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As I explained last week, a few years ago Briana started writing a book that directly speaks about spirituality and the awakening of human consciousness. I like the word awakening because the condition of everyday consciousness is often like being in a dream. A dream in which anxiety and depression are considered normal, and awe and delight are less common than outrage or boredom. A dream in which we lose contact with two of our greatest powers – the power to create and the power to see. That is, the power to create our life as we choose, and the power to see the truth – i.e., reality unadulterated by our thoughts, stories, beliefs and all the human drama.
The book is called Rituals for Transformation. Our aim was to address several facets of the human condition that are instrumental in keeping us in this unempowered “dream state.” We organized the 108 lessons of the book into 14 categories, but didn’t use these categories in the book, because after writing the lessons we decided to mix up the order. We realized the process would be more effective if we returned to each category repeatedly – making a sort of spiral through the lessons over three months. As we get ready to launch the second edition of the book, I thought it might be inspiring and informative to write about these categories now.
1: Body Awareness and Reframing
The body (and, more importantly, how we relate to it) is one of the biggest impediments to human consciousness and potential. Most people have limited body awareness combined with excessive identification with the body. By “limited body awareness,” I mean that we’re disconnected from our bodies – we tune out most of the intelligence and felt experience that are available to us through this physical vessel. And by “excessive identification with the body” I mean that (despite being disconnected from what it’s telling us) we tend to define and judge ourselves based on how our body looks, feels, and performs – especially in comparison to others.
We started with the physical body because it’s the outermost level of our being. (You can read more about this concept here.) It’s also the most tangible or earthiest aspect of who we are. The lessons in this category focus on loving and being grateful for the body while recognizing that it isn’t who we are. We also focus on learning to feel into the body and reside more mindfully in it. We look at ways in which our concept of the body leads to feelings of antagonism – how the body’s vulnerability to injury, aging, and sickness can make us feel threatened by it and hostile toward it. And we invite readers to honor and care for the body while also experiencing freedom from its limitations.
2: Reframing Thoughts and Feelings
We could say the mind (or ego – meaning our mental identity, our story about ourselves, which is informed by our body, thoughts, social roles, history, relationships, etc.) is the greatest obstacle to awareness. Even the ways that we’re limited by our body come down largely to our thoughts and feelings about it. The mind isn’t intrinsically bad – we use it to solve problems, communicate, and performs all kinds of everyday tasks – and its associated feelings are part of the specialness of being a human.
But our thoughts and feelings have a tendency to completely monopolize our awareness, and in effect, they become our identity. That is, we forget that who we really are is something else – and when we forget, we lose our power and we suffer.
So, these lessons are about perceiving the difference between Awareness and thoughts/feelings, learning to make inner space so that we have the perspective that enables us to not be run by them. We learn to recognize our inner critic and other tricks of the ego, to see how it degrades our experiences, and to defuse its survival mechanisms. And we remind ourselves that it’s always possible to choose our Highest Self (Spirit) rather than the ego.
3: Resistance and Letting Go
In these lessons, we look at the mechanism of resistance. It’s a very primal survival mechanism – by resisting things that don’t feel or taste good, we might spare ourselves harm. But most people resist every feeling, thought, image, smell, person, situation, etc., that isn’t pleasant. When we resist, there’s an underlying subconscious thought – “If I resist this, it will get better” – and it’s almost always untrue. Instead, the resistance itself becomes an uncomfortable burden that obstructs the authentic experience of reality. It also squelches our power, our energy, and our freedom.
The lessons in this section begin with noticing all the ways we resist life and perceiving the impact of that resistance. We inquire as to what inner stories perpetuate resistance. Then we look at the opposite of resistance – “leaning in” or “turning toward” the object we’ve been resisting, getting curious about it, allowing it, exploring what we feel in relation to it, and accepting those feelings.
If these ideas sound interesting to you, I encourage you to check out Rituals for Transformation. Of everything we’ve written, I feel the most strongly that this book changes people’s lives.
