WP_Query Object
(
[query] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 26
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 4698
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
)
[query_vars] => Array
(
[category__in] => Array
(
[0] => 26
)
[post__not_in] => Array
(
[0] => 4698
)
[posts_per_page] => 50
[ignore_sticky_posts] => 1
[orderby] => desc
[_shuffle_and_pick] => 3
[error] =>
[m] =>
[p] => 0
[post_parent] =>
[subpost] =>
[subpost_id] =>
[attachment] =>
[attachment_id] => 0
[name] =>
[pagename] =>
[page_id] => 0
[second] =>
[minute] =>
[hour] =>
[day] => 0
[monthnum] => 0
[year] => 0
[w] => 0
[category_name] => relationships_forgiveness
[tag] =>
[cat] => 26
[tag_id] =>
[author] =>
[author_name] =>
[feed] =>
[tb] =>
[paged] => 0
[meta_key] =>
[meta_value] =>
[preview] =>
[s] =>
[sentence] =>
[title] =>
[fields] =>
[menu_order] =>
[embed] =>
[category__not_in] => Array
(
)
[category__and] => Array
(
)
[post__in] => Array
(
)
[post_name__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__in] => Array
(
)
[tag__not_in] => Array
(
)
[tag__and] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__in] => Array
(
)
[tag_slug__and] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__in] => Array
(
)
[post_parent__not_in] => Array
(
)
[author__in] => Array
(
)
[author__not_in] => Array
(
)
[suppress_filters] =>
[cache_results] => 1
[update_post_term_cache] => 1
[lazy_load_term_meta] => 1
[update_post_meta_cache] => 1
[post_type] =>
[nopaging] =>
[comments_per_page] => 50
[no_found_rows] =>
[order] => DESC
)
[tax_query] => WP_Tax_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
[0] => Array
(
[taxonomy] => category
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 26
)
[field] => term_id
[operator] => IN
[include_children] =>
)
)
[relation] => AND
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
[0] => wp_term_relationships
)
[queried_terms] => Array
(
[category] => Array
(
[terms] => Array
(
[0] => 26
)
[field] => term_id
)
)
[primary_table] => wp_posts
[primary_id_column] => ID
)
[meta_query] => WP_Meta_Query Object
(
[queries] => Array
(
)
[relation] =>
[meta_table] =>
[meta_id_column] =>
[primary_table] =>
[primary_id_column] =>
[table_aliases:protected] => Array
(
)
[clauses:protected] => Array
(
)
[has_or_relation:protected] =>
)
[date_query] =>
[request] => SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS wp_posts.ID FROM wp_posts LEFT JOIN wp_term_relationships ON (wp_posts.ID = wp_term_relationships.object_id) WHERE 1=1 AND wp_posts.ID NOT IN (4698) AND (
wp_term_relationships.term_taxonomy_id IN (26)
) AND wp_posts.post_type = 'post' AND (wp_posts.post_status = 'publish' OR wp_posts.post_status = 'acf-disabled') GROUP BY wp_posts.ID ORDER BY wp_posts.post_date DESC LIMIT 0, 50
[posts] => Array
(
[0] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 2762
[post_author] => 2
[post_date] => 2013-05-26 15:19:26
[post_date_gmt] => 2013-05-26 15:19:26
[post_content] => We all have too much stuff. Stuff clogging our homes, cars, and purses. Ok maybe the purse one is just for me. My purse weighs what seems like 10 pounds and it’s truly weighing me down.
You just never know when someone will need a band aid, 5 chaps sticks or a half eaten cliff bar. It’s not that I’m a slob or some kind of chap stick addict…..oh God maybe I need to check myself into some sort of support group…..better yet…..maybe I need a little rehab…..rehab from the clutter.
I don’t know how many times a week I look down at my purse and instantly feel ashamed and stressed about the current state of my daily “carry everywhere” luggage known as my purse.
