta_cache] => 1
[post_type] =>
[nopaging] =>
[comments_per_page] => 50
[no_found_rows] =>
[order] => DESC
)
[tax_query] => WP_Tax_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
[0] => Array
(
[taxonomy] => category
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 67
[1] => 65
[2] => 64
)
[field] => term_id
[operator] => IN
[include_children] =>
)
)
[relation] => AND
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
[0] => wp_term_relationships
)
[queried_terms] => Array
(
[category] => Array
(
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 67
[1] => 65
[2] => 64
)
[field] => term_id
)
)
[primary_table] => wp_posts
[primary_id_column] => ID
)
[meta_query] => WP_Meta_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
)
[relation] =>
[meta_table] =>
[meta_id_column] =>
[primary_table] =>
[primary_id_column] =>
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
)
[clauses:protected] => Array
(
)
[has_or_relation:protected] =>
)
[date_query] =>
[request] =>
SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS wp_posts.ID
FROM wp_posts LEFT JOIN wp_term_relationships ON (wp_posts.ID = wp_term_relationships.object_id)
WHERE 1=1 AND wp_posts.ID NOT IN (8769) AND (
wp_term_relationships.term_taxonomy_id IN (64,65,67)
) AND ((wp_posts.post_type = 'post' AND (wp_posts.post_status = 'publish' OR wp_posts.post_status = 'acf-disabled')))
AND ID NOT IN
(SELECT `post_id` FROM wp_postmeta
WHERE `meta_key` = '_pilotpress_level'
AND `meta_value` IN ('','employee')
AND `post_id` NOT IN
(SELECT `post_id` FROM wp_postmeta
WHERE `meta_key` = '_pilotpress_level'
AND `meta_value` IN ('' )))
GROUP BY wp_posts.ID
ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC
LIMIT 0, 50
[posts] => Array
(
[0] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 8719
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_date_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_content] =>
In past articles I suggested that while it’s common to think that the essence of commitment is staying together no matter what, this is a pretty superficial interpretation. More meaningful is a commitment to a certain quality of relationship. What’s the value in saying “forever” if you’re not going to make it a wonderful forever?
If you’re in a committed relationship and are interested in improving it, it’s valuable to write about and discuss with your partner the qualities you’re committed to. If you’re not in a relationship but would like be in an ecstatic one, it’s useful to define these qualities beforehand. Below are some ideas to get you started.
Note that when I say “both people” in these examples, of course you can request that your partner agrees, but it’s important to begin with yourself. You and your partner are different people. If you’re fully participating and your partner isn’t on board with everything you’ve requested, let them explain what exactly they are willing to commit to. Then you can decide whether that works for you.
Be patient with them if you’ve never discussed ideas like these before. They may have some learning and catching up to do. Be tactful to help them understand that your interest in leveling-up the relationship doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong.
Kindness – A basic starting point for a mutually beneficial relationship is that both people treat each other (and themselves) with kind words and actions. This includes being flexible, forgiving, and striving to understand. To start, take a single day to be acutely mindful of the kindness – or lack thereof – in your words, thoughts, and behaviors (with regard to your partner). This may help you to recognize the potential breadth of kindness.
Honesty – Honesty means more than not telling lies or keeping secrets. High level honesty in a relationship designed for growth and synergy entails a great deal of self-awareness. You must know what’s actually going on within you in order to be honest with your words and actions. Otherwise there’s dissonance. Dissonance doesn’t feel good. It may cause you to subconsciously blame the other person or resent the relationship, and your partner will likely perceive it as a lack of closeness.
Engagement – It’s natural to have times when we’re wrapped up in our work, family responsibilities, or personal pursuits, with little left to invest in the relationship. A healthy relationship can withstand this, though not indefinitely. In order to get the most out of a relationship, both people must routinely (and enthusiastically) invest time, energy, and presence in it. If you’re finding yourself averse to doing so, return to Honesty and figure out what’s actually going on.
Mutuality – It may sound obvious that both people should aim to see and include the other as an equal, conscious being, but it’s exceedingly common to relate to a partner (or anyone else we know) through the internal mental representation we’ve created of them based on past interactions and judgments. In this way, we may treat each other more like objects than vessels of consciousness, light, and love. We may unconsciously regard them as an obstacle, or a thing that serves to give us something or make us happy. (Refer to last week’s article for some direction on authentic relating.)
Maturity – Living in an adult-size body doesn’t have much to do with maturity. Relationships can be great facilitators of growing up (which, by the way, doesn’t mean being serious, rigid, or boring). A commitment to maturity in a relationship might mean that both parties endeavor to show up as responsible adults; doing our best not to let our inner child run us (and being honest about when it is); not blaming the other for our own stuff; not playing parent to our partner; being transparent, brave, and communicative.
Integrity – In a relationship of integrity, we aim to keep our agreements with ourselves and our partner. We are consistent. We are trustworthy. We strive to maintain harmony between who we are and who we say we want to be. Finally, we do these things not out of a feeling of obligation but with a spirit of rising to the occasion.
