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When my wife was a teenager, her stepmother once advised her that if she didn’t have anything nice to say to someone, she could instead try saying, “Thank you.” Not long thereafter, my wife directed some teenage angst at her stepmom, who was silent for a moment and then responded, “Thank you!” before exiting the room.
At Thanksgiving, I’m reminded of the many flavors of gratitude and the interesting power of the words thank you. These words come up with kind of an unusual frequency in our household, and it’s not because we don’t have anything nice to say to each other.
A major contributor to the rise of thank yous in our home is the fact that my wife and I have been trying to teach them to our six year old daughter. She’s at an age when saying thank you doesn’t always come naturally. It’s a behavior to be memorized and executed habitually so your parents don’t get fussy.
I catch myself sometimes flashing a sheepish look at generous adults as I prompt her with, “What do you say, Sailor?” Later I’ve told her, “I don’t want to have to keep reminding you to say thank you.”
To be honest, that’s not really the way I want to teach her the specialness of these words. I don’t want her to say thank you out of guilt. I don’t want her to say it just because it’s polite. I don’t want her to learn that a steady stream of thank yous is the way to avoid any disruption to the process of gift unwrapping or trick-or-treating.
I want her to say it because she feels it.
When thank you issues from your heart because you feel gratitude, the last thing on your mind is what effect it might have on the other person. It seems a misuse of these words to hope to get something – even better rapport – in return for saying them. On the other hand, it seems silly to reserve them just for special occasions . . . unless you recognize that your day is full of them.
Sometimes a more calculated use of thank you can still feel earnest, such as when you encounter difficulties. Maybe it doesn’t arise spontaneously when things don’t go the way you want them to. Perhaps thank you is the last sentiment on your mind when, for instance, the world is experiencing a pandemic and you can’t gather with your friends and family on Thanksgiving. Instead, maybe you’re thinking, this sucks.
But the smooth flow of life proceeds by some pretty basic rules. There’s acceptance and resistance, yes and no. Whether we think, this sucks, or, this isn’t what I wanted, or, this isn’t fair, or simply, no . . . we resist the reality of things. We generate struggle, friction, conflict, and pain.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t allow ourselves to think and feel these things (because, of course, that would be saying no on another level). But this attitude is the equivalent of paddling against the current. What if we just get back into the flow and utilize the trajectory of life, but gently steer toward greater harmony?
When, even in the face of COVID, we think, yes, or, I’m game, or, let’s see where this leads me, or, I’m open, or THANK YOU, something very different happens. Our internal experience changes immediately. But also, magically, the world responds differently to us. The world perceives us as an agent of flow, an emissary of play, an open-hearted-enthusiastic-participant-in-life, and it says, “Wonderful.” If you look an obstacle in the face and say, thank you, you deflate its power to bully you. You state your anticipation of an outcome you’ll be grateful for.
This Thanksgiving, why not try saying thank you not just for the good stuff, but for the challenges, too. I’m curious to hear how this lands with you.
Thank you – for everything,
Dr. Peter Borten
I love contemplating how far saying Thank you can take us versus a reality defiant and rigid No. Here’s to being enthusiastic participants in life and gently steering toward greater harmony! This eve of Thanksgiving essay really hit home, since I was going through some mental gyrations recently inventing reasons why I shouldn’t hop on a zoom call with cousins spread out all across the continent. Once I allowed myself to sit with the attitude of “Okay I’m game, let’s see where this leads” all the friction, upstream paddling resistance and preconceived judgments evaporated.
Yay Charlene! Thanks for sharing.
Very well said, wonderful post, Dr. Peter Borten
Thanks, Danette.
I would like to say THANK YOU and Briana for giving yourselves to being bearers of peace, of light, of love, and of gratitude. Thank you for teaching and training so many (including me) to see beyond our shadow self to the world out there. Thank you for pointing us in the direction of freedom and empowering us to find our own power so that we may also serve alongside you. It is a tremendous privilege, and I am truly grateful for you both. My life was forever changed when I “happened” into that first FaceBook encounter, 4 years ago. Thank you!