Recently I decided the clutter was quite possibly driving me crazy. It was everywhere….and it was growing.
In fact, I’m sure of it, it was definitely driving me crazy. Every time I got into my car, walked into my home, and even now as I am hauling it around with me in my purse, it was dramatically affecting my mood. My purse was actually weighing me down and my shoulder was even starting to hurt and I knew my body and mind were trying to tell me something.
Pick up Milk, get to the gym, for goodness sakes get those eyebrows waxed!!! Geesh brain, easy……even my thoughts had become clouded.
All kidding aside, clutter whether physical or mental overwhelms our minds and degrades our lives.
Take some time to look around and decide what you really need and what can go to charity.
So if you haven’t done your spring cleaning yet…..our weather is telling you there is still time.
It’s amazing how good it feels to clear your space, and in the process……your mind.
Christy H. (Back of House Manager - The Dragontree Northwest)
[post_title] => Mental Clutter
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => mental-clutter
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2019-05-26 02:08:46
[post_modified_gmt] => 2019-05-26 02:08:46
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=2762
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[1] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 3171
[post_author] => 5
[post_date] => 2013-09-15 22:07:06
[post_date_gmt] => 2013-09-15 22:07:06
[post_content] =>
How do we pick up the pieces after a natural disaster like the one we just experienced?
Living in Boulder, we’ve all grown accustom to hearing about cleanses, and now we’ve communally experienced one.
I have many friends, myself included, who have either lost their possessions or their homes, and chances are you’ve either been affected or know someone affected by this flood. So it’s understandable if it seems like a daunting task finding the silver lining in all this, especially when we have yet to see that ever promising rainbow show up in the sky. However, this tragedy can be a blessing in disguise. Despite the physical losses and the challenges that will inevitably come with rebuilding our lives and homes, many of us have been given a rare opportunity at a fresh start.
Living in Boulder has been such a blessing. Without question, this place embodies ecologic progressiveness, mindfulness, and has a true sense of community. Before living here I was never exposed to axioms, like that of non-attachment. It sounds like such a great life principle in theory, but I never dreamed of having to be forced to appreciate it...because let’s face it, I love Anthropologie.
Yet, coming to terms with this life lesson can and will forever change your life, as it has mine in such a short period of time. That’s not discrediting the fact that along the way we won’t have ebbing and flowing moments of loss (no pun intended), but once you free your mind, your physical space, and mental life of material things, the world around you starts to fill with possibility: the possibility of spending more time fully experiencing the beauty that surrounds us, the possibility of spending more quality time with the people we care about most (and maybe even people we don’t care so much about, but will grow to), the possibility of being less selfish and more community-centered, and the possibility of living a life free of desires that aren’t related to our emotional, physical, or spiritual growth.
It’s probably safe to assume that collectively, at some point we have all been guilty of spending too much energy and focus on material things, being possessive in relationships, or allowing ourselves to dwell on negative thoughts and worries. But, if this disaster is going to teach us just one thing, it’s that we need to let go. Because, in that moment of letting go, we become more free.
“Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.” -The Dalai Lama
Please let me be completely honest here, until the other day I was certainly preoccupied with presenting both myself and my space in a way that I previously thought was therapeutic and zen-like, but in reality was still spending way too many waking hours thinking about objects. Not to mention that until the flood came rushing down the canyon I didn’t even know my neighbors.
So, yes, while this is not the way we were planning on learning how to let the superfluous objects in our lives go, this has truly been a gift, and it can be for all of us if we’re willing to breath through and let go of the grief so that we can collectively look up and see the rainbow...or double rainbow if we’re lucky.
In the spirit of being selfless, let’s all join together to help rebuild lives and communities outside of our immediate scope of vision in whatever way we can. Donating is one simple way, and you can use the link below to do so, but there are many ways to help out, so I encourage everyone to be as active and creative as possible, and you might just be surprised to see what happens.
