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[post_content] => What makes a town or city appealing to you? The architecture? The landscape? The climate? The people? The cuisine? I love traveling and I’ve given a lot of thought to why some places feel so attractive to me and others don’t. My favorite towns have all these ingredients plus another: they’re full of small businesses.
Strolling the winding streets of Madrid, Pearl Street in Boulder, Hawthorne in Portland, Le Plateau in Montreal, and the downtowns of virtually all cool cities and towns, you’ll pass locally owned flower shops, unique restaurants, art galleries, and, of course, spas like The Dragontree. 😉
You could blindfold me and teleport me to downtown Missoula, Northampton, San Francisco, Marblehead, or Port Townsend. I’d know immediately where I was (and I’d ask to stay for a while). Drop me in a sea of Target, Walmart, Starbucks, Best Buy and giant parking lots, and I could be anywhere (but nowhere I’d want to live). Any sense of home or connection is greatly diminished when a region’s commerce is dominated by giant chains.
Small businesses make towns special. They give a community character and make the patron feel connected to the proprietor. They’re also important avenues for other small businesses – like artists, hair stylists, bakers – to do their craft and get compensated well for it.
So if you want to help preserve the specialness of a place, if you want your downtown to stay cool and vibrant, patronize its small businesses! Let’s all make a deal to do all our holiday shopping at small businesses this year! It’s a gift not just to the recipient but also to the small business owner and employees and the community it resides in.
Be well,
Peter
[post_title] => Think Small This Holiday Season
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[post_content] => Gratitude is the understanding that many millions of things come together and live together and mesh together and breathe together in order for us to take even one more breath of air, that the underlying gift of life and incarnation as a living, participating human being is a privilege; that we are miraculously, part of something, rather than nothing. – David Whyte
Coincidentally, I encountered this quote shortly after hearing a lecture on happiness in which the speaker asserted that when we truly recognize our privilege, we readily feel enthusiastic and grateful about whatever we’re engaged in, work included.
It’s easy to forget to be grateful though, just as it’s natural to expect life to continue in roughly the way it always has, with ample clean air, water, food, electricity, safety, and everything else that supports us. Sometimes it’s not until we experience contrast that we recognize our privilege.
Having a period of sickness makes us appreciate our health. Smoky air makes us appreciate fresh air – and firefighters and rain. Traveling in an area with mediocre food options makes us appreciate farmers’ markets and well-stocked grocery stores. All of our adversity, including even our day-to-day micro-adversities, can become prompts to recognize what’s still working and good in our life. You can even try making a rule for yourself that every time you complain about something – even just to yourself – you follow it with a statement of gratitude.
When traffic is bad, what’s good? When there’s pain in your back, what parts of your body still work well and feel okay?
Of course, we don’t need to wait for suffering in order to pay attention to our gifts. It’s just that suffering – especially when it’s really painful – has a way of capturing our attention. The key is the paying attention, and we’re in the habit of letting our attention go to whatever’s loudest or most dramatic, like media, interpersonal conflict, and worry.
Sometimes we need to grab our attention and put it on something else. And when I say “sometimes” I mean virtually all the time – choosing intentionally what we’re putting our attention on. Might I recommend a good place to put it: on the total experience that is happening right here, right now. Your breath and the air entering and exiting your lungs. What it feels like in your body. What you’re currently engaged in. The land you’re sitting on. The beating of your heart. The sun illuminating the world. The soft clothes on your skin. The feeling of the earth’s gravity acting on you.
We want to feel spontaneous gratitude, the exalted kind that comes to us with strong emotion, rather than needing to prompt ourselves to think of something to be grateful for. But the chosen form isn’t any less real. And it has the same benefits of promoting happiness, broadening our perspective, and focusing our energy on good things.
I am grateful for you.
Love,
Peter & Everyone at the Dragontree
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[post_content] => During a particularly hard break-up in my 20s, a friend advised me, “The more present you are during this process, the bigger the present you’ll get out of it.” And though I barely understood what that meant, I gave it a try and an odd thing happened. I saw that I was choosing the big, dramatic grieving process I was going through. And that meant it was optional.
In The Art of Presence, Eckhart Tolle says, “Through thought you cannot possibly grasp what presence is.” But he gives some clues to point us in the right direction. He says it’s there, “when you’re not thinking about the last moment, or looking to the next one.” And he uses phrases like “a state of relaxed alertness” and “a spacious stillness,” to describe it.
Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.”
Our presence is tremendously rare and hugely valuable. Especially in this age of epidemic distraction, it’s increasingly difficult and uncommon to choose a voluntary time-out from technology, data, and our own mental analysis. But unlike the artificial value of a coin that accidentally got stamped with a head on both sides, our presence can do for us what nothing else can. And we can make it more abundant by simply choosing it.
Although it may not put food in our belly, most other problems disappear with presence. The need to fix or relive the past disappears. The need to avoid certain unwanted events in the future disappears. Even if we're working on something now that will benefit us in the future, with our presence, we work on it now in order to work on it now. And that’s enough.
The allure of distraction, which so often threatens our presence, dissolves when we practice being present. Do you know the word obviate? I like to write using words that almost everyone understands, but there’s only one word I can think of that means “to make unnecessary,” and that word is obviate. Learning to deepen our presence obviates the urge for distraction and mental departure from our current reality.
With presence, we perceive all kinds of intelligence and detail that we’re otherwise deaf and blind to. We know when to eat and when to stop eating. We know how to move our body in a way that doesn’t cause pain or injury. Our work becomes more interesting. Our relationships become healthier. We listen better and we feel heard.
With two kids, my presence is requested almost incessantly. I hear the word Papa at least 100 times a day. Often, I hear it ten or more times in quick succession. We all yearn for someone’s total presence with us. These are the moments of connection between what is the same in both of us. Presence uncovers what’s real in this moment. And that’s refreshing, exciting, and affirming.
When we’re all so busy that we see time as a commodity, it can seem that giving our presence to someone else is like giving away our treasure. But are we actually giving something away?
Of course not. When we “give” our presence we gain the present. To withhold our presence means both we and the other person miss out.
So, how can you learn to be more present? It takes practice. If you’re new to this, I don’t recommend making a goal like, “I’m going to be more present from now on.” I don’t want to discourage you, I just want you to be realistic about what you’re up against – a lifetime of habits and a sea of tantalizing distractions.
Try something a bit less ambitious, such as this: Once a day, as you begin some activity – whether it’s buying groceries, playing Candyland, eating a meal, and listening to a friend’s problems – select this activity as an exercise in presence. In your mind, identify what exactly you’re doing – “I’m vacuuming the floor” – and devote yourself to that. Don’t run away in the middle of the activity. This means don’t pick up your phone, don’t depart in your mind to explore other thoughts and ideas, don’t visit the past, don’t anticipate what’s next, don’t judge. Just dwell in the present. Be saturated by the present. Feel everything. Accept everything. And let each next moment come.
Over time, quicker than you might think, you’ll start regaining your attention. You’ll be able to focus on something for more than five seconds. You’ll begin to yearn for this, which will make your practice much easier. And as you start willingly selecting more and more moments to be completely present, you’ll experience an unending offering of presents.
Be well,
Dr. Peter Borten
[post_title] => A Free Pile of Presents Just for You
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[post_content] => What makes a town or city appealing to you? The architecture? The landscape? The climate? The people? The cuisine? I love traveling and I’ve given a lot of thought to why some places feel so attractive to me and others don’t. My favorite towns have all these ingredients plus another: they’re full of small businesses.
Strolling the winding streets of Madrid, Pearl Street in Boulder, Hawthorne in Portland, Le Plateau in Montreal, and the downtowns of virtually all cool cities and towns, you’ll pass locally owned flower shops, unique restaurants, art galleries, and, of course, spas like The Dragontree. 😉
You could blindfold me and teleport me to downtown Missoula, Northampton, San Francisco, Marblehead, or Port Townsend. I’d know immediately where I was (and I’d ask to stay for a while). Drop me in a sea of Target, Walmart, Starbucks, Best Buy and giant parking lots, and I could be anywhere (but nowhere I’d want to live). Any sense of home or connection is greatly diminished when a region’s commerce is dominated by giant chains.
Small businesses make towns special. They give a community character and make the patron feel connected to the proprietor. They’re also important avenues for other small businesses – like artists, hair stylists, bakers – to do their craft and get compensated well for it.
So if you want to help preserve the specialness of a place, if you want your downtown to stay cool and vibrant, patronize its small businesses! Let’s all make a deal to do all our holiday shopping at small businesses this year! It’s a gift not just to the recipient but also to the small business owner and employees and the community it resides in.
Be well,
Peter
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