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[post_content] => Imagine you’re brought to a beautiful place where you’ll be meeting a person with whom you’ll share an incredible, lifelong love – a romantic love or a powerful friendship, or both. If such a person already exists or existed in your life, you can use them for this exercise. Whomever it is, know that they completely love and accept you.
The environment is perfect for you – airy or cozy, with a fire or open windows, vases of flowers, your favorite music, and curtains blowing in the breeze. Maybe it’s a garden, or the top of a mountain, or at the fanciest bowling alley in the world.
Try feeling into this. You’re in this lovely space, about to meet someone who makes you feel both strong and at ease. Imagine you’re facing this person and walking toward them. As you do so, consider your posture. Sit up, lift your head, open your heart, carry yourself as if fully welcoming this fun and inspiring partnership. Take a moment to ride this visualization forward. Feel it in your body, let a smile spread across your face as you imagine coming together and hugging or laughing or dancing because you find each other delightful.
Now, come back to your posture. Feel that straight spine, that open chest, that “lifting” energy?
Our posture is an expression of how we’re carrying our lifeforce and meeting the world. How might life be different if you met each situation with the same posture that you’re meeting this beloved person?
Too often, we collapse, clench, or curl in on ourselves as an unconscious reflection of feeling burdened, apprehensive, untrusting, timid, or vulnerable. Consequently, we feel tired, weak, indecisive, and unconfident.
We also use posture to show dominance and submission, and to indicate prowess. But rather than “posturing” like a puffer fish in an arrogant or animalistic way, I’m suggesting we use posture as a conscious embodiment of who we choose to be and how we choose to relate to life.
In a happy moment, our posture often automatically improves, and it also works the other way around. When you carry yourself with a combination of strength and ease, your mood improves, you relate more positively to the world, and the world responds more willingly to you.
What are your values? What are your gifts? What’s your life purpose? If you have our Dreambook, revisit these sections to remind yourself of what’s most important to you and what you have to share with the world. Who do you want to be?
How do you want to relate to life? With kindness? Openness? Trust? As if it’s an incredible game? As an opportunity to experience a splendiferous palette of flavors, sights, and experiences?
Write a bit about who you choose to be and how to choose to relate to life. Now imagine embodying these intentions and surrender to how your body wishes to reconfigure itself in order to be a cleaner, more accurate and aligned vehicle for this spirit. Throughout the day, bring yourself back to this intention and take just a moment to again reconfigure your body to express this attitude toward life.
Notice how this reconfiguration process changes over time. Sometimes it may be a gross adjustment – your head lifts, your ears come in alignment with your shoulders, your shoulders drop and draw back, your chest opens, your belly relaxes, your jaw unclenches, your breathing deepens. Other times, you may experience it as a subtle unraveling of inner constraint, or as a ripple that emanates through you, bringing all your parts into harmony.
The hardest part is simply remembering to do it.
I’d love to hear what you notice about the positive in negative ways your posture affects you. Feel free to share in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => How You Hold Yourself Can Change Everything
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[post_content] => Last week I saw a show by a troop of comedians at a tiny theater in Montana. Though they were talented, I didn’t find myself laughing much at the recurring “battle of the sexes” theme. The men accused the women of being frigid and overly emotional. The women complained that the men need to be mothered and only care about sex. And back and forth it went. Sure, there’s comic relief in sharing about our common issues, but as I sat there seeing men and women cast somewhat bitterly in these one-dimensional ways, I couldn’t help thinking, “Are we really still doing this?”
In my previous article, we looked at the role that attitude plays in the health and sustainability of a relationship. Of course, you can’t make your partner change their attitude, but it’s worth fully exploiting the potential of your own attitude before concluding that the relationship isn’t going to work. One way to be responsible for your attitude is by abstaining from relating your partner as a stereotype.
I believe almost everyone does this to an extent. It’s difficult to banish from our minds the ideas we have about men, women, and humans in general. Even if your partner isn’t a typical male or female, your conditioning can cause you to relate to them based on ideas and experiences from the past. And even when you relate to someone simply based on your ideas about that specific person – rather than whoever they are in this very moment – this may still serve as an impediment to authentic connection.
