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New Year, New You?

Why must we wait for the new year to make significant changes? There is something about the flip of a year that we as humans can comprehend a bit more?

I watched a movie the other day called “Touching the Void” about a climbing incident in the Andes from the mid 1980s. Two climbers climbed an unconquered rock face and one of the climbers broke his leg on the way down. Long story short, the injured climber was left for dead down a ravine.

In order to get out, the injured climber went deeper into the ravine and found a way out. Then he would give himself little 20 minute challenges to reach a certain point ahead of him. He made it down, barely alive, but down.

We don’t have to accomplish anything all at once. We just have to choose a starting point…and then pay attention to the smallest increment of achievement after that.

The starting point doesn’t have to have to have a special significance. It just needs to exist. The rest may be brilliant or it may the hardest task you’ve ever completed., but it is what shapes the whole experience.

Enjoy.

– Meredith, Assistant Spa Director at PDX

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As we prepared for our move to Boulder, Colorado – where we knew no one – Briana was concerned that we’d have a hard time making friends. I assured her it would be a breeze. Maybe I was a little overconfident. Until then, I’d never had to put much work into establishing a friendship; they just happened. I hadn’t considered that during my tenure as an Oregonian I spent seven years in grad school, I held several jobs, and I lived with many housemates – situations that caused me to be around the same people day in and day out, which made connections easy. We found it more challenging to get a friendship started through “single exposure” events. When you’re limited to short, infrequent meetings – like a dinner party or an event at your kid’s school – there’s a greater dependency on “chemistry.” We noticed that even after hanging out with people who were friendly and cool, if we didn’t feel a spark of connection, there wouldn’t be a strong drive to keep the ball rolling. Also, if the connection process started but lacked timely follow-through, it could sometimes get a little weird, as if there were a question hanging there: “Why didn’t we take this deeper? (Was it Murray’s gas?)” Eventually we found a tribe of dear souls who feel like family, but along the way, it became clear that chemistry isn’t everything. Sometimes it’s not there at the outset – it doesn’t develop until you “learn” each other and discover how to harmonize together. Other times, the chemistry never really happens, yet the connection can still be fruitful. For instance, while we might not share meals together, I know I can count on my neighbors to keep an eye on my house or feed my pets – and I’d happily do the same for them. Through this process, we felt moved to learn more about community building. We recognized the value in having multiple circles that served different functions. And we saw just how much the people can make the place. Until we made connections, we weren’t sure we wanted to stay; once we found our people, we could easily see ourselves living out our lives here. We go into this (and much more) in our book, The Well Life. Here’s an excerpt of some guiding questions we came up with to help people build community consciously. Feel free to share your insights in the comments section below.

Describe the kind of community that would make you feel excited to participate.
If you could shape your community, what values would it have? Some ideas: mutual respect, creative expression, healthy living, education, helping, active participation, safety, tolerance of differences, honesty, integrity, fun, equality, inclusiveness, etc.
Write down the names of five people you value having in your life (they don’t need to be local).
What skills and gifts could you share with your community?
What sorts of people would you like to invite into your community to make it more diverse?
What forums can you utilize to make these connections? While the internet can sometimes promote physical disconnection, it also provides lots of tools (evite, Facebook events, Meetup, etc.) for organizing real-life get-togethers.

