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Last week I wrote about giving away our power, and how it’s more common and subtle than we might think. We looked at some of the many ways people give their power to other people, and explored why doing so is more of a burden than a gift. In short, when we give our power to another, both parties are usually unaware of the transfer. The result is that the giver treats the recipient as being responsible for their own (the giver’s) happiness, stability, or whatever else they subconsciously traded for.
It’s not unusual for relationships to involve a two-way power trade, with both members acting powerless and blaming the other. For this reason, it’s important to not only reclaim your own power but to also give others back their power.
Because the trauma of scarcity is so deeply woven into our history, we tend to feel that more of anything is better. Thus, we may be reluctant to give someone back their power, and/or we may feel that it’s unkind to take back our power from someone we love (especially our children). So, let me reiterate something I said last time: each individual’s personal power is theirs alone. It doesn’t benefit others to give them your power and it doesn’t benefit you to have theirs. If anything, it makes the relationship unclean. Taking back your power will never weaken the other party; it just promotes greater freedom for both of you.
Here are some practical steps for reclaiming your power (and letting others do the same). If you have our workbook, Freedom, you’ll find it very helpful during this process.
1. Don't look to others to define your self-worth. Your worth is your worth – one incredible human life – the same as everyone else. It has nothing to do with your abilities, acquisitions, or looks.
2. Practice being okay with having different views, tastes, and choices than your peers and loved ones.
3. Practice letting go of wanting to be liked or approved of by everyone. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Feel into that discomfort without letting it push you to give away your power.
4. Establish healthy boundaries. Don’t automatically say yes. Don’t get sucked into drama. Find your center.
5. Forgive. One of the biggest power suckers is resentment. Forgive others and forgive yourself (including for having given away your power). It’s not usually a single act but an ongoing commitment to keep forgiving.
6. Know your needs and values. Beneath every conflict there is a need/value.
7. Don't try to fix people. If you have trouble with this, consider this: Are you absolutely certain that you know what’s best for them? Have you asked them if they want your hep?
8. Learn to help, care, and love without giving away your power.
9. Be responsible for the story you tell yourself about life and your place in it.
10. Discover the identities you’ve taken on (victim, helper, life of the party, supermom, etc.), and evaluate whether they serve you.
11. When you’re angry or upset about something someone did or said, and/or if you find yourself thinking obsessively about them (positively or negatively), always check in: have you given them your power?
Now for the woo-woo part, which is just as important:
12. Learn what power loss and entanglement feel like. Learn what it feels like to be clean with your power. As you become increasingly familiar with the difference, you’ll know when repair is in order. This is easier said than done, but becomes increasingly clear when you practice the steps above and the following ceremony. Again, routinely doing a somatic practice like what we teach in Freedom is a great way to hone your sensitivity and familiarity with the felt sense of your power.
As a general guideline, when your power is entangled with another’s, you’re likely to feel something other than good and solid in yourself when you’re with them or thinking about them. You may feel a certain neediness toward them, as if you’re less than whole. You may feel overly affected by whatever they say and do. You may feel destabilized by them. You may feel tired. You may feel self-conscious. You may experience the idea of them as an irritant in your system.
13. Perform a ceremony of taking back your power and giving others theirs. It can be quick and easy. Imagine a pipe or tube connecting you and them. First you’re going to take back your power. Say or intend something like this: “Show me any fragments of my power that are in their energetic field.” And imagine these bits of power light up, like a bunch of fireflies (or however else they naturally appear to you).
Next, say or intend something like, “I’m sorry for giving you my power without your consent. I release you.” Then call your power back to you. Unlatch from the other person in all the places you’re hooked on. Imagine there’s a filter in the middle of the tube connecting the two of you, and the filter’s purpose is to only let what’s yours pass through to you. With each inhale, imagine you’re drawing back your power, pulling it out of them and into yourself. With each exhale, imagine that you’re re-incorporating this power within yourself and consolidating it into the central axis of your body. Do this for a few breaths until it feels complete.
Step two is to return anything of theirs that you’re carrying around. Ask for their energy to show itself and to unlatch from you. Then imagine the filter is reversed so that it only lets their energy pass through to them, without allowing any of your power to leave. As you relax and open yourself, imagine with each exhale that you are giving them back everything that’s theirs. Imagine With each inhale, imagine your own power is drawn toward the central axis of your head, neck, and torso, becoming a bright, strong column of light. Exhale again, releasing their energy back to them, and continue until you feel complete.
How do you feel? It’s not uncommon to notice that you feel instantly calmer and clearer when things are set straight in this way. Next time we’ll talk about the other form of power sacrifice I mentioned in the previous article (ignoring, denying, or failing to recognize our own power and agency).
Be well,
Peter
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Happy (almost) spring equinox! At the halfway point between the solstices, the equinox is a time of balance between day and night, hot and cold, and yin and yang. It’s a good time to tune in to your current state of balance (or lack thereof).