Practice presence with them. It’s good to start with a relatively casual conversation. Let both parties be innocent – try to enter the conversation without judgment, expectations, or lenses. Who knows what might happen and how you might see the other person if you were to enter the exchange with absolute freshness.
See if you can internally choose when to talk and when to listen. When it’s your turn to listen, don’t think about what you’re going to say next. Just listen. Listen with your ears and eyes and heart. Breathe slowly and fully.
What else is involved in “your work”? Here are some examples:
To the extent that you actively work to resolve past experiences (especially traumatic ones) that infringe on your current ability to show up “cleanly” with your partner, you will benefit.
To the extent that you work to deactivate your “buttons” which cause you to make you react disproportionately to relatively benign behaviors by your partner, you will benefit.
To the extent that you choose to show up in your relationship with as much presence and enthusiasm as you can muster, you will benefit.
To the extent that you take responsibility for your baggage, attitude, communication, and interpretations, you will benefit.
To the extent that you choose to remember and honor your commitment (assuming, of course, that neither party is getting hurt by remaining together), you will benefit.
All these benefits are yours whether or not the relationship survives, and the chances of its survival are so much greater when you’re an active and responsible participant in the above ways. Further, if you’re not in a relationship but want to be, doing your work will make for a healthier relationship when the time comes, and it will also support you to make better choices of who to invite into your life. If you’re not in a romantic relationship and don’t care to be, this work will serve you in all your other relationships, including the one with yourself.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Relationship Repair Part Two: Do Your Own Work
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[post_content] => As a young adult I often stayed at the beautiful Marin Headlands hostel just north of San Francisco. I was there one weekend while a large group of missionaries was passing through. We were all sharing the same kitchen space and I was chopping some broccoli when a cute young woman around my age approached me. We started talking and I thought it was going well. I have always enjoyed conversing about spirituality and religion, even with people of different beliefs than my own.
At the time I was immersed in learning about Advaita – nondualism – which was blowing my mind. Nondual philosophy asserts that, although we perceive many things that may feel separate, in reality everything is an expression of a single Oneness experiencing itself in infinite ways.
Some people call this Oneness God or Goddess or Source or Divine or Dao. What’s important isn’t the name but the experience of this connection, and how it redefines how we see reality.
I had in my suitcase a book called Aghora in which an eccentric spiritual teacher explains that since everything is God, both sex and eating are simply acts of “putting God into God.” So, when this missionary woman asked me what I was doing, I guess I thought I was being clever by replying, “Oh, just chopping up some God.”
She was clearly taken aback, so I explained that if the whole universe is an expression of one God, then broccoli was of course included, and therefore I was chopping up some God to put into God (myself). She was speechless for a moment, then said – a bit louder than was called for, I thought – “God is not broccoli!” and walked away.
There were several lessons for me in this story, starting with (1) nobody likes a smug person pushing their buttons, and (2) if you truly want to make a difference in the world you need to meet people where they are. But aside from my social failure, maybe the most important lesson was that there’s often a huge difference between the description of an experience and the experience itself. In other words, to understand something intellectually tells us nothing of how we’d be affected by experiencing it.
In lectures, I used to explain how physics seems to “prove” nondualism, hoping that even the nonspiritual types in the class would be won over. I’d point out that while each of us feels we’re separate from everyone else in the classroom, we and the world around us are all just different configurations of the same fundamental stuff – subatomic particles or even more fundamental fluctuations of energy. It’s a powerful idea, but I doubt it’s caused many people to conduct themselves differently towards their neighbors.
For me and most people I know, life changes have come through direct experiences of this Oneness in non-ordinary states of consciousness facilitated mainly by meditation, yoga, ritual, self-inquiry, immersion in nature, music, acupuncture, art, pain, dance, conscious breathing, interpersonal connection, and entheogenic substances. Ordinary reality (even with impressive-yet-unactualized spiritual concepts) appears random and soulless by comparison.
