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[post_date] => 2023-05-11 21:19:32
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I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about the prevalence of life coaches and other professionals who aim to guide others toward reaching their goals or finding psycho-spiritual wellness. He was feeling concerned that there has been a certain commodification of personal growth. While I agreed that this is one facet of how we’ve treated personal growth, I believe that on the whole the notion that we can change who we are has been good for us.
The fundamental issue is that humans suffer. We feel overwhelmed, lost, fearful, confused, alone, angry, sad, etc. This suffering has been compounded by a trend toward disconnection from our foundations. Overall, humans have less of an everyday connection to nature, spirituality, and other humans than in the past. So, there has always been a need for help, and this need has become more acute recently.
Meanwhile, there has also been a trend in the last several decades toward more open discussion on the human psyche, spirit, and potential. We’re freer than ever to speak about our thoughts and feelings, and we explore perspectives from other cultures. We’re more willing than previous generations to see things in a new way, update our customs, change careers, and become someone different than we’ve been. Thus, more than ever we have people who feel a calling to assist others in these ways. Do they deserve to be compensated for their help? I say yes.
The ubiquity of such helpers is a good thing. There are a lot of people needing help. Further, the prevalence of such guides has made everyone up their game. No longer is an exotic outfit or accent qualification enough to be a guru. Consumers are more savvy. And a wonderful byproduct of the expansion of the personal growth field is that it’s not limited to a particular socioeconomic class. There is an incredible abundance of free and cheap resources out there – articles, podcasts, books, videos, and support groups.
If you are able to work one-on-one with a coach you resonate with, there are lots of good reasons to do it:
Accountability: Often we don’t hold ourselves accountable for what we say we’re going to do and who we say we want to be. Having someone else to track us and remind us to stay on course is often all it takes for us to follow through.
Wisdom: A great coach has learned some things, and many can tap into a repository of wisdom that goes well beyond their personal experience.
Holding Space: A good coach knows how to hold a container in which their clients can safely experience whatever they’re struggling with, explore and unravel their challenges, and find their way to healing, growth, and evolution.
Seeing Your Patterns of Dysfunction: One of the most useful functions a coach can serve is pointing out what you can’t see, like the way you keep sabotaging good jobs, or how to don’t maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. We can’t fix what we don’t see.
Seeing Your Light: Often we have no problem seeing what’s “wrong” with us; the real hurdle is seeing what’s right. A good coach is there to point out your gifts, your value, your potential, and all the ways you’re managing with grace.
Hand Holding: While this is a role many a good friend has performed, it’s another thing coaches can do for us. Sometimes we know where we want to go, we know what we need to do, but we just feel intimidated. Having someone hold our hand through it may feel like a silly thing to ask for, but if it gets us to do what we’re here to do, it’s an invaluable service.
Wishing you the guide who will coax out your greatness,
Peter
[post_title] => Six Ways a Coach Can Help You Reach Your True Potential
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Don't deprive the world of your warmth and light!
How can you share your acceptance and love with the world? Leave a comment below and let us know.
[post_title] => Talking Wellness with Peter: The Fire Element (video)
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After so many newsletters about pretty deep topics, I thought I’d get really superficial this week and talk about skin. Winter’s dryness and cold plus extra clothing, obsessive handwashing, and indoor heating form a combination that can be very hard on our skin. My whole life, I’ve had skin that dislikes winter. Even if your skin doesn’t get flaky or irritated, taking good care of your skin at this time of year may still help it retain its youthful elasticity and luster. Here are eleven self-care recommendations:
Drink plenty of water. Divide the number of pounds you weigh in half – that’s the number of ounces of watacer to drink evenly over the course of the day (ideally at room temperature).
