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[post_content] => For the past several weeks, I’ve been writing about the factors that contribute to longevity. Some of these are (mostly) beyond our control – like having good genetics, being female, growing up in a developed country, and having access to good medical care. These articles are about the factors that we can control. Let’s continue.
#7: Prioritize Community and Service
When Briana and I decided to leave Portland, Oregon (where I had lived for 15 years and she’d been for 12), Briana was concerned about not having community at our new home in Colorado. In my excitement about the move I was nonchalant about it. “We’ll make new friends! Don’t worry! We’ve got each other!” I said with total confidence.
But a couple years into our Colorado life we were wondering if we should move. We had a few friends, but didn’t feel we were part of a strong community – a group of people who share similar values, who look out for each other, who support each other’s growth, whose connectedness enhances the lives of everyone involved.
As a lifelong introvert, I was surprised to discover how much community actually mattered to me – and how much I missed it. Luckily, through a combination of meeting more good people and our own efforts to feed it, our community started to grow, and we now feel rooted in Colorado and nourished by our people. I think my life expectancy has grown by at least 3 years. 😉
Having community consistently registers in studies as the single best (non-genetic, non-geographic) predictor of longevity. I believe this is even more likely when your orientation toward community is one of service. Putting oneself in service to the world lets us share our gifts – and hone those gifts – and see our value manifest in our good deeds. Both the recognition of our connections to others and the desire to make a positive difference seem to tether us to life.
#8: Exchange Love and Touch
Few medical interventions do us as much good as simply being touched compassionately and knowing we’re loved. It’s a damn shame that unhealed trauma, human neuroses, fear of rejection, and inherited pain have so distorted such a fundamentally GOOD thing.
All of us were held snugly and perpetually in the womb. Most of us were held almost incessantly as newborns, quite a lot as infants, and frequently as toddlers. Then less and less as the years went on. A similar progression occurs for many of us around the openness of expressions of love in our lives. Often around adolescence things get weird – sometimes toxic even – and it’s common to never find our way back to that earlier freedom around the exchange of touch and expression of love.
Whatever work it takes, and however painful and difficult that work may be, it’s worth it to be able to touch and be touched, to be able to express love and allow ourselves to be loved, with a wide open heart.
You don’t need to strive for being able to partake in a “cuddle puddle” with a group of strangers. Not everyone is capable of that level of comfort with touch, and that’s okay. I’m talking about a hug, or holding hands – that’s plenty. A massage is also a wonderful and therapeutic way to exchange touch (if you don’t know how, check out my and Briana’s online video course “Learn How to Massage”!).
Be well & take care,
Peter
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[post_content] => I got a new sleeping bag for our camping trip this weekend. I didn’t go to REI because I wanted the wide, old-fashioned kind with flannel inside. If the temperature drops below 50, I’ll probably be chilly because it’s not much more than a tube-shaped blanket, but I like it. As I was recycling all the extraneous stuff that came with it, a little slip of paper fluttered into the bin and the words on it caught my eye. It had the name of the small company that made it, and below that: “We appreciate you, dear customer!” I see these things a lot and wouldn’t usually give it a thought, but this one made me pause.
I’m looking forward to the road trip to our camping destination. I love road trips – especially in areas I’ve never explored. As I’m passing through a new town, if there’s one thing that makes me think, “I could live here,” it’s the presence of small businesses. Driving through miles of Walmarts, Home Depots, Targets, and Subways doesn’t do it for me. Seeing “Millie’s Coffee” or “Bud’s Hand-Carved Lawn Animals” or “Aunt Sissie’s Famous Pies” – that’s the stuff that makes me want to pull over.
Small businesses were already at a disadvantage before the pandemic. Now they’re really in peril. But there’s something about the experience of visiting a small business and the customer/purveyor relationship that many people really value. When we shop with a small business, not only are we choosing that “small business experience,” we’re also saying, “I want businesses like this to continue to exist.”
It works in both directions. My wife and I are also choosing the “small business experience” – from the purveyor’s side – and we really understand the sentiment of appreciation on that slip of paper. We feel grateful every time someone purchases something from us (I doubt Mr. Starbucks feels that way) and it goes a lot farther than you might think.
The most obvious reason we appreciate your business is because it allows us to feed and provide for our family. But it also enables us to devote ourselves to this work – it makes it possible for us to spend time writing uplifting articles to counter all the bad news out there. It makes it possible for us to invest ourselves in learning all that we can to be better educators and healthcare practitioners. It supports a team of dozens of others to earn a good living doing their healing and service work for the wellness of our community. It enables us to direct our earnings into the non-profit we started – the Well Life Foundation – to support women in vulnerable populations.
And beyond the monetary aspects, we appreciate that so many of you have touched our hearts, inspired us, and taught us. Every single day we get messages from members of the Dragontree community telling us what you’re passionate about, what you’re creating, and how you’re making the world a better place. I’m sure the makers of my sleeping bag do appreciate my business, but I doubt they get to have this kind of experience through their clients. I know it may be hard to swallow that it’s an honor to serve you, but it really is. We feel so blessed to have this avenue for helping people heal, grow, and connect.
As a business based largely on physical touch, it’s difficult to know what the future will hold for us. More than ever we’re focusing on ways to serve you without being in your six foot bubble. And when the time is right, we’ll reopen our doors (with masks on) and welcome you back into our spas.