I didn’t have the chance to ask, “If God is not broccoli, what is broccoli?” We tend to draw vague, subjective lines around life and then deem one side worthy of our reverence and the other unworthy, but the abolition of such lines isn’t automatically liberating. I’ve seen people, myself included, latch onto the idea that everything is Divine and then fall into nihilism. Because, if it’s all God, why try? Why care? Why choose one path over any other?
This kind of thinking is a sure sign that we’re operating from a mental concept and not actually experiencing what it represents. It would be similar to take a psychedelic mushroom and hold it between your teeth, telling yourself, “So this is what psychedelic mushrooms are all about. Meh.”
Your homework is to determine whether or not broccoli is God. Since “God” is a spiritual concept, it can’t really be assessed in ordinary reality. Everyday thinking needs to fall away. You can get there using any of the approaches I mentioned above.
Be well,
Peter
P.S. I’d like to share one of my favorite quotes on nondualism from Tantra scholar Christopher Wallis in Tantra Illuminated (slightly abridged for space):
“Since reality is One, and everything is equally an expression of the one divine Light of Consciousness, every experience by definition is an experience of God… If we propose that some things are more God than others, like concentrated orange juice versus watered-down orange juice, then we must propose the existence of something that is not God that waters down divinity. But no such thing can be found, at least in this philosophy, because 1) the definition of God here is the unbounded Light of Consciousness, 2) everything that is known to exist is an object of experience, and 3) every experience is by definition pervaded by consciousness. Therefore, this – whatever is happening right now – is as God as it gets. Now, if you are in a miserable or banal life situation, you may be disappointed by this announcement. But notice I said, ‘This is as God as it gets,’ not, ‘This is as free as it gets.’ Freedom means actually experiencing the divinity in each moment.”
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[post_content] => Imagine you’re brought to a beautiful place where you’ll be meeting a person with whom you’ll share an incredible, lifelong love – a romantic love or a powerful friendship, or both. If such a person already exists or existed in your life, you can use them for this exercise. Whomever it is, know that they completely love and accept you.
The environment is perfect for you – airy or cozy, with a fire or open windows, vases of flowers, your favorite music, and curtains blowing in the breeze. Maybe it’s a garden, or the top of a mountain, or at the fanciest bowling alley in the world.
Try feeling into this. You’re in this lovely space, about to meet someone who makes you feel both strong and at ease. Imagine you’re facing this person and walking toward them. As you do so, consider your posture. Sit up, lift your head, open your heart, carry yourself as if fully welcoming this fun and inspiring partnership. Take a moment to ride this visualization forward. Feel it in your body, let a smile spread across your face as you imagine coming together and hugging or laughing or dancing because you find each other delightful.
Now, come back to your posture. Feel that straight spine, that open chest, that “lifting” energy?
Our posture is an expression of how we’re carrying our lifeforce and meeting the world. How might life be different if you met each situation with the same posture that you’re meeting this beloved person?
Too often, we collapse, clench, or curl in on ourselves as an unconscious reflection of feeling burdened, apprehensive, untrusting, timid, or vulnerable. Consequently, we feel tired, weak, indecisive, and unconfident.
We also use posture to show dominance and submission, and to indicate prowess. But rather than “posturing” like a puffer fish in an arrogant or animalistic way, I’m suggesting we use posture as a conscious embodiment of who we choose to be and how we choose to relate to life.
In a happy moment, our posture often automatically improves, and it also works the other way around. When you carry yourself with a combination of strength and ease, your mood improves, you relate more positively to the world, and the world responds more willingly to you.
What are your values? What are your gifts? What’s your life purpose? If you have our Dreambook, revisit these sections to remind yourself of what’s most important to you and what you have to share with the world. Who do you want to be?
How do you want to relate to life? With kindness? Openness? Trust? As if it’s an incredible game? As an opportunity to experience a splendiferous palette of flavors, sights, and experiences?