Take stock. Balance doesn’t imply that everything is equal, just that there is a state of relative harmony between opposing forces. If you have a couple minutes I encourage you to read the following questions as an assessment of personal balance. Take a pause after reading each question to let it sink in.
- How is your balance of movement and stillness? (Sitting vs moving; thinking vs quiet mind; sleep time vs awake time, etc.)
- How is your balance of work and leisure?
- How is your balance of community and solitude?
- How is your balance of communicating versus listening?
- How is your balance of doing versus being?
- How is your balance of holding on and letting go?
- How is your balance of connecting with your inner world versus the outer world?
- How is your balance of creating versus receiving?
- How is your balance of filling yourself up versus emptying yourself out?
- How is your balance of engagement with technology versus engagement with nature?
- How is your balance of preparing for the future versus being in the present?
- How is your balance of consumption of resources versus giving back?
- How is your balance of being mind-centered versus heart-centered?
While this isn’t a totally comprehensive list, I hope it provoked some insight. If you’re human, I’m sure you noticed certain areas where you’re out of balance. I encourage you to think of balance as a dynamic thing – just like the balance between night and day and all the natural forces. Don’t strive for perfection.
Consider taking a card and writing down a few of the activities / orientations from above that are lacking in your life. Then try to remember, throughout your day, to bring your attention to something on your list. At the end of the day or week, reflect on how adding in small doses of balancing qualities is affecting your overall sense of well-being.
By the way, if you like this sort of thing – exploring and growing – have you ever thought about being a life coach? Click here to check out our life coach training program. It’s based on deep, meaningful principles like what I shared here!
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
P.S. If you’d like to take a deeper dive into your inner balance, “clean house” internally, shed patterns that aren’t working for you, and open into your highest self, check out our upcoming program Sacred Expansion. Click here for more info.
[post_title] => Bring yourself into balance now
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If you’re anything like me you’ve been reflecting on 2019 and nestling into your goals for 2020. I’ve been using my Dreambook to dive deep into what matters most to me in all aspects of my life, so that as I move forward my actions are inspired toward the bigger vision. It’s been an amazing experience. The goals I’ve set this year feel really connected, and spacious, and incredibly ambitious.
I can’t wait!
For some, setting goals and making plans is fun, exciting, and even nourishing. For others, it’s more stressful. It feels like a lot of pressure, or just really uncomfortable. We see this a lot in our Facebook community. People start the new year with big dreams, but when it comes time to turn those dreams into an actionable plan, they get scared and second guess themselves. The right next step becomes fuzzy, and some people stop moving forward.
But it doesn’t have to happen that way!
Here are three reasons we fail to achieve our goals, and what you can do to prevent these common setbacks from slowing you down.
1) We put a huge amount of pressure on this one random day to be the end-all-be-all of fresh starts. But the truth is, we have a great opportunity every day to make a fresh start. So if you fail January 15th, who’s to say you can’t start fresh January 16th? You don’t have to wait until the next New Year comes around.
If you commit to any one thing this year, maybe it should be to let each day be a fresh start.
2) We do it half-ass. I don’t mean to be rude, but let’s be honest, sometimes we set goals or resolutions and then act as if it’s an annoyance to even consider giving it our attention.
Give it 100%. Because the life you desire deserves your 100%, after all, this is your life! Whether the goal is to have more connection with your family, to marry your soul mate, to make a million dollars, to feed hungry children, or to invent the best earplugs this world has ever seen – commit to your best. Every. Day.
3) We often don’t have a system in place to help us achieve these goals. If we set a goal or resolution, but we don’t create the structure to ensure it’s fulfillment, then we have set ourselves up to fail.
Get clear about your intentions. If you really want it, get it. Find a proven system, and work the steps. Your results depend on whether or not you continually take action and have a positive mindset for optimal success. You have to have both, and having a structure that supports both is ideal. It’s why we created the Dreambook and and why I’m so passionate about sharing the next step to a vibrant, centered and peaceful life: Dreaming+Planning:Create Your Well Life (currently 50% off through January 7th)
I’m not saying it’s the only system that will get you there, but it’s one I know definitely works.
So, to celebrate you, and all the amazing things you’re going to do in 2020, we're offering 50% off enrollment in Dreaming and Planning, and all of our online courses*, through January 7th!
If you've been thinking about taking the next steps and creating a life that feels balanced, successful, and meaningful, there will never be a better time than now!
If you have a dream that isn’t realized - Join Us.
If you feel like your potential isn’t totally tapped - Join Us.
If you keep trying the same thing, and it isn’t working – Join Us.
If you want more of the beauty and richness life has to offer - Join Us.
Dragontree online courses have helped thousands of people live a more vibrant, centered, and peaceful life, and now it’s your time!