You’ll probably notice that some of these ideas feel poignant – likely to provide challenging and rewarding work – while others may not resonate strongly with you. That’s okay. Our intention is to explore multiple avenues for awakening, knowing that, depending on the person, not all of them may be revolutionary.
If you’ve gone through the book, we’d love to hear about your experience in the comments section below. Next week we’ll look at more of these avenues for awakening.
Be well,
Peter
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Being the parent of an adolescent is a fascinating thing. I get to watch someone begin to consciously shape her identity, and I’m often reminded of how that process went for me. We make choices that are influenced partly by our own inclinations and partly by what we think will get us the approval of our peers. We discard many of our early beliefs simply on the basis that they were assigned to us rather than having adopted them deliberately.
For me, this included a first conscious appraisal of the value of religion in my life, and I decided there was none. A decade of atheism followed. Then I had a handful of spontaneous spiritual experiences and eventually welcomed that dimension back into my life. But I chose not to rejoin any single religion, partly because I was brought up in a religious tradition that always referred to God as “He.” My own experiences, however, were mainly of a feminine higher power – a Divine Mother – and in that presence I feel a peace and love that are beyond my comprehension.
In the lead-up to Mother’s Day, I’ve been writing about our concepts of Mother, and this one – the Goddess – has been stifled in the West. Most religions, at their essential core anyway, envision God as a consciousness with no single gender or form. Some even openly celebrate the Divine in female, male, dual-gender, and animal forms. But overall, just as men dominate most arenas, the great majority of religious prophets and leaders (Jesus, Muhammad, Krishna, Buddha, Moses, the twelve apostles, every pope, most priests and rabbis, etc.) have been men, and this is reflected in how most of the world conceives of God. Thus, not only government, finance, science, and industry, but even our access to the spiritual – the realm that transcends humanity – is largely controlled by men.
There’s simply no way we can have a balanced or accurate view of reality when the leadership lacks female representation. As I see it, the rise of womankind, meaning true equality for women around the world and in all fields, is a vital stage in human evolution, and indeed, our only hope at surmounting the huge challenges that humanity is facing today. This includes female representation in spirituality. In fact, opening ourselves to a God that is equally male and female (and neither) can be a powerful catalyst toward recognition of our equality on the social plane.
I was blessed to have several teachers, both female and male, who, while using different words, said essentially the same thing: When it comes to connecting to God (feel free to substitute Dao, Love, Universe, Spirit, Higher Self, Buddha Nature, or whatever other term you prefer), it doesn’t matter what form or name you devote yourself to, so long as that devotion is pure and includes a recognition that the form is simply a portal to the Whole.
That is, if all things are expressions of the Divine, just choose whichever form (nature, art, music, Jesus, Muhammad, Light, wise old man, fierce Goddess, your child, your dog, your sweet mother) feels most natural for you to love, and love it completely. Love it without restraint. Love it without putting any conditions on it. Love it without asking it not to change or depart. As you do so, remind yourself that this particularly lovable expression is a window to the Absolute, and intend that this easy love is a little flame that will melt open your heart and expand your perception – a flame that will grow to include all forms, and then what is beyond form.
As for me (and millions of others), I find it easier to love and feel loved by a female expression of the Divine – the Divine as Mother – rather than the Divine as Father. It’s not hard to understand why: despite the near-absence of the Mother and Goddess from major religions, some of our deepest symbols and stories are of the fierce mother protecting her young, the mother feeding and clothing her children, the mother who tends and listens, and the mother who takes care of the home while the father goes off to make his mark on the world.
Let’s look at one of the few major religions that openly reveres the divine feminine. In Hinduism, each of the various expressions of motherly love is represented by a different goddess. There is Durga, the protector, who rides on a lion. There is Saraswati, mother of the word, learning, and creative expression. There is Kali, who imparts a fierceness to cut through the world of illusion (she is often depicted with a necklace of heads, because she loves us so much that she would figuratively decapitate us to liberate us from the wayward urges of our mind and senses). There is Lakshmi, the giver, who is frequently portrayed with a shower of gold coins pouring out of her palm, to reflect the Divine intention that we, as the Divine Itself, should experience and rejoice in the abundance of this life. Hinduism isn’t really polytheistic in the way outsiders sometimes think – it’s more of a “How do I love thee?” devotion of recognizing the many endearing facets of One Spirit.
