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live pain free

Mind (Breath) Over Pain

If you’re interested in health and breathing, you’ve probably heard of Wim Hof, AKA the Iceman. He’s best known as that crazy Dutch guy who has broken all sorts of… Read More

The Power of AND

I saw a woman being interviewed about her opinion of Trump and Obama. She felt quite strongly that one was the devil and the other a saint. The interviewer asked… Read More

True Stories of Miraculous Natural Pain Relief

The other night at dinner, my older daughter was complaining that she had injured her wrist at her aerial silks class and it hurt to hold a fork. I leaned… Read More

5 Ways to Relieve Back Pain

Almost everyone will experience at least one episode of back pain in their life, and many of us will have several bouts or even chronic back pain. While acupuncture, massage,… Read More

Getting Smarter about Pain

A couple weeks ago, I introduced some concepts on the workings of pain that I think are useful for everyone to know. They’re derived from my explorations into Traditional Chinese… Read More

The Basic Mechanism of Pain and Suffering that Every Human Should Know

Early in my career, I found it gratifying to treat pain and I was pretty good at it. The art of choosing the right acupuncture points is fascinating, creative, and… Read More

Build belief in your own resilience. Be compassionate with yourself. Notice all the challenging times you’ve already managed.
Foster optimism. Actively reframe your circumstances. Stick to the facts. Choose to be an optimist – it’s a simple habit of thinking and habits can be changed.
Cultivate active coping and self-regulation. Pay attention to your thoughts and behaviors. Look for solutions and help – there are so many good resources available to you.
Find a source of personal meaning. Do you believe in a higher power? A personal mission? A mandate to serve the world and share your gifts? What’s the most important thing to you? Prioritize that.
Boost personal preparedness. Managing crises holistically isn’t a matter of either wearing a mask or believing we’ll all get through this. Hedge your bets. Build resilience, stay positive, and also do some common sense things to enable you to better weather the unexpected.
Support social networks. We need connection to other humans, not just for the psychological support, but the material support (e.g., toilet paper) too!
Connect with parents, family, and other role models. While we generally recognize the powerful stabilizing force the family structure can provide for children, it can be equally valuable for adults. If family isn’t available or doesn’t function that way for you, make your own family and find other role models.
Maintain connections to one’s culture. This is especially important for refugees and new immigrants, but it can also be a valuable constant – and source of stories of resilience – for everyone.

I’d like to close with two more. First, mindfulness practices build resilience, specifically in that “springing back into shape” way. Mindfulness puts us firmly in the here-and-now – the truth – over and over and over and over throughout every day. Second, finding ways to serve also “springs us back” because it’s our nature to love, to care, and to offer oneself to the greater Whole to which we all belong. We’re naturally oriented in this way when we feel free. Therefore, even if you don’t feel altogether free, acting as if you’re free – by finding ways to help others rather than being hyperfocused on your own survival – will facilitate that freedom. So much love, Peter [post_title] => How to Be Resilient [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => how-to-be-resilient [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-04-24 19:21:22 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-04-24 19:21:22 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://thedragontree.com/?p=7862 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8337 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2021-08-27 21:17:15 [post_date_gmt] => 2021-08-27 21:17:15 [post_content] => This time last year we were in the midst of the covid crisis, a race crisis, and an intense presidential race. I wrote that a good plan and a strong foundation in your values and purpose would help you feel more stable, clear, and capable of navigating upcoming uncertainty. (And I explained how the Dreambook is an ideal tool for this.) A year later, circumstances are a bit different, but my message hasn’t changed. Even if covid and climate change were gone, uncertainty is always a constant. So, while it’s impossible to know what the next moment will bring, who you are is a variable you can control. The Dreambook began from my and Briana’s desire to create a life organization system that helps people prioritize wellness and personal growth. But as we began writing it, we realized that the system needed to begin with orienting users to their true selves. Your plans will be limited if you don’t know what your starting point is, what kind of potential you have, and what your “soul drives” are. So the book opens with questions designed to illuminate…

who you are
where you are in life
what kind of person you want to be
what’s most important to you
what gives you satisfaction
the gifts, values, and purpose you’re here to share
what growth might look like