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/love-for-lyons-rebuilding-a-devastated-colorado-mountain-town
-Lauren G. (Assistant Spa Director - The Dragontree Boulder)
[post_title] => Breaking Up (with your stuff) Is Hard To Do
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => breaking-stuff-hard
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2019-05-26 02:08:39
[post_modified_gmt] => 2019-05-26 02:08:39
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=3171
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[2] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 7284
[post_author] => 3
[post_date] => 2019-03-12 18:27:49
[post_date_gmt] => 2019-03-12 18:27:49
[post_content] =>
Once upon a time, I was finishing an intake with a new patient and I semi-jokingly asked her, “Is there anything else I should know before I stick needles in you?”
“Yes,” she replied, “I don’t have a second chakra. An intuitive healer told me so.” I was living in Portland and I remember thinking this exchange would have been perfect for a scene in Portlandia.
But she seemed genuinely concerned about it. Imagine where your mind might go if someone you trusted told you, “Everyone has a set of vital energy centers. They’re thought to be instrumental to your health, happiness, expression, and spiritual growth. And you’re missing one of them.”
I was reminded of this conversation when a friend told me of a similar experience last week. She had taken her daughter to get a massage, and at the end of the treatment the therapist stated that he had picked up important information about the girl which he felt compelled to share. According to his intuition, her daughter had some significant internal and developmental health issues. However, he didn’t quite know what they were or what could be done about them.
I’ve been on the receiving end of similar comments myself. I once visited a Chinese massage therapist to see if he could help my tension headaches. After working on my back and neck, he felt my pulse and gave me a grave look as he spoke the only five English words of our session: “Your lungs are very weak.”
Another time, I bumped into a woman at a party who looked familiar. It turned out she was a cashier at a little organic co-op where I often picked up a morning snack. She said, “Hey, you’re that afraid guy!”
“Excuse me?” I said, feeling very confused.
“A bunch of us watch you come into the store and you barely say anything,” she explained. “We talk about how you’re too terrified to speak. We’re like, ‘Here’s the fear guy’ when you come in. What are you so afraid of?” She looked well-meaning but smug. The idea that I didn’t make more small talk because I was full of fear felt completely off the mark to me.
I recall not hiding my displeasure well and I said something like, “I’m flattered that you’re all so concerned, but I think you’ve misread me.” However, I couldn’t help thinking, Am I unknowingly giving off some kind of fearful vibe? – just as I also fretted, Is there something wrong with my lungs? My friend had a similar reaction. Despite having always thought of her kid as healthy and robust, she’s now wondering if she should get her specialized medical testing. And the woman I mentioned at the beginning was worried about the problems that might result from lacking a second chakra.
I think it’s great for people to develop and utilize their intuition, but I also think it’s important to practice what Buddhists call right speech or sammā-vācā. The scriptures of Hinduism, Buddhism, and other religions include instructions on when and how to speak in a way that contributes positively. These instructions can be pretty well summed up by three succinct questions that were taught by Rev. James Haldane Stewart (1778-1854) to be asked of oneself before speaking: Is it true? It is kind? Is it necessary?1
If the practitioners and cashier mentioned above had sincerely asked themselves the first question before sharing, they may have concluded that they didn’t really know for certain that their hunches were true. And then, no one would have heard anything about a missing chakra or weak lungs.2 However, they might have responded, “Well, it feels true to me,” which brings us to the next questions.
Is it kind? There’s a bit of personal discretion in determining what’s kind. When the intuitive healer decided to tell the woman she had no second chakra, perhaps he thought, “This is kind because it will enable her to get the help she needs,” or, “This is kind because she can understand herself better with this information.” However, without providing any solution or direction, it wasn’t kind – and that goes for all the other cases above, too.
Finally, is it necessary? Does the other person need to know what we might say? One could argue that all sorts of harmful communications are necessary, but if we’re really honest with ourselves about this criterion, most are not.
