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As a young adult living in Western Massachusetts, I had a handful of friends who attended Hampshire College. Hampshire is well known for being highly unconventional. There are no majors, no departments, and no grades. So much of the program is up to the student, including a final yearlong project. I could see why it was appealing, especially to people who didn’t seem to fit into typical academic institutions.
When I first heard these friends talk of the wonderfully freeform nature of their college experience, I was envious. In later years, as they found it increasingly challenging to keep themselves on course, I remember saying, “That kind of program wouldn’t work for me.” I realized, with no shame at all, that I needed way (way) more hand-holding. Only one of my Hampshire friends graduated. I guess they needed more hand-holding too.
There are a number of reasons we avoid getting help or taking direction:
- We’re too proud to admit we need help.
- We’re afraid of opening up, being vulnerable, or appearing weak.
- We think nobody is capable of helping us.
- We don’t want to be controlled or guided in a way we don’t like.
- We don’t want to be told what to do.
- We don’t want to be a burden.
- We don’t want to share the credit.
- We feel it’s less of an accomplishment if we get help.
- We believe we need to do things all by ourselves.
This last one is a common inherited belief, though nearly every impressive historical figure had a team of supporters. Yes, there’s a grain of truth to it: each of us is responsible for ourselves, our choices and actions. Each of us is responsible for how we show up in the world. Nobody can do the internal work for us. But it’s perfectly okay to get tons of help along the way. It doesn’t diminish the outcome. In fact, we connect and improve through the process when we let others in. This is true even when it comes to healing and spirituality. It’s time to let go of the “Lone Ranger complex.”
Guidance and mutual support are an important part of why our program, Sacred Expansion, has been so successful. We created Sacred Expansion as a prerequisite for our life coaching trainees, as we feel it’s important to “clean house” before guiding others. It was designed to help people get to know themselves more deeply, release old unhealthy patterns, and open to a state of greater intuition and trust – all within a group of others on the same journey.
It turned out to be so monumental for our early participants that we decided to make Sacred Expansion available as a stand-alone course. Enrollment is happening NOW! You’ll be lovingly led by my wife, Briana, through an exploration of yourself through the metaphors of the seasons. And you’ll come out of it with greater clarity and self-awareness, less baggage, a deeper connection to Spirit, and the tools to continue the process on your own. I encourage you to do it!
Also, I recommend you look back at that list of reasons we avoid getting help and see if there are any that ring a bell for you. If so, consider the following questions. Is this belief true? (E.g., Is it true that nobody could help me? Is it true that if I asked for help, it would compromise me in some critical way? Is it true that it’s less of an accomplishment if I get help?) And then meditate on what life might be like if you felt completely at ease and unembarrassed about asking for help and graciously receiving it?
Be well,
Peter
P.S. Early Bird pricing for Sacred Expansion is currently in progress. Sign up today and save $200! On August 17th, the price goes up, so if you want to join us, don't miss this opportunity!
Click here to enroll today!
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This year I’ll be writing a book about reconnecting with the natural world. This was the subject of my doctoral thesis years ago, but while that was a 500-page document that few people would want to slog through, I’m finally revising it into a work that’s shorter and accessible.
The crux of it is the idea that we belong to Nature – though we’ve forgotten this. Nature isn’t just scenery; it’s the substances and forces that created us and provide for all our needs. It also isn’t just a bunch of resources; it’s our greatest teacher. It’s constantly displaying lessons on how to be in balance and have a fruitful life, and it demonstrates a vast palate of virtues that are available to us. All we need to do is remember.
Today I’m going to share a little blurb from the section on Water. Here I discuss the virtue of clarity or transparency. As you read the following, see if you can call up an image of the clearest water. Imagine that every water molecule in your body (and it’s about two-thirds of what you are) contains the virtue of clarity – it’s already in you.
One of water’s most striking characteristics is its transparency. Just as clarity is the foremost measure of quality in a jewel, so is there something magical about clear water. Have you ever visited water that’s so lucent you can see the rocks and fish below as if looking through a window?
If we're going to drink it, the clearer the better, since this tends to signal purity.
If we plan to swim or bathe in it, clarity means safety - it has nothing to hide.
And if we aim to be refreshed, clear water is the ticket for cooling us, moistening us, and cleaning us out.
When we embody clarity, it has a similar effect on our experience of life and others’ experience of us - pure, clean, refreshing, nothing hidden.
Few things are as conducive to both power and peace as a clear mind.
