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Perhaps more than ever, mortality is the focus of our news – day after day, week after week, month after month. Over time such persistent messages find their way into our minds and we start thinking of life as a fragile thing. A decade ago I wrote a series of Dragontree newsletters on longevity and I’ve decided it’s time to revisit the subject. In the coming weeks, I’ll be discussing the most effective ways to imbue ourselves with a stronger life force.
#1. Live For Now and Love Life
Time is malleable. When we have a practice of intentionally living in the now – even if it doesn’t make our life measurably longer (and it probably does, since it greatly reduces stress) – our experience is that our moments are both longer and richer. In contrast, when we habitually depart from the present to meander in thoughts that are elsewhere, then, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, this moment is “dead” to us.
Survival is a primitive drive, and it’s deeply and powerfully wired in us. It motivates us in many ways, both obvious and hidden, often through the arousal of fear. I feel it’s important to clarify, when speaking of cultivating longevity, that I don’t mean pursuing immortality out of a fear of death.
When we’re driven by fear, we may find ourselves thinking always of the future – incessantly planning for “someday,” trying to avoid undesirable possibilities, attempting to ensure perpetual safety and comfort for ourselves, etc. Paradoxically, future tripping causes us to miss out on what’s happening right now. In effect, we can spoil our experience of life through our efforts to hold onto it.
It’s useful to take stock of our relationship with the present. If longevity sounds appealing to you: why?
- What would you do with an extra few decades?
- Do you want to live longer because you just don’t like the idea of dying?
- Do you love your life?
- Are you afraid of the impact that your death would have on those you’d leave behind?
- Do you want to live longer so you can finally get through everything on your to-do list?
- Do you spend more time savoring the moment or being distracted by thoughts of the past and future?
My intention with these questions is to help you see the mentality that’s sponsoring your desire to live longer.
More than our personal circumstances, it’s our perspective that dictates our quality (and sometimes length) of life. That’s why I want to begin here, with the why of longevity and what I believe to be the single most important factor in quality of life, regardless of how long it lasts: living for the present moment and loving life itself. Until we investigate and challenge the factors that infringe on the quality of our life, what's the use of trying to prolong it?
A difference of perspective can have an enormous impact. How often do you view a view a day or situation as something to “get through” rather than be in? Even if you’re not lucky enough to have a naturally happy-go-lucky disposition, you can change your wiring. It just takes discipline. Notice the good; stop indulging in negativity; practice gratitude; keep playing; stay in the here and now, and remember, remember, remember: life is a gift. It’s not the perpetual struggle we’ve taught ourselves to believe it is.
There’s much more to come, but for today I wanted to not clutter this core concept with anything else. Share with us about your experience of perspective and tell us what you’d do with some extra years.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => How to Live a Longer Life
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I believe that anyone can find ways to evolve and do their personal development work through whatever career they have. Whether you’re a custodian, a farmer, or the CEO of a lollipop company, you’ll inevitably encounter challenges that will push you to stretch and grow. And you will encounter opportunity after opportunity to demonstrate the kind of person you choose to be.
I often tell this to clients who are stuck in jobs they despise. I’m not glib about it; I know it’s not usually an easy shift of perspective to make. But sometimes it’s only when the suffering becomes insufferable that we avail ourselves of heroic powers and resources that were seemingly hidden before.
That said, I wouldn’t recommend deliberately putting yourself in a toxic environment just to facilitate your evolution. If you can find work you enjoy that pays your bills while in the company of decent folks, I say take it. Although there may not be a dire need to tap into your latent sainthood in order to survive there, pain isn’t the only thing that stimulates growth.
I’ve often said that one of the things I love most about being a healer and teacher is that my professional work and my personal (internal) work are so often unified. If I want to be a more effective healer and a better teacher, sure I could learn more techniques, but the highest outcome for everyone involved would result from my routinely “cleaning house” and actively choosing to be my best self. I ask myself questions like, Am I being present or departing to go elsewhere in my mind? Am I listening to the person in front of me, or just my own mental interpretations? Am I communicating in a way that’s true, kind, and necessary?
These are questions we can ask ourselves in any environment, but some settings lend themselves to this kind of inquiry. For me, while I was driven to do personal inquiry before I got into medicine, it waxed and waned, and I’ve found my career to be a great catalyst.
If you find it appealing to have a career that directly asks you to work on yourself, consider being a life coach through our training program. Even if you’re not in the market for a career change, we’ve had numerous participants who have done the training to bring a new perspective and skill set to their current workplace. And if being a coach doesn’t sound appealing, but the personal work does, then check out Sacred Expansion. It’s the preliminary portion of the Dragontree Life Coach training, and can be done independently. It’s an eight-week course for finding your authentic self and clearing the stuff that gets in the way of living as this divine being.
So much love,
Peter
[post_title] => Let Your Outer Work Be Your Inner Work
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As a younger adult, I often had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. If I was single, I felt left out. If I was in a relationship, I felt obligated to participate in all the Hallmarky ways. But over the years I’ve come to a place of ease and enjoyment around it.
Being married to someone who loves holidays and freely reimagines them, I’ve learned to appreciate the opportunities they provide (to tune in, to remember the sweetness, etc.) and to take liberties to personalize them. I choose to experience Valentine’s Day as a celebration of LOVE in all its forms. The V-Day industry focuses mainly on the passionate, romantic type of love (lingerie and roses anyone?) – known in Greek as eros. And eros is delicious, but it’s just one of the many kinds of love.