I encourage you to get a piece of paper (or use your journal) and write freely on these questions, even if you already have a healthy community. Wishing you an environment that supports you to be your best, Dr. Peter Borten [post_title] => Six Questions for Connection [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => six-questions-connection [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-05-03 18:49:49 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-05-03 18:49:49 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6622 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 11 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [1] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 6422 [post_author] => 5 [post_date] => 2016-07-19 17:16:24 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-07-19 17:16:24 [post_content] => It fills me with gratitude to realize that this July marks 13 years that we’ve been relaxing, healing, and uplifting people at The Dragontree. Anniversaries are a thing I’ve given increasing attention to in the last decade or so – and not just because I’ve been married to someone who likes it when I remember ours. Anniversaries come up with surprising frequency in my treatment room. Patients often tell me that the anniversary of an injury or other trauma brings a return of certain bodily sensations or a change in consciousness. They report that they can perceive the approaching anniversary of a loved one’s death because subtle environmental cues – the angle of the sun, the smell of the lilacs, the quiet of snowfall – trigger feelings and memories. For me and Briana, this time of year brings memories of the crazy stress we went through before the opening of our Boulder store. In the fall of 2012, we were “preapproved” by our bank for a commercial loan to build a spa in our beloved mountain town. But due to many personnel changes at the bank and lots of mishandling of the loan process, we ended up on a rollercoaster that involved finding a building and constructing the spa, spending every dime we had (and many borrowed dimes, too), and finally, eight months into it, being notified by the bank that they weren’t going to fund it after all. The bank pulled out exactly three years ago. In the summer of 2013, while desperately seeking a way to prevent this fiasco from taking down The Dragontree completely, we routinely brought our daughter to drama camp and watched her performances of Cinderella and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. We hoped to maintain a sense of normalcy in our family life even as we wondered if we’d still be able to afford our house payments if this project fell through. There were times when I was watching adorable children fixing their costumes and fumbling their lines, but instead of feeling lighthearted about what was happening in front of me, I was freaking out about what was happening with our business. As a consequence, that camp is linked to an experience of stress that cut a deep groove in my mind and body. My daughter still goes there, and a few weeks ago, when Briana and I were taking our seats for a rousing performance of The Sneetches, I realized it was the anniversary of that ordeal. The sights, smells, and sounds of that place were triggering a jittery feeling in my body. I mentioned it to my wife. “Me too,” she replied. That anniversary was a good reminder to gauge how I’ve changed and healed since then, and to continue the healing process. A friend was telling me recently about the great relationship she has with her father, who happens to be deceased. She explained that she sees each anniversary of his death as a chance to revisit the terms of their relationship. I like that. On the anniversary of our loan ordeal, I choose to continually rewrite the story – reminding myself that ultimately we came out of it unscathed – and to be grateful for all the good people and resources that helped us make it through. And on the anniversary of The Dragontree as a company, I’m choosing to recommit. We work well together. I encourage you to try bringing more attention to the various anniversaries in your life – of anything that made a deep groove, whether positive, negative, or mixed – and in doing so, to notice how you’ve processed and integrated this experience over the years. There’s an opportunity to redefine the way you relate to this event, to renew your commitment, to learn, to be grateful, and to rewrite your story about what happened. Thanks for sharing the past 13 years with us. Be so well, Dr. Peter Borten [post_title] => Using Anniversaries to Heal and Grow [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => anniversary13 [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2016-07-19 21:18:26 [post_modified_gmt] => 2016-07-19 21:18:26 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6422 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [2] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 2664 [post_author] => 2 [post_date] => 2013-05-07 19:20:31 [post_date_gmt] => 2013-05-07 19:20:31 [post_content] => With the onset of a few warms days, it looks like summer is inching closer and closer. One of my favorite products for warm summer days is the Cucumber Spirulina Masque by Livia. It feels great especially on hot days because of its cooling properties and it's great for sunburns too! It's perfect for most skin types, it eliminates inflammation and is very calming to the skin. Spirulina promotes healing by increasing the skin’s cellular regeneration rate and it can also inhibit the growth of bacteria, yeast and fungi. Cucumber is very hydrating and replenishing to dry irritated skin. The masque is gentle enough to use daily. I like to use the masque on problem areas as it helps speed up healing and also helps with redness and inflammation. If you have been spending time in the sun and your skin is in need of a little extra attention, then I would highly recommend the Cucumber Spirulina Masque! -Carlie (FOM Dragontree Thurman) [post_title] => Cucumber Spirulina Masque! [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => cucumber-spirulina-masque [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2013-05-07 19:20:31 [post_modified_gmt] => 2013-05-07 19:20:31 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=2664 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) ) [post_count] => 3 [current_post] => -1 [before_loop] => 1 [in_the_loop] => [post] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 6622 [post_author] => 5 [post_date] => 2017-03-15 07:26:44 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-15 07:26:44 [post_content] => When Briana and I decided to leave Oregon, I had lived in Portland for 15 years and she’d been there for 12. As we prepared for our move to Boulder, Colorado – where we knew no one – Briana was concerned that we’d have a hard time making friends. I assured her it would be a breeze. Maybe I was a little overconfident. Until then, I’d never had to put much work into establishing a friendship; they just happened. I hadn’t considered that during my tenure as an Oregonian I spent seven years in grad school, I held several jobs, and I lived with many housemates – situations that caused me to be around the same people day in and day out, which made connections easy. We found it more challenging to get a friendship started through “single exposure” events. When you’re limited to short, infrequent meetings – like a dinner party or an event at your kid’s school – there’s a greater dependency on “chemistry.” We noticed that even after hanging out with people who were friendly and cool, if we didn’t feel a spark of connection, there wouldn’t be a strong drive to keep the ball rolling. Also, if the connection process started but lacked timely follow-through, it could sometimes get a little weird, as if there were a question hanging there: “Why didn’t we take this deeper? (Was it Murray’s gas?)” Eventually we found a tribe of dear souls who feel like family, but along the way, it became clear that chemistry isn’t everything. Sometimes it’s not there at the outset – it doesn’t develop until you “learn” each other and discover how to harmonize together. Other times, the chemistry never really happens, yet the connection can still be fruitful. For instance, while we might not share meals together, I know I can count on my neighbors to keep an eye on my house or feed my pets – and I’d happily do the same for them. Through this process, we felt moved to learn more about community building. We recognized the value in having multiple circles that served different functions. And we saw just how much the people can make the place. Until we made connections, we weren’t sure we wanted to stay; once we found our people, we could easily see ourselves living out our lives here. We go into this (and much more) in our book, The Well Life. Here’s an excerpt of some guiding questions we came up with to help people build community consciously. Feel free to share your insights in the comments section below.