I know you can make 2020 your best year ever!
Love,
Briana
[post_title] => What if you tried this instead?
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Last week I wrote about giving away our power, and how it’s more common and subtle than we might think. We looked at some of the many ways people give their power to other people, and explored why doing so is more of a burden than a gift. In short, when we give our power to another, both parties are usually unaware of the transfer. The result is that the giver treats the recipient as being responsible for their own (the giver’s) happiness, stability, or whatever else they subconsciously traded for.
It’s not unusual for relationships to involve a two-way power trade, with both members acting powerless and blaming the other. For this reason, it’s important to not only reclaim your own power but to also give others back their power.
Because the trauma of scarcity is so deeply woven into our history, we tend to feel that more of anything is better. Thus, we may be reluctant to give someone back their power, and/or we may feel that it’s unkind to take back our power from someone we love (especially our children). So, let me reiterate something I said last time: each individual’s personal power is theirs alone. It doesn’t benefit others to give them your power and it doesn’t benefit you to have theirs. If anything, it makes the relationship unclean. Taking back your power will never weaken the other party; it just promotes greater freedom for both of you.
Here are some practical steps for reclaiming your power (and letting others do the same). If you have our workbook, Freedom, you’ll find it very helpful during this process.
1. Don't look to others to define your self-worth. Your worth is your worth – one incredible human life – the same as everyone else. It has nothing to do with your abilities, acquisitions, or looks.
2. Practice being okay with having different views, tastes, and choices than your peers and loved ones.
3. Practice letting go of wanting to be liked or approved of by everyone. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Feel into that discomfort without letting it push you to give away your power.
4. Establish healthy boundaries. Don’t automatically say yes. Don’t get sucked into drama. Find your center.
5. Forgive. One of the biggest power suckers is resentment. Forgive others and forgive yourself (including for having given away your power). It’s not usually a single act but an ongoing commitment to keep forgiving.
6. Know your needs and values. Beneath every conflict there is a need/value.
7. Don't try to fix people. If you have trouble with this, consider this: Are you absolutely certain that you know what’s best for them? Have you asked them if they want your hep?
8. Learn to help, care, and love without giving away your power.
9. Be responsible for the story you tell yourself about life and your place in it.
10. Discover the identities you’ve taken on (victim, helper, life of the party, supermom, etc.), and evaluate whether they serve you.
11. When you’re angry or upset about something someone did or said, and/or if you find yourself thinking obsessively about them (positively or negatively), always check in: have you given them your power?
Now for the woo-woo part, which is just as important:
12. Learn what power loss and entanglement feel like. Learn what it feels like to be clean with your power. As you become increasingly familiar with the difference, you’ll know when repair is in order. This is easier said than done, but becomes increasingly clear when you practice the steps above and the following ceremony. Again, routinely doing a somatic practice like what we teach in Freedom is a great way to hone your sensitivity and familiarity with the felt sense of your power.
As a general guideline, when your power is entangled with another’s, you’re likely to feel something other than good and solid in yourself when you’re with them or thinking about them. You may feel a certain neediness toward them, as if you’re less than whole. You may feel overly affected by whatever they say and do. You may feel destabilized by them. You may feel tired. You may feel self-conscious. You may experience the idea of them as an irritant in your system.
13. Perform a ceremony of taking back your power and giving others theirs. It can be quick and easy. Imagine a pipe or tube connecting you and them. First you’re going to take back your power. Say or intend something like this: “Show me any fragments of my power that are in their energetic field.” And imagine these bits of power light up, like a bunch of fireflies (or however else they naturally appear to you).
Next, say or intend something like, “I’m sorry for giving you my power without your consent. I release you.” Then call your power back to you. Unlatch from the other person in all the places you’re hooked on. Imagine there’s a filter in the middle of the tube connecting the two of you, and the filter’s purpose is to only let what’s yours pass through to you. With each inhale, imagine you’re drawing back your power, pulling it out of them and into yourself. With each exhale, imagine that you’re re-incorporating this power within yourself and consolidating it into the central axis of your body. Do this for a few breaths until it feels complete.
Step two is to return anything of theirs that you’re carrying around. Ask for their energy to show itself and to unlatch from you. Then imagine the filter is reversed so that it only lets their energy pass through to them, without allowing any of your power to leave. As you relax and open yourself, imagine with each exhale that you are giving them back everything that’s theirs. Imagine With each inhale, imagine your own power is drawn toward the central axis of your head, neck, and torso, becoming a bright, strong column of light. Exhale again, releasing their energy back to them, and continue until you feel complete.
How do you feel? It’s not uncommon to notice that you feel instantly calmer and clearer when things are set straight in this way. Next time we’ll talk about the other form of power sacrifice I mentioned in the previous article (ignoring, denying, or failing to recognize our own power and agency).
Be well,
Peter
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