Thanks for being in our lives,
Peter, Briana, and Everyone at The Dragontree
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[post_content] => Over the past few weeks I’ve been writing about conscious gift giving. Not only can we reduce how much goes into landfills, we can also do better than providing our loved ones with more stuff – even if they like having lots of stuff. If we have their highest good in mind, what might we offer them instead of shiny things?
Several studies have shown that experiences make us happier than material goods do 1 2, So consider giving experiences this holiday season. Since Briana and I are spa-owners, it’s always the first present we consider. A foot bath, massage, facial, or acupuncture treatment will not only be memorable, enjoyable, and relaxing, but also we know we’re giving health which is always a win/win gift. It may even inspire the recipient to continue taking better care of themselves.
Here are some more ideas for “experience-gifts”: a membership to a museum, zoo, athletic club, or community center; classes in music, dance, pilates, cooking, yoga, ceramics, painting, writing, singing, woodworking, glass blowing, tai chi, flying an airplane, meditation, surfing, herbal medicine, bee keeping, or crafting; airfare, lodging, or food; or an adventure such as ziplining, skydiving, scuba diving, river rafting, rock climbing, or cave exploring.
Similarly, you can give a gift of service. Make someone a gift certificate that entitles them to: house cleaning, garage organization, painting a room, doing their laundry, car washing, dog walking, cooking dinner, watching their kids, lawn mowing, snow shoveling, or helping them with some other challenging project you know they’ve been meaning to take care of. While you might not be able (or willing) to spend a hundred bucks or more on a present, you might easily be able to offer services that would cost that much. It’s a generous gift, greatly appreciated, easy on the environment, and strengthens community.
Last year we made “care packages” for homeless people. Into large ziplock bags we packed all sorts of useful basics like a toothbrush, toothpaste, tissues, comb, soap, snacks, hand sanitizer, and socks. While it’s wonderful to be able to give some cash to someone who’s out on the street, they may not easily be able to procure all these goods. So it’s really gratifying to be able to share one of these packages and see the look in the recipient’s eyes as they discover everything that’s inside. If you don’t have time to make care packages, you may be able to purchase meal vouchers or haircut vouchers and help a struggling person regain their dignity.
Finally, this holiday season and always, I encourage you to give what you wish to receive. This is both an internal and external practice. If you wish to receive support and approval, give support and approval to others. If you wish to experience more peace and joy, intend and inspire others to experience more peace and joy. If you wish to receive abundance, see the world as place of abundance. Wish abundance upon others. Spend your money without guilt or resentment (which isn’t to say you should spend without any regard for how much you have), intending that you’re keeping the wealth flowing and making space for even more to take its place.
May you always remain conscious of your inner light,
Peter
1 https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/10/buy-experiences/381132/
2 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2014.898316?journalCode=rpos20
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[post_content] => For the past several weeks, I’ve been writing about the factors that contribute to longevity. Some of these are (mostly) beyond our control – like having good genetics, being female, growing up in a developed country, and having access to good medical care. These articles are about the factors that we can control. Let’s continue.
#7: Prioritize Community and Service
When Briana and I decided to leave Portland, Oregon (where I had lived for 15 years and she’d been for 12), Briana was concerned about not having community at our new home in Colorado. In my excitement about the move I was nonchalant about it. “We’ll make new friends! Don’t worry! We’ve got each other!” I said with total confidence.
But a couple years into our Colorado life we were wondering if we should move. We had a few friends, but didn’t feel we were part of a strong community – a group of people who share similar values, who look out for each other, who support each other’s growth, whose connectedness enhances the lives of everyone involved.
As a lifelong introvert, I was surprised to discover how much community actually mattered to me – and how much I missed it. Luckily, through a combination of meeting more good people and our own efforts to feed it, our community started to grow, and we now feel rooted in Colorado and nourished by our people. I think my life expectancy has grown by at least 3 years. 😉
Having community consistently registers in studies as the single best (non-genetic, non-geographic) predictor of longevity. I believe this is even more likely when your orientation toward community is one of service. Putting oneself in service to the world lets us share our gifts – and hone those gifts – and see our value manifest in our good deeds. Both the recognition of our connections to others and the desire to make a positive difference seem to tether us to life.
#8: Exchange Love and Touch
Few medical interventions do us as much good as simply being touched compassionately and knowing we’re loved. It’s a damn shame that unhealed trauma, human neuroses, fear of rejection, and inherited pain have so distorted such a fundamentally GOOD thing.
All of us were held snugly and perpetually in the womb. Most of us were held almost incessantly as newborns, quite a lot as infants, and frequently as toddlers. Then less and less as the years went on. A similar progression occurs for many of us around the openness of expressions of love in our lives. Often around adolescence things get weird – sometimes toxic even – and it’s common to never find our way back to that earlier freedom around the exchange of touch and expression of love.
Whatever work it takes, and however painful and difficult that work may be, it’s worth it to be able to touch and be touched, to be able to express love and allow ourselves to be loved, with a wide open heart.
You don’t need to strive for being able to partake in a “cuddle puddle” with a group of strangers. Not everyone is capable of that level of comfort with touch, and that’s okay. I’m talking about a hug, or holding hands – that’s plenty. A massage is also a wonderful and therapeutic way to exchange touch (if you don’t know how, check out my and Briana’s online video course “Learn How to Massage”!).
Be well & take care,
Peter
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Hi Peter,
One thought about drafting. The best example of that process is when it’s done by a team. When the lead gets tired, s/he drops to the back and the next team member becomes the head of the formation, forging the path. In this way, the team works together and no one person carries the individual burden.
Be well,
Stuart
Duck, Duck, Goose in the great outdoors
My theme for this year is Serenity