In the book Aghora, teacher Vimalananda speaks of the value of motherliness in the related tradition of Tantra:
The doctor who cannot take a motherly attitude toward his patients is a mere pill pusher. My teacher insisted that all males should learn motherly love. Tantra is the worship of Mother; it is the most advanced method for inculcating maternal feelings. It is undeniable that as you look to the world, so the world will look to you. If the world is your Mother and all its inhabitants your family there is never need for loneliness, fear or despair.1
I encourage you this week to explore the experience of allowing yourself to be mothered by the universe. How does that feel? What thoughts and feelings come up? I’m not suggesting that you need to join a new religion, but simply open yourself to this notion – that the world, rather than being something we need to conquer, is actually a Great Provider that wants only the highest good for you. From this perspective, how you see life’s challenges differently?
Be well,
Peter
________________________________________
[1] Svoboda, R. (1986). Aghora. Albuquerque, NM: Brotherhood of Life.
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CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT OUR NEW 'LEARN HOW TO MASSAGE' COURSE ***
From the beginning, Briana and I agreed that if The Dragontree could be well known for anything, we wanted it to be that our therapists are absolutely top notch. We’ve felt especially qualified in guiding The Dragontree’s massage program, since we have both worked professionally at performing and teaching massage.
Our friends often tease us when one of us has a massage interview planned. “Oh, it must be so hard,” they chide, “having to get massages all the time.” But I assure them, when I’m receiving a massage as a means of evaluating whether to hire someone to represent my business, it’s not usually a relaxing experience. I am constantly evaluating their technique, and I am pretty picky.
We try to check out other spas and get treatments whenever we travel, and, for better or worse, it can be hard to turn off my inner critic (especially when they only give me 50 minutes for my “one hour” massage). When you know how good a massage can be, you’re always hoping that every massage will be that. One year, on my birthday, I was receiving the worst massage of my life, and I actually ended it after fifteen minutes – something I had never done before. The therapist was clearly taken aback when I sat up and said it wasn’t working for me. When he defensively responded that he had plenty of clients who love his work, I realized, most people don’t know what to look for in a good massage. And that’s what I’m going to teach you.
It’s always worth remembering when you have an unsatisfying massage – or any other kind of service – that not every two people are compatible. It could be that the professional – whether a graphic designer, massage therapist, or hair stylist – is skilled at what they do but they just don’t do it to your liking. So, I hope to provide you with some criteria that will make the evaluation process a bit more objective.
I realize that by writing this, I am setting up The Dragontree to meet some very high standards, but I believe I’m also setting up our practitioners for some very big tips. And, I hope that I’m arming you with ways to be constructive about a massage that falls short of your expectations.
Ideally, you can communicate to your therapist during the massage if it isn’t to your liking, and it can be improved on the spot.
If you just like receiving massage, these criteria may help you identify if a particular therapist is right for you or not. If you are an amateur or professional massage therapist, you might find something here to improve your skills. These are, in my opinion, the six most important factors in a good massage.
1. Confident Touch - The first moment a massage therapist lays their hands on a client’s body, something is communicated. When the touch is not confident, the communication is something like, “Hmmm... let’s see... err... maybe this way... no, wait. Oh, I have an idea... uh, maybe not.” As the client, it is difficult to relax and trust the therapist’s skills. When touch is confident (and I don’t mean firm, but something less tangible), the communication is, “I know what I am doing, and I’m here for you.” Confident touch makes us feel like the therapist has a plan. Every touch feels purposeful. This encourages us to relax and open ourselves to the therapist’s therapeutic intention.
2. Continuity of Touch - Every time the therapist removes their hands from the body, there is a disruption in the continuity of sensation and connection. Occasional disengagement from the body is sometimes necessary. But when it happens very frequently, and especially if the therapist’s hands are more off the body than on the body, there is a choppy or jumpy, discontinuous feeling to the massage. It impedes our ability to relax. Conversely, therapists who maintain nearly continuous contact with the body help us stay in a relaxed state.