Besides filling out this part of the Dreambook, I encourage you to meditate on who you would be if you had no fear, if there were no judgment (from others or yourself), and if you had unlimited grace, strength, patience, vision, wisdom, kindness, and love at your disposal. Who would you be if you let your Highest Self sit in the driver’s seat? Clarify this image of yourself. Write about it. Visualize it. When you remember, and especially in challenging moments, ask yourself, “How would Highest Self behave in this situation?” Embody this essence to the best of your ability. You don’t have to be a saint; just remember and trust in what’s possible for you, and steer gently in that direction. The rest of the Dreambook is about helping you to live as this best version of yourself. Follow the prompts to check in throughout the week and each day. Schedule your life in a way that honors the insights you discovered through the self-awareness processes. Every day is full of opportunities to demonstrate that you ARE your Highest Self. There’s no way to get around the fact that the next moment is always uncertain, but you can reside in the certainty of who you choose to be. This essential work will yield a palpable experience of self-trust that means a tremendous amount in a topsy-turvy world. Be well, Peter [post_title] => You are the Certainty in Uncertain Times [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => you-are-the-certainty-in-uncertain-times [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2021-08-27 21:39:52 [post_modified_gmt] => 2021-08-27 21:39:52 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => https://thedragontree.com/?p=8337 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7950 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2020-07-23 19:35:07 [post_date_gmt] => 2020-07-23 19:35:07 [post_content] => I saw a woman being interviewed about her opinion of Trump and Obama. She felt quite strongly that one was the devil and the other a saint. The interviewer asked why and she gave some simple reasons. Then the interviewer proposed, “What if I showed you evidence that would disprove your reasons?” She responded, “Nothing you can say will change my mind. I don’t need any evidence to know what’s true.” Have you ever felt this way about a person or issue? It’s very enticing to think in black and white terms. We like the unambiguousness of it. It’s comfortable and easy to be able to say with conviction, “This man is good, that man is bad,” or “Chemical pesticides are wrong, natural ones are right,” or “Pain is bad, pleasure is good.” When we choose a fixed stance, it seems our work is over. There’s no need to sort through the facts. There’s no need to navigate the discomfort of possibly being wrong, or the discomfort of allowing for multiple points of view. There’s no need to stretch. The only work left to do is convince others who don’t share our point of view that they’re wrong. Every fixed point of view bolsters the ego. Each time we marry our identity to a position, we form a more rigid sense of who we are (and aren’t). Even though there’s a certain kind of peace in choosing a fixed stance, there’s also an innate conflict. We feel compelled to block out or reject any experience or information that doesn’t fit with our position. This fragments us, restricts our freedom, and prevents an authentic, unmanipulated experience of life. I’m as attracted to polarized positions as the next guy, but I’ve seen too many times that they’re not good for me – or my relationships. Besides the various forms of personal suffering that black-and-white thinking causes, it’s a major impediment to creating community, solving big problems, and fixing the social divisions that make our country so disunited. For those interested in recovering from this habit, a willingness to be wrong is a good start – yet, it’s often a difficult concession for us because there’s some truth to our position. It’s usually less painful – and closer to the truth – to recognize that we’re not wrong, we’re just not entirely right. That is, we’re focused on a thin sliver of reality and mistake that to be the whole. It’s like the old parable about the blind men feeling the different parts of an elephant and describing what kind of animal it is. One feels the elephant’s trunk and says, “This animal is like a thick snake.” Another, who is touching the elephant’s ear, disagrees: “No, it’s more like a fan.” One touches its leg and says an elephant must be like the trunk of a tree. Another touches the tail and says elephants are like a piece of rope. When we practice openness and humility, we discover a greater need for the word and. Is the truth this way or that way? The answer is almost always YES. This way and that way. Both. This practice asks us to stretch in order to make room for a reality that’s broader than we thought – and stretching can be uncomfortable – but it also brings peace through the recognition that we don’t know everything, we can’t know everything, and therefore we can let ourselves off the hook of needing to know everything. I’d like to explore polarized positions on two subjects that are near and dear to my heart – managing the wayward mind and managing pain. When it comes to managing the mind, the most common polarized positions I encounter are: (1) We should exert discipline over the mind, learn to control it, more intentionally choose the contents of our thoughts, perhaps even stop its meanderings entirely. (2) The mind is an incessant stream of chattering that doesn’t need to be controlled or judged; freedom comes from witnessing it impartially, noticing how it works, learning not to automatically give our attention to its content (thoughts), and ultimately transcending it. Which is right? In my opinion this is a perfect time for the word and. It doesn’t need to be one or the other. Both are valid and true. It is possible to stop thinking. We can make the mind more peaceful, we can think more optimistic thoughts. AND without attempting to modify the way we think, we can learn to witness the mind, to be unmoved by violent or fearful thoughts, and to let awareness itself begin to displace the ego as the driver of this life. When it comes to managing pain, two opposing positions I encounter are: (1) Get rid of it. Pain sucks and rarely has a useful purpose. (2) Pain is an opportunity – to expand, to be empowered, to know ourselves, to heal old wounds, etc. If we get rid of it without exploring it, we may miss an important chance to grow and heal. Which is right? What should we do? AND to the rescue! When I began constructing my online course, Live Pain Free, I started by making a long list of all the strategies I could think of for eliminating pain. Then I thought of the people I’ve known who weren’t able to get rid of their pain – because, for instance, it was due to an inoperable tumor pressing on a nerve – but were able to achieve freedom despite the constant presence of pain. I thought