Next there’s familial love – AKA storge – that love between parents and children, between siblings, between cousins, between aunts and uncles and nephews and nieces. It’s often called an “instinctual” love because it so naturally occurs between those who share blood and living space. There’s usually an unspoken sense of safety within the storge container. There’s a unique bond to having shared the same recipes, the same challenges, the same vacations, the same clothes, etc., with these folks.
Then there’s the love of friends, or platonic love – AKA philia – sometimes called “brotherly love,” though more in the way that your friends become like brothers and sisters. We don’t always have romantic partners, and we sometimes lose or become estranged from family, so for many people platonic love is the most stable, abundant, and important form in their lives. The great potential of platonic love is that we can include so many souls in it. We’re limited as to how many family members we can add, and most romantic relationships are monogamous, but it’s fully possible to have brotherly/sisterly love for hundreds or thousands of humans – and in so doing, to dissolve the sense of separation between ourselves and the rest of the world.
Some make a separate distinction for hospitality – guest love (xenia) – or the way we treat strangers and visitors when we’re in the position of host. While it may seem less significant than the previous forms of love – eros, storge, and philia – there’s something beautiful and virtuous about rising to this occasion. Think of someone you know who is the quintessential host – you feel cared for, you feel your needs are being anticipated, you never feel unwelcome. Can you humble yourself and serve in that way? This form of love is one of the main driving forces behind the Dragontree and to a great extent it arose from my wife’s natural aptitude for it. If you haven’t been to one of our spas, come experience it sometime!
Next is Divine love or unconditional love – agape. Agape describes a kind of love that transcends any causes or conditions. It transcends our humanness – it doesn’t come with any strings and it isn’t stoked by the needs of the body or mind. It’s the broadest form of love. In religious contexts, it’s the term for the love of God – from God to human, from human to God, and from God through human to all of the universe.
Finally, there’s love of oneself – philautia. Self-love has often been regarded with some scorn, especially in the past, before the advent of modern psychology and the great leap in understanding of human needs that came with it. It was previously conflated with arrogance and pride, but pure self-love is entirely positive. It’s the way all of us should feel about ourselves – and I don’t use the word “should” to mean that you’re bad or wrong if you don’t love yourself. I mean it to indicate that if you were able to sweep away all of the sad, outdated, judgmental – and ultimately meaningless – criticisms of yourself aside, you would have no reason to deny yourself love. You would see how it only hurts you to withhold love from yourself.
So if you’re looking for a fresh and expansive experience this Valentine’s Day (or anytime) I invite you to consider these various forms of love and devote yourself to one of them. Is there one that you’ve had trouble with? What gets in the way of letting the love arise freely in you and flow outward? Can you let the love itself melt the blockages and do its loving thing? Please share about your experience below!
So much love,
Peter
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Perhaps more than ever, mortality is the focus of our news – day after day, week after week, month after month. Over time such persistent messages find their way into our minds and we start thinking of life as a fragile thing. A decade ago I wrote a series of Dragontree newsletters on longevity and I’ve decided it’s time to revisit the subject. In the coming weeks, I’ll be discussing the most effective ways to imbue ourselves with a stronger life force.
#1. Live For Now and Love Life
Time is malleable. When we have a practice of intentionally living in the now – even if it doesn’t make our life measurably longer (and it probably does, since it greatly reduces stress) – our experience is that our moments are both longer and richer. In contrast, when we habitually depart from the present to meander in thoughts that are elsewhere, then, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, this moment is “dead” to us.
Survival is a primitive drive, and it’s deeply and powerfully wired in us. It motivates us in many ways, both obvious and hidden, often through the arousal of fear. I feel it’s important to clarify, when speaking of cultivating longevity, that I don’t mean pursuing immortality out of a fear of death.
When we’re driven by fear, we may find ourselves thinking always of the future – incessantly planning for “someday,” trying to avoid undesirable possibilities, attempting to ensure perpetual safety and comfort for ourselves, etc. Paradoxically, future tripping causes us to miss out on what’s happening right now. In effect, we can spoil our experience of life through our efforts to hold onto it.
It’s useful to take stock of our relationship with the present. If longevity sounds appealing to you: why?
- What would you do with an extra few decades?
- Do you want to live longer because you just don’t like the idea of dying?
- Do you love your life?
- Are you afraid of the impact that your death would have on those you’d leave behind?
- Do you want to live longer so you can finally get through everything on your to-do list?
- Do you spend more time savoring the moment or being distracted by thoughts of the past and future?
My intention with these questions is to help you see the mentality that’s sponsoring your desire to live longer.
More than our personal circumstances, it’s our perspective that dictates our quality (and sometimes length) of life. That’s why I want to begin here, with the why of longevity and what I believe to be the single most important factor in quality of life, regardless of how long it lasts: living for the present moment and loving life itself. Until we investigate and challenge the factors that infringe on the quality of our life, what's the use of trying to prolong it?
A difference of perspective can have an enormous impact. How often do you view a view a day or situation as something to “get through” rather than be in? Even if you’re not lucky enough to have a naturally happy-go-lucky disposition, you can change your wiring. It just takes discipline. Notice the good; stop indulging in negativity; practice gratitude; keep playing; stay in the here and now, and remember, remember, remember: life is a gift. It’s not the perpetual struggle we’ve taught ourselves to believe it is.
There’s much more to come, but for today I wanted to not clutter this core concept with anything else. Share with us about your experience of perspective and tell us what you’d do with some extra years.
Be well,
Peter
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