Write a bit about who you choose to be and how to choose to relate to life. Now imagine embodying these intentions and surrender to how your body wishes to reconfigure itself in order to be a cleaner, more accurate and aligned vehicle for this spirit. Throughout the day, bring yourself back to this intention and take just a moment to again reconfigure your body to express this attitude toward life.
Notice how this reconfiguration process changes over time. Sometimes it may be a gross adjustment – your head lifts, your ears come in alignment with your shoulders, your shoulders drop and draw back, your chest opens, your belly relaxes, your jaw unclenches, your breathing deepens. Other times, you may experience it as a subtle unraveling of inner constraint, or as a ripple that emanates through you, bringing all your parts into harmony.
The hardest part is simply remembering to do it.
I’d love to hear what you notice about the positive in negative ways your posture affects you. Feel free to share in the comments section below.
Be well,
Peter
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I’ve already purchased my 2019 Dreambook and Planner… and I’ve put the dates and times on my calendar … how do I join you? This is my first year with a Dreambook and I’m looking forward to getting started.
Thank you,
Lisa
Hi Lisa, We’ll send you an invite during the first couple days of November. So excited to have you join us!
Can’t wait to participate in the #nodreambookgaterhingdust sessions!
LOVE
Hi
What if we’ve already purchased a Dreambook & planner? How do we sign up for the community class?
thanks!
You’ll recieve an invitation in you email during the first few days of November <3
I am super excited about this. Id also love if I could find an accountability partner. I always SAY I’m going to do my planning then put it off. . .but when I do it consistently, I create momentum & my life gets better. . .quickly.
Yay! Can’t wait to do this work with you.
If I’m still sitting on mine from last year, can I join you? I’d love a kick start! It’s the getting started that is hard, I think
Please do join us, Lisa!We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
What about those of us who bought a planner this time last year, and haven’t opened it yet? We deserve some support, too. I hope you’ll reach out to others and not just use this as a way to entice more people to purchase the Dreambook.
Of course you can join us, Mer! Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
By the way… did you join the facebook group and do Dreaming and and Planning Together last year? It was so good (and the replays are still available in the group!)
I bought last year’s version when it went on sale, can I use that one for these exercises?
Yes, Katie! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I have my 2019 Dream PLanner
LOVE
I bought a Dreambook last year and didn’t put a mark in it. Life hit me upside the head and my book gathered dust. I recently bought stickers to date it properly and look forward to beginning a new year. Will I buy your new version… No just because I’m lefthanded and can’t stand wire bounds. Will you ever allow friends like me who didn’t use theirs into your group? If so I will happily sign up and participate!
Blessings,
Nancy
Of course you can join us, Nancy! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
Hi Brianna, I purchased a Dreambook last year, and literally just blew the dust off of it as I read this. I was so excited to get started, and then I got so overwhelmed and somewhat discouraged as the days and months passed without a single word written in the book. I’m wondering if I could participate in this group and workshop based on my previous purchase, since I really don’t need another book. I would very much love to get started, but sadly I don’t seem to have the determination on my own. If I need to purchase something else in order to participate, please let me know. Thanks and Peace
You can join us, Kelly! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I bought the pdf because I have a 100% track record of not following through. But…my brother was killed in an accident this year so I have a different motivation now. This is my first Dreambook so please invite me to the workshops. I need to succed. I also just received the Rituals for Transformation book.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Marsha.
We’ll send out the invitation during the first couple of days in November. I do so hope you’ll join us.
Must you purchase a 2019 copy of the Dreambook in order to participate in the workshops in November? I bought a copy a couple of years ago and have never used it. It would be great to get a kickstart with the workshops but I hesitate to purchase a new one now.
Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I purchased the dream book at your store in PDX
Yay Joanna <3 - I'll share a link here in the next couple of days so that people who purchased in store can join us!
I never finished the 1st half of my non dated dreambook for 2018
Its never too late <3
I have yet to receive my invitation to join the 2019 group #nodreambookgatheringdust. I purchased my book and have it in hand. Can you add me to the participation list please?