With clarity, we avoid most conflict. Our energy can be invested more wisely. When we’re transparent, we know ourselves. We’re aware of our strengths and weaknesses. We know what we're capable of and to what extent we’re channeling or obstructing our potential. We have a realistic accounting of our resources. We see clearly how we’re utilizing them and what kind of return we get on this expenditure.
With a clear mind the process by which our authentic will expresses potential through us proceeds in a healthy, efficient, and beautiful way. If fear and social programming degrade our clarity, we may override the will, investing ourselves instead in behaviors that secure our safety and approval.
When we’re transparent around agreements, we commit ourselves only to what we know we can follow through on. We keep all the agreements we make - both with others and ourselves - and this builds self-trust. The unknown is less frightening when we know we can trust ourselves. If we break an agreement, we recognize immediately the clouding effect this has on our inner waters and we clean it up.
If we keep secrets or try to hide things from ourselves (such as the truth of how well we’ve followed through on an agreement), it fragments us and makes transparency impossible. It also makes us less trusting of others. When we instead prioritize clarity and stop the hiding and secrecy, we dispel potential sources of fear. Clarity makes us less prone to being controlled by our emotions - especially fear.
Sometimes we can be manipulated by fear even while avoiding it or pushing it away. This can form a certain cloudiness around the fear which might make it less intense, but also results in a chronic, vague anxiousness. When we insist on clarity, this means facing the fear and being with it willingly. It can be daunting, but the shift in attitude - from avoidance to curiosity and bravery - immediately changes the experience. The emotional volume diminishes and we can rationally ask ourselves, “Is this something to be afraid of? To be concerned about? Of no concern at all?” And if it warrants action we can clearly ask, “What am I going to do so that I’m reasonably protected from harm if such-and-such should happen?”
In a fearful state, one of the most useful things we can do is to tell ourselves the pure, unmanipulated truth about our circumstances. No “what ifs,” no stories. Just the facts. This gets us quickly to clarity. While it's possible to be afraid even in a clear state, the majority of our fears are unreal except in the murky waters of an unclear mind.
Just as a lack of clarity creates shadows where fear can develop, fear further distorts our clarity, like a storm over the sea that makes the water too choppy to see through. When we feel uncertain about what’s beneath, we tend to stay on the surface, but this only keeps us immersed in the turmoil. Though it may seem counterintuitive, diving deeper takes us to an underlying stillness that’s unaffected by the waves on the surface.
I encourage you to spend some time soon with clear water. Let it arouse the virtue of clarity within you, and invite that clarity into all corners of your life.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => The Virtue of Clarity: A Gift from Water That's Available to Everyone
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Last week I wrote about the many reasons we don’t ask for help, including what I think of the “Lone Ranger complex,” where we believe there’s great merit in doing everything by ourselves. Sure, there’s a sense of accomplishment, but we still get that feeling even when we accomplish something with the help of others.
I brought this up because enrollment is currently open for our Sacred Expansion course, which is a group-oriented approach to personal growth. Even though the internal exploration is ultimately up to each of us, we can benefit from being guided through a tried-and-true framework, discussing the experience with people on the same path, and holding hands along the way.
Why is it good to do such things with other people? I’m glad you asked. Here are a few reasons.
- We see that other people have the same stuff we do. We’re not alone in our weirdness or our struggles. It’s relieving to know that there’s little that you’ve thought, felt, or gone through that someone else out there doesn’t share.
- Further, we get to see that most people aren’t alienated by our challenges. While we may tend to fear that the world would disapprove and abandon us if it knew XYZ about us (that we’re insecure, we pick our nose, we aren’t that spiritual, we’re always sucking in our belly, we yell at our kids, we use the code for bulk conventional rice when we actually have a bag of organic rice, we snort bath salts, etc.), the truth is our friends and family are unlikely to be ruffled by any of it. More relief.
- We get the opportunity to be seen in our light and reminded of our strengths. While we may be hyper-focused on our problems and faults, others can help remind us that we’re so much more.
- We get “borrowed benefits” (to use a term coined by EFT-creator Gary Craig) from witnessing and helping others work through their problems. In the process, our own knots may begin to loosen and/or we may get insights that can be applied to our life.
- We get to be of service to others. Giving is receiving. It is as much a gift to us as it is to them.
- We learn from others’ reflections of us. The accuracy of self-reflection waxes and wanes, since we’re always seeing ourselves through a certain lens. Sometimes having someone tell us, kindly and truthfully, what they see in us can illuminate our blind spots. It can be difficult to receive this feedback, but may be instrumental in our development.