Of the three questions, this one could be unnecessarily restrictive if we were to apply it robotically. Of course, it’s not necessary to deliver a compliment or to express one’s awe at the beauty of the snow, so this leads us to a fourth useful question (of unknown origin, but often attributed to Indian holy man Shirdi Sai Baba): Does it improve upon the silence? Again, it’s a matter of personal opinion, but if we were to consider before opening our mouth, “Is this likely to degrade or enhance the atmosphere?” it’s not too difficult to predict.
For people who are reasonably self-aware, there’s a single question that gets to the root of all four of the above. Before you say something that’s likely to have an impact on another: what is your purpose?
Is your purpose to help? To cause pain? To impress? To prove something? To provoke conflict? To connect? To love? I would guess that part of the purpose – if not the sole purpose – behind all the questionable communications discussed above was to appear magical or unusually insightful in order to gain power, respect, or approval.
I’ve focused on these cases because of how often I’ve encountered people who seem to believe that having a feeling about someone means their interpretation is true and must be shared. But of course, these aren’t the only kinds of communications that are made for less-than-noble purposes.
In looking at my own poor communications, I’ve realized that my most common offense is to crack jokes that aren’t funny or appropriate. My purpose has been mainly to generate warmth between me and the other person (usually my wife) or to bring lightness to the atmosphere. When I’ve failed at this purpose, it’s often been because I was actually serving a secret, ulterior purpose: to make myself feel comfortable. When I’m committed to a purpose of fostering warmth and lightness, it goes differently. There may still be jokes – eventually – but I have to begin with a willingness to be totally present for the other person – even if it’s uncomfortable.
I encourage you to try this over the coming week:
- Bring more attention to the things you say to others. Just notice your words and the energy behind them.
- Try to perceive the impact your words have. These first two steps can teach you SO much.
- See if you can pause before you speak – even if just for one second. In this space there’s a moment to align yourself – a moment to make sure the words match your true intention. You could ask yourself, “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” or the simpler “What is my purpose?” But even if you forget to do this, try to still practice step 2 – perceive the impact of your words. If it’s not a favorable impact, you can still ask yourself if your words were true, kind, and necessary, and you can retrospectively figure out what purpose you were serving by speaking as you did.
If you’re on the receiving end of a communication that feels unproductive (or worse), you can try asking, “What’s your purpose?” Not everyone can receive that question and give you a heartfelt response, but it can serve as an opening to a more authentic exchange (which should also include being responsible for your own feelings and interpretations).
As I tried to express earlier in this article, sometimes we can allow others’ perceptions of us to affect us even if they have no qualifications and even if we don’t really care what they think. A simple statement like, “Are you feeling run down?” or “You seem to be carrying around a lot of anger,” can get your mind spinning and cause you to feel something’s wrong.
Remind yourself that people project their feelings on each other all the time and people are simply wrong a lot. If someone is intuitive enough to pick up something really important, hopefully they’re also intuitive enough to recognize how it would affect you to tell you this information.
Finally, when someone tells you something about yourself, it’s useful to run it through your own intuition. Does it feel true to you? If you have trouble accessing your intuition, I recommend you join my wife’s group, Love Rising. She helps people develop this faculty.
In this age of “fake news,” social media, and presidential communications being made via Twitter, it’s more vital than ever that we practice discernment with what’s coming in and we become clear about our intentions before we speak.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
_____________
- These three questions have also been (probably erroneously) attributed to Rumi, Buddha, Socrates, Shirdi Sai Baba, and others – though this attribution is apparently because these teachers all had similar things to say about right speech. I haven’t been able to find proof that anyone but Stewart asked these questions in these exact words.
2. The question Is it true? can be asked on different levels. In an absolute sense, it could be argued that it’s impossible to know anything objective for certain (see The Work of Byron Katie, John Locke, etc.). This would cause one to always answer “no” to the question of truth, and to hence refrain from ever speaking again. I believe Stewart meant it in an everyday way – i.e., would most reasonable and kind people agree that it’s true? – and I think that’s sufficient for most cases.
