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Of all the things one could do to be healthier and happier, I consider meditation to rank among the top practices on the list.
We spend most of our lives thinking . . . judging, worrying, processing, planning, pondering, analyzing, and rehashing. Most thinking isn’t bad, per se, but it’s an unconscious, incessant habit. We rarely recognize that there’s a difference between consciousness and thinking. Our minds are constantly trying to grab our attention and monopolize our awareness, and usually we give it away freely.
What’s the problem? Well, although we have some necessary functional thoughts – e.g., “I’m almost out of gas and need to refill the tank” or “I need medical attention for this severed limb” – most of our thinking is less intentional, and it tends to distance us from the here-and-now. When thinking becomes our default state, it’s no longer a choice. It’s like defaulting to being on your phone whenever possible.
The mind is constantly saying, “I have something important / tragic / interesting / worrisome / outrageous / unfair / juicy, etc. Give me your awareness!” Over decades of doing so, we forget who/what we really are; we most strongly identify with a collection of thoughts, beliefs, and memories. Further, in letting our thoughts define us, we impose tremendous limitations on ourselves.
In my opinion there are two fundamental points of meditation: (1) to take a break from the habit of thinking and doing (2) to experience awareness itself and remember what we are beyond our thoughts. This is the opposite of what most of us do all day.
Can we have awareness without thinking? Of course. As a short exercise, rest your gaze on something in the room or out the window. See it and experience it without talking about it to yourself (or talking to yourself about something unrelated). As soon as you feel your mind about to break through with a thought, pick up your attention and put it on something else. Do this for a minute or so, then come back here.
How was it? What did you notice? Could you feel the squirminess of your mind itching to get back in the spotlight? It’s almost like the feeling of being deprived of a drug. Why should it be so uncomfortable just to experience reality without thinking? That alone should tell us something is out of order.
While there are innumerable meditation techniques, I think it’s always worth coming back to the basics. We’re taking this time to experience awareness without thinking. We’re not trying to manipulate ourselves into a spiritual state or make something mystical happen. We’re just giving the mind a rest and basking in the space that opens. Even the psyche can eventually experience it as a great relief.
This form of meditation is a bit like putting a child to bed. You’re sitting next to their bed and they sit up and say, “I forgot my water bottle on the playground!”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “It’s ok. You can rest now.”
A few seconds later they sit up again. “Guess what happened at lunch?”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “You can tell me later. For now, you can just rest.”
A few seconds later they sit up again. “What if Mason tries to take my money again?”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “Later we’ll make a plan. But right now, you can rest.”
This is what you’ll do every time your mind brings up a thought. Gently and firmly say, “No, thanks,” or “You can rest now,” or “Take a break,” or “There’s nothing to attend to” or, more simply choose not to give it your attention. Even when the thought is something like, “I haven’t had a thought in like two minutes!” Every thought stream starts with you latching onto it. Unlatch.
Over time, you may notice that giving your attention to a thought takes you out of a state of peaceful stillness. Or it’s like profoundly shrinking your focal point from a vast openness to a tiny idea. With practice and repeated recognition, you’ll start to loosen the habit of thought-dominated-awareness. Your perspective will broaden – even when you’re not meditating. Thoughts will arise and instead of instantly running away with you, you’ll witness them in a context of inner space where there’s more choice about how to respond.
Please give it a try, even if it’s just for one minute. And feel free to share your experience in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
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The first of January has sometimes felt to me like an arbitrary date to divide our lives by, since most of our projects and phases don’t conform to the calendar year. But I’ve decided it’s as good a time as any to make resolutions, and perhaps there’s some group momentum we generate when we all align ourselves around virtuous intentions together.
Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of “drafting” or “slipstreaming,” whereby someone in a vehicle can ride in the wake of moving air or water created by a vehicle in front of them. It reduces resistance and helps pull them along, making for an easier ride. Cyclists and racecar drivers do it all the time – drafting the bike or car in front of them by staying right behind them. The only one who doesn’t benefit much from it is the vehicle in the front. In the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we’ll all be drafting a guy named Barry who lives in Hoboken and is really jazzed about his new diet.
So, let’s take the opportunity to consider what we want 2017 to be about. My friend Andy Drish chooses a theme for each year at its outset, and he says the year has a way of conforming to the vision he establishes. When he looks back, it’s impressive to see just how many things seemed to fall into place along the lines of the year’s theme.
Some of his past themes included The Year of Exponential Growth, The Year of Being a Man Who Fearlessly and Courageously Gives His Gifts to the World, and The Year of Self Love. I think this is a brilliant idea, and I recommend you choose a theme for 2017 right now, and write it down. For me, this is The Year of Deep, Unshakable Happiness.
If you feel especially inspired, you can even choose a theme for each month, such as The Month of Serving My Species, The Month of Learning to Ask for What I Want, and The Month of Letting Go of the Struggle. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on structure, this can really help keep you on track while supporting you to focus on several different areas of growth. Each month could be a sub-theme that supports the year’s overarching theme. If coming up with twelve more themes sounds too complicated, just stick to your one theme of the year.
Once you have settled on a theme (or a yearlong theme plus twelve monthly themes), get a piece of paper and jot down some things you could do to support the actualization of this theme. It’s not so important that these actions directly produce the condition stated in your theme. Just think of them as the supportive part of the contract you’re creating with yourself and the universe.
To use my own theme as an example, even though there’s no formula for being happy, there are certainly a handful of things that can help. My intention for the year is to tap into that happy-for-no-reason state of mind that isn’t dependent upon particular life circumstances. To support the actualization of this state, I’ve agreed to do a bunch of things that I know are good for me, such as meditating, eating well, exercising, spending more time with friends, going on more dates with my wife, journaling, and abstaining from complaining or criticizing.