of patients who have used their pain as an impetus for unraveling trauma and years of unhealthy patterning. And I also thought of patients in pain who were angry, depressed, or fearful, who became lighthearted and joyful as soon as we stopped the pain. In the end, I chose to dedicate a significant portion of the course to viewpoint #2 above – that is, helping people to heal and feel free regardless of whether or not pain is present. The same goes for managing painful thoughts and emotions. When Briana and I were writing Freedom, a workbook to help people move through these thoughts and feelings more smoothly, we asked ourselves do we want people to simply release them and get on with their day or do we want to help them understand the deeper roots of these thoughts and feelings so they can know themselves and heal more deeply? I’ve heard cognitive behavioral therapists make a strong case for the former, saying, “You simply need to learn to modify your thoughts – and your relationship to them – as they come up. We don’t need to talk about your childhood.” A Freudian psychoanalyst would probably say the opposite. For us, the answer again was both. Sometimes – especially if we’re currently scheduled to be doing something other than self-maintenance – there isn’t time or space to do the deeper processing, and we just need a quick and efficient way to release infringing thoughts and emotions. But it’s also worth making the time to delve into the bigger, more fundamental work, because if we can heal our deepest wounds we’re likely to have a great reduction in disturbing thoughts and the need to manage them. In what ways do you tend to think in black-and-white terms? Where has your thinking been polarized? How has your identity been shaped by your positions? How do you feel when you have a fixed position about something or someone? Can you perceive both the appealing feeling of “rightness” (or even self-righteousness) and the edgy feeling that comes from an inability to allow for opposing viewpoints? What comes up when you consider opening yourself to opposing points of view? Can you feel the stretch of it? Can you also feel the relief that would come from relinquishing the need to have the answers or to be right? Wishing you peace, perspective, and lots of ANDs, Peter [post_title] => The Power of AND [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => the-power-of-and [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2020-07-23 19:36:05 [post_modified_gmt] => 2020-07-23 19:36:05 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://thedragontree.com/?p=7950 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 7 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7862 [post_author] => 3 [post_date] => 2020-04-24 18:03:43 [post_date_gmt] => 2020-04-24 18:03:43 [post_content] => Almost every year I witness the same tragedy in Boulder. The daffodils emerge, the trees put forth tender leaves and delicate flowers, and my heart swells with the natural resurrection of life. Then we get a snowstorm and all the new growth dies. So much for spring. But wait! As the snow melts, I’m reminded that these plants are hardier than I thought. The flowers return, more leaves grow, and it turns out they’re all the tougher for the hardship. It’s tempting to hope for a life without hardship. But it’s neither realistic nor good for us. We’re better served by resilience. Resilience isn’t just the ability to withstand hardship, it’s the ability to utilize hardship as a means for growth. Let’s look into why we need it and how to build it. Modern humans were already epidemically stressed. Now we’re pandemically stressed. Even if you’re healthy, you’re not scared of coronavirus, you don’t feel especially affected by what’s going on, it’s still likely that you’re going through a heightened state of nervous system arousal to adapt to these unique circumstances. And of course, if you are worried about your health or finances or loved ones or the overall state of the world, then you’re in an even more heightened state of arousal. We can attribute today’s common usage of the word “stress” to an endocrinologist named Hans Selye who first described how organisms respond to chronic stress in what he dubbed the General Adaptation Syndrome. Most of us are going through this syndrome right now. Here’s how it works. When we first encounter a stressor, we enter the “alarm phase.” The system is temporarily shocked, our body produces stress hormones, the nervous system gets more vigilant, and our fundamental homeostasis is compromised. Next, if the stressor persists, we enter the “resistance phase” in which the body/mind makes adaptations to manage the ongoing burden. We may feel like we’re getting used to it, but we’re actually chronically hyper-aroused and this demands a lot of energy. Eventually, if the stress continues, we enter the third phase: “exhaustion” – we just can’t maintain the constant adaptation and things start to collapse (we get sick, fatigued, anxious, depressed, etc.). We’re probably hanging out in that resistance phase, but may get repeatedly re-alarmed when we hear more bad news. Some of us are already in exhaustion. What can we do? In his popular 1994 book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, neuroendocrinologist Robert Sapolsky explains why it’s different for animals than it is for humans. They’re exposed to episodic stress – like the appearance of a predator. They react, the stressor goes away, and they return to a relaxed state and replenish from the toll of the stress. In contrast, the chronic stress we experience is taxing without any breaks. As I see it, true resilience doesn’t just mean being able to stay in the resistance phase for a long time without getting exhausted. That might be evidence of resilience, but it could just be the sign of a strong constitution. Indeed, one definition of resilience is simply “toughness.” But the definition I find more compelling is this: “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape.” I interpret “into shape” to mean the restoration of a state of fundamental wellbeing (not a state of active resistance). To me, resilience entails returning to balance or freedom not just after, but throughout, an experience of hardship. I like the word freedom because it implies that we’re not fighting, not pushing back. Instead, at least for a moment, we’re liberated from our stress. In my opinion the single most powerful way to achieve this kind of resilience is through a daily meditation practice. A few years ago, the American Psychological Association released a guidance document on the mental health impacts of climate change. It’s impressively holistic in its scope. One section offers great suggestions for building resilience, and I think they apply well to the current pandemic. Although these strategies we’re meant to be introduced by counselors, I believe you can apply them on your own (and reach out to us if you need further guidance).