[post_title] => Like Medicine or Bullets: Our Words
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => like-medicine-or-bullets-our-words
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2019-05-28 21:15:25
[post_modified_gmt] => 2019-05-28 21:15:25
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://thedragontree.com/?p=7284
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 5
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
)
[post_count] => 3
[current_post] => -1
[in_the_loop] =>
[post] => WP_Post Object
(
[ID] => 2762
[post_author] => 2
[post_date] => 2013-05-26 15:19:26
[post_date_gmt] => 2013-05-26 15:19:26
[post_content] => We all have too much stuff. Stuff clogging our homes, cars, and purses. Ok maybe the purse one is just for me. My purse weighs what seems like 10 pounds and it’s truly weighing me down.
You just never know when someone will need a band aid, 5 chaps sticks or a half eaten cliff bar. It’s not that I’m a slob or some kind of chap stick addict…..oh God maybe I need to check myself into some sort of support group…..better yet…..maybe I need a little rehab…..rehab from the clutter.
I don’t know how many times a week I look down at my purse and instantly feel ashamed and stressed about the current state of my daily “carry everywhere” luggage known as my purse.
Recently I decided the clutter was quite possibly driving me crazy. It was everywhere….and it was growing.
In fact, I’m sure of it, it was definitely driving me crazy. Every time I got into my car, walked into my home, and even now as I am hauling it around with me in my purse, it was dramatically affecting my mood. My purse was actually weighing me down and my shoulder was even starting to hurt and I knew my body and mind were trying to tell me something.
Pick up Milk, get to the gym, for goodness sakes get those eyebrows waxed!!! Geesh brain, easy……even my thoughts had become clouded.
All kidding aside, clutter whether physical or mental overwhelms our minds and degrades our lives.
Take some time to look around and decide what you really need and what can go to charity.
So if you haven’t done your spring cleaning yet…..our weather is telling you there is still time.
It’s amazing how good it feels to clear your space, and in the process……your mind.
Christy H. (Back of House Manager - The Dragontree Northwest)
[post_title] => Mental Clutter
[post_excerpt] =>
[post_status] => publish
[comment_status] => open
[ping_status] => open
[post_password] =>
[post_name] => mental-clutter
[to_ping] =>
[pinged] =>
[post_modified] => 2019-05-26 02:08:46
[post_modified_gmt] => 2019-05-26 02:08:46
[post_content_filtered] =>
[post_parent] => 0
[guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=2762
[menu_order] => 0
[post_type] => post
[post_mime_type] =>
[comment_count] => 0
[filter] => raw
[webinar_id] => 0
)
[comment_count] => 0
[current_comment] => -1
[found_posts] => 31
[max_num_pages] => 1
[max_num_comment_pages] => 0
[is_single] =>
[is_preview] =>
[is_page] =>
[is_archive] => 1
[is_date] =>
[is_year] =>
[is_month] =>
[is_day] =>
[is_time] =>
[is_author] =>
[is_category] => 1
[is_tag] =>
[is_tax] =>
[is_search] =>
[is_feed] =>
[is_comment_feed] =>
[is_trackback] =>
[is_home] =>
[is_privacy_policy] =>
[is_404] =>
[is_embed] =>
[is_paged] =>
[is_admin] =>
[is_attachment] =>
[is_singular] =>
[is_robots] =>
[is_posts_page] =>
[is_post_type_archive] =>
[query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => b4a9633ccdd0fa314bc0d2eb3381b30f
[query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] =>
[thumbnails_cached] =>
[stopwords:WP_Query:private] =>
[compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => query_vars_hash
[1] => query_vars_changed
)
[compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array
(
[0] => init_query_flags
[1] => parse_tax_query
)
)
Cart