- We get to experience true connection. When operating from our default habits, we often relate to each other through many layers of mental static. What may look like a conversation between two humans could actually be … me acting out a personality I’ve constructed based on what I think is most impressive and approval-worthy, relating not to the real you, but to the mental representation I’ve made of you, based on my stereotypes, stories, and past experience of you (acting through your own filtered self). Miraculously, my true Self and your true Self can find a way to connect through all this fog. It’s therapeutic to do so. And it serves to dismantle all the crap that gets in the way.
- It helps cure us of one of the most damaging and widely held beliefs in the world: we’re all separate. The denial of our connectedness, especially combined with the belief that there isn’t enough, is a recipe for suffering. It makes us feel alone, vulnerable, judged, and in competition – rather than collaboration – with the rest of our species. But the more we let others into our life, the less we’re controlled by this belief. This is especially true when we share with others about the very issues that make us feel alone, vulnerable, judged, and in competition.
So, I heartily encourage you to find ways to grow in the company of likeminded others! Sacred Expansion is a good place to start. We created it as a preliminary course for our life coaches-in-training, but it soon became clear that it’s such an important and valuable program that we decided to make it available on its own. It’s about getting to know yourself and your place in the natural world, clearing patterns that hold you back, and reconnecting with your peaceful, trustworthy, essential Self.
Love,
Peter
[post_title] => Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends
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As a young adult living in Western Massachusetts, I had a handful of friends who attended Hampshire College. Hampshire is well known for being highly unconventional. There are no majors, no departments, and no grades. So much of the program is up to the student, including a final yearlong project. I could see why it was appealing, especially to people who didn’t seem to fit into typical academic institutions.
When I first heard these friends talk of the wonderfully freeform nature of their college experience, I was envious. In later years, as they found it increasingly challenging to keep themselves on course, I remember saying, “That kind of program wouldn’t work for me.” I realized, with no shame at all, that I needed way (way) more hand-holding. Only one of my Hampshire friends graduated. I guess they needed more hand-holding too.
There are a number of reasons we avoid getting help or taking direction:
- We’re too proud to admit we need help.
- We’re afraid of opening up, being vulnerable, or appearing weak.
- We think nobody is capable of helping us.
- We don’t want to be controlled or guided in a way we don’t like.
- We don’t want to be told what to do.
- We don’t want to be a burden.
- We don’t want to share the credit.
- We feel it’s less of an accomplishment if we get help.
- We believe we need to do things all by ourselves.
This last one is a common inherited belief, though nearly every impressive historical figure had a team of supporters. Yes, there’s a grain of truth to it: each of us is responsible for ourselves, our choices and actions. Each of us is responsible for how we show up in the world. Nobody can do the internal work for us. But it’s perfectly okay to get tons of help along the way. It doesn’t diminish the outcome. In fact, we connect and improve through the process when we let others in. This is true even when it comes to healing and spirituality. It’s time to let go of the “Lone Ranger complex.”
Guidance and mutual support are an important part of why our program, Sacred Expansion, has been so successful. We created Sacred Expansion as a prerequisite for our life coaching trainees, as we feel it’s important to “clean house” before guiding others. It was designed to help people get to know themselves more deeply, release old unhealthy patterns, and open to a state of greater intuition and trust – all within a group of others on the same journey.
It turned out to be so monumental for our early participants that we decided to make Sacred Expansion available as a stand-alone course. Enrollment is happening NOW! You’ll be lovingly led by my wife, Briana, through an exploration of yourself through the metaphors of the seasons. And you’ll come out of it with greater clarity and self-awareness, less baggage, a deeper connection to Spirit, and the tools to continue the process on your own. I encourage you to do it!
Also, I recommend you look back at that list of reasons we avoid getting help and see if there are any that ring a bell for you. If so, consider the following questions. Is this belief true? (E.g., Is it true that nobody could help me? Is it true that if I asked for help, it would compromise me in some critical way? Is it true that it’s less of an accomplishment if I get help?) And then meditate on what life might be like if you felt completely at ease and unembarrassed about asking for help and graciously receiving it?
Be well,
Peter
P.S. Early Bird pricing for Sacred Expansion is currently in progress. Sign up today and save $200! On August 17th, the price goes up, so if you want to join us, don't miss this opportunity!
Click here to enroll today!
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