3. Complete Strokes - When a therapist is working along a natural line on the body, it generally feels best to a client if this line is followed to its completion. There are some techniques that are exceptions to this rule, but when doing long strokes, if a therapist stops short of the natural end point of a stroke, it feels incomplete to the recipient. For instance, if a therapist is performing a stroke down the spine, and they stop a few inches above the base of the spine, or if they working along a limb and they stop before reaching the joint or the end of the limb, it usually doesn’t feel as satisfying as when a therapist continues the stroke to its natural end.
4. Entering the Tissue at the Right Speed and Depth - Some therapists are enthusiastic about getting hard and deep into people’s muscles, but they fail to perceive the body’s unwillingness to let them in. When a therapist tries to go too deep too fast, we tense up and the whole thing becomes counterproductive. When a therapist “listens” well to the body, they enter the tissue at a rate whereby it is able to accept increasing amounts of pressure and depth without tightening up and pushing back. If the body does tighten up, the therapist feels this, backs off, and re-enters more slowly or in another way. If the area continues to be excessively reactive, the good therapist may leave it alone entirely, and work complementary areas instead. This doesn’t mean that good massage must be painless, but at no point should it feel like the therapist is fighting with the client’s body.
5. Sensitivity and Responsiveness – As I alluded to in the previous section, a sensitive therapist is able to perceive how their touch is being received by the client. They also check in verbally from time to time to be sure the client is getting what they want out of the massage. Then, a responsive therapist adjusts their technique to suit the client’s needs. Some therapists with good sensitivity do minimal verbal checking in and still succeed at making appropriate adjustments throughout the massage, but even a seasoned therapist should know that they can fail to read a client’s feelings, so they should always be humble enough to ask.
6. Devoted Presence - A devoted therapist conveys throughout the treatment that the client has their undivided attention. The client never feels that the therapist’s needs are “in the room.” Thus, a devoted therapist rarely starts conversation during a treatment. Some clients like to talk a lot. While there is nothing wrong with this, the therapist who is really devoted to their art recognizes that this may diminish the benefit of the treatment, and they will often gently guide the client back to relaxing and feeling what is going on in their body. Another mark of a devoted therapist is that they are open to receiving criticism, because they want the client to have the best possible experience. That said, when we’re clients, if we really want the best outcome, we’re likely to get it by offering any criticism in a kind way.
In the end, everyone likes something a little different, and there is no single massage therapist who is perfect for everyone. If you ever have a massage experience here at the Dragontree that doesn’t quite meet your expectations, please feel free to talk to us about it. We’d love to hear your input and are eager to find ways for you to have the blissful experience you deserve.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
All rights reserved © 2015 Peter Borten
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As I explained last week, a few years ago Briana started writing a book that directly speaks about spirituality and the awakening of human consciousness. I like the word awakening because the condition of everyday consciousness is often like being in a dream. A dream in which anxiety and depression are considered normal, and awe and delight are less common than outrage or boredom. A dream in which we lose contact with two of our greatest powers – the power to create and the power to see. That is, the power to create our life as we choose, and the power to see the truth – i.e., reality unadulterated by our thoughts, stories, beliefs and all the human drama.
The book is called Rituals for Transformation. Our aim was to address several facets of the human condition that are instrumental in keeping us in this unempowered “dream state.” We organized the 108 lessons of the book into 14 categories, but didn’t use these categories in the book, because after writing the lessons we decided to mix up the order. We realized the process would be more effective if we returned to each category repeatedly – making a sort of spiral through the lessons over three months. As we get ready to launch the second edition of the book, I thought it might be inspiring and informative to write about these categories now.