Thanks and you’re so welcome, Teresa! I’m glad you’re guiding others through this work. Be well,
Peter
I want to say thank you for sharing. My husband is a 2 x cancer survivor. He had bladder cancer and then he came down with lung cancer. Through this trial of Covid we have been trying so desperately to keep my household safe and COVID free. This did not happen. He ended up getting it along with my son who is 22 yrs old. My son is much better but my husband ended up in the hospital. I am grateful for Gods blessings and his healing. Jim is home and gaining his strength back. You don’t know how many times we told the nurses “thank you “. They truly need to feel those words when you are saying them. So yes, using those words should be said from the heart not just as a response.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts, I enjoy them so much. I hope you have a very happy thanksgiving and a wonderful holiday season.
Thanks for sharing, Rhonda. Sorry to hear it’s been such a hard road for your husband – and you. Though it sounds like the struggle has made you also the more aware of the blessings. Be well,
Peter
Thank you for your amazing services. Heikke and I are so grateful someone referred us to you! Hope you and your family has a lovely Thanksgiving.
Thanks & you’re welcome Jolene! Hope your neck is feeling better! Best to you and your family,
Peter
I give thanks to my friend Charles who introduced me to your store!! I also give thanks for Tammy, who gave me some spiritual, astrological insights during a 20 minute reading!! Happy Thanksgiving!!
Thanks for sharing. I’ll give thanks to Charles too!
Thanku(gratitude is the best place to be)
You’re welcome.
I love this. Thank you. COVID-19 has made life challenging, and wonderful. I have reconnected to me. I am taking care of and loving myself the way I love every member of my family! That is some goodness. I am taking care of my home in the way that I wished to when/if. I am making the most of working with my Kindergarteners, whether hybrid or remote! As a result of this time in quarantine, I see, hear. smell, touch, and taste with such presence. I know my youngesr child with Autism so much better, as I have had the gift of time in assisting in her education, as well. She is so capable! I lost a friend to an aggressive uterine cancer. On the same day of her Life Celebration, I came home to mom in the hospital. Brain bleed. Her Lung Cancer has metastasized to her brain! While I am heartbroken, she is still with us. I am going to safely, purposely bathe in the glory of every blessed moment with the woman who brought me into this world! I will proudly and honorably help her and my Dad with whatever needs to be done. I am grateful for both of them.
Thank you!
Thanks Catherine, for sharing all these challenges and silver linings. 🙏
I love this. Thank you. COVID-19 has made life challenging, and wonderful. I have reconnected to me. I am taking care of and loving myself the way I love every member of my family! That is some goodness. I am taking care of my home in the way that I wished to when/if. I am making the most of working with my Kindergarteners, whether hybrid or remote! As a result of this time in quarantine, I see, hear. smell, touch, and taste with such presence. I know my youngest child with Autism so much better, as I have had the gift of time in assisting in her education, as well. She is so capable! I lost a friend to an aggressive uterine cancer. On the same day of her Life Celebration, I came home to mom in the hospital. Brain bleed. Her Lung Cancer has metastasized to her brain! While I am heartbroken, she is still with us. I am going to safely, purposely bathe in the glory of every blessed moment with the woman who brought me into this world! I will proudly and honorably help her and my Dad with whatever needs to be done. I am grateful for both of them.
Thank you!
THANK YOU to you and your beautiful for consistently and lovingly showing up for the collective! Love you all!
Thanks and you’re welcome, Colleen! I hope you’ve been well.
I love this and whole heartedly agree. Thank you and I hope you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving
Thank you, Dawn
Yeah… I love this. A reasonable way to appreciate what is in the face of so much “this sucks, this isn’t what I wanted, etc.” Stating an anticipation of an outcome I’ll be grateful for and having the world open up to me as an agent of flow, an emissary of play is exactly what I have been craving. Thank you… really!! Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes! The world needs more emissaries of play!
Thank you. Covid has been incredibly difficult for me. I’m an RN. I went into a deep depression back in March. My emotionally abusive, alcoholic husband left me. My mother took his side. My siblings took my mother’s side. I felt so alone and broken. My therapist recommended your Dreambook at a session in April and I started my healing journey with Dragontree on June 1. I am so grateful. I still have a long way to go, but my Dreambook and your emails and challenges are helping me through this difficult time. I am signed up for the Dream It & Plan It challenge in early December. I can’t wait to connect with this community in a more meaningful way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for sharing this story, Tara. I’m so glad to hear that your challenges have nudged you toward this wonderful awakening. How fitting that you should have the name Tara!
A beautiful consideration of those two words.
So…
🌙💫Thank you 💫🌙
Thank YOU, Nidhi. I hope you’ve been well.