Describe the kind of community that would make you feel excited to participate.
If you could shape your community, what values would it have? Some ideas: mutual respect, creative expression, healthy living, education, helping, active participation, safety, tolerance of differences, honesty, integrity, fun, equality, inclusiveness, etc.
Write down the names of five people you value having in your life (they don’t need to be local).
What skills and gifts could you share with your community?
What sorts of people would you like to invite into your community to make it more diverse?
What forums can you utilize to make these connections? While the internet can sometimes promote physical disconnection, it also provides lots of tools (evite, Facebook events, Meetup, etc.) for organizing real-life get-togethers.

I encourage you to get a piece of paper (or use your journal) and write freely on these questions, even if you already have a healthy community. Wishing you an environment that supports you to be your best, Dr. Peter Borten [post_title] => Six Questions for Connection [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => six-questions-connection [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-05-03 18:49:49 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-05-03 18:49:49 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://www.thedragontree.com/?p=6622 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => post [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 11 [filter] => raw [webinar_id] => 0 ) [comment_count] => 0 [current_comment] => -1 [found_posts] => 233 [max_num_pages] => 5 [max_num_comment_pages] => 0 [is_single] => [is_preview] => [is_page] => [is_archive] => 1 [is_date] => [is_year] => [is_month] => [is_day] => [is_time] => [is_author] => [is_category] => 1 [is_tag] => [is_tax] => [is_search] => [is_feed] => [is_comment_feed] => [is_trackback] => [is_home] => [is_privacy_policy] => [is_404] => [is_embed] => [is_paged] => [is_admin] => [is_attachment] => [is_singular] => [is_robots] => [is_favicon] => [is_posts_page] => [is_post_type_archive] => [query_vars_hash:WP_Query:private] => a75eba55dc070a46a702682e46d63b9d [query_vars_changed:WP_Query:private] => [thumbnails_cached] => [allow_query_attachment_by_filename:protected] => [stopwords:WP_Query:private] => [compat_fields:WP_Query:private] => Array ( [0] => query_vars_hash [1] => query_vars_changed ) [compat_methods:WP_Query:private] => Array ( [0] => init_query_flags [1] => parse_tax_query ) )

You may also be interested in:

Six Questions for Connection

Using Anniversaries to Heal and Grow

Cucumber Spirulina Masque!

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