Eat moistening foods. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, certain foods are considered to build vital fluids in the body which are disseminated to the skin and affect skin moisture. Some of these foods include: sesame seeds (especially the black kind), dark leafy greens, berries, pears, oranges, watermelon, string beans, tomatoes, flax seed, hemp seed, tomatoes, plums, mung beans and sprouts, cucumber, water chestnuts, eggs, fish, nuts, seed and nut oils.
Get a humidifier. In our house in Colorado, the usual tabletop humidifiers make very little difference in the moisture of the air, but I’ve heard good things about “whole house humidifiers” and I plan to get one for our home soon. They hook up to your water line (so you don’t need to refill them) and moisten the air that moves through your heating system. The units cost a couple hundred dollars and installation is a few hundred more (or you could do it yourself if you’re handy).
Put oil on your skin. Lotions are emulsions of oil and water, and while they’re moisturizing, they aim to be well absorbed and to feel light and residue-free. As such, lighter lotions may not cut it if you have very dry skin, or they may need to be applied many times a day. If your skin suffers during the winter, you may need something that functions more as a barrier – that impedes water loss through the skin and protects against the elements – such as: pure oil (coconut, jojoba, grape seed, sesame (untoasted), etc.); a thicker lotion that contains more oil or heavier oils (like castor, rosehip seed, or tamanu oil); or a semi-solid lotion with even heavier, waxy ingredients (shea butter, cocoa butter, or beeswax). However, the richest of these (shea butter and wax) are probably too heavy for the face and could clog your pores.
Exfoliate gently before moisturizing and apply moisturizer to still-damp skin. As long as your skin isn’t irritated, gently removing the top layer of dead cells will make it easier for moisturizers to penetrate. I like a coarse cloth, raw silk gloves, or a natural plant bristle brush for exfoliating the whole body. After bathing, you have a window of a few minutes during which moisturizers will work best. Personally, I enjoy the combination of dry skin brushing followed by a shower and then a brisk self-massage with oil (a practice called abhyanga in Ayurveda).
Use less soap. Soap dries out your skin and is usually unnecessary.
If your hands get chapped, dry them thoroughly after washing. Letting your skin air dry slowly usually results in drier skin. This is especially important for people with eczema.
Avoid colors, synthetic fragrances, and other chemicals in your detergents and body care products. Dry winter skin is often extra sensitive to chemicals – and absorbs them more effectively.
Wash in cooler water. If your skin becomes more sensitive in the winter, and especially if you have a rash, hot water will often make it worse. Bathe in the coolest water you can tolerate.
Use sunscreen. I don’t buy into the idea that we should wear sunscreen constantly, but judicious use has some benefits. Sun exposure feels good, activates immune cells, and stimulates vitamin D production in our skin, which is beneficial to our health in numerous ways. But the UV portion of sunlight causes damage to our tissues through a process called oxidation. (It’s the same process that causes oils to go rancid, vitamins to spoil, and meat to turn grey.)
We all know sunburns are bad, but even without burning, extended exposure to UV light tends to cause yellowing, dryness, and wrinkling of our skin. It damages fibers called elastin, which, as you might guess from the name, gives our skin its elasticity. Over the years, this makes our skin saggy and more prone to tearing. UV light also blesses us with age spots or “liver spots.” And finally, it’s a major risk factor in skin cancers, especially the non-melanoma kinds. So, if you like youthful skin, sunscreen is a good idea – especially in the middle of the day – and it’s easy to forget to use it in the winter. Winter sun isn’t usually direct enough to stimulate vitamin D synthesis, but it’s still strong enough to cause skin damage (especially in sunny places).
I don’t like chemical sunscreens, so I steer my patients to mineral-based ones – zinc oxide and titanium oxide. Zinc is the best option: it’s an excellent skin soother and barrier, and it works better than any other sunscreen chemical approved for use in the U.S. It’s the main ingredient in many diaper rash ointments and was responsible for that classic white stripe on lifeguards’ noses years ago.