1: Body Awareness and Reframing
The body (and, more importantly, how we relate to it) is one of the biggest impediments to human consciousness and potential. Most people have limited body awareness combined with excessive identification with the body. By “limited body awareness,” I mean that we’re disconnected from our bodies – we tune out most of the intelligence and felt experience that are available to us through this physical vessel. And by “excessive identification with the body” I mean that (despite being disconnected from what it’s telling us) we tend to define and judge ourselves based on how our body looks, feels, and performs – especially in comparison to others.
We started with the physical body because it’s the outermost level of our being. (You can read more about this concept here.) It’s also the most tangible or earthiest aspect of who we are. The lessons in this category focus on loving and being grateful for the body while recognizing that it isn’t who we are. We also focus on learning to feel into the body and reside more mindfully in it. We look at ways in which our concept of the body leads to feelings of antagonism – how the body’s vulnerability to injury, aging, and sickness can make us feel threatened by it and hostile toward it. And we invite readers to honor and care for the body while also experiencing freedom from its limitations.
2: Reframing Thoughts and Feelings
We could say the mind (or ego – meaning our mental identity, our story about ourselves, which is informed by our body, thoughts, social roles, history, relationships, etc.) is the greatest obstacle to awareness. Even the ways that we’re limited by our body come down largely to our thoughts and feelings about it. The mind isn’t intrinsically bad – we use it to solve problems, communicate, and performs all kinds of everyday tasks – and its associated feelings are part of the specialness of being a human.
But our thoughts and feelings have a tendency to completely monopolize our awareness, and in effect, they become our identity. That is, we forget that who we really are is something else – and when we forget, we lose our power and we suffer.
So, these lessons are about perceiving the difference between Awareness and thoughts/feelings, learning to make inner space so that we have the perspective that enables us to not be run by them. We learn to recognize our inner critic and other tricks of the ego, to see how it degrades our experiences, and to defuse its survival mechanisms. And we remind ourselves that it’s always possible to choose our Highest Self (Spirit) rather than the ego.
3: Resistance and Letting Go
In these lessons, we look at the mechanism of resistance. It’s a very primal survival mechanism – by resisting things that don’t feel or taste good, we might spare ourselves harm. But most people resist every feeling, thought, image, smell, person, situation, etc., that isn’t pleasant. When we resist, there’s an underlying subconscious thought – “If I resist this, it will get better” – and it’s almost always untrue. Instead, the resistance itself becomes an uncomfortable burden that obstructs the authentic experience of reality. It also squelches our power, our energy, and our freedom.
The lessons in this section begin with noticing all the ways we resist life and perceiving the impact of that resistance. We inquire as to what inner stories perpetuate resistance. Then we look at the opposite of resistance – “leaning in” or “turning toward” the object we’ve been resisting, getting curious about it, allowing it, exploring what we feel in relation to it, and accepting those feelings.
If these ideas sound interesting to you, I encourage you to check out Rituals for Transformation. Of everything we’ve written, I feel the most strongly that this book changes people’s lives.
You’ll probably notice that some of these ideas feel poignant – likely to provide challenging and rewarding work – while others may not resonate strongly with you. That’s okay. Our intention is to explore multiple avenues for awakening, knowing that, depending on the person, not all of them may be revolutionary.
If you’ve gone through the book, we’d love to hear about your experience in the comments section below. Next week we’ll look at more of these avenues for awakening.
Be well,
Peter
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[is_page] =>
[is_archive] => 1
[is_date] =>
[is_year] =>
[is_month] =>
[is_day] =>
[is_time] =>
[is_author] =>
[is_category] => 1
[is_tag] =>
[is_tax] =>
[is_search] =>
[is_feed] =>
[is_comment_feed] =>
[is_trackback] =>
[is_home] =>
[is_privacy_policy] =>
[is_404] =>
[is_embed] =>
[is_paged] =>
[is_admin] =>
[is_attachment] =>
[is_singular] =>
[is_robots] =>
[is_favicon] =>
[is_posts_page] =>
[is_post_type_archive] =>
[query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => 77bc553e2a6ed6d7b87566866d678591
[query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] =>
[thumbnails_cached] =>
[stopwords:WP_Query:private] =>
[compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => query_vars_hash
[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)
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