Build belief in your own resilience. Be compassionate with yourself. Notice all the challenging times you’ve already managed.
Foster optimism. Actively reframe your circumstances. Stick to the facts. Choose to be an optimist – it’s a simple habit of thinking and habits can be changed.
Cultivate active coping and self-regulation. Pay attention to your thoughts and behaviors. Look for solutions and help – there are so many good resources available to you.
Find a source of personal meaning. Do you believe in a higher power? A personal mission? A mandate to serve the world and share your gifts? What’s the most important thing to you? Prioritize that.
Boost personal preparedness. Managing crises holistically isn’t a matter of either wearing a mask or believing we’ll all get through this. Hedge your bets. Build resilience, stay positive, and also do some common sense things to enable you to better weather the unexpected.
Support social networks. We need connection to other humans, not just for the psychological support, but the material support (e.g., toilet paper) too!
Connect with parents, family, and other role models. While we generally recognize the powerful stabilizing force the family structure can provide for children, it can be equally valuable for adults. If family isn’t available or doesn’t function that way for you, make your own family and find other role models.
Maintain connections to one’s culture. This is especially important for refugees and new immigrants, but it can also be a valuable constant – and source of stories of resilience – for everyone.

You may also be interested in:

How to Be Resilient

You are the Certainty in Uncertain Times

The Dragontree