I set parameters around each of these actions (once a day, once a week, once a month, etc.), and I know that as I keep these agreements, I reinforce my trust in myself. Virtually everything I say I’m going to do gets done, because I know my subconscious is watching, and because, well, keeping your word matters – even (perhaps especially) if it’s just with yourself. Another thing that happens when I’m conscientious about noticing the agreements I make and being sure to keep them is that my mind becomes easier to manage. I don’t have the mental burden of broken or forgotten agreements weighing on me.
The result of this consistency is that a kind of momentum develops – my own slipstream. And when I’m in this groove, I notice that magic happens.
Try it. It doesn’t require talent, excessively effort, or charisma. Just choose a theme, make some supportive agreements – nothing that exceeds what you know you can follow through on – choose parameters (frequency, time period), and then honestly keep these agreements.
This year, I know more people who are consciously engaging in a process like this than I’ve ever known before. I’m excited to see what we accomplish. If you feel so moved, please share the theme of your year in the comments section below.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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Do you feel you have lost your bliss lately? You keep looking for it, hoping to find it somewhere. Nope….it’s not in the bottom of your laundry basket…..I looked in the closet too…..I can’t find it anywhere. Life can get pretty crazy. The demands of work, school, kids, social engagements and the mundane day to day tasks can sure make all the Zen in your life seem like it has gone M.I.A.
Zen, bliss or “your happy place” can be so many different things, objects or people. Maybe your Zen is petting your cat, laughing with a friend, taking a hike or just sitting quietly staring at a wall. (Hey I don’t judge) It’s important to make those things a priority. Finding some bliss is good for your soul and your health by lowing stress levels and releasing feel good endorphins. Not only does this lower stress but it will help you become more present in life. It’s like a little nap for your soul.
Whatever it is, I encourage you to make time to “Zen” out. Take moments to breathe, clear your mind, relax and just be.
If you need a little help in this department we have several bliss experts at The Dragontree. Whether you come in for a foot soak, massage, facial or just stop by to chat, walking in the door is sure to bring you some peace. Schedule your bliss today.
-Christy (Back of House Manager, The Dragontree NW)
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Of all the things one could do to be healthier and happier, I consider meditation to rank among the top practices on the list.
We spend most of our lives thinking . . . judging, worrying, processing, planning, pondering, analyzing, and rehashing. Most thinking isn’t bad, per se, but it’s an unconscious, incessant habit. We rarely recognize that there’s a difference between consciousness and thinking. Our minds are constantly trying to grab our attention and monopolize our awareness, and usually we give it away freely.
What’s the problem? Well, although we have some necessary functional thoughts – e.g., “I’m almost out of gas and need to refill the tank” or “I need medical attention for this severed limb” – most of our thinking is less intentional, and it tends to distance us from the here-and-now. When thinking becomes our default state, it’s no longer a choice. It’s like defaulting to being on your phone whenever possible.
The mind is constantly saying, “I have something important / tragic / interesting / worrisome / outrageous / unfair / juicy, etc. Give me your awareness!” Over decades of doing so, we forget who/what we really are; we most strongly identify with a collection of thoughts, beliefs, and memories. Further, in letting our thoughts define us, we impose tremendous limitations on ourselves.
In my opinion there are two fundamental points of meditation: (1) to take a break from the habit of thinking and doing (2) to experience awareness itself and remember what we are beyond our thoughts. This is the opposite of what most of us do all day.
Can we have awareness without thinking? Of course. As a short exercise, rest your gaze on something in the room or out the window. See it and experience it without talking about it to yourself (or talking to yourself about something unrelated). As soon as you feel your mind about to break through with a thought, pick up your attention and put it on something else. Do this for a minute or so, then come back here.
How was it? What did you notice? Could you feel the squirminess of your mind itching to get back in the spotlight? It’s almost like the feeling of being deprived of a drug. Why should it be so uncomfortable just to experience reality without thinking? That alone should tell us something is out of order.
While there are innumerable meditation techniques, I think it’s always worth coming back to the basics. We’re taking this time to experience awareness without thinking. We’re not trying to manipulate ourselves into a spiritual state or make something mystical happen. We’re just giving the mind a rest and basking in the space that opens. Even the psyche can eventually experience it as a great relief.
This form of meditation is a bit like putting a child to bed. You’re sitting next to their bed and they sit up and say, “I forgot my water bottle on the playground!”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “It’s ok. You can rest now.”
A few seconds later they sit up again. “Guess what happened at lunch?”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “You can tell me later. For now, you can just rest.”
A few seconds later they sit up again. “What if Mason tries to take my money again?”
You lovingly rest your hand on their chest and say, “Later we’ll make a plan. But right now, you can rest.”
This is what you’ll do every time your mind brings up a thought. Gently and firmly say, “No, thanks,” or “You can rest now,” or “Take a break,” or “There’s nothing to attend to” or, more simply choose not to give it your attention. Even when the thought is something like, “I haven’t had a thought in like two minutes!” Every thought stream starts with you latching onto it. Unlatch.
Over time, you may notice that giving your attention to a thought takes you out of a state of peaceful stillness. Or it’s like profoundly shrinking your focal point from a vast openness to a tiny idea. With practice and repeated recognition, you’ll start to loosen the habit of thought-dominated-awareness. Your perspective will broaden – even when you’re not meditating. Thoughts will arise and instead of instantly running away with you, you’ll witness them in a context of inner space where there’s more choice about how to respond.
Please give it a try, even if it’s just for one minute. And feel free to share your experience in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
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I love this! You are right on point. Being half nude and overly sexualized is not empowering its demeaning. But in today’s world sadly women sell their souls for attention and money.