Nowadays, most mineral sunscreens aren’t quite as opaque – some are completely transparent – probably because manufacturers have gotten better at creating smaller particles of zinc and titanium. However, this presents a big unknown – are these tiny “nanoparticles” entering our cells and doing something bad? In response to initial concerns, some companies now sell “non-nano” mineral sunscreens, but according to the Environmental Working Group (EWG) even the mineral particles in these products would technically be considered “nano” sized.
Yet, EWG still believes they are our best option. A mixture of particle sizes, some nano and some larger, seems to offer the best sun protection, and the evidence so far indicates that they don’t penetrate into the skin far enough to encounter living cells. However, if you were to inhale a bunch of mineral sunscreen in powder or spray form, that wouldn’t be good for your lungs.
See a good skin care specialist. Believe it or not, I was co-owner of a spa for a couple years before I got my first facial. If I was going to take the time to get a spa treatment, I’d always opt for a massage. But one year, on my birthday, Briana scheduled a facial for me, and it was just lovely. Having someone steam and massage oils into your face is deeply relaxing. And I had to admit, my skin was glowing afterwards. I highly recommend it.
I hope these recommendations help you get through the winter with moister, healthier, happier skin.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
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I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about the prevalence of life coaches and other professionals who aim to guide others toward reaching their goals or finding psycho-spiritual wellness. He was feeling concerned that there has been a certain commodification of personal growth. While I agreed that this is one facet of how we’ve treated personal growth, I believe that on the whole the notion that we can change who we are has been good for us.
The fundamental issue is that humans suffer. We feel overwhelmed, lost, fearful, confused, alone, angry, sad, etc. This suffering has been compounded by a trend toward disconnection from our foundations. Overall, humans have less of an everyday connection to nature, spirituality, and other humans than in the past. So, there has always been a need for help, and this need has become more acute recently.
Meanwhile, there has also been a trend in the last several decades toward more open discussion on the human psyche, spirit, and potential. We’re freer than ever to speak about our thoughts and feelings, and we explore perspectives from other cultures. We’re more willing than previous generations to see things in a new way, update our customs, change careers, and become someone different than we’ve been. Thus, more than ever we have people who feel a calling to assist others in these ways. Do they deserve to be compensated for their help? I say yes.
The ubiquity of such helpers is a good thing. There are a lot of people needing help. Further, the prevalence of such guides has made everyone up their game. No longer is an exotic outfit or accent qualification enough to be a guru. Consumers are more savvy. And a wonderful byproduct of the expansion of the personal growth field is that it’s not limited to a particular socioeconomic class. There is an incredible abundance of free and cheap resources out there – articles, podcasts, books, videos, and support groups.
If you are able to work one-on-one with a coach you resonate with, there are lots of good reasons to do it:
Accountability: Often we don’t hold ourselves accountable for what we say we’re going to do and who we say we want to be. Having someone else to track us and remind us to stay on course is often all it takes for us to follow through.
Wisdom: A great coach has learned some things, and many can tap into a repository of wisdom that goes well beyond their personal experience.
Holding Space: A good coach knows how to hold a container in which their clients can safely experience whatever they’re struggling with, explore and unravel their challenges, and find their way to healing, growth, and evolution.
Seeing Your Patterns of Dysfunction: One of the most useful functions a coach can serve is pointing out what you can’t see, like the way you keep sabotaging good jobs, or how to don’t maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. We can’t fix what we don’t see.
Seeing Your Light: Often we have no problem seeing what’s “wrong” with us; the real hurdle is seeing what’s right. A good coach is there to point out your gifts, your value, your potential, and all the ways you’re managing with grace.
Hand Holding: While this is a role many a good friend has performed, it’s another thing coaches can do for us. Sometimes we know where we want to go, we know what we need to do, but we just feel intimidated. Having someone hold our hand through it may feel like a silly thing to ask for, but if it gets us to do what we’re here to do, it’s an invaluable service.
Wishing you the guide who will coax out your greatness,
Peter
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