Hi Amy! I’m so glad your joining us! We’ll be sending out the invitations during the first couple of days of November. Keep an eye out for yours!
I just received my Dreambook and planner. Joined the FB page.
Looking forward to doing the hard work to make changes in my life.
LOVE
Hello!
Would love to join these workshops please! I am a customer!
Best,
Donna Motta
Yay Donna! We’ll be sending out your invitation during the first couple of days of November! <3
I have my 2019 Dreambook+Planner
Love love love
I bought the undated version Dec 2016 and have only worked through a small portion. Do I have to buy the dated version to participate in your workshops?
Not at all! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I bought my dream book planner at your store in Portland, can I attend these online chats to help get the process flowing?
Yes love! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book in store during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
I recently bought the 2018 Dreambook and Planner. I would love to join the workshop.
Yay, Rhonda! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promotion during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
In the spirit of you post, I want to share that I bought an undated Dreambook + Planner in 2017 but I was in my final year of graduate school and didn’t have a chance to use it. I’ve since dusted it off and started doing work in the Dreambook. It feels vulnerable to do this kind of dreaming and goal setting. Any chance I could get the support you are offering to people buying a new book? I feel like once I get past some anxiety about it, it will a valuable tool for me personally and professionally.
Liz, Yes! Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join. <3
Thanks for doing this. I will have to listen to the replays, but am excited to be doing this as a group.
Yay, Nancy! <3
I recently bought Rituals For Living Dreambook in the last month before the 2019 was available and I’d like to have access to these webinars… thank you.
Jennifer Brooks
You’re in Jennifer! We’ll send you an invitation during the first couple of dayd of November!
Hello-
I already ordered two new dreambooks- one for myself and one for my husband. We have received them here. I keep receiving emails saying those who get one will be invited to the live planning events- but those emails also ask me to buy a dreambook. I already have! But I have yet to receive any invites or links for us to join the online community. Are those yet to be sent out?
Hi Sarah! We’ll send out information about how to participate during the first few days of November. <3
I have a 3rd Edition 2016 Dreambook and Planner that I never used and has been gathering dust for two years. Seeing your ads on Facebook, I am inspired to pick it up again. Part of the reason I never got going with it was that I just felt overwhelmed. I’d love to take part in your Dreaming and Planning sessions. Will the sessions be available to folks who made past purchases of the book?
Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
If I have a dreambook that I haven’t used yet, can I still join?
Yes! We’re going to post a signup form for people who who purchased a book prior to this promition during the next couple of days. I’ll share a link in the comments here letting everyone know how to join.
Hi Briana! You indicated that there would be a link available to the workshops for people who had ordered a dreambook in previous years (and that if you couldn’t participate live they would be made available for replay), but I don’t see this anywhere in the posts. I would LOVE to catch up on the workshops so that I can get going with my planner, so any assistance you could provide would be most welcome. Thank you!
Good morning, Briana –
I recently ordered and received the 2019 Dreambook kit. In the description, it lists that A copy of Freedom: A Simple Ritual For Letting Go would be included. My order did not have this item. My order number was #34102233. Please let me know about this missing item.
Also, I’m super excited to be a part of the #nodreambookgatheringdust in November. I received an email about it but am a little confused on how to sign up. Please include me on the list for this training.
Thank you for your time. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Thanks Renee! We’ll send out information about how to participate during the first few days of November. <3
Hey there! I purchased an undated Dreambook for my birthday. I hope I will be included in this: “For anyone who buys a Dreambook (of any kind) from us before November 1st – you’ll automatically be sent an invitation to join me for a series of hangouts/workshops where we’ll dive into your dreams and plans and get them on “the books” as it were.” Thanks! Kris Also thanks for the bath samples!
Yes! You’re in. We’ll send out your invite during the first few days of November.
Hi! I ordered the new dreambook and it has arrived! I did not receive a following email for the workshops. How can I receive the invite?
Thank you!
Hey Lynette, we’ll be sending out an invite to everyone who bought the book during the first few days of november <3
I am not sure I received my invite. My email is doing weird things! I have some invites for other workshops.