I hope this article has given you some ideas of the sorts of qualities you wish to commit to in current or future relationships. I can barely imagine the great ways the world would change if we all made such conscious commitments.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Three: Choose Qualities to Commit To
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => relationship-repair-part-three-choose-qualities-to-commit-to
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8719
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[1] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 8897
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2022-12-16 18:25:27
[post_date_gmt] => 2022-12-16 18:25:27
[post_content] =>
This Wednesday is the winter solstice, the day when the northern hemisphere is at its maximum tilt away from the sun, giving us the shortest day of the year. As you know, even though this is technically just the first day of winter, the days start getting longer again on Thursday.
In our family, it’s a day for making peace with the darkness and remembering that the light is always here, even when we can’t see it. Before bed, Briana and I hide dozens of electric tea lights throughout the house and it’s the kids’ job to find them all.
I have some winter solstice questions for you.
What are some expressions of light in dark times? There are people like Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi who stand for freedom in the midst of oppression. There is the light of human innovation and the love of our planet in the midst of the climate crisis. There are songs of hope that arise from the hearts of the enslaved. Can you think of some other examples, both in the world at large and your own life?
What is the source of this light? Where does it come from? Rather than searching for the answer with your analytical mind, I encourage you to look inside, quiet the mind, and simply ask into the space: “What are you, Light? Where do you come from?” What do you see, hear, or feel in response?
If you have friends or family members who like to share and “go deep,” try bringing up these questions in a group setting.
It’s my belief that we are all carriers of the One Light that unifies us all. Every one of us has the power to illuminate our perspective and to shine it into the world. Every one of us has the potential to be a beacon in our community. The biggest impediment is simply forgetting. Sometimes we know the Light is within us and ours to call upon, but we get wrapped up in busyness. Other times we buy into disempowering stories about life that make us feel the Light is gone, or it’s outside us somewhere. Remember.
Here's a solar meditation I encourage you to try from Damien Echols, author of High Magick:
- Sit in the daylight.
- Inhale for a count of four while imagining that you’re drawing the sun’s light into your body through your skin.
- Hold your breath for a count of four while you imagine this light is seeping into all your tissues, penetrating every cell.
- Exhale for a count of four while imagining that you’re powerfully projecting the light out of every pore, shining it out into the world.
- Hold your breath for a count of four while imagining that you’re immersed in and basking in the field of light you just projected outward.
- Repeat.
We really are rather like those creepy bottom-dwelling fish with a lantern thingy sticking out from their foreheads. We generate the light and then that very light illuminates the path ahead for us. Try it.
Happy holidays from all of us at The Dragontree.
[post_title] => Winter Solstice
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => solstice
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2022-12-16 19:03:12
[post_modified_gmt] => 2022-12-16 19:03:12
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8897
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[2] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 8692
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2022-06-29 19:15:20
[post_date_gmt] => 2022-06-29 19:15:20
[post_content] =>
It was my birthday party in May and before we all started eating, Briana asked if I wanted to say something to my guests. Unbeknownst to them, I had been feeling a nauseous gurgling in my guts all day, so I was trying to hold it together and was caught a bit off guard. But I looked around at this group of shining faces and said the first words that came to me: “Community is medicine. Thank you for being here.” And that was enough.
Immersion in loving community is deeply fortifying, supportive, and uplifting. Studies show that when a suffering person holds someone’s hand, their suffering is reduced. I think the same is true of metaphorically holding many hands through community engagement. And while it’s therapeutic to be seen and held in our challenges, there’s also value in the way that being oriented to our community gives us a break from self-scrutiny and self-indulgence.
Like eating green vegetables or meditating, sometimes we can forget to prioritize community when we’re busy or immersed in a personal struggle. But as some wise person once said, our community is like our muscles. Besides supporting and empowering us, they need to be engaged regularly in order to stay strong. If you neglect your muscles, they get flabby. If you neglect your community, they probably won’t turn their backs on you, but for numerous reasons they won’t be able to support you as well as they could.
From our book, The Well Life, here are some actions you can take to mindfully build your community:
- Ask people for help – whether it be in your garden, with your taxes, or finding a great preschool. Learn what gifts and wisdom those around you have and give them opportunities to share.
- Be involved. Go to local meetings. Participate. Know your community’s plans for the future – and how you fit into them.
- Know the names of people you see often – the grocery cashier, the gas station attendant, the school principal, the guy who takes the same bus as you every day. Allow them to be real people in your life.
- Make eye contact with the humans you pass on the street. Be the one who says “Hi!” first.
- Protect the green spaces.
- Fix something that’s broken – a neighbor’s fence, your niece’s bike, the librarian’s flat tire.
- Support local businesses – even if it costs a little more.
- Learn about others’ traditions and celebrate together. Look for local festivals to attend, even if they’re for an event you wouldn’t normally observe.
- Stick up for someone – a disadvantaged person or population, someone being mistreated or disrespected, or someone who’s unable to stand up for themselves.
- Be curious. Attend lectures at the library, senior center, or local university, check out a high school science fair, and – foremost – learn what cool stuff people are up to in your town. What are people building? What are they learning? Who can tell you about the history of this place?
I want everyone to have the experience of being part of a healthy, loving, supportive community. I hope you’ll engage with your community today and be reminded of how nourishing it is.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Community is Medicine
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => community-is-medicine
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2022-06-29 20:03:12
[post_modified_gmt] => 2022-06-29 20:03:12
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8692
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
)
[post_count] => 3
[current_post] => -1
[before_loop] => 1
[in_the_loop] =>
[post] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 8719
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_date_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_content] =>
In past articles I suggested that while it’s common to think that the essence of commitment is staying together no matter what, this is a pretty superficial interpretation. More meaningful is a commitment to a certain quality of relationship. What’s the value in saying “forever” if you’re not going to make it a wonderful forever?
If you’re in a committed relationship and are interested in improving it, it’s valuable to write about and discuss with your partner the qualities you’re committed to. If you’re not in a relationship but would like be in an ecstatic one, it’s useful to define these qualities beforehand. Below are some ideas to get you started.
Note that when I say “both people” in these examples, of course you can request that your partner agrees, but it’s important to begin with yourself. You and your partner are different people. If you’re fully participating and your partner isn’t on board with everything you’ve requested, let them explain what exactly they are willing to commit to. Then you can decide whether that works for you.
Be patient with them if you’ve never discussed ideas like these before. They may have some learning and catching up to do. Be tactful to help them understand that your interest in leveling-up the relationship doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong.
Kindness – A basic starting point for a mutually beneficial relationship is that both people treat each other (and themselves) with kind words and actions. This includes being flexible, forgiving, and striving to understand. To start, take a single day to be acutely mindful of the kindness – or lack thereof – in your words, thoughts, and behaviors (with regard to your partner). This may help you to recognize the potential breadth of kindness.
Honesty – Honesty means more than not telling lies or keeping secrets. High level honesty in a relationship designed for growth and synergy entails a great deal of self-awareness. You must know what’s actually going on within you in order to be honest with your words and actions. Otherwise there’s dissonance. Dissonance doesn’t feel good. It may cause you to subconsciously blame the other person or resent the relationship, and your partner will likely perceive it as a lack of closeness.
Engagement – It’s natural to have times when we’re wrapped up in our work, family responsibilities, or personal pursuits, with little left to invest in the relationship. A healthy relationship can withstand this, though not indefinitely. In order to get the most out of a relationship, both people must routinely (and enthusiastically) invest time, energy, and presence in it. If you’re finding yourself averse to doing so, return to Honesty and figure out what’s actually going on.
Mutuality – It may sound obvious that both people should aim to see and include the other as an equal, conscious being, but it’s exceedingly common to relate to a partner (or anyone else we know) through the internal mental representation we’ve created of them based on past interactions and judgments. In this way, we may treat each other more like objects than vessels of consciousness, light, and love. We may unconsciously regard them as an obstacle, or a thing that serves to give us something or make us happy. (Refer to last week’s article for some direction on authentic relating.)
Maturity – Living in an adult-size body doesn’t have much to do with maturity. Relationships can be great facilitators of growing up (which, by the way, doesn’t mean being serious, rigid, or boring). A commitment to maturity in a relationship might mean that both parties endeavor to show up as responsible adults; doing our best not to let our inner child run us (and being honest about when it is); not blaming the other for our own stuff; not playing parent to our partner; being transparent, brave, and communicative.
Integrity – In a relationship of integrity, we aim to keep our agreements with ourselves and our partner. We are consistent. We are trustworthy. We strive to maintain harmony between who we are and who we say we want to be. Finally, we do these things not out of a feeling of obligation but with a spirit of rising to the occasion.
I hope this article has given you some ideas of the sorts of qualities you wish to commit to in current or future relationships. I can barely imagine the great ways the world would change if we all made such conscious commitments.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Three: Choose Qualities to Commit To
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => relationship-repair-part-three-choose-qualities-to-commit-to
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_modified_gmt] => 2022-08-04 19:40:47
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8719
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[comment_count] => 0
[current_comment] => -1
[found_posts] => 273
[max_num_pages] => 6
[max_num_comment_pages] => 0
[is_single] =>
[is_preview] =>
[is_page] =>
[is_archive] => 1
[is_date] =>
[is_year] =>
[is_month] =>
[is_day] =>
[is_time] =>
[is_author] =>
[is_category] => 1
[is_tag] =>
[is_tax] =>
[is_search] =>
[is_feed] =>
[is_comment_feed] =>
[is_trackback] =>
[is_home] =>
[is_privacy_policy] =>
[is_404] =>
[is_embed] =>
[is_paged] =>
[is_admin] =>
[is_attachment] =>
[is_singular] =>
[is_robots] =>
[is_favicon] =>
[is_posts_page] =>
[is_post_type_archive] =>
[query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => 8cf960eaab38717a0f5c5d4dfff47a6d
[query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] =>
[thumbnails_cached] =>
[allow_query_attachment_by_filename:protected] =>
[stopwords:WP_Query:private] =>
[compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => query_vars